This is the second week of our new Tuesday speciality! I am seriously so excited about what the Lord is doing with my Blog, and I know that Carrie's weekly post is a big part of that. Read on to hear why her frankness in this post is comparable to a "vulnerability hangover."
I am married to a truly carefree fellow. It’s true that opposites attract—and in our case, opposites collided. In many ways, he’s the opposite of me. One of the many ways we differ is that he tends to be much more easy-going and laid back than I am.
He is everything I didn’t know I wanted, so I spent several years trying to get him to conform to what I thought I wanted. To my surprise, he was already exactly what I needed.
A few things about the carefree fellow:
- He is VERY patient
- Full of empathy
- C R E A T I V E
- Has this wonderful go with the flow attitude
- Noble, gentle and kind
The list could go on and on…
If there was a painting of us, it would probably look something like this: Joe walking on top of the water (not because he’s Jesus nor do, I see him like that—but, because he has a very natural way of rising above storms) and I would be trudging through the mud. We will both eventually make it across the water to the other side. Except, I will come to shore dirty and tired, with a few more battle scars than I’d like to admit—and he would arrive completely clean, smelling like the ocean! Again, the opposites have collided.
A few months into my marriage, at my first post-wedding wellness check, my gynecologist (aka lady doctor) told me that conceiving a child would be very difficult. When I heard the news I had a carefree moment and thought “no biggie, it will happen”, almost as if those words didn’t apply to me. Maybe it was faith, maybe it was arrogance, maybe a mix of both (if that’s possible)—either way, I didn’t really re-visit those foul words again for a long while.
But, as the years began to roll by, the burn of those words started to sting. The reality of my situation began to sink in: my God-given gift to be able to reproduce was broken. Over time, my inability to conceive made me feel like I was a failure. The one thing I should be able to do as a woman—I can’t.
The truth is that it is all in timing… I am re-learning to trust the process and the creator over the process. I am finding joy on a seemingly grievous journey, and though there are moments that feel unbearable, there is so much opportunity along the way.
Sweet friends---I don’t write this oblivious to the fact that some of you are still waiting for mates or babies. If you are on that journey and it has been painful, I AM SORRY. Pain is pain and lack is lack. There are times when no amount of encouragement can help.
So, I implore you to just be and allow others hold onto hope for you when you can’t. There were many times when all I could do was rely on my carefree fellow and others in my tribe when I was at my lowest.
For now, the carefree fellow is my tribe within the tribe.
Hope to see you next Tuesday!