Tribe Life Tuesday and Grief Part II

Carrie (#2), Andrew (#3), and Tiffany (#1) with their youngest brother, Christopher.

A discussion of GRIEF ... 
from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie 

Ya'll my good friend Carrie, who has written almost one hundred posts for this Blog that you can find here: Tribe Life Tuesdays, lost her brother just a few weeks ago.

May 4, 2019

Night is the worst.

With the night my body feels the heartache, the nausea, and the pit in my stomach that seems unshakeable.

The only momentary relief comes from my ♥️’s posture, my spirit, which says, “Lord, you still get my whole life. I still choose you. I fully trust you. You are thoughtful and kind and loving.” And I settle into that. 

The pain, the sickness comes back—and for that there is no cure. No antidote to this nighttime uneasiness.
And the darkness of the night revels in its own mystery... A taunt to my soul.

May 8, 2019

“By 'coming to terms with life' I mean: the reality of death has become a definite part of my life; my life has, so to speak, been extended by death, by my looking death in the eye and accepting it, by accepting destruction as part of life and no longer wasting my energies on fear of death or the refusal to acknowledge its inevitability. It sounds paradoxical: by excluding death from our life we cannot live a full life, and by admitting death into our life we enlarge and enrich it.”
An excerpt from, An Interrupted Life by Etty Hillesum  

May 10, 2019

The kindness of friends astounds me.
There are highlights in every friendship; weddings, birthdays, memorials even. But it’s in the mundane of friendship where Tribe is built. When the campaigns and hashtags dissolve, the instastories disappear and we’re left choosing each other.
In this choice we get to bring all of who we are to the table. Our strengths and our weaknesses. Our pain and vulnerabilities. Our agreements and disagreements. These relationships, in Tribe, are about the value of one another based on who we are, rather than what someone can do for us.

It’s about the call and the cause. Calling each other to worthiness and joining in their cause...better yet helping to carry their cause.

This is a photo of my dining room table where a friend, a tribe mate took up my cause and reminded me of my call.

 May 12, 2019

A note to my mother: “I don’t know what to do or say, nothing helps.... no expression of love from the other children eases the pain—devastation—sorrow of the one gone.

Friends of mine, who have walked a similar journey of sorrow, recently told me that “firsts” are the hardest. This is your first Mother’s Day without Chris...and I’m sorry. 

I’m praying for proportional joy for you today. Proportional to the pain. Not the happy face, smiley joy. The settled, Son-soaked, stabilizing joy. The ease of soul joy. 

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.
 

Carrie

Tribe Life Tuesday and Grief

Carrie (#2), Andrew (#3), and Tiffany (#1) with their youngest brother, Christopher.

A discussion of GRIEF ... 
from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie 

Ya'll my good friend Carrie, who has written almost one hundred posts for this Blog that you can find here: Tribe Life Tuesdays, lost her brother just a few weeks ago. 

She has given me permission to share her journey as she grieves his completely unexpected death from an unknown and undiagnosed heart condition.

I will popping in, regularly or irregularly, to share some of her words. 

While I have never dealt with this sort of loss or grief, it has been something that I have been passionate about on this Blog. 

Thank you Carrie for letting us walk-alongside you, grieve with you, and most importantly, learn from you as you and your family grieve this knock-you-off-your-feet tragedy. 

Here are some of the words Carrie has shared in the last week. I urge you to leave a comment that Carrie so that Carrie (and her family) can share with you.

First, here were the words Carrie spoke at the funeral for her brother. I followed those words with some other things she has shared in the days that preceded and followed:

On behalf of our family. Our parents, thank you for being here to honor our brother. We are grateful for each of you. We could talk about Chris for days and still not even scratch the surface of what an incredible gift he was to each of us, in his own unique way. Each of you were so special to him and each of you bring a piece of him with you here today. We all had the privilege of loving him and he loved us back vividly. Today I don’t think Chris would want me to tell you about him. I think he would want me to tell you about heaven. About the hope we can all have in knowing we get to see him again. Heaven is real and attainable. In 1 Thessalonians 4:13 it says “Beloved brothers and sisters, we want you to be quite certain about the truth concerning those who have passed away, so that you won’t be overwhelmed with grief like many others who have no hope.” Today is sad day but simultaneously, it is a day full of hope and heaven. I think heaven is probably pretty charming, like Christopher. Extravagant yet simple. I’ve been given an amazing opportunity now to more liberally and tenaciously live in between 2 worlds. The sweet rich desire of eternity and the grace of the voided present. Heaven is a wonderful place and the thought of being able to share my life - our lives again, with Christopher, there, brings me great solace. We don’t mourn as those who have no hope, we have hope. And if you don’t feel like you have any hope today you can borrow some of mine. I’ll leave you with this: C.S Lewis once said, “The death of a beloved is an amputation. How often will the vast emptiness astonish me like a complete novelty and make me say, ‘I never realized my loss till this moment’? The same leg is cut off time after time.”

April 23, 2019

The hardest thing about sorrow thus far is its unpredictability. 

Grasping onto anything that may make me feel better, feel ‘comfortable’, yet there is nothing. 

The internal screams for stability seem like whispers in comparison to the roar of mystery.

April 27, 2019

Current sitch... I have yearned for stillness while actively avoiding it. I very much fear what may rise to the surface in a quiet space. Knowing that fear likes to tag along like a companion, I choose to walk into the stillness with courage... not as a warrior but as a fragile broken mortal. Stripping fear of its masquerade, staying low.

April 30, 2019

The tsunami of grief reached the shores of my body, soul, & spirit today.
🖤
This was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Unlike the waves that have come and gone, this one lingered and flooded every piece of my existence.
🖤
I begged God to keep Chris’ presence close to me for a while longer...
I begged not because that’s what HE requires but because it was the only suitable way to present such a request.

May 3, 2019

Grief is becoming well acquainted with me. It is learning me in ways no one and no thing ever has, except the one who formed me.
🌴
While grief is not comparable to God...I am very aware of the fact that it is discovering me quite intimately. 
🖤
I have yet to find another that has power over me the way grief and God do.

Carrie

To the Brave, Bold Forerunners: The Grimke Sisters

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Happy TribeLife Tuesday! 

Today I would like to introduce you to the Grimke sisters, Sarah (1792 - 1873) & Angelina (1805 - 1879). They are leading the way into our new series of open letters to forerunners who fought battles that we now get to reap the reward of. These sisters were valiant in their pursuit of justice and a thunderous voice for abolition and women’s rights. 

Sarah and Angelina were to born to a very wealthy, distinguished family who resided in Charleston, South Carolina. The Grimke family was part of the Charleston Aristocracy, which at the time was one of the wealthiest societies on earth. Born into unimaginable luxury they were surrounded by slaves who were to do any and everything for them upon their request. Sarah, 12 years the elder of Angelina, became her godmother promising “to guide and direct [this] precious child.” So it is no wonder that we will see these sisters fight the throngs of injustice side by side. 

Both Sarah and Angelina had great disdain for slavery although they were raised in the cradle of slavery on a plantation in South Carolina. It is said that Angelina's initial objection of slavery was less for the slave themselves and more for their masters; believing it was a sin and that God would punish people who had slaves. But as time would progress her consciousness of the pain of slavery would increase for the slave over the master. She found it to be almost unbearable and regarded her childhood home as "an empire of sin.”

At the age of 27, Sarah would accompany her dying father to Philadelphia for medical treatment, where he would later pass. Upon Sarah’s return to Charleston her ill-sentiment of slavery returned with new vigor. She writes;  “…after being for many months in Pennsylvania when I went back it seemed as if the sight of [the slaves’] condition was insupportable…can compare my feeling only with a canker incessantly gnawing…. I was as one in bonds looking on their sufferings I could not soothe or lessen….” Sarah retuned to Philadelphia, converted to Quakerism and joined the abolitionist fight. Several years later Angelina joined her in her conversion and in the fight for freedom from familiarity. This move made the sisters outcasts to the South and not entirely well accepted in their current residence (the north). 

This lack of belonging seemed to not be a bother to these sisters. Although, Angelina was reluctant to join the abolitionist movement at first fearing it would reflect badly on her mother so she waited until she no longer could. Staying abreast and reading reports the violence against slaves was growing and she decided she could no longer stay silent. So both Grimke sisters headed to New York with scores of fellow abolitionists for a training session. They were trained and sent out to teach this anti-slavery doctrine. While in her pursuit of educating people, it was fine that women attended her meeting but when the men started to come  to hear Angelina, the leaders of this movement instructed her that she must stop - for it was not right that a woman educate a man. It was here that Angelina now had another cause to seek justice for. 

She and her sister Sarah became prominent activist for women’s rights and abolition. Angelina boldly pronounced  that “she had a right to speak out” and that she did! These sisters were agitators of social justice. They used their voice to speak on behalf of the voiceless. They used their privilege to benefit others. "Their conscience would not allow them to live off of the luxury and the work of others.” 

So it is here that I, You, We must breathe deep and take inventory. Each of us in one way or another is living in the harvest of the years the Grimke sisters spent toiling the ground. Whether directly or indirectly, can you identify where their work is benefitting you? In contrast to last weeks blog, click here, we can see the power of selflessness and the ripple effect it has on generations. 

Angelina Grimke would go on to marry Theodore Weld and they would carry out their most influential work in the days ahead. Publishing a book, American Slavery As It Is, was made up of first hand accounts of the cruelty, inhumane torture of slavery. And amazingly both Sarah and Angelina would live to see the abolishment of slavery. 

So I say to the Grimke sisters, 

Thank you for valor, for your unrelenting fervor for freedom, for you compassion and action, for standing up for the disenfranchised, cast down, impoverished, and ill-treated. Thank you for caring for the least of these and for your words that matched your actions. 

I look forward to sharing more of these amazing men and women with you! 

~Carrie 

Resources:

https://youtu.be/OzjWT1jyi1c

https://youtu.be/-g9rP1q4PxU

https://www.nps.gov/wori/learn/historyculture/grimke-sisters.htm

The Disease of Entitlement

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Happy TribeLife Tuesday! I hope these words find you well.

Today I want to share with you a pain I feel for a growing epidemic. This epidemic is spreading and there is an antidote but it seems as though many reject it. This epidemic is called Entitlement and it is a disease that can and will rot the soul of humanity.

Entitlement is the belief that one is inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. It’s a dangerous disease and it is threatening the life of the overwhelming majority of our country. As I look back over our history as a nation (the USA, that is) the disease has seemed to grow the most over the last quarter century give or take a few years. This craving for recognition, acceptance by others above all else, unaddressed pain points from former generations, etc. are spreading this sickness.

There are real, inhumane, gross, tragic things have happened in our country and around the world. Things that no society should ever have to endure. But how can we acknowledge those injustices and move forward with hope and courage?

We wrestle- wrestle with the pain. It’s ok to be hurt and not have an answer to let pain take it’s course. It will heal over time. Next, we honor - we honor those who suffered. I have found one of the most effective ways to keep my view accurate view is Honor. It’s a beautifully humbling experience for the giver and delightful gift for the receiver. Lastly, we forgive- we forgive those who have inflicted pain on us whether directly or indirectly, because if we don’t we create the perfect breeding ground for entitlement. Practically this may not look like you reaching out to every person who has ever hurt and telling them you’re fine. This resolution is for you. Release them from your brain space and say it out loud. I forgive you __________ for _________. This is a powerful way to build your immune system against entitlement.

And then they’re are our VITAL, DAILY antidotes:

• Thankfulness for what you have and for the future
• Gratitude for who you have around 
• Kindness to strangers 
• Empathy for another
• Serving to someone who needs your help

These undoubtedly will keep this disease of entitlement at bay. 

We all carry the disease it’s a matter of how much of you, that you allow to be consumed. In our western culture we have been afforded a lot of opportunities and I personally can overlook that at times as a right. It’s not. It’s a gift to be treated as such. 

Tell us, what is one way you fight the disease of entitlement?


See you next week,

Carrie

This Custom Made Piece

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Happy TribeLife Tuesday! 

I am so excited to meet you here today. I have something delightful, brief, and challenging to share. 

Let’s start with this somewhat intimidating question. (Well, for some of you, it may not be intimidating—but it definitely was for me, for a long time.) It just so happens that I’ve reached a blip in time where this question has been clarified. More so than it has ever been.

I have always been a go-getter, and have had a pretty great work ethic (I think it’s genetic). But I have also consistently struggled with this question: What was I made for? 

While I can do a lot of things and have been content in each job and in each season, there always came this point. The point where the weight of continuing to do something that I knew I was not made for was overwhelming. Not in the "I’m too good for this" kind of way, but in the "there’s got to be more than this" kind of way. And now, I have to find it. The answer to this looming question.  

What was I made for? 

This question makes me think about custom, handcrafted pieces of furniture and art. The thing about these pieces is that they have a specific purpose. They were built for a specific reason—to fill a certain role or function. Be it furniture for a room or art for a wall, they are distinct and special. And it seems as though this analogy mirrors each of our beautiful lives. It is my belief that you and I are tailor-made to bring something specific to the world, and in the process of figuring this out, it is less about what we do and more about who we are becoming. 

And therein lies the vortex where the two converge: the WHO of you and the WHAT you do meet in the middle—which is what I assume the "sweet spot" is. 

The sweet spot is available for all of us. It’s more than accomplishment and praise for hard work or focus—it’s what you were made for. This sweet spot will look very different for each of us—so much so, that I will refrain from giving examples. But as the path begins to narrow, don’t be afraid, don’t look around, don’t compare—because custom pieces are made for a specific purpose and to fill a space that only it can. 

But I’ll give some practicals (because I’m a practical kind of human): Find people who compliment the direction your going—not “yes-ers" (people who will tell you yes to everything). Rather, surround yourself with those who challenge or push you to keep becoming. These are your people and you will quickly find that there are not a whole lot of them. Friends, yes, have all the friends. But those who have access to the "sweet spot" - the vortex - are very, very few. Why? Because it’s an intimate and valuable place. 

Before we go our separate ways, will you join me in a project? 

1 - Ask yourself… Set aside about 15 minutes and sit down with a pen and paper (you can use your phone or computer, I just find there are more opportunities for distraction when I go the technology route). Write, "What was I made for?” at the top of the page. For the next 15 minutes or so, write down everything that comes to your mind. Start with what you are good at, what you love doing, what makes you happy, etc. Write it all down. 

2 - Ask again. Call (or a face to face of sorts) the closest person to you and ask them what they think you were made for. When have they seen you the happiest? Don’t text or email—CALL. There is a human aspect to this exercise that gets lost otherwise, and this becomes a task. Allow this to be more than that. You are gathering blueprints for your custom-made, exquisite piece. 

3 - Share. If you decide to join me on this project I would love to hear how it went and what you discovered along the way. Post in the comments below or email me here. 

Cheers to discovery! 

Carrie 

Can Doubt and Wonder Co-Exist?

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

If you would have asked me this a year ago I would have said no, but so much can happen in a year, right? So much of what I was sure of came into question over the last 365 days, and if I’m being honest—it still is. My posture of certainty began to erode, is eroding, and will most likely continue to erode. In the best ways of course… but dig in with me today. 

I was planted, like roots down deep, and then secured in with concrete. I was planted on more than a few things in my life. One of those things being that "infertility was just my lot in life” and you couldn’t tell me otherwise. Doggonit, I was going to make that lot the prettiest and most well-tended rock covered lot out there. Most times I would move a stone over to pluck the weeds of pain, disappointment, doubt, and judgement when they would peek through. Sometimes I would just set the boulder on top of it, in hopes that it would stop that pesky weed from growth (because we all know that covering it up will keep it from growing). Nonetheless, this lot would be well cared for. Or so I thought…

But much to my chagrin the weeds always returned, and returned more stubborn than the former. Come to find out, the weeds that were once plucked up were only removed from the stem up. That ratchet root had stayed put. My previous toiling was well, just toiling. I know this now because I have learned that the firmer the posture on a matter the more unmovable the heart.

Now, how does doubt and wonder fall into this? 

In my tending of this barrenness lot—filled with gravel, weeds, and the likes thereof—my posture was doubt-masked with the “I can do this, I can take it” smile. 

Picture this: Doubt and Wonder are each a free standing wall. Then there’s life. The foundational base between them. Everyday, with every situation, you get to choose which wall you will scale. 

The Wonder wall seems to be covered in some sort of slippery coating that makes it crazy hard to scale. Almost like porcelain when it’s wet. But the other thing about the Wonder wall is that it’s beautiful. It is bright and inviting. It draws you in, rousing you to make the climb…

The wall of Doubt, on the other hand, is equal in height, length, and width—but it’s made of stone. It’s porous and there’s perfectly-carved spaces for you to secure your footing as you climb. These spaces have been dug out over time, from previous climbs. Wear and tear that have come from familiarity and deceptive comfort. The wall of doubt is not particularly alluring and it is known to most of us. If we were all to examine our shoes there would be a remnant of rock and dust left from the last time we climbed it… 

Wonder - effective or efficient far beyond anything previously known or anticipated.

Doubt - fear; suspect; to call into question the truth of; to lack confidence in. 

The truth is, each time I have climbed that wall of doubt, I have left a part of my joy there. Where there’s doubt, there is mistrust—be it in self, in others, or in God. So the point is this: if you find yourself scaling the wall of Doubt—STOP, BREATHE, and IDENTIFY where the mistrust is.

On the other side—where there is wonder—there is an openness, a sort of willingness to explore and hope for the best. So if you find yourself scaling the Wonder wall, stay scaling. It will be easy to slide off of it and you will have to work hard at keeping your footing. But it will be worth it. 

365 days later, I am telling you—it's worth it. Here’s how I know: I still look at my nieces through the eyes of wonder, even when I have been ravaged with the disappointment of barrenness. 

So, to answer my question, can doubt and wonder co-exist? You tell me. 

Carrie 

DECEPTIVE ILLUSIONS. PRETENCE & NONSENSE.

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

“I despise these deceptive illusions, all this pretense and nonsense…” - David  

I read this quote in one of my favorite books and it seems fitting for today.

Deception, Illusions, Pretense, and Nonsense. Let’s talk about these words—because they all, in one way or another, seem to be rampant in our society today and identifying them is important. 

Deception defined is the act of causing someone to accept as true or valid what is false or invalid. Can you think of a time in your life when you were deceived? Do you remember how you felt? This happened to me a few years ago, and honestly—it was terrible. I felt dumb for not realizing it. I felt taken advantage of. And I felt confused by how someone could do that. My naivety, in some ways, felt like it had been stripped from me in that instance. Here is the thing about deception though: most of the time, you don’t know that you are deceived. Ugh, the worst! And that situation, a few years ago, was really eye-opening for me because out of my entire friend group, I was the last one to catch on. They all caught on, one by one. Then eventually, when what felt like a spell or a curse had been lifted, I was shocked and a bit annoyed at myself for not seeing. This is why tribe matters, because good friends and healthy relationships help you to avoid these instances more often than not. Tribe will look after you in these moments. The other thing about deception is that it likes to stay hidden and keep you confused. So if you feel confused or in a daze about something or someone—speak up. Tell a good, truth-speaking friend, because it just may be a cloak of deception trying to trick you.  

Illusion is a misleading image presented to the vision; something that deceives or misleads intellectually; perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature. What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word illusion? I think of a clown or a magic trick. Did you think of something else? (If so, please leave us a comment below.) Back to illusions. Upon further thought and ruminating over the definition, I began to think of Instagram. I say this often, but I thoroughly enjoy social media. Especially Instagram. It is my favorite social platform. Pictures are my thing—both posting them and looking at others. But all of us can very easily become illusionists on social media. Maybe unintentionally. Maybe intentionally. Either way, to put yourself out there through words or picture based on how you want to be perceived rather than by who you truly are is an illusion. So I would encourage you to take inventory of yourself. How are you giving yourself to those around you? To the world? And Is it an accurate depiction of you?

Pretense is an inadequate or insincere attempt to attain a certain condition or quality; a claim made or implied especially, one not supported by fact. Ever been affected by pretense? {Insert every hand going up} We all have. I think it's inevitable. As a human, this will happen to you and you have probably done it to another. We do this a lot with people we don’t understand or those who are different than us. We, a lot of times, can lead with pretense and that can be dangerous. It keeps our society divided. For example, to refuse generosity to a person in need (i.e. a homeless person, because you assume they will buy alcohol with it) is a terrible, yet common pretense. Pretense divides. Kindness unites. Choose to be unassuming with those you do not know. What you will find most often, is that people are delightful.

Nonsense is defined as words or language having no meaning or conveying no intelligible ideas; language, conduct, or an idea that is absurd or contrary to good sense. This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Don’t be cray-cray and if you know someone who is, just love them back to wholeness. Even if it puts you out, makes you uncomfortable, and/or the likes there of. 

I believe we actually have a shot to really make our corner of the planet beautiful. To leave it better than we found it. So let’s do that. Let’s be unassuming. Allow others in, show them the authentic you, and learn love yourself well—so you can love others well in return.

I would love to hear from you on how you have/are beautifying and unifying your corner of the world. 

Happy TribeLife.

Carrie

A Life Renovation

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Decisions, decisions. Our lives are the result of constant decision making, so what governs you? 

Fear? Hope? 

Over the past 5 years specifically, it seems that both of these have had a hand in governing me. As a result I have taken a sledge hammer to my life, demolishing everything that seemed like a solid foundation; the concrete walls, the strong roof, the solid exterior—it’s all gone. The renovation of my life has come and it has definitely uncovered much more than I expected. 

When you’re getting ready to deconstruct something it can be exhilarating or daunting. Very rarely is it emotionless. I am at the start of a deconstruction, whose end is not in sight, and I am settled in that. So let’s talk about what that has looked like for me. 

Metaphorically speaking, my house (my life) was built. I was ready to furnish the inside, pick out the beautiful decor, sit back and enjoy the fruit of my 26 years of labor. My furnishings included a few kids, a great job where I made enough to live generously, a rock star marriage, and an amazing community. A noble desire it was.

When the tools arrived on my front porch, I brought them inside, set them aside, and didn’t think much of them. Then, little by the little, the tools began to be used. A hammer to the wall here, a door off the hinge there, a broken appliance, a water leak, and before I knew it, I was living in a house I didn’t even recognize. Cracked, broken, dirty, and unlivable. But where was I supposed to go? I LIVED IN THIS HOUSE. As far as I knew, I loved this house. And it was everything I wanted, until it wasn’t. 

Over time, the residence of my soul needed to be gutted. These beliefs that I held onto dearly were not proving themselves to be true. Not because they weren’t—rather, because I wasn’t. They were truth because they had been told to me, not because I had experienced them. So began the gutting… And here’s a few of those truths:

• Just have faith and it will happen. 
• Give your money here, and you’ll benefit there.
• Marriage is great. Hahahaha. (This one makes me laugh.) 

Stay with me, here, I am not being cynical. Remember, some of my foundation was built on these truths. And they were truth because “I said so,” and I needed them to be truth because “I experienced so." 

“Just have faith and it will happen,” is easier said than done. I feel like faith gets a bad rep in religious circles. It’s easy to tell someone to have faith when they need encouragement and you don’t know what else to say. But coming from a girl who has sat at the base of a mountain that seems impossible to scale for 10 years, please don’t tell me to have faith, because it implies that I don’t. Instead, tell me that I am strong enough. Tell me that no matter what, this doesn’t define me. Tell me that it neither adds or subtracts from my value. Tell me those things, or stay silent. Experientially, here is why this is a truth to me now: Because having faith is not about scaling the mountain. Whether I sit at the base or make it to the peak, my satisfaction is stable. 

(Side Note: I know money is a touchy subject, so if talking about money makes you uncomfortable you should skip the next paragraph. 🙂 I get it, no big deal!) 

I was raised in church and like everything else, especially non-profits, they need our support. I love that. I love supporting good people who are doing good work, including the church. However, the “give your money here and you will benefit there” concept in recent years has been hard for me to accept, if I am just being honest. So here is where I am at experientially: I feel better when I am generous. I know I am not that great on my own, and I am grateful for all the opportunities I have to make money, so giving a portion of that away is in part my way of saying thank you.

Marriage is great! Haha this is a funny one. Let’s start here: Marriage is great, just not on its own. Here is my experiential truth: Getting to live life with a significant other is seriously a gift. Marriage gives the gift of intimacy. Real closeness. You get to be known in a way that no other relationship can offer. At the same time, you get to be known—good and not so good. Marriage without accountability and community is not great. Isolation in marriage is not great. Facades in marriage are not great. The breakdown of who you really are in proximity to another human who loves and cares for you is great. How you accept love and belonging, which marriage brings out, is great. Marriage - Union - Covenant - Commitment - alone is hard. In the context of community, marriage is great. 

So let’s trek back to this Life Renovation. I say I am only at the beginning because I don’t want this process to stop. I want to continually demo the areas of my life that are moldy, cracked, and the likes thereof. So if you too find yourself in a life renovation, congrats and keep going. If you want to begin to break down the walls and jack hammer the floors, begin to ask yourself the why’s. Why do I believe that? Do I know (experience) it? And lastly, if you have no desire to renovate your life, I get that. It’s not easy. I would simply encourage you to live in a way that is always kind and generous—those are really good foundations to stand on. 

Follow the yes. Wade in the peace. Halt in the no. 

Carrie