27th anniversary

On June 20th, John and I celebrated 27 years of marriage. Add our dating years and we have been together for over 30 years! We've lived on three continents and have four children. We've lived in downtown and freezing Minnesota and we've lived on a rural farm in Tennessee. It's been an incredible journey and while we've had difficult things we've encountered together, we have truly always been teammates and best friends. 

We had a special anniversary event planned for Tuesday, but with my mental health tanking just a bit these last few days, we've decided to postpone that for a time that I am feeling better. 

Love you JB! 

Thanking my husband

 

Will y’all do me a favor?

This man John Kitsteiner has loved me for almost 30 years. He has supported me during infertility, anxiety, depression, in ten homes on three continents.

This last year kicked his butt as he managed a pandemic as the co-director of a rural ER. He never wanted to be the director. And he certainly didn’t want a pandemic, but he did it.

Ask anyone who works with John and they will use the same adjectives to describe him: kind, intelligent, humble, down to earth .... he’s an incredible doctor ....

.... but he’s an even more amazing husband and father. During the last month our family has come out of covid and been hit by anxiety and depression — in me and in two of our children. We know this is probably both hormonal and situational after the year we’ve gone through.

But John doesn’t blink. He continues managing his ER (which is seeing record numbers of patients beyond what their capacity can handle after losing many nurses during the pandemic) and then comes home to a fragile wife and struggling kiddos and wraps us up and guides and loves us while still managing the farm that waits outside his door.

I know it may be corny to shout out to him on social media, and he would tell me not to do it, but I want to.

If you have read this far, will you leave a comment with an adjective to describe John? Or share a story or memory? If you’ve seen him as a patient, please share! He would never ask for encouragement but this year truly took it out of him, and I want him to know how many people value his wisdom and character and the amazing man that he is. I love you JB.

We We Bought a Farm: The story of a very old dead rabbit, a dog, and the husband who saved the day

I have a story to tell about one female Aussie dog who got a hold of a dead rabbit this morning. She ate the dead rabbit. We didn't know it. But we found out when she upchucked the rabbit in our inside dog kennel.

Here is a video I took right after discovering the incredibly stinky dead rabbit.


In all of my years of dogs and babies, have never met a bodily fluid I have not be able to tackle.

Until this morning.

This throw-up defeated me. 

It was beyond stinky. And it was in a little confined place. I absolutely could not do it. 

I considered bribing the kids, but while I joked about it in the video above, to be honest, the mess was too tricky for any of them to clean up. 

So I called in reinforcements.

I called in my Doctor Husband. 

The first time he walked through the living room, and I told him about the upchucking, he said jokingly: "Well, you are the one who made them indoor dogs."

(This is true. They were supposed to be outdoor dogs. I own this decision.)

But after I tried for a second time to go into the kennel and clean it up and nearly lost my own lunch, I went to him again and asked him, and he agreed to clean it up.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. I mean I deal with really gross stuff at work. I am experienced at how to breathe through my mouth."

Honestly: I am not sure a fancy dinner or an expensive night away at a hotel would have meant more to me than hearing the words: 

"I'll clean up the very old dead rabbit that your dog just threw up in a small confined place."

Music to my ears,

A Date

JB and I had an opportunity to go on a real, live, bonafide date on Saturday night. 

Dating is not something we do often and here are the reasons why:

1. While both of us love the idea of time away from the kiddos and the farm, the reality of that is always harder for us to manage.
2. John feels that he doesn't get to spend enough time with his kids as it is. 
3. Making sure the kids and farm are covered, often feels like more trouble than it is worth. 
4. We live far from anything "really cool" to do. We really feel like we need a good hour driving both ways to go anywhere worth going.

So while we totally think time together is important, we have really begun to feel like just sitting on the sofa and talking or on our porch together for an hour is sometimes way easier to do than planning a date.

Okay, but then John's co-director at the ER told us he had purchased a table at a St. Jude's fundraiser. He invited JB once. We hemmed and hawed. Invited us again. We thought we might process chickens that day so we couldn't go. Then chicken processing got moved to Sunday, and we had the day free. So we went.

And we had a 

GREAT

TIME!

There was a silent auction, lots of time to just sit and talk, good weather, and a beautiful location (Check out: THE SIDE PORCH by clicking here.) We had a wonderful evening together, supported a great cause, and ate some delicious food. 

I really LOVE my husband. I genuinely believe I married the best man I could ever marry. We get along so well. We are a team. We are best friends. We have four amazing kids. We just like each other. Our first twenty years hasn't been perfect. (Lots of moving and infertility and mental health issues from me and four kids and all that kind of stuff just to name a few things.) But we LOVE each other. We are COMMITTED to each other. And we thoroughly ENJOY the life we've created together with Christ at the center and these amazing humans all around us. 

I love you John,

A Life Renovation

A weekly post from my childhood to grown-up friend Carrie ~ 

sharing her awesome life and her desire to have community while doing it!

Decisions, decisions. Our lives are the result of constant decision making, so what governs you? 

Fear? Hope? 

Over the past 5 years specifically, it seems that both of these have had a hand in governing me. As a result I have taken a sledge hammer to my life, demolishing everything that seemed like a solid foundation; the concrete walls, the strong roof, the solid exterior—it’s all gone. The renovation of my life has come and it has definitely uncovered much more than I expected. 

When you’re getting ready to deconstruct something it can be exhilarating or daunting. Very rarely is it emotionless. I am at the start of a deconstruction, whose end is not in sight, and I am settled in that. So let’s talk about what that has looked like for me. 

Metaphorically speaking, my house (my life) was built. I was ready to furnish the inside, pick out the beautiful decor, sit back and enjoy the fruit of my 26 years of labor. My furnishings included a few kids, a great job where I made enough to live generously, a rock star marriage, and an amazing community. A noble desire it was.

When the tools arrived on my front porch, I brought them inside, set them aside, and didn’t think much of them. Then, little by the little, the tools began to be used. A hammer to the wall here, a door off the hinge there, a broken appliance, a water leak, and before I knew it, I was living in a house I didn’t even recognize. Cracked, broken, dirty, and unlivable. But where was I supposed to go? I LIVED IN THIS HOUSE. As far as I knew, I loved this house. And it was everything I wanted, until it wasn’t. 

Over time, the residence of my soul needed to be gutted. These beliefs that I held onto dearly were not proving themselves to be true. Not because they weren’t—rather, because I wasn’t. They were truth because they had been told to me, not because I had experienced them. So began the gutting… And here’s a few of those truths:

• Just have faith and it will happen. 
• Give your money here, and you’ll benefit there.
• Marriage is great. Hahahaha. (This one makes me laugh.) 

Stay with me, here, I am not being cynical. Remember, some of my foundation was built on these truths. And they were truth because “I said so,” and I needed them to be truth because “I experienced so." 

“Just have faith and it will happen,” is easier said than done. I feel like faith gets a bad rep in religious circles. It’s easy to tell someone to have faith when they need encouragement and you don’t know what else to say. But coming from a girl who has sat at the base of a mountain that seems impossible to scale for 10 years, please don’t tell me to have faith, because it implies that I don’t. Instead, tell me that I am strong enough. Tell me that no matter what, this doesn’t define me. Tell me that it neither adds or subtracts from my value. Tell me those things, or stay silent. Experientially, here is why this is a truth to me now: Because having faith is not about scaling the mountain. Whether I sit at the base or make it to the peak, my satisfaction is stable. 

(Side Note: I know money is a touchy subject, so if talking about money makes you uncomfortable you should skip the next paragraph. 🙂 I get it, no big deal!) 

I was raised in church and like everything else, especially non-profits, they need our support. I love that. I love supporting good people who are doing good work, including the church. However, the “give your money here and you will benefit there” concept in recent years has been hard for me to accept, if I am just being honest. So here is where I am at experientially: I feel better when I am generous. I know I am not that great on my own, and I am grateful for all the opportunities I have to make money, so giving a portion of that away is in part my way of saying thank you.

Marriage is great! Haha this is a funny one. Let’s start here: Marriage is great, just not on its own. Here is my experiential truth: Getting to live life with a significant other is seriously a gift. Marriage gives the gift of intimacy. Real closeness. You get to be known in a way that no other relationship can offer. At the same time, you get to be known—good and not so good. Marriage without accountability and community is not great. Isolation in marriage is not great. Facades in marriage are not great. The breakdown of who you really are in proximity to another human who loves and cares for you is great. How you accept love and belonging, which marriage brings out, is great. Marriage - Union - Covenant - Commitment - alone is hard. In the context of community, marriage is great. 

So let’s trek back to this Life Renovation. I say I am only at the beginning because I don’t want this process to stop. I want to continually demo the areas of my life that are moldy, cracked, and the likes thereof. So if you too find yourself in a life renovation, congrats and keep going. If you want to begin to break down the walls and jack hammer the floors, begin to ask yourself the why’s. Why do I believe that? Do I know (experience) it? And lastly, if you have no desire to renovate your life, I get that. It’s not easy. I would simply encourage you to live in a way that is always kind and generous—those are really good foundations to stand on. 

Follow the yes. Wade in the peace. Halt in the no. 

Carrie

19th Anniversary

Today is the 19th anniversary of being married to the greatest man in the world. I don't say that just to say it. I truly mean it. I love my husband so much. I am so blessed that we still love each other so much.

However, we are busy, and we were so busy that we BOTH forgot it was our anniversary until my Mom posted a congratulatory note on Facebook about an hour ago.

Here is a look back at our previous anniversaries that we have celebrated since I started this Blog:

18th anniversary
17th anniversary
16th anniversary
15th anniversary
14th anniversary
13th anniversary
12th anniversary
11th anniversary
10th anniversary
9th anniversary
8th anniversary

I am truly immensely blessed that I found JB so long ago. We truly are soulmates. I love our crazy life and our crazy adventures. I love being his wife. I love that he is my best friend. 

Tribe Life Tuesdays: The Carefree Fellow & The Failed Function

This is the second week of our new Tuesday speciality! I am seriously so excited about what the Lord is doing with my Blog, and I know that Carrie's weekly post is a big part of that. Read on to hear why her frankness in this post is comparable to a "vulnerability hangover."

I am married to a truly carefree fellow. It’s true that opposites attract—and in our case, opposites collided. In many ways, he’s the opposite of me. One of the many ways we differ is that he tends to be much more easy-going and laid back than I am.

He is everything I didn’t know I wanted, so I spent several years trying to get him to conform to what I thought I wanted. To my surprise, he was already exactly what I needed.

A few things about the carefree fellow:

•  He is VERY patient
• Full of empathy
•  C R E A T I V E
• Has this wonderful go with the flow attitude
• Noble, gentle and kind

The list could go on and on…

If there was a painting of us, it would probably look something like this: Joe walking on top of the water (not because he’s Jesus nor do, I see him like that—but, because he has a very natural way of rising above storms) and I would be trudging through the mud. We will both eventually make it across the water to the other side. Except, I will come to shore dirty and tired, with a few more battle scars than I’d like to admit—and he would arrive completely clean, smelling like the ocean! Again, the opposites have collided.

A few months into my marriage, at my first post-wedding wellness check, my gynecologist (aka lady doctor) told me that conceiving a child would be very difficult. When I heard the news I had a carefree moment and thought “no biggie, it will happen”, almost as if those words didn’t apply to me. Maybe it was faith, maybe it was arrogance, maybe a mix of both (if that’s possible)—either way, I didn’t really re-visit those foul words again for a long while.

But, as the years began to roll by, the burn of those words started to sting. The reality of my situation began to sink in: my God-given gift to be able to reproduce was broken. Over time, my inability to conceive made me feel like I was a failure. The one thing I should be able to do as a woman—I can’t.

The truth is that it is all in timing… I am re-learning to trust the process and the creator over the process. I am finding joy on a seemingly grievous journey, and though there are moments that feel unbearable, there is so much opportunity along the way.

Sweet friends---I don’t write this oblivious to the fact that some of you are still waiting for mates or babies. If you are on that journey and it has been painful, I AM SORRY. Pain is pain and lack is lack. There are times when no amount of encouragement can help.

So, I implore you to just be and allow others hold onto hope for you when you can’t. There were many times when all I could do was rely on my carefree fellow and others in my tribe when I was at my lowest.

For now, the carefree fellow is my tribe within the tribe. 

Hope to see you next Tuesday!

Happy Anniversary Best Friend

Today is 18 years since I married my best friend. We've lived in four states, three countries, and three continents. We now have 4 children, 19 sheep, 8 pigs, 9 ducks, 5 geese, 84 laying hens, 22 guinea fowl, and 150 broiler chickens. :) We also have a ton of wonderful memories and have had, despite some hard times, a fantastic life. I can honestly say that I love my husband more today than ever.

Here is a look back at some of the blogs I have done on our anniversary since I started the Blog back in 2006:

17th anniversary
16th anniversary
15th anniversary
14th anniversary
13th anniversary
12th anniversary
11th anniversary
10th anniversary
9th anniversary
8th anniversary

Marriage

I am beginning a compilation of articles and pictures on the topic of marriage. Stay tuned!

Happy 14th

Today I celebrate 14 years of marriage to my very best friend. Here's a look back at the anniversaries we have celebrate since this blog began:

8th anniversary
9th anniversary
10th anniversary
11th anniversary
12th anniversary
13th anniversary

John is the perfect man for me. He is the perfect man to raise my children. I have no doubt that "to death do us part" will remain true for our lives until we say good bye on this earth.

I love you John!

Together Activities

Sunday was Father's Day. Since we didn't have a vehicle, and we are all just exhausted and finding our groove, I decided that the best thing I could "muster" for JB was a day where he could do whatever he liked, with or without me and the kids (his choice), but not have to be "in charge." In other words, I'd change the diapers and make the food and monitor naps, unless he wanted to step in. In other words, he'd get to enjoy the kids without having to take care of the kids.

He could choose the activities and schedule for the day too. So he chose (a) individual time with each boy (b) some time to blog (c) dinner out and then (d) watching Portugal soccer (aka futbol) at home after the kids went to bed.

So that's exactly what he did.

The boys chose what activity they wanted to participate in. Technically, they were given the option to attend both, but it just worked out that they each chose something different. Elijah wanted to go to the rocks by our house and peruse the tide pools. Isaac wanted to go shopping with JB. So that's what they did.

JB just did another fantastic post on tidepooling with Elijah that those of you who are intimately connected with our family would probably really enjoy reading. (It's written on my intellectual level, unlike many of his posts that are way beyond me so don't panic before you give it a chance.)

My husband is in heaven here in the Azores. I didn't realize how much Turkey was cutting off his ability to "get in nature" until we came here. Every day, his favorite thing to do is go and look for sea creatures. He is anxiously awaiting the arrival of our household goods and his snorkeling equipment so that he can get in the water.

After his morning at the beach, he and Isaac went out looking for household items (like light bulbs) and when they came home, JB was grinning from ear to ear. JB has always wanted to raise bees, but he always thought it would have to wait until we got back to the States. But he had found a place that he can buy the bee equipment (which I sort of understand what that is only because I read The Secret Life of Bees a few months ago.) He anxiously started researching and is now just waiting to see whether or not he can get bees here as you can't have them shipped from the USA. When he expressed his excitement about the possibility of raising bees here, I said to him, "Why in the world would you want to raise bees JB?"

To which his reply was, "Why in the world would I not want to raise bees?"

Sometimes it is utterly beyond me how he and I get along so well. We are such different people! But I love him so much, even if he wants to raise an animal that stings you.

After that, we walked along the beautiful walking path that lines the water by our house. This walking path is popular with locals from other towns too. People drive to our town just to walk this path since most towns don't have sidewalks. It's perfect for me and the boys as they can ride their little three-wheelers safely. There are some also steep hills and ramps, which they love to zoom down (even though they have to get off their bikes to push them back up the hills.)

Following our walk, we went to the only restaurant in our town -- Buzios -- which just happens to be right around the corner. It is fantastic. They specialize in pasta and seafood, and are perfect for us having three little kids because they serve sausage pieces ("hot dogs") and a bread appetizer that keeps the kids happy in the beginning, and then they have ice cream cones for dessert (which allows us to enjoy the last few bites of our meals in peace.) JB asked the chef to "surprise him" with his best seafood dish, and he got a sampling of all the current specialties. He was in heaven.

The evening concluded with us watching Portugal win 2 to 1! What a wonderful day -- even for me having to be "in charge" on the weekend. Just great to spend quality time with my four favortist people.

Lots of celebrations (aka packing)

I was sixteen. He was seventeen. We've now been together for over half our lives. The only man I have ever kissed.

Today we celebrate TWELVE years of marriage.

We are technically not going to celebrate our anniversary today. We have decided to take a weekend before we leave for Turkey to take a mini-weekend away and leave the boys with our parents. So cards and anniversaries will wait.

On June 20, 1998 we were married in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Life has taken us from South Florida to Bowling Green to Franklin to Rochester to Eglin AFB and now to Turkey.

We spent five years of our first ten years of marriage dealing with infertility. Appointments and pain and disappointment and what I hope will be the hardest years of our marriage.

But we made it. And today, on our twelfth anniversary we get to celebrate our marriage and JB's third Father's Day all in one.

Of course, we'll be spending the entire day packing.

But still. Celebrations. For marriage. And for miracles. I thank the Lord.

Many moons ago

John and I have been cleaning up our computer and going through old folders. This photo was taken at JB's sister's wedding in 1999. Just over ten years ago. Man I love this guy! And man do we look older now. This guy is my absolute best friend. I am so blessed he picked me to spend the rest of his life with. How lucky am I?