I forgot ...

During the nearly three months I was gone, I forgot a lot of things. I forgot ...

... what it would feel like to see Cheryl's house and not see her walk out of it. Seeing her house everyday makes me a bit emotional. I didn't emotionally prepare for her departure. Why do I often expect her to walk out the front door when I know she is gone?

... about hearing the call to prayer every few hours during the day. Hearing the "call" and seeing minarets at every toss and turn reminds that I live in a country that is 99.9% Muslim. I tryto remember to pray for this country I live in every time I hear or see these things.

... how small this Base is. The BX is just tiny. I see people I know everywhere I go. After being in Germany for most of the summer, I completely forgot what a small town I live in. I missed it tremendously.

... how wonderful my bed is. Oh how I missed my big king-sized bed.

... how dirty Turkey is. I don't know a nice way to say this. I don't think, truly, that there was ever a piece of misplaced trash in Germany. Everything was thrown away properly. There is so much garbage here. It is so brown here. Just dirty. The comparison between this country and Germany is so extreme in this area.

... the fact that lane markers do not exist here. We ventured off-Base yesterday. Took Patty and Yamil to the M1 Mall. I squealed numerous times as cars weaved back and forth across lanes. I forgot that lane markers here are just suggestions. I have to get my backbone back again before I drive off-Base myself again.

Sweet memories

Many of memories of my last few days and weeks in Germany are clouded with difficulty. But not meeting Sarah and Emaline. I stole this picture off of her Facebook account as I wanted everyone to get to see the beautiful person God brought into my life:

And here is a picture of Abigail with her first friend. Hard to believe that Emaline is only 3.5 months. How fast they grow!

I know I have said it before, but I will say it again. I am not sure what would have happened to me and Abigail had we not met Sarah during our last week in Germany. I was in bad shape and all alone. I was truly worried that I might end up in the ER unable to take care of my little girl due to the emotional issues I was having. Sarah was truly a bit of Christ in the flesh for me. It just makes me realize that God hears our prayers and that we, as humans, are his hands and feet here on Earth.

So ready ... so blessed

I ache for my boys. For JB. I want to be home so unbelievably badly. The mornings are worse for me. I cry a lot. I panic a bit with feelings that I am trapped here. I know it is hormones. It feels like it is getting better. But my desire to be with my family is extreme and nearly suffocating.

But in the midst of frustration and sadness comes small miracles. I reached out to a friend of a friend two days ago. Our friend from Turkey, Casey, has a great friend here in Germany ... Sarah. Sarah's husband is out of town for three weeks. She has a nearly four month old baby girl. We spent the day together yesterday. We went to mass and rented a movie: Just Go With It. I was`able to be in a house, use her baby swing. It was so refreshing.

Sarah offered to let us stay with her at the home they rent off Base until the passport comes. I took her up on this. After Abigail's two week appointment today, Sarah is picking us up and we are headed there. Having someone to talk to and be with and share life with has made me feel so tremendously better.

My Turkish friend Rana emailed me and told me that in Turkey, they do not leave new moms home alone with the baby for 40 days. That seemed weird to me, but I can see now why that might be valuable. While I didn't deal with this with Elijah, I am dealing with it with Abigail. I am able to enjoy her and the process, but am just so emotional. Having another person to be with me is HUGE to my emotional well-being.

God is so faithful to provide a bit of "Jesus in the flesh" via Sarah. I can't imagine how I would be feeling if it weren't for Stebbins suggesting I email Casey and Casey putting me in touch with Sarah. God bless you all.

I love to see ...

Isaac taking on someone not even close to his size!

That there are so many uses for a boppy.

That my boys know how to team up to get the job done!

My parents ...

... are on the way back to America.

My husband and my sons are in Turkey.

My dearest friends are scattered all over America and Turkey.

And I am here in Germany.

I know this should be a time of prayer. A time of sleep. A time of bonding with Abigail. I am asking the Lord to allow my heart to have that focus instead of the focus that I am now completely on my own in this big apartment in a country I do not call home. I can't help but want only to leave Germany and return to Turkey. But I want to enjoy these (few?) days with myself, God, and Abigail.

JB keeps reminding me that this is a "golden opportunity" for me. A time to sleep whenever Abigail is sleeping. A time to pray. A time to read. A time to write. A time to have a mini-vacation. I want to see it that way. But instead, I just dream of boarding a plane and emerging in sweltering Turkish heat and scooping my little boys into my arms. And kissing my husband. Of petting my dog. Of sleeping in my bed. Of sitting on my front porch and chatting with my friends.

I am praying for two things. I am asking that you join me in prayer. The first is that Abigail's passport comes today. If it doesn't arrive today, I will probably be here through the weekend. And the second is that I can enjoy the time I have here by myself -- with Abigail and the Lord.

Amen.

Passsport Please

Talked to my passport person, Brittney. She has not received an update on Abigail's passport yet. Once she does receive word that the passport has arrived in Frankfurt, Germany, she will email me. She will then send a courier. The courier usually goes the next day. This means that at this point, even if the passport would come today, it will probably be at least Friday before I can fly back to Turkey.

My biggest prayer is that passport comes in by Friday so I don't have to wait the weekend. Keep praying everyone.

Daddy's American Sweetheart

I was sitting outside Burg Eltz on Saturday. I had found a quiet spot to feed Abigail. I had my legs propped up on a bench. There were a lot of flies, and they were making a home on my legs which was a bit annoying. Elijah was standing near me, and JB told him, "Elijah, scare the flies off of Mommy."

Expecting him to shoo away the flies like a "normal" person would do, we all found ourselves bent over laughing when Eiljah came up and put his face near a fly and gave the loudest "ROAR!" you have ever heard. He decided to take the lion approach to shooing flies. It didn't work real well, but it definitely highlighted a lot of laughter the boys have been providing us adults with lately.

I wish I could remember all the things they say every day and how funny they are. However, most of the things are simply the way they say things and that often cannot be captured in words I can type. Other things they say are not quite/barely appropriate enough for the blog. The word "stick" for instance is chopped up a bit by the fact that Elijah pronounces his "s" like "d" right now. You know, that kind of thing.

But laughter, even laughter you can't reproduce via words at a later date, is unbelievably healthy. And especially right now, for me. I've been fighting a bit of "baby blues." I don't remember feeling this way after Elijah, but Elijah's birth was so muddled by hospital stays and illness and sleepless nights that I don't think I would have been able to differentiate between the tears I was producing from pain and frustration and those that were hormonally produced. I did struggle a bit with some depression/anxiety but that was six months after Elijah's arrival. And of course, there were no hormones to deal with when Isaac joined our family so the point is mute there.

But this time, I feel great physically, and yet I find myself crying a bit. (John would say more than a bit.) I find myself getting overly nostalgic. News stories leave me unable to cope. (Don't even get me started on the Norway incident.) As we pack up our little apartment here and get ready to send the boys and JB off, I find myself crying over leaving. (Really? I want to go home.) When Isaac wants his privacy in the bathroom, I find myself crying thinking about the fact that he is growing up. (Why would him being toilet trained make me sad?)

I read a bit online and JB concurred that these "baby blues" are not the same as post-partum depression. Apparently the blues are very common. Most women get them. And for most women they alleviate themselves within a few days or weeks. Stinkin' hormones.

That isn't to say I am not enjoying our little bundle of girl. She is a great baby. While I don't know her like I know my boys yet, that bond is growing stronger by the moment. She is soft and sweet and beautiful, and I am blown away that I get to be her Mom. We are doing great. A few tears. Lots of laughs. But doing wonderfully.

And more ready than ever to get us all under one roof together on Turkish soil. Please keep praying for passport speed. It doesn't appear we will have the passport by the time JB an the boys go home, but I am still hopeful that we will have it by the time my parents leave later this week so I can take a commercial flight back home. Stay tuned!

Burg Eltz Revisited

Today was another day for a field trip. We packed up early this morning and headed to Burg Eltz. JB and I actually visited this castle back in October when we spent a week in Germany on vacation. Of course, that time we did it with a hike. This time we took a shuttle bus so I had to do very minimal walking. My parents loved it, and since JB got to take the tour last time, I got to take the tour with my parents this time while my hubby watched all three kiddos. You can click here to read a history of this castle. It was a wonderful day. The boys were incredibly well behaved and the 1.5 hour drive each way was just gorgeous. I think my parents really enjoyed the opportunity to see a real, live castle and more of this beautiful country.

I am feeling very good physically. Today I could actually say I really wasn't in pain. Discomfort maybe but not pain. Emotionally, I'm definitely dealing with some changing hormones, but otherwise, things are wonderful.

Happy Anniversary & Birthday

A tad late but hey, I've got a bit going on. While here, my parents celebrated their 36th wedding anniversary (July 18). And then today, my Mom celebrated her 36th birthday as well. (Okay, that part isnt' completely accurate.) Happy anniversary and birthday Dad and Mom. So glad we can spend it together in Germany.

Trier (Again)

Yeterday we decided at the very last minute to make the one hour drive to Trier. This was the same city we visited with Joan and Veronica via train a few weeks ago. You can click here to see the past blog and click here to see the past album on Facebook (courtesy of Veronica) of our previous trip to the oldest city in Germany.

We were going to go to the Base pool since the weather was supposed to cruddy (and the pool is enclosed). I was just going to sit on the side with Abigail, of course, while the fam swam. However, the kiddie pool was broken. So we needed a Plan B. We decided to drive to Tier since I could sit for the most part and take it easy while enjoying being out of the house a bit and having the opportunity for my parents to experience a bit of Germany. It may have been a bit lofty five days after delivery, but it went wonderfully.

Here are some pictures from our trip there yesterday with my Mom and Dad:

Papa showing the boys the next car that he would like to buy. A good fit don't you think? (I have no idea what Isaac is doing.)

We took a one hour river cruise on the Moselle River. Here the boys are "taking turns" climbing on their Grampa's back while we wait for our the boat to begin boarding.

While I sat and relaxed at a restaurant with Abigail, JB took the boys and my parents to St. Peter's Cathedral. It was the first time they had been in a "rea'" Cathedral and they were quite impressed with the serenity and beauty.


A great pic of my boys with their grandparents outside the cathedral.

Elijah got up here and posed all by himself. It was so funny!

Smiles on a letter "T" in Trier.

A smile from Isaac.

Here are my parents ouside the Porta Nigra -- the largest surviving Roman gate world wide. Also called the "Black Gate." Dates from the Middle Ages (1060).

Just a delay we pray

Still at home. Called at 7am and was told it may not be able to happen today. Cried a little. Called back at 8am. They still weren't sure. Labor and Delivery has had trouble finding the staff to do the section. They have the doctors but not the nurses. A call back at 8:30 indicates it is probably a go. As of right now, we are due in at 10:30 and have been told that while we may have to wait to get started due to other women delivering, it should happen today. Please pray that it does. Abigail may be a bit later, but we are still hoping and believing that it will be today. I know most of my world is asleep, but if you could please pray that we can do it today, I would greatly appreciate it.

As for now, I continue to fast food and water. So pray it isn't too long!

Altogether again

After a very late flight (11:30pm arrival) and not being able to find each other at the airport for almost an hour (due to me breaking away from the plan based on my thinking I had come up with a better plan -- aaaah, life without cell phones), we are finally all back on Ramstein and together as a family.

Daddy brought new cars for the boys "prize" (he's such a softy) and we all just enjoyed snuggling in bed this morning together, celebrating the fact that our time apart has basically come to an end. I'm headed up to Labor & Delivery to do my pre-op "stuff." It will be about 10am tomorrow that we get to finally meet the fifth (sixth counting Scrubby) member of our family. She's almost here!

Speaking of Scrubby, many people have asked how he is doing. He is doing fabulously. He has handled us being away with flying colors. JB gets home at lunchtime to play with him every day and Linda has brought Bonnie over to play with him quite a few times to help us well. She and Shane also watched him early on in this adventure.

Dan and Angelica that have really helped us out during this stretch of time! They have been watching our big pile of spots nearly full-time while we are gone. What a blessing that has been. God always provides. They used to have a big dog and have enjoyed having a part-time one. Oh and on Tuesdays, he hangs out at the house with Hatice while she cleans.

Unfortunately, he has been fighting an ear infection for about two months now. JB takes him to the vet every time he comes back into town, but it is still lingering. The vet and the vet tech did tell us though that they have never met a big dog that handled the vet better than Scrubs! That was nice to hear.

We hope to get to pet "Scrubsy" (as Elijah calls him) very soon. We are in the home stretch! We will be putting a post up on the blog sometime after Abigail's arrival. We estimate the photos will be up sometime in early afternoon to early evening Germany time -- which would make it early morning in the USA. Stay tuned. :)

Story time!

Papa reading stories to the boys before bed tonight. We went to the park this morning and the pool before dinner. So fantastic to have my parents here.

They are here!

So happy! Papa and Grama Di arrived early this morning. Since I couldn't fit both carseats in the car with luggage and grandparents, Isaac came with me and Elijah stayed with Veronica. We are so excited to have them here.

Of course, they arrived at 8am our time. This is 2am Florida time. So the grandparents spent the day trying to avoid falling asleep and fighting some pretty intense jet lag. I'm pretty sure my Dad fell asleep at least two times right in the middle of us having a conversation. Here are the boys trying to keep Papa awake:

Boys as of late

Elijah has been saying some mighty cute things lately. Two of my favorites recently are: "Silly Eee-yijah!" anytime he does something funny and, "That's delicious!" when he eats something he likes.

Yesterday I went into my room. The boys were jumping from my bed into the pack-n-play and climbing out and doing it again. Not exactly behavior I would condone, but we are a little out of our normal way of life. I asked them what they were doing. Isaac put a hand on his hip and said, "Mommy, I'm playing with my best friend Ewijah." Man! How do you say no to that?

In other news, we will have our last two swimming lessons this week. The boys have done well with it. They don't know how to swim yet, but they are very comfortable in the water and are doing well. They can both float on their backs and stomaches (with help) and will try most everything the teacher suggests. Neither of them want to put their heads under water, but they don't panic if they do. At one point, we practiced dropping a ring on the ground and the kids had to reach under the water to retrieve the ring. As we got deeper and deeper, Elijah figured out a way to slide the ring up his leg and into his hand to avoid the head dippage. Way cute!

Potty training has been completed and finalized while we have been here with Isaac deciding he can now produce #1 and #2 on the potty. How wonderful that I have two little ones completely done just in time to start changing more diapers. I had heard boys were so hard, but I got really lucky with these guys. I think God knew that three in diapers was more than I was bargaining for. Isaac had been afraid of the #2 on the potty and was waiting until he had a diaper on for his nap or bedtime before going. (This got a wee bit frustrating as I knew, as soon as I put ont he diaper, he'd go and I'd have to change him.) I came up witha plan. He does not like pull-ups. (I have no idea why.) So I told him that he was a big boy and he had to either wear underwear or pull-ups to sleep in. No more diapers. He got very upset and said, "I'll go poop on the potty." He then sat down and went! Just like that. And he's basically gone ever since.

We laugh that he is making up for lost time now. He is going all the time. In fact, between the two boys and the potty, I feel like wearing diapers would be easier somedays. Between the time I met Jenny at the pool the other day at 11am and the time we left the BX at 1:30, we had visited public bathrooms NINE times. (Thank goodness Veronica was with me to break up the monotony a bit.) At one point, I had both boys going #2 in the bathroom in the BX at the same time. They were in stalls across from each other, and I stood in the middle holding their underwear and shorts (since they don't want to leave those on AT ALL while they go.) It was very crowded, and I couldn't lock their doors so I kept having to tell people, "Sorry! There's a little boy in there." At Chili's later that night, we took four separate visits. That's a lot of public restrooms. Especially considering I'm visiting them more frequently as of late as well.

Oh and speaking of public restrooms, Elijah likes me to "Move" when he is doing his business. (In contrast to Isaac who requests, but I do not acquiesce, me sitting on the floor right next to him.) But I have learned, with Elijah especially, not to step too far away in the future. He got down at the pool and locked himself into the stall. When he couldn't figure out how to open it, I got a brilliant idea. I would send Isaac under the stall to help him get out. When I told this to JB later he said, "Why wouldn't you just send Elijah out under the stall door?" Ha! I didn't even think of that! Not to mention that fact that sending Isaac under could have left me with both boys stuck in the bathroom. Thank goodness Elijah eventually figured out how to turn the latch back into an open position.

Overall, the boys have done incredibly well here in Germany. It's true that kids are more resilient than we adults. They talk about our home in Turkey. Whether they understand or not, I don't know, but they know that we'll go back after Abigail is born. In the car the other day Elijah said all-of-a-sudden, "Mommy, I miss Scrubsy." So do I! We are excited to get home in a few weeks. I'm excited for them to return to their "normal" life and for me to do the same!

***I've updated my books and movies watch in Germany page. Check out the new inclusions by clicking here. (Recently added items are in red.)

And here is a fun video of the boys:

A Welcome Diversion

God is so faithful. I was dreading Joan leaving. I was dreading the "dead days" inbetween her departure and the arrival of my parents next week. I was grieving how long we had to be away from JB. It felt like forever. I know it wasn't. I knew it would pass. But I wanted it to be in the past already. I've been in Germany nearly two months, and I'm so ready to go home.

I got word this past week that, most likely, I won't have a passport for Abigail in time to go home with JB and the boys at the end of July. That news stung. (And I'm still praying for a "miracle.")But good news abounded. First, they moved my c-section date up. This allowed JB to move his return to Germany up. Small blessings but big deal to me.

And then, another great treat. I have known Jenny W.L. for decades. Since she was a very small girl. Our connections run on many layers. She lived next to Joan and Roy in Palm Aire. I used to babysit for Jenny and her brother Daniel. Jenny's mom, Jan, worked with my Mom -- both of them employees for Roy at Doormark. Jenny attended Fort Lauderdale Christian School with me. Our families know each other well.

Jenny now lives with her husband Ryan and two daughters: Hannah (4) and Caroline (2), in Stuttgart, Germany -- about two hours from here. Her husband works for the military as a civilian contractor. They like to come to Ramstein every now and then to get a little taste of America. Weeks ago, we had tentatively set a date. Jenny wanted to know, as the date drew closer if it was too much for us to handle. The answer was a resounding, "No!" It was instead a welcome diversion to a weekend otherwise wide-open with missing Turkey and family and JB and America.

So Saturday afternoon, Jenny and the fam arrived on Base. We had a wonderful day! We started with a swim in the Ramstein pool. Then we went to lunch at the BX. We followed that with naps, a trip to the park, and dinner at Chili's. They then spent the night in our spacious TLF and are now on their way back to Stuttgart.

Even better was that her girls and my boys played WONDERFULLY together. Every time we got in our car and they in their van to go somewhere else, Elijah would ask, "Where are my friends?" Relatively next-to-no toddler squabbles. Just fun play. It was wonderful. It was good for the boys to have some other kids to play with. It was good for me to get to talk to some other adults. And it was just plain awesome to have our weekend zip by a little faster than it otherwise would have ... my last weekend with only two children.

Here are a few pictures from this great weekend:

Ryan is a very hands-on dad. He and JB would have gotten along great. Here he is reading a book to all four of our little tykes.

While we waited for our table to be ready at Chili's, a grassy field helped pass some time.

We made a tent with a blanket over the dining room table. They loved this and all played under here so well.

Here is an attempt at a snapshot of our dinner at Chili's. The only chaotic part of dinner was the fact that my boys had to go to the bathroom four times during the meal. (Veronica was back at home. She is under the weather.) This meant me doing multiple potty breaks. At least it was only four times. Between 9am and 11am during our pool/BX visit, there were NINE separate bathroom stops. Egads!

PLaying so well together with the Thomas train set.

The girls loved the big slides at Donnelly Park on Base.

Trier

Leave it to Veronica to take such beatuiful photos of our day in Trier, Germany -- the oldest city in Germany (founded sometime around 16BC.) It was actually founded centuries before Rome! Now that I am 37 weeks, we decided to "risk" a long day. We took a two hour train ride to Trier (since our car is too small to fit us all) and spent quite a few hours walking around the town and having lunch on the Moselle River. As a sidenote, it is so wonderful to travel with multilingual Joni. (She speaks fluent Dutch and English and also speak Afrikans and German "nearly" fluently.) It made our trip much more enjoyable!

We would have liked to stay longer, but by 3pm, JB finally made me confess that I was, indeed, struggling to keep up with the group. And in fact on the train ride on the way home, I started having contractions again. They lasted an hour and were the most intense I have had yet, coming on every 2-3 minutes. But as soon as they came, they stopped. That little Abigail is determined to give us a run for our money and take me right up until our scheduled c-section on July 18.

There were so many wonderful pictures of our trip that I could not possibly put them all on my blog. So I instead created a Facebook album. Click here for the full TRIER album. You can click this link to see what a beautiful (and exhausting) day we had.

CARS 2

"Living" in Germany offers many perks. One of them? Getting to see movies pretty close to the time that are peeps in the USA get to see them. Today, CARS 2 opened here on the Base in Ramstein, and we made sure we had tickets to see it. All six of us had the opportunity to go together -- although JB called "dibbs" on getting to sit by both of his boys.

This is only the second movie the boys have ever attended. The first one? It was actually CARS 1 during our first few days in Turkey. Living in Turkey has really limited our ability to see movies as there isn't much showing at our tiny theatre on Base.

It was a completely sold-out show! The boys are wearing their new CARS shirts from Shea. Both boys sat through the entire show (other than potty breaks) completely in love with the movie!

Veronica and Joni

Isaac giving a smile before his fever took over again. The poor little guy is quite under the weather -- we didn't realize how much until the end of the movie when he climbed on to JB's lap and snuggled up for the duration.

Pool Days

We were so excited to get to take Daddy and Joni to the pool. We've gone a few times and have had a wonderful time. Take a look for yourself:

Here are Dad and Isaac coming down the big slide. Dad is having a little trouble not going under the water, but at least he is keeping Isaac up!
Here's a slide dismount that was a little less dramatic.

Joni and Elijah coming down the big slide. Elijah actually would NOT go down the big slide, ever, until John came into town and took him down one time. Elijah was hooked from that point on.

Joni and Elijah before Elijah says, "Do it again!"

Veronica and Elijah heading down the slide.

Our attempt at a family photo. Oh well, better than nothing!

I didn't think I was allowed to go down the slide, but after checking with the lifeguard I found out that the slide was slow enough to not be of concern for my "delicate" state. What fun!

What we have been up to

Lots of fun going on here with Joni and Daddy here. Adventures include:

Climbing adventures:


Drawing our names and pictures in the sand:

Finding fantastic sticks:

Tackling bridges:

Going down slides (Joni is the only adult participating in this activity):

Using the restroom outdoors (Can you find Elijah?)

Trying to enjoy our two 90 degree days (not so easy when you don't have a/c in your apartment). Good thing for us, the temperature has quickly returned to the 60's and 70's!

Sharing cute faces with the camera:

Chasing rabbits in the woods:

Reading books:

Taking long rides to the park in our stroller with our sticks (made even longer when everyone realizes Mommy forgot to bring a key to the hotel and Daddy has to walk a mile to get the reserrvation desk and get a new key for us):