Sweet memories

Many of memories of my last few days and weeks in Germany are clouded with difficulty. But not meeting Sarah and Emaline. I stole this picture off of her Facebook account as I wanted everyone to get to see the beautiful person God brought into my life:

And here is a picture of Abigail with her first friend. Hard to believe that Emaline is only 3.5 months. How fast they grow!

I know I have said it before, but I will say it again. I am not sure what would have happened to me and Abigail had we not met Sarah during our last week in Germany. I was in bad shape and all alone. I was truly worried that I might end up in the ER unable to take care of my little girl due to the emotional issues I was having. Sarah was truly a bit of Christ in the flesh for me. It just makes me realize that God hears our prayers and that we, as humans, are his hands and feet here on Earth.

Home ...

... is where the heart is.

And mt heart is back with all my boys in Turkey!!!

(Almost) Under One Roof

I cannot wait to see this flag! I cannot wait to hear someone speaking Turkish. I cannot wait to kiss my husband. I cannot wait to hug my boys. I'm going to let Scrubs lick me on the face. I'm going to lay on my sofa and take a nap. I'm going to sit by kitchen counter and eat cereal for dinner. I'm going to stand outside and not complain about the heat. I'm going to hug my friends. I'm going to not be frustrated with the intense security to get onto Base. I'm going to love every single thing about getting to go HOME. Home, right now, is Turkey. It's where my boys are. My dog. My sons. My husband. We need to get the estrogen in Germany over to the testosterone in Turkey asap. Wednesday I will be home! The excitement is beyond anything I can put into words.

It's here!!!!!!

Hope to head home Tuesday or Wednesday! Praise the Lord! Thank you to everyone who prayed!

Just hanging around ...

... waiting for a passport.

So ready ... so blessed

I ache for my boys. For JB. I want to be home so unbelievably badly. The mornings are worse for me. I cry a lot. I panic a bit with feelings that I am trapped here. I know it is hormones. It feels like it is getting better. But my desire to be with my family is extreme and nearly suffocating.

But in the midst of frustration and sadness comes small miracles. I reached out to a friend of a friend two days ago. Our friend from Turkey, Casey, has a great friend here in Germany ... Sarah. Sarah's husband is out of town for three weeks. She has a nearly four month old baby girl. We spent the day together yesterday. We went to mass and rented a movie: Just Go With It. I was`able to be in a house, use her baby swing. It was so refreshing.

Sarah offered to let us stay with her at the home they rent off Base until the passport comes. I took her up on this. After Abigail's two week appointment today, Sarah is picking us up and we are headed there. Having someone to talk to and be with and share life with has made me feel so tremendously better.

My Turkish friend Rana emailed me and told me that in Turkey, they do not leave new moms home alone with the baby for 40 days. That seemed weird to me, but I can see now why that might be valuable. While I didn't deal with this with Elijah, I am dealing with it with Abigail. I am able to enjoy her and the process, but am just so emotional. Having another person to be with me is HUGE to my emotional well-being.

God is so faithful to provide a bit of "Jesus in the flesh" via Sarah. I can't imagine how I would be feeling if it weren't for Stebbins suggesting I email Casey and Casey putting me in touch with Sarah. God bless you all.

Wow -- God is cool

No word yet on a passport for Abigail. We are at day 10 right now which is the average for how long we were told it could take. It appears it will probably be at least Tuesday or Wednesday before we leave and that is if the passport comes through on Monday.

I am dealing with some pretty intense "baby blues." This is hard for me to admit because I am so unbelievably happy to have Abigail. She is a fantastic baby. So sweet. Truly a joy. I think having dealt with infertility in the past, I am very hesitant to admit any "issues" with having a baby. I never want to appear that I am complaining. I am not complaining at all. Abigail is AWESOME! But I realize these things aren't related. I'm just crying, basically, non-stop. I feel like it will be better if I weren't away from home, but I have come to realize that it would still be present. It's a hormonal "thing" not a "Germany" thing or an "Abigail" thing.

I wish I didn't feel this way so I could just enjoy Abigail and not be crying all the time, but it is what it is. I actually called the "New Parent Support Group" nursing line here on Ramstein which was hard for me to do. (JB pushed me to do it too. He's been very involved via SKYPE from afar in checking on me.) A nurse stopped by to see me. Laura was great. She told me this was very normal. She said that the "baby blues" normally last about two weeks, but I am dealing with some other stressors too like being away from my family and waiting on the passport so I might push past two weeks slightly. Post-partum depression is usually more present past the two week mark so I'm not quite "there" yet. She really helped me to realize that I am normal and that I am okay and that we are okay and that I am doing a good job taking care of myself and Abigail.

I have been getting out and taking walks. I am actually feeling really great physically. But being alone for three or four days just left me feeling hopeless. I can't really explain it and I know it doesn't make sense. But it just is.

God is cool though. Way cool. Just when I was feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and daunted by the idea of endless days of being alone that I thought I might lose my mind, I called out to Him. I asked him to help me get through the next few days. I begged him.

And then Stebbins called me on Skype. And my mom's friend Noel who is deployed here called me and asked me out for dinner. And my friend Deana called and wanted to go out on Saturday. And then Stebbs suggested I contact our friend Casey who has a good friend here with a young daughter. So I did. And she wants to hang out on Sunday. And suddenly the weekend doesn't seem so overwhelming. And I haven't cried in awhile. And I am feeling better.

I would love all the prayers you could send my way. While prayers for the passport are appreciated, prayers for me are even more appreciated. Just pray that I feel better emotionally. And thank the Lord for being so cool to me.

No passport yet

No passport today. If it comes tomorrow (Friday) the courier probably can't pick it up until Monday so I think the earliest I will get home is Tuesday? We will see. Holding out hope for a miracle that would get me home before the weekend.

My parents ...

... are on the way back to America.

My husband and my sons are in Turkey.

My dearest friends are scattered all over America and Turkey.

And I am here in Germany.

I know this should be a time of prayer. A time of sleep. A time of bonding with Abigail. I am asking the Lord to allow my heart to have that focus instead of the focus that I am now completely on my own in this big apartment in a country I do not call home. I can't help but want only to leave Germany and return to Turkey. But I want to enjoy these (few?) days with myself, God, and Abigail.

JB keeps reminding me that this is a "golden opportunity" for me. A time to sleep whenever Abigail is sleeping. A time to pray. A time to read. A time to write. A time to have a mini-vacation. I want to see it that way. But instead, I just dream of boarding a plane and emerging in sweltering Turkish heat and scooping my little boys into my arms. And kissing my husband. Of petting my dog. Of sleeping in my bed. Of sitting on my front porch and chatting with my friends.

I am praying for two things. I am asking that you join me in prayer. The first is that Abigail's passport comes today. If it doesn't arrive today, I will probably be here through the weekend. And the second is that I can enjoy the time I have here by myself -- with Abigail and the Lord.

Amen.

Passsport Please

Talked to my passport person, Brittney. She has not received an update on Abigail's passport yet. Once she does receive word that the passport has arrived in Frankfurt, Germany, she will email me. She will then send a courier. The courier usually goes the next day. This means that at this point, even if the passport would come today, it will probably be at least Friday before I can fly back to Turkey.

My biggest prayer is that passport comes in by Friday so I don't have to wait the weekend. Keep praying everyone.

My men are home

JB and the boys are back in Turkey. My parents will be with me and Abigail here a few more days, making the absence of my men quite a bit more bearable.

John and our boys boarded the rotator right after lunch today. It was a close call as flying the rotator is always on "standby" and they almost didn't get seats due to a huge deployment flux (and a mistake in the order they called people!) But at the last minute, thirty extra seats opened up and JB and the boys were given a seat on board. (Gotta love military organization.)

While I didn't want them to go, if they wouldn't have gotten on the rotator, they would have had to take a commercial flight sometime this week in order to get JB back to work by Monday which would have been expensive and much harder for 1 adult on 2 kids. (Think taking a shuttle to the airport, waiting for a flight, changing planes, and landing off-Base in Adana.) Not ideal.

I just skyped with JB from Turkey. The boys were SOOOO excited to be home. Scrubs was thrilled to see JB, the boys were thrilled to see Scrubs, and during our video chat, I caught Scrubs trying to eat a sock. Go Wendi! They were also excited to see Veronica and vice versa.

JB said the boys were fabulous on the plane although he did have to visit the bathroom on the plane six times in three hours with the boys. During the landing, Elijah expressed another intense desire to visit the "tuvalet." When JB told him he couldn't go to the bathroom because they were landing, Elijah began crying until JB reminded him that he was wearing a "just-in-case-of-this-exact-situation-pull-up". As soon as Elijah realized he could relieve himself, he got a huge smile over his face and said, "Ohhh. Okay Dad. Fanks." And the crying ceased.

I would so appreciate your continued prayers that Abigail and I can get home soon. I am really hoping we get home before the weekend and before I have to say good bye to my parents. God and I are having intense discussions about my desire to get back to Turkey asap.

I love you JB, Isaacc and Elijah. See you soon.

Daddy's American Sweetheart

I was sitting outside Burg Eltz on Saturday. I had found a quiet spot to feed Abigail. I had my legs propped up on a bench. There were a lot of flies, and they were making a home on my legs which was a bit annoying. Elijah was standing near me, and JB told him, "Elijah, scare the flies off of Mommy."

Expecting him to shoo away the flies like a "normal" person would do, we all found ourselves bent over laughing when Eiljah came up and put his face near a fly and gave the loudest "ROAR!" you have ever heard. He decided to take the lion approach to shooing flies. It didn't work real well, but it definitely highlighted a lot of laughter the boys have been providing us adults with lately.

I wish I could remember all the things they say every day and how funny they are. However, most of the things are simply the way they say things and that often cannot be captured in words I can type. Other things they say are not quite/barely appropriate enough for the blog. The word "stick" for instance is chopped up a bit by the fact that Elijah pronounces his "s" like "d" right now. You know, that kind of thing.

But laughter, even laughter you can't reproduce via words at a later date, is unbelievably healthy. And especially right now, for me. I've been fighting a bit of "baby blues." I don't remember feeling this way after Elijah, but Elijah's birth was so muddled by hospital stays and illness and sleepless nights that I don't think I would have been able to differentiate between the tears I was producing from pain and frustration and those that were hormonally produced. I did struggle a bit with some depression/anxiety but that was six months after Elijah's arrival. And of course, there were no hormones to deal with when Isaac joined our family so the point is mute there.

But this time, I feel great physically, and yet I find myself crying a bit. (John would say more than a bit.) I find myself getting overly nostalgic. News stories leave me unable to cope. (Don't even get me started on the Norway incident.) As we pack up our little apartment here and get ready to send the boys and JB off, I find myself crying over leaving. (Really? I want to go home.) When Isaac wants his privacy in the bathroom, I find myself crying thinking about the fact that he is growing up. (Why would him being toilet trained make me sad?)

I read a bit online and JB concurred that these "baby blues" are not the same as post-partum depression. Apparently the blues are very common. Most women get them. And for most women they alleviate themselves within a few days or weeks. Stinkin' hormones.

That isn't to say I am not enjoying our little bundle of girl. She is a great baby. While I don't know her like I know my boys yet, that bond is growing stronger by the moment. She is soft and sweet and beautiful, and I am blown away that I get to be her Mom. We are doing great. A few tears. Lots of laughs. But doing wonderfully.

And more ready than ever to get us all under one roof together on Turkish soil. Please keep praying for passport speed. It doesn't appear we will have the passport by the time JB an the boys go home, but I am still hopeful that we will have it by the time my parents leave later this week so I can take a commercial flight back home. Stay tuned!

Veronica is "home"

I'm not sure who the most excited is about Abigail's arrival. But I think Veronica is at the top of her "biggest fan" list.

*****

Veronica is back in Turkey. I think it was a bit of bitter sweetness for her as she has made some friends here in Germany. Time to return to her "real world." We sent her back a few days earlier than us so that she could watch Scrubs, get some R&R, and just have a little time by herself.

Next week, JB and the boys will be returning home. While I am still holding out hope for a miracle that would allow me to go with them, chances are, Abigail and I will still be here in Germany waiting for a tiny little baby passport to arrive. It has now taken five days. The average is ten. When it comes in, we can go home. But until then, Veronica will be doing a lot with the boys and dog and we wanted her to be "ready" for the grind.

My parents will be here a few days after JB and the boys which will be nice for me. I think if everyone left me at once, I might go into extreme sadness. But at least this way the good byes will be a bit more gradual in arrival.

Finding the groove

Here are the results of the Baby Game we played to guess little Abigail's birth details. Congratulations to Susan (from Hannah's Prayer) for a big win! Kendra (from my church at Eglin) finished second. In third was Samantha (not personally known to me), Rebekah S. (a friend from Eglin), and AD (my sister-in-law). Good job participants.

Our house is doing well. Abigail had her two-day appointment today. She's a little jaundice so we got some blood work done. She has also lost right at about 10% of her body weight so we are hopeful that the milk comes in soon, and she gets her growth on. I had some difficulty with Elijah gaining weight so prayers in this category would be appreciated.

Big brothers are doing well. While Isaac was the one most excited about Abigail's arrival, he has since been the least interested in her presence. Elijah comes and sits on my bed and talks to her. When JB asked her this morning about his sister he said, "She looked at me!" in response to Abigail looking over and "smiling" at him yesterday. But Isaac has no interest in interacting with her right now. We think he may be a bit jealous so we are trying to give him some extra love and attention during this time. Elijah seems to enjoy spending time with us and his sister at the same time, but Isaac would prefer not.

Right now, both boys and Papa are at the movies. They took the boys to see Rio which was playing at the Base theater. I'm anxious to see how they react to a movie other than Cars.

Lastly, some people have been emailing me about baby gifts or needs. I truly have no needs. We are incredibly blessed and taken care of and have everything we need for baby. If you decide that you still want to send something, I have registered at Target for a few decorative items which are a bit more feminine in nature. We also would always welcome a gift to Because of Isaac in Abigial's name. Thanks everyone!

We are "home"

We are back at the hotel which actually feels a lot more like "home" then anywhere else in Germany right now. I am doing well. Abigail is doing well. I still can't believe how perfectly smoothly everything went. Thank you to the Lord and to everyone for their prayers. I was able to leave by 48 hours. While my milk isn't in quite yet, breastfeeding is going great. My pain is very well managed. My bowels are in working order. All the things that went wrong last time are going right this time. Glorious!

The boys were so excited to see us arrive back at the hotel. Having four other adults really helps me to feel like the boys are being adequately spoiled even when I can't be with them. I can truly see how splitting myself between three will be one of my biggest challenges during the time to come. During Abigail's first feed here at the hotel, Elijah came and laid down next to me on my bed and we watched a cartoon while I fed Abigail. So sweet!

Some of you have asked if you can call or skype me. You can definitely try. If I don't answer, it's not a good time, but hearing from you is welcome.

Note from Wendi

Saturday morning was our scheduled c-section. I was supposed to make a quick phone call up to labor and deliveryto make sure that everything was still a go. Under staffed due to a few surprise deliveries, I was told it may not happen that day. Ugh! Needless to say, this made me a bit emotional.

But, everything ended up coming together and by 10:30am, I was changing my clothes and hooked up to an IV and giving blood and preparing to meet our daughter.

They day would go flawlessly. In fact the only glitch was inside my own mind. About thirty minutes before surgery and up until I was strapped down on the table, I really started struggling panic-wise. No one knew but JB, but I was whirling emotionally, answering questions and doing what was asked of me, but mentally spinning. I think, truly, it was fear of recovery. I didn't fear surgery. I feared the moments that followed. I started praying, and by the time the spinal was kicking in, my anxiety was beginng to drop. Praise the Lord.

At 12:44pm I heard the doctor say, "We have clear fluid!" the first sign that things this pregnancy would go entirely different than the last. The next thing I knew, they had pulled down the curtain and I was staring into the face of a screaming and pink and pudgy and little, yes, it was true, girl. Her apgars were 9 and 9! (Quite a bit different than Elijah's 1 and 2.)

JB stayed with Abigail while I went to recovery for about an hour. After that, we were in a room together, and I was feeding her, and she was great, and I felt great, and everything was great. There was a moment or two of concern in regards to my bleeding, but a quick check by my doctor assured the room that I was within the realm of normal and all was still going perfectly.

The forty-eight hours that have followed have been equally wonderful. I have had a few moments where my pain got pretty intense -- mainly the air that gets trapped inside you following a surgery of the abdomen. But overall, things have gone fantastically. Abigail is great. I'm great. JB is great. The boys are great. My parents are great. And we hope to be great together back at the hotel sometime after lunch.

I have had trouble putting pictures on the blog, but you can click here to see most of what we have taken during the last two days. And of course, as I get more rest and our life finds a new normal, I'll be writing tons more about our new addition. THANK YOU for all the mesages and loved from around the world. Blessings everyone!

More Abigail Details

This post is from Wendi. I am doing FANTASTIC. I cannot begin to put into words the difference between our first delivery (Elijah) and this delivery (Abigail.) Heck, this one even feels easier than having Isaac. (Bri may beg to differ.) Everything, including breastfeeding, is going wonderfully. Pain is well managed. Baby girl is quite content. Life is grand. More to come ... tomorrow. But here are a few quick details. She was 7 pounds 13 ounces. (Isaac was 7.5 and Elijah was 8.14). She was 21 3/4 inches (I think -- need to doublecheck this). My scarring looked "very good" which is good news for going back for our embryos. For more pictures pronto, visit: Link to Facebook Album.

Just a delay we pray

Still at home. Called at 7am and was told it may not be able to happen today. Cried a little. Called back at 8am. They still weren't sure. Labor and Delivery has had trouble finding the staff to do the section. They have the doctors but not the nurses. A call back at 8:30 indicates it is probably a go. As of right now, we are due in at 10:30 and have been told that while we may have to wait to get started due to other women delivering, it should happen today. Please pray that it does. Abigail may be a bit later, but we are still hoping and believing that it will be today. I know most of my world is asleep, but if you could please pray that we can do it today, I would greatly appreciate it.

As for now, I continue to fast food and water. So pray it isn't too long!

Saturday Prayers

I would like to start by praising the Lord that my husband is going to be at the delivery of his daughter. When I messed up our meeting point last night at the airport, JB's eyes were glossy and his face showing panic when we finally found each other nearly an hour later. In the car, he admitted to me that he thought I had gone into labor without him there. He admitted to me something he never said during the previous weeks apart. He admitted that he was so concerned about me going into labor without him being there.

"But you told me it would be okay if you missed it," I said.

And my wonderful husband admitted that he told me that because there was no point in me worrying about something we could not control. "If you did go into labor, I didn't want you feeling guilty," he explained. "So I pretended it didn't matter." But then he told me that it would have been a dissapointment greater than he was prepared to handle. He was so relieved when he found me at the airport. So relieved that this meant he would get to be there for Abigail's arrival.

And speaking of that arrival ..."

I went in for my pre-op appointment this morning. I am scheduled to return to the hospital early tomorrow/Saturday morning, with a scheduled arrival of baby before lunch.

What a difference going into this delivery with a scheduled c-section instead of an urgent/stat c-section after a day of labor and pushing for three hours produces in me and JB. We kept remarking how different and surreal this whole things feels

For one thing, I've received great encouragement from the doctors, anesthesiologists, and nurses, that all-around, things should go much better for us tomorrow than it did the first time around. I even got a Facebook message from some of the nurses who were by my side back in Eglin for Elijah's birth encouraging me not to fear. The Lord has really helped provide me with peace -- which is something that a month ago I was struggling to find.

In particular, would you pray the following things for me and Abigail tomorrow:

• Abigail's health


• My health


• A perfectly smooth arrival


• A very fast passport turnaround

We were so blessed when we stopped by the passport office today when the gal in charge volunteered to come in, on a Saturday, to make the sure we didn't lose any time on the paperwork. How wonderful!

The next time you hear from me, baby should be here!

Altogether again

After a very late flight (11:30pm arrival) and not being able to find each other at the airport for almost an hour (due to me breaking away from the plan based on my thinking I had come up with a better plan -- aaaah, life without cell phones), we are finally all back on Ramstein and together as a family.

Daddy brought new cars for the boys "prize" (he's such a softy) and we all just enjoyed snuggling in bed this morning together, celebrating the fact that our time apart has basically come to an end. I'm headed up to Labor & Delivery to do my pre-op "stuff." It will be about 10am tomorrow that we get to finally meet the fifth (sixth counting Scrubby) member of our family. She's almost here!

Speaking of Scrubby, many people have asked how he is doing. He is doing fabulously. He has handled us being away with flying colors. JB gets home at lunchtime to play with him every day and Linda has brought Bonnie over to play with him quite a few times to help us well. She and Shane also watched him early on in this adventure.

Dan and Angelica that have really helped us out during this stretch of time! They have been watching our big pile of spots nearly full-time while we are gone. What a blessing that has been. God always provides. They used to have a big dog and have enjoyed having a part-time one. Oh and on Tuesdays, he hangs out at the house with Hatice while she cleans.

Unfortunately, he has been fighting an ear infection for about two months now. JB takes him to the vet every time he comes back into town, but it is still lingering. The vet and the vet tech did tell us though that they have never met a big dog that handled the vet better than Scrubs! That was nice to hear.

We hope to get to pet "Scrubsy" (as Elijah calls him) very soon. We are in the home stretch! We will be putting a post up on the blog sometime after Abigail's arrival. We estimate the photos will be up sometime in early afternoon to early evening Germany time -- which would make it early morning in the USA. Stay tuned. :)