Wow -- God is cool

No word yet on a passport for Abigail. We are at day 10 right now which is the average for how long we were told it could take. It appears it will probably be at least Tuesday or Wednesday before we leave and that is if the passport comes through on Monday.

I am dealing with some pretty intense "baby blues." This is hard for me to admit because I am so unbelievably happy to have Abigail. She is a fantastic baby. So sweet. Truly a joy. I think having dealt with infertility in the past, I am very hesitant to admit any "issues" with having a baby. I never want to appear that I am complaining. I am not complaining at all. Abigail is AWESOME! But I realize these things aren't related. I'm just crying, basically, non-stop. I feel like it will be better if I weren't away from home, but I have come to realize that it would still be present. It's a hormonal "thing" not a "Germany" thing or an "Abigail" thing.

I wish I didn't feel this way so I could just enjoy Abigail and not be crying all the time, but it is what it is. I actually called the "New Parent Support Group" nursing line here on Ramstein which was hard for me to do. (JB pushed me to do it too. He's been very involved via SKYPE from afar in checking on me.) A nurse stopped by to see me. Laura was great. She told me this was very normal. She said that the "baby blues" normally last about two weeks, but I am dealing with some other stressors too like being away from my family and waiting on the passport so I might push past two weeks slightly. Post-partum depression is usually more present past the two week mark so I'm not quite "there" yet. She really helped me to realize that I am normal and that I am okay and that we are okay and that I am doing a good job taking care of myself and Abigail.

I have been getting out and taking walks. I am actually feeling really great physically. But being alone for three or four days just left me feeling hopeless. I can't really explain it and I know it doesn't make sense. But it just is.

God is cool though. Way cool. Just when I was feeling so incredibly overwhelmed and daunted by the idea of endless days of being alone that I thought I might lose my mind, I called out to Him. I asked him to help me get through the next few days. I begged him.

And then Stebbins called me on Skype. And my mom's friend Noel who is deployed here called me and asked me out for dinner. And my friend Deana called and wanted to go out on Saturday. And then Stebbs suggested I contact our friend Casey who has a good friend here with a young daughter. So I did. And she wants to hang out on Sunday. And suddenly the weekend doesn't seem so overwhelming. And I haven't cried in awhile. And I am feeling better.

I would love all the prayers you could send my way. While prayers for the passport are appreciated, prayers for me are even more appreciated. Just pray that I feel better emotionally. And thank the Lord for being so cool to me.