Thank you to my friends. To those of you I know. To those of you I don't know. For encouraging me with the post I wrote on Monday. I was blown away. Not only by the comments on the blog. But by the emails I received. Emails from friends who shared their own struggles with anxiety or depression. There are so many of us. So many of us that don't want to talk about it.
I talk about everything. On this blog I have talked about every aspect of our infertility journey which, when you think about it, is a whole lot more personal than a journey through depression and anxiety.
I knew the Lord was going to eventually have me share this. I just wasn't sure when the time would be. I always pride myself on my transparency, but this time, it felt different. It felt like something that needed to be private for a time.
And so it was.
What started as anxiety turned into depression. Daily crying spells that I couldn't conquer. I had been doing so much better. Nelly's death was the first time that I felt something "bigger than the counseling and medication" had taken over. It was pushing through the skills and coping mechanisms I had learned and I couldn't keep the feelings at bay. I turned to all the skills I had learned in my sessions. They were incredibly helpful. I remembered my doctor telling me that thoughts will come into my head. It's what I do with them once they get there that matters. While in Mexico I did the breathing exercises I had learned. The mental exercises I had learned. And I prayed softly when I didn't have the words to pray out loud.
Today I read my counselor the paper I wrote on the events that occurred in Mexico. I was going to be winding up my sessions because, as I mentioned previously, these were strictly to teach me techniques to deal with anxiety. But we've decided to do a few more so I can work through this event a bit more. I'll share a bit more later. I'll share a bit of my paper. And what my counselor was able to help me with as she listened to me read.
But it's 8pm now. The boys are in bed. And I am midway through a really great book. (I'll update with some reviews when I am done.)
The house is ready for our guests arriving tomorrow. JB's Mom and Dad and his sister Elizabeth and her husband Grant are on their way to Orlando as we speak. They will stay with JB's sister Katie tonight and then the four of them will drive the remaining six hours tomorrow. John's brother Ray and his family will be leaving tomorrow and join us later tomorrow night. We are so very blessed to have them join us for the Thanksgiving Holiday.
I hope we all remember what we are thankful for this week especially. I also hope we can remember that there are those individuals who don't have families to spend the day with. My heart is with those of you who are grieving or lonely during this special time. I pray the Lord will especially minister to your heart and give you an extra dose of his love and encouragement this week.