Other than some fatigue, Wendi feels like Wendi. I imagine I might have another dip or two, but mostly, I feel like I am through the really hard portion of my healing journey.
I'm still quite tired. And here is one of the things I have truly learned. My body requires me to listen to it. My body requires rest. I need to listen to my body.
When I feel too tired to go out to eat with a friend, I need to not go out to eat with a friend. When I've texted too much, I need to put the phone away. I need to sit on the couch more. I need to watch a movie with my kids. I need to ... be. Because my mental health requires it.
My entire life, I didn't listen to my body. I think part of this was the athlete in me. And part of this was that my parents were both very "get 'er done" in their philosophy. But, in truth, how many of us teach our children to listen to what their body is telling them?
But this is where this journey has really transformed me. This isn't just about ME. It's about ME being able teach my KIDS the things I have learned! I am able to tell my kids: "You don't have to do this thing just because I want you to do it or because this person is putting pressure on you." They can make a decision based on their own needs and desires and not pressure from outside the world.
This is what I didn't understand. My brain was wired to think: "I'm only okay if every other person is okay." And that is NOT sustainable. That will break down.
Of course, helping people is good. People liking you is nice. Saying "yes" when you want to say "no" is still the right thing to do. But your own body and your own family MUST come first. They must.
I'm learning that. And it's FREEING. It isn't limiting to be able to say "no" more. It also allows my friends to know that when I say "yes" I really mean "yes." I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.
Only through getting my legs knocked out from under me could I understand what it means to admit to being unable to do something. During those few months, I was UNABLE to do more than the bare minimum. That is very humbling. But it was necessary in order for me to understand the limitations that I have never acknowledged.
I have SO much more to learn. But it's nice to be able to learn it while not in the PIT of depression.
