Mom changes strategies and decides to take pictures of the boys individually instead. Elijah thought this was a great idea!
Here's the photo I decided to use for his three month picture. I love this kid!
Mom changes strategies and decides to take pictures of the boys individually instead. Elijah thought this was a great idea!
Here's the photo I decided to use for his three month picture. I love this kid!
Well folks, I think that is all the secrets I have to success. I hope this helps a bit! Thanks again for the blog questions. They are very interesting. If anyone else has anyone kid/pet tips, bring 'em on!
Here's just a sampling of some of the things we accomplished this week. I can't remember everything. I wouldn't call this a relaxing week but it sure was nice to dig ourselves out of a bit of a whole.
I wanted to end this post by giving a congratulations to some old high school friends. Michelle was in my brother's class in school and was on my volleyball team. She and I were really good friends. Anyways, she and her husband Chad were divorced a year ago today. However, today, my parents are attending a second wedding for the two of them as they get remarried and reunite their family which includes two small children. Congrats Chad and Michelle. God is such a great God to repair the broken! What a testimony your lives are to the rest of us.
... I put just my feet in the water. It's still too cold for me.
... Got to hold Moriah! Isn't she a cutie?!
... We tried out Isaac's new shoes. Doesn't he look grown up?
And you know what, my failure to admit that isn't fair to other moms or to moms-to-be. I need to be honest or people won't get the right picture.
I've been blessed with a few friends that I have really been able to share my heart with. They have encouraged me to go ahead and talk about some of the hard stuff. At MOPS the other day, moms went around discussing some of the good, bad, and in between stuff. Very helpful!
I got an email from a good friend the other day. She was talking about having two kids and admitted to me that it is quite exhausting. I echoed her sentiment and confessed my fear of not ever admitting that this was a little hard sometimes because I feared sounding ungrateful.
She wrote me back a very powerful email. I wanted to share just a portion of it, since her words were what encouraged me to write this blog.
Everyone who reads your blog knows the immense struggle you faced with infertility and then the immense joy you experienced through adoption and conception...BUT we also understand the immense time commitment of the daily feedings, diaper changes, naps, walks, and just pure chaos. Everyone likes the honesty of your blog, and other Moms would probably like you admitting.."No. I am not super mom!" because you always seem to have it so together.
When I read her last sentence, that I seemed to have it altogether, I knew I needed to set the record straight. I do not have it altogether. Oh my! Woah is that far from the truth. Things are chaotic and challenging and demanding and wonderful all rolled into one. I want to make sure everyone knows that. I never want to appear to be something I am not.
So I am saying it. I have to remind myself of the difference between admitting something is hard and complaining about it. I have to keep my mind clear that saying my day is chaotic or challenging is not saying I want to give back my boys or I wish they weren't here. They are amazing. They are an incredible blessing. I wouldn't change them for anything. I can admit that motherhood is hard just like I can admit coaching and teaching were hard. That doesn't admit I don't love what I do. I love it.
Even though it is sometimes hard.
Isaac's arrival
Elijah's arrival
JB will also tell you that bonding with Elijah has been much slower and is still an evolving process. He hasn't had as much time with Elijah. Elijah's first week on this earth was incredibly stressful and tense. And then JB was back at work. When he comes home in the evenings, I need help with Isaac. His time with Elijah is still very limited.
Admitting the truth
I can now say, truly, that I have equal love in my hearts for both my boys. But if anything, during the weeks following Elijah's birth, I was more bonded to Isaac than I was to this new little baby. I truly am soooo glad that we adopted before we had a biological child. If things would have happened in another order ... well, picture it. Picture our first son being biological. Here comes adopted brother. Any feelings that bonding isn't occurring very quickly would be attributed to the adoption. But in our case, we were already incredibly bonded to our adopted son when our biological son emerged onto the scene.
I wish, while I was going through infertility treatments, that I would have talked to more people who had what I have: a biological and adopted child. I talked to many people who had adopted. But people who had only adopted. They told me how wonderful adoption was, but I wasn't sure I could believe them. How could they know that they felt the same about their adopted child as they did about their biological child? They didn't have a biological child to make that comparison to. If I would have met someone like me, I wonder if I would have gotten peace regarding adoption sooner than I did.
But I do have that comparison. I can make that comparison. I can tell you that I love both my boys so incredibly much. I have met three other women online who share my story. One is Amy whose boys are one year apart. She, too, travelled through infertility treatments, adoption, and then pregnancy. Another gal, Jess, has a private blog. Her son and daughter are six months apart! Talk about close! Stacy is a new gal I have just met. She is pregnant after adoption. I think a few moments on any of their blogs will show you that our family is not the exception. Here are three other families where the children have an incredible bond with their parents.
The adoption option
I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Every couple needs to travel the road of infertility and adoption in the way that it fits best for them. If that is not adopting, so be it. If that is exhausting infertility treatments, do it. If that is adopting and then doing infertility treatments, bog for it. If that is skipping infertility treatments altogether, so be it.
However, I am mostly thinking right now about the woman reading this post who has been struggling to get pregnant. You are open to adoption. But not yet. Not now. I hope that this post and my words encourage you that if and when you ever decide to pursue adoption -- whether it be to add to your already existing children or to be the first of your children -- you will fall in love with that child completely, wholeheartedly, and fully. You will bond. It may not happen right away. But it will happen. It is impossible to be responsible for a child's entire being and not love them. It is just as God loved us. We are adopted into his kingdom. And He loves us all unconditionally.
When we were contemplating adoption, I heard two comparisons that helped me tremendously.
The first was regarding my spouse. I love JB. I love him a lot. I think he is one cool guy. I would die for him. I live for him. He is not related to me. We do not have the same blood. But I still love him a whole heck of a lot.
The second comparison came from that husband of mine. When I asked him how I could be sure I would love an adopted child completely and fully he pointed at our dog. "Geez, Wendi, you are in love with that dog. And he's not even human!" So true. I love Scrubs. I'd do anything I could to save Scrubs' life. And he's not even the same species!
***
I hope that answered this blog reader's question. It's a hard question to answer, and I'm sorry I had to go into so much detail. It's also difficult not to mix "love" and "bonding" up when you talk about it. They seem so similar and so related. This topic is so near and dear to my heart, and I just want the world to know how awesome I think adoption is and how awesome I know you will think it is too! Stacy, Amy, and Jess, please feel free to comment if you have anything at all to add! I'd love to add your comments to this post as well.