It's ironic that I spent yesterday typing and posting a blog on bonding. Ironic that one of the topics I spent the most time talking about was breastfeeding. Ironic because that issue was the at the forefront of my mind yesterday.
After MOPS on Monday morning, JB asked me to stop by the hospital with the boys. We were already out so it sounded fine to me. He was a little concerned about Elijah's head and how it was a bit molded on one side, and he wanted Dr. G. to take a look at it. Dr. G. agreed with JB's diagnosis and echoed the fancy name he gave it. They both agreed that we should see a physical therapist to get some ideas for encouraging Elijah to look to his left. The reason for the unevenness is that he is always leaning to his right. She told me that this was a very minor issue and not to worry myself about it. All right. That's my plan. No worries.
Dr. G. also suggested we weigh little brother. So we did. In two weeks he had barely gained four ounces. Not so good. So she brought me to a room, had me feed Elijah, and then reweighed him. After one hour of feeding (a pretty typical length), he had only gained two ounces. These scales are pretty sensitive meaning we all could be pretty sure he only got two ounces during that feed.
JB did some figuring, and we realized that Elijah has probably only been eating about one-half to one-third what he should be everyday. No wonder the little guy cries a lot and wants to eat non-stop. I had gotten to a point that I just thought he was an "unsettled" baby. He would eat, have about fifteen minutes of happy time, and then cry himself to sleep before waking up 60-90 minutes later to eat again. I'm no mom professional so I accepted that this was just his style. And truly, I was fine with it. But it was difficult to go anywhere when he wanted to feed every two hours and fed for one hour every time he fed. I only had sixty minutes before it was time to get started again, and when it was time to get started, I had to be somewhere that I could let Isaac safely play. It was a bit tricky.
It was Dr. G.'s opinion that our skinny little guy just doesn't suck very well at the breast. When I pump, I easily get 5-9 ounces per pumping. But he is probably only getting a quarter of that. We talked at length and then JB and I talked at length and we decided to go to the bottle. I am still going to pump about three times a day and my goal is to be able to give him half breast milk and half formula -- at least for awhile. We'll see how that goes. I'd love to give him all breast milk, but I am just not sure I can get enough to do that.
After three bottles yesterday and two bottles today, the change in E. is amazing. I am able to hold him and talk to him. He is smiling and cooing. He napped hard instead of waking up every few minutes to have his pacifier reset. Normally I have to get him propped in the swing or sit him in his bouncy seat and get his pacifier propped perfectly in order to have him calm down. Sometimes I can get him to calm if he is swaddled. But he just always seemed a little unhappy. And now I know why. The poor guy was starving!
I got a bit emotional yesterday. I felt so badly that Elijah has been struggling with hunger, and I didn't know it. However, JB told me to "snap out of it" and "get over it." (In a nice way of course.) In the end, this is why we take our kids to the doctor and get them weighed. We monitor their growth and make changes when we need to. It is in Elijah's best interest to get supplemental feedings and go to the bottle. In the end, his health is all that matters.
So, for my whole post on bonding yesterday, and my expression that I would be fine if I went to bottle feeding, there it is. In the end, I'm glad it really wasn't my choice. I'm glad that someone told me what we needed to do. And I'm glad I know that I won't struggle bonding with Elijah just because he is drinking out of a bottle.
Now to a strategy for helping Isaac realize that Elijah's bottles are not his! He is getting quite upset when he sees one come out and it goes to little brother. Hmmm . . .
8 comments:
You must have nerves of steel to have put up with a fussy baby plus another little guy for the length of time that you have! K went through that, but I didn't last as long as you with her only at the breast..I couldn't take it!! (Plus I had so many breast issues, I couldn't physically take it). Nowadays I probably nurse her half the time and give her a bottle half the time. Most often it is all breast milk, because I do have enough with pumping (I get about as much as you described getting). I think you'll find you do, too. And could you nurse as well? I'd hate for you to give that up if it's something you enjoy with Elijah...if only in the morning and before bed. Not that there is a thing wrong with going to the bottle at all!! I'm not saying that, believe me! Just suggesting maybe doing both if it won't cause confusion for him.
I'm glad you got him weighed and got some answers. It sounds like you're already seeing a big change in him. :)
I don't know what to tell you about Isaac. Initially, Kaia's bottles were smaller than Charlie's so he knew they weren't his. But then he switched exclusively to sippy cups shortly after Kaia's birth and has never asked for a bottle again.
Forget the "professional mom" Wen-it's hooey! There are as many stories of "should have, shouldn't have or wish I did or didn't" as there are moms (and dads) You do the best you can and you are doing great!
love ya!
mom k
ps the different size bottles (or different color?) probably would work for Isaac, he's so smart, he'll figure out the difference quickly!
I just breezed through this because I could totally relate and wanted to make sure a leave a note quick before Carter drags me away to eat! I had the same problem with Carter eating all the time (or so I thought) but in my case, I just wasn't producing enough milk for him. Poor guy. Glad you caught it fast and that he is happier now for you! What a change!
I'm so glad you were able to catch this. Now watch the little man grow! It's so hard not to feel some amount of mommy guilt when things like this happen, but don't let it eat away at you.
Bethany
Your a great Mommy & JB is sooo right, that's why they go to the DR! I felt like it was easier to bond giving bottles of EBM because the baby could actually see me and I was not quite so tired from feedings only I could give every two hours! I bet your life will quickly become transformed!!
Good luck fending off big bro!!
Ugh, I'm sorry!! But I echo the bottle-is-fine feeling you're having. My bottle fed baby? ENORMOUS and HEALTHY. And she was PREMATURE. My term, breastfed baby? Borderling FTT. Eczema. Crankier. So. There it is. Breast is just plain not always best.
I also agree with the pp...different bottle sizes might be good. Did you use some smaller ones with Elijah that you could pull back out? Maybe different colors? Or could you feed them at the same time or offer Elijah a juice cup, even if it was a little bit?
My kids seem to do good with different color cups...even though they both drink from straw cups now, they know whose is whose and won't drink the other. This was important because Ava drinks regular milk and Ethan has to have the soy, so it's been lucky that it's worked! We're also helped with being able to have boy and girl cups, it opens up the options. :)
Just when we have it all figured it out, huh Wendi!?
Our Bub had the same FLAT head on one side. We had to have skull x-rays and the whole 9 yards. Basically it boiled down to the face that he IS stubborn!
We moved his swing so he would have to look the opposite direction to watch his big sister play, same with his car seat. We often had to prop his head with a small pillow in the direction it was needed. Silly boy. Those of who remember those days almost 8 years ago can see and feel that one side is still a little flat...but no one else can!
Don't sweat it! Maybe try some of the tips we did...swing, bed, car seat, etc!
Love you! :)
I was going to suggest a sippy for Isaac but guess he is still a bit young. BUT we DID put Sis on a sippy at 10 months. I wasn't doing 2 bottles!
Maybe a certain color or different type. I thought of using a Sharpie to make an "I" on it for him...but not sure he would get that. But maybe, he is smart. SOMETHING to make it different. Is there something he seems to like. Thought maybe truck stickers on the bottle or puppies...to make it HIS bottle. Plain ole bottles for BABY BROTHER!!! :) God will give you some answer! Pray about it...it's not too small! :)
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