This is what I am doing

Regulating Your nervous system

This is what I am doing right now in life. I’m learning to feel. I spent my life pushing feelings away. Feeling them does NOT feel very good right now. They feel scary, overwhelming, uncomfortable ….

I’m getting there. But man is this HaRD!

I asked my counselor if other people are doing this. Most do not. Most either: 

1. Take medication to numb the difficult feelings. 

2. Numb the feelings (drugs, scrolling, food, sleep etc.)

3. Ignore the feelings with coping mechanisms. 

So I’m doing the hard thing ….ugh. 

Mom-nessl

When you and your cousin-in-law discover you are both wearing your shirts inside out. 

I am having good and bad days, but mostly, I am so worn out from this healing journey. While there has been highs and lows, this all began for me two years ago. For two years I have been trying to heal. 

Some days, like today, I wonder if I’ll ever make it. How long Jesus? How long will I be in dismay? 

They say this about healing. It is not linear. February had really felt like I was finding my footing and then this last week, I’m in a hole again. 

Jesus!! Can you see me?!

Psalm 130:1, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; Lord, hear my voice!”

Psalm 6:3, “My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long?”

Visitors

We had some farm visitors on Friday last week. Jim and Lee (whom we met in Vermont) were vacationing in Pigeon Forge, and they came by the farm for a few hours. So excited to let them meet our doggies (they are Aussie lovers) and get to see our farm — despite it bring mud season. Fun times! 

Tuesday Truth (on a Friday)

Juxtaposition

These two pics crack me up. Sidge trying to show me the rabbit he got and Abigail walking right between them with a prom dress she tried on. 

Colllddd

It had warmed up and now it is cold again! In addition, we had finally gotten our chickens grown and laying after losing a bunch this summer and last night someone forgot to put them to bed (shutting them in) and coyotes got a bunch. So here are John and Sidge trying to get ready to get the coyotes: