... I tried to secure outcomes quietly.
Until God started asking me to release them completely.
(Please note: I did not write this. I am taking this from Walk With Me Tanya Lee on Instagram.)
I wasn't out here trying to make things happen outside of God.
If anything ... I felt like I was being very surrendered.
But Jesus has been showing me something I couldn't see before.
How often I was still trying to secure the ending ... quietly.
Not out loud.
Internally.
- In the way I think ahead just a little too far.
- In the way I mentally rehearse how things could play out.
- In the way I subtly adjust what I'm doing ... just to increase the chances it works.
Nothing obvious.
Nothing anyone would ever call control.
Just small, constant movements to make sure I land okay.
And I didn't realize how much I relied on that ... until God starting asking me to release it completely.
Not manage it better.
Not be more "aware" of it.
RELEASE it.
Like ... don't touch it at all.
- Don't try to secure it in your mind.
- Don't try to improve the outcome behind the scenes.
- Don't try to create a soft landing just in case.
And I'll be honest ... that's where I've felt the tension the most.
Because it's not about stopping some big behavior.
It's about letting go of the internal grip I didn't even know I had.
The quiet sense of responsibility I've always carried ... to make sure things turn out okay.
And when I didn't do that ... there's a moment where my body doesn't know what to do.
- No backup plan forming.
- No subtle adjustment happening.
- No mental safety net being built.
Just ... space.
Just ... Him.
And I can feel how unfamiliar that is.
But I can also feel what He's doing in it.
He's not asking me to trust Him more in words.
He's removing the part of me that was still trying to guarantee things would work.
Because if I'm still securing outcomes, even quietly ... I'm not actually letting Him be the one who holds them.
And that's the shift.
Not louder surrender.
Real surrender.
