HORRIFICALLY FREEZING

JB and Elijah "Sidge" when to Nashville for a fun conference with Safari Club International. It's perfect timing because it's, like HORRIFICALLY FREEZING here. 

We do not get HORRIFICALLY FREEZING often here in Tennessee. And folks, I lived in Minnesota so I know the difference. But we do get anywhere from 7-24 days of brutal cold each year. Some years the cold is just a sprinkling here and there. However, anytime we get days strung upon days of HORRIFICALLY FREEZING, I really begin to second-guess the life we have chosen. 

There is not a hose on the farm that will run. Not a single faucet that will turn on. Not even the supposedly freeze-proof faucets. So, I'm back in the house, filling up buckets at my kitchen sink. The last time it got brutally cold like this was in December of 2022. John was working a ton, but Sidge was my right-hand man for dealing with brutal cold combined with HORRIFIC wind. I have this video of trying to prepare the farm the puppies for the outdoors. (We ultimately had to bring the puppies in because it was way too cold.) And I have this video of preparing the sheep for the brutal cold and birthing babies. 

Another really cold run was in January of 2019. 

And you can link back to our 2018 winter which I believe has been the second worst one we've ever had (after the 2022 -20 debacle!)

 

I keep thinking about this "new" life we have created on this farm. It is now a life I have lived for ten years. It is the longest I have lived anywhere since my childhood in South Florida. And yet, it still feels like I am a foreigner in these hills. It still feels like I don't belong here. And when it gets very hard, I still feel like I am tempted to regret the decision. It's a beautiful life. It's an intentional life. But it isn't easy. Yet, I think, is anything?

Joe & Carrie and the cuties

We took a picture with a random tree. But, it actually isn't a random tree. It is Christopher's tree. One of four siblings, Christopher died suddenly from a heart defect when he was just 26 years old. We planted this hearty citrus in his honor on our farm, and one of the family members finally got to see it!

Carrie and I grew up together. Then, when infertility took over her life, we bonded again. They attempted to adopt through BOI but faced roadblock after roadblock. And then, an opportunity through a church to become the parents of these amazing and adorable twins. Little Man wasn't interested in being a picture with me but this adorable little lady was all about it.

Freedom and joy in the death

 

 

The old parts of me are dying. 

And Oh, the pain of the death!  

These feelings and emotions I have had, I have had since I could toddle around. They are IN me. They are a part of me. And they did, indeed, keep me safe. 

And now I must let them go. 

I know this may be hard for anyone to understand who has not traveled a healing road. And in fact, just a year ago, I would have thought the words "healing road" were so incredibly ... cringe (as my kids would call it.)

But that is what it is.

I had to get to the root of the behaviors that were LITERALLY (as Abigail always says -- everything is literally with her) LITERALLY killing me. 

My brain has been trying to keep me safe for my entire life. And it's way of keeping me safe was to protect me from pain. But that protection created a coping mechanisms ... multiple coping mechanisms. 

And they no longer worked. 

And so, I heal. 

But, unlike this picture above ... I am no longer frightened. 

I am sad. 

Frustrated. 

Exhausted. 

But there is no fear now.

It is freedom.

And joy.

In the freedom.

Friday Funnies

The Beauty of Suffering

 

This life we live is not just happy. There are

hard, 

depleting, 

exhausting, 

monumental, 

suffocating things. 

The Bible is FULL of scripture detailing Jesus' pain. And the pain of others. The scriptures are full of stories about 

pain, 

grief, 

loss, 

sickness,

death,

suffering. 

We people spend so much time trying to wish the grief and suffering away. I spent my entire life it feels, trying to our-flank the reality of what this time on earth includes. 

What if, instead, we embraced these things? 

 

What if we saw all of this HARD as a time to be 

REAL

VULNERABLE

OPEN

with other people? 

The collective sharing of our hearts with people who are attuned to us ... matters ... infinitely more than you can ever imagine.

And this community-filled vulnerability is important in all states of life: the happy times and the hard and sad times. 

(But truthfully? It matters even more in the muck.)

May we each experience ALL this life brings us, 

all the emotions, 

collectively, 

beautifully, 

and vulnerably. 

 

I want my children to understand this. I want them to know that I am there with them in all the things: the hard things and the beautiful things. I want to weep with them. Because the weeping will come. 

They must know it will come but know that in the deep mourning that this life will inevitably inflict upon them, Jesus is more present than ever. 

It is truly in the times of our most intense suffering that our Savior is closer than ever.

Because all the things are part of the Lord's story and the story of our lives. Not just the happy things. All the things. 

Can we possibly see the horrendous pain in our lives as an intentional GIFT from the Lord? I always thought pain meant bad. But maybe that pain is actually the greatest thing that has ever happened to us. 

I now see pain and suffering and weeping -- guttural, deep, horrific, intense -- weeping -- as some of the most amazing moments in my life. 

Because it is in that weeping that God truly meets us in the most real ways. 

And it is in that weeping that our vulnerability brings us alongside others. 

And it is in that community that we can experience healing and growth beyond our wildest dreams. 

Hilarious Hannah

Ritter pics

Hair