Dear Jesus,
I want You to be the first thing that crosses my mind every morning and the last person I think about before I go to sleep. I want my days to be inundated with short prayers and random conversations with You — regardless of my moods. I want You to be at the center of everything that I do and every decision that I make. Because You are essential to my well-being. You are the one who keeps me sane when I feel like my patience is being tested. You are the one who sustains me and comforts me when I need it most. You are the one who opens doors for me, who meets my every need and answers my every prayer. So why would I NOT want to be closer to You each day?
See, the desire to want more, in terms of my relationship with You, is there. But I fear that my cravings for attention and validation from others is distracting me from what truly matters. So much of what I do is fueled by my desire to be seen and appreciated by other people. To be pleasing in their sight. I want to be seen as good. To be celebrated for my efforts. I want to feel valued and included. But Lord, it seems like these very desires are driving me to go on social media more often than I pray. And at this point it's like a reflex. I can't get through an entire meal or exercise routine without scrolling through Twitter or Instagram.
Even as I write this, I feel convicted. Because Your word clearly states that I should seek first Your kingdom and righteousness. Not my own needs. My main focus should be on following Your ways, doing what's right and actively seeking you, FIRST.
And in Galatians 1:10, Paul reminds me that if I'm trying so hard to please man rather than You, then I'm not truly a servant of Christ. As someone who struggles with people-pleasing, that one stings. But Lord I recognize the danger of giving other people so much power. And I don't want to live the rest of my days obsessing about what others will think or say about me. I want to care more about what You think, because it's Your thoughts about me that are true, and those are the ones that matter most.
Your word tells me that Your love for me is as high as the heavens are above the earth. It tells me that I am chosen by You, holy and blameless, perfect and complete. I am precious in Your sight and totally accepted, regardless of my flaws.
I pray dear Jesus that You'll remind me of these truths whenever I'm driven by the desire to be liked and accepted by everyone else. Help me to always be genuine and show kindness, but also, help me to let go of this notion that I'll be happier if I'm always likable. Help me to focus more on living a life that is pleasing to you. Help me to develop an even deeper desire for You and Your word. To fall even deeper in love with You, to the point where others' opinions of me don't matter anymore. Help me to start seeing myself the way that You see me and not how others do, in Jesus' name.
Sincerely,
Me
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