Biblical Illustrations

I recently purchased this ILLUSTRATION BIBLE for myself. (I also got one for my Abigail.)

This allows for tons of space to write notes in the margins for myself. I LOVE IT!

(Side note: I've never been able to read my Bible like a regular person. I can't quite explain it, but I get distracted and start to zone out. I have found that doodling, writing, copying scripture, etc. is the best way for me to write in my Bible. I always thought something was "wrong" with me. But I am realizing, this is how God made me!)

I'm taking the week off of my phone while relaxing in Vermont, but I am still emailing a few people and Blogging. My Cousin Cara sent me this scripture (above) and I took notes of it in my new Bible. Cara challenged me to try and recite this verse every single day. And I want to try and teach my kids to say this to themselves too.

Cara, I accept the challenge!

I just, truly, never understood the depth of God's love for me. (I still don't think I really do if I'm being honest.) God's love was always conditional to me. I don't think this was purposefully taught to me. I think it's human nature to feel we have to do something to receive people's love. So why would God be any different? 

This is a combination of nature and nurture. My personality (I'm an ESFG and Enneagram 2 if you are interested) is a do-er. We are the "helper." We want to DO. We want to HELP. And somewhere in the midst of that, my identity became what I could do instead of who I am.

In order to truly experience this, I've had to move back to ground zero in my fellowship with the Lord. I am not expecting anything from myself each morning ... each evening. 

Because God isn't expecting it either. 

There is nothing I have to read or have to study or have to pray. There is simply allowing God to hold my hand and lead me through each day. 

My cousin Cara has been my "right-hand-man" on this healing journey for me. She has traveled a similar (albeit, in my opinion, harder journey). Cara said to me that one of her "Ah-ha" moments during her years of battle was when she realized: "If all I could do is lay there and drool, God would still love me just the same."

REALLY?

This was an incredible image to me. I knew it had to be true. There are some humans, including little Brant VanWyck (whom I babysat for in my early teens) that were disabled. He couldn't read his Bible or even pray. Didn't God love him just as much? Why was I any different? Why did I think I had to perform in order to earn God's love.

When I told my friend Kelsey I couldn't really read my Bible or pray during the depths of this depression, she said to me, "Wendi, your life is a prayer right now." My breath is prayer. Choosing to get up each day and live another day for Jesus is all He was asking. 

I started picturing, when the tears were so intense I felt I couldn't breathe and my head pounded from the weight of it all, Jesus' lap being my pillow. He would be stroking my hair and rubbing my back -- like I would do for my children when the horrors of life pummeled them. 

I pictured my daughter, Abigail, crying into my lap. She's had a hard day. She's beaten down. The world has clobbered her. Would I say to her, "Abigail, I need you to stop and speak to me. I need you to stop crying and get up and go serve in church. I need you to get out your Bible and read a certain number of chapters. I need you to pray in this exact way in order for me to show my love to you."

Of course not.

So why would God require that?

All He wants is for you to wake up each day and live for HIM. Sure, this would hopefully include reading his word and praying and reading your Bible. But if it doesn't include that ... if the sadness is debilitating you ... if the anxiety is eating you up ... just 

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