Faces of Infertility: Kristi's Story

In celebration of "National Infertility Awareness Week", I am featuring stories of infertility this week. These are all guest posts that I hope will put a real face on this devastating disease. Please spread the word and share these stories!

I never dreamed as a child that when I grew up, my life would be marked by infertility and loss. Who does? Little girls play at being "mommy" from an early age, and I was no different. When I graduated from college without meeting my Prince Charming, I grieved both the postponement of my dreams of romance as well as my dream of having children. It was nearly ten years before God brought me and my husband together. 

We postponed trying for children for a couple of years, and then unknowingly entered the world of Infertility, where month after month your dreams are raised only to crash with the realization that, although everyone around you is having children, you remain childless.  Having seen Him work to introduce us at the perfect time, you would think I would have learned to trust Him with the rest of my dream, too! But I struggled, deeply, to trust God and preferred to rail out at him in anger, hurt, and disappointment for what I did not have.

Loss

We lived in this world for three years before having our daughter, and my world felt perfect for almost a year, culminating in the wonderful news that I was expecting again.  The world of Infertility seemed to be a thing of the past.  Then through a series of rare medical issues for me, we were plunged into the world of Pregnancy Loss when our unborn daughter Naomi died at 18 weeks gestation.  The next two years were marked by continual medical issues and recurrent loss as two more unborn children joined their sister in Heaven.  Again I struggled, deeply, to trust God.  This time, though, I allowed Him to lead me along the shore, holding me close when the waves of grief threatened to pull me under, and gradually learning to trust His love even in the midst of tragedy.  I'm not there yet, but I'm learning.

Secondary infertility

For several years, we navigated the waters of secondary infertility as we wait on the Lord to expand our family on earth.  I was ever-so-grateful for the treasure of our daughter, but longed to hear our home echo with the laughter and voices of children of all ages, to raise many children to know the Lord, to feel a little one growing within me, to once again experience the miracle of life.  The road of SI is full of tears and questions and even guilt - that maybe by longing for more children, I am discontent with the family the Lord has given me.  It has also been a time of growth.

Pregnancy after loss (PAL)

This has been our most recent chapter, beginning in July 2011 when we found out we were expecting again, more than a year after losing Jordan.  It set us on a new roller coaster, for me, of holding my breath from appointment to appointment, wondering if the next one would lead to bad news and heartbreak.  Only this time, it didn't.  This time, pregnancy went like clockwork, and our son was born healthy and alive.  But along the way, I learned what it is to walk the road of "pregnancy after loss", and started two projects near and dear to my heart.  One was a PAL support group in my area, and the other was a writing project with some other PAL women.  Together, we put together an e-book PAL devotional called "Rainbows and Redemption" that is free on the website www.rainsbowsandredemption.weebly.com.

If you, too, are struggling with any of these issues, know that you are not alone.  Feel free to contact me here or at Naomi's Circle.  I also invite you to visit Hannah's Prayer, a ministry to women struggling with fertility issues, including pregnancy and infant loss.

(Please note that all parts of this article are the opinion of the guest writer and not necessarily viewpoints that I personally share)