Sunday, January 20, 2008

Wendi's mom (aka "Lady Di") speaks!

Here is a post written by my Mom. She is not a writer, and so she was very nervous about writing this post. However, I think she did an awesome job. Don't you?

One of Wendi's blog stalkers had asked some questions back on January 2 about George and me. She wanted to know about our early years and how I handled time alone (of which I had much for quite a few years.)

It's nice to me to think that someone would be interested in my life, but it also became like a homework assignment. Writing doesn't come as easy as it does for Wendi. Plus it got me to thinking. I think I tend to live more in the moment. I don't get people who are always looking back and comparing or always looking forward to the next "whatever." I like to enjoy where I am. Would you REALLY want to go back there?

I guess we all live life differently -- not saying my way is right, but I like my way! Sometimes it seemed like we were stuck where we were, and I couldn't wait until the kids walked or went to school or . . . well, I missed stuff but no regrets!! I have forgotten a lot that I wish I did remember. I blinked and the kids were gone and on their own! There were some really tough years that seemed almost hopeless for a long time, but now, it's almost like a dream. I know it was tough but it's difficult to remember a lot of it. The Kenny Chesney song fits pretty well "Don't Blink."

I do think that if I had years of spending time with my husband and then suddenly had long periods where I was alone, like Wendi is doing now, it would be hard. I started out spending a lot of time alone and guess I just adapted. I didn't know any better! I was really young when we got married (19!! That is too young!!) and in the beginning (before children) I would go to all of George's games. I really didn't have any interests of my own back then; I just sort of revolved my life totally around George and his schedule. I think George would admit that he was pretty self centered . . . ummmm . . . selfish maybe? No, just self-centered. He was a star athlete through high school and college and pretty much stuff was about him. He warned me that it would be a busy time, but I was so in love; I didn't think that would be a problem.

He was kind and loving but life revolved a lot around him. He did work very hard. He taught all the PE classes in the very beginning. He always coached three sports during the year. Cross country for a while, then volleyball, basketball and softball or baseball. In his spare time he played on a softball league, basketball league, and golfed. Then he watched sports was on TV all weekend.

After the kids were born, life sort of changed. We had one car and it wasn't so easy to get the kids up and out early to bring him to school. We were pretty structured with bedtimes and routines. There were many days that he would leave about 7:30am, and I wouldn't see or speak to him until after 10:00pm. (No cell phones back then!) When he was home, his mind was pretty much on the next game and our next couple of days after the game were determined by if they won or lost or how they played.We had no extra money so we really didn't do much else but go to games. We did have some couples we hung around with and would do some stuff with them on weekends sometimes. That was always a treat for me, and George got to watch and talk more sports with the guys. We still are friends with some of those couples so that was a really good thing!

When the kids were older and Wen was in Kindergarten, I started doing some working outside of the home. I hit one year that I just totally rebelled. I guess I became very selfish, or self-absorbed (maybe a little tired?) I refused to go to the games and was not supportive at all. It was an awful time. I felt very sorry for me. Divorce wasn't an option so was I stuck in this? It got to the point that I really liked my alone time and almost resented when George was around. Finally, I cried and asked God to please fix it.

Do you know what He said to me? (No, it wasn't an audible voice, but I still remember that still small voice in my spirit.) He told me to get involved with George's stuff. This was his job and his life and I needed to be part of it. Can you imagine? Why did I have to change? What about George? I fought it for awhile but finally told George what God had told me. To sort of shorten the story, I started keeping score for his games and when the kids were playing, I was score keeping for 3-4 games a night after working all day. Do you know those were some of the best years of my life? It brought such a closeness and a bonding in our little family. It helped get the kids a college education and caused us to be together a lot instead of everyone going their own directions. (It also started the bad habit of eating out a lot, but if we wanted meals together that was pretty much the only option. I haven't had a McDonalds in quite some time.)

It wasn't easy all the time, but the pay off has been good. God was a big part of our lives, but we had our priorities a little skewed. He wasn't always the center, but we did love Him, and I believe He was patient and worked with us in our ignorance. There is a neat scripture that I think sums it up. God is working in me, giving me the desire and power to do His good pleasure. Phil 2:13.

George and I have been married for 32 years now and have had our struggles but we are so glad we didn't give up. God was working on George during this time too. He has changed A LOT!! We did work at being a united front and keeping our relationship a priority, the best we knew how. When the kids went to college, we still had our relationship with each other. The relationship we have now is so cool. George still loves his sports, but he loves me more! I feel cherished and taken care of. I think George feels loved and cared for as well. We love just hanging out together (and now we have a bit more $$ so we can go out and play). We have a great relationship with our kids. We are so blessed, and it keeps getting better.

I think it was 'funkymonkey' who said she had family or friends w/ husbands in coaching . . . just a suggestion. If you are friends with a coach or your kids are being coached especially by a younger coach with a young family, think about offering to take their kids of an evening (that there are no games or practices.) Let them have some quality time together. Maybe even treat them to dinner and a movie. I had friends bring me dinner a few nights a week. Be a friend to the coach's wife and don't bad mouth the coach to her. I used to hate to sit in the stands because I would hear those comments about "Why is he doing that? Why doesn't he put so and so in etc." Support the coach if they are winning or losing. It can get kind of lonely sometimes.

Last night was homecoming at the school. It was fun to see some former students, players and teachers that we had relationship with years ago. We had some wonderful times over the years. That's where our focus is.

I'm not sure if that's what you wanted to hear but thanx for showing an interest. It was kind of fun looking back and seeing where God has taken us.I'll close with a favorite saying I have.
I LOVE MY LIFE right now!!!

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

WOW! You DO write well, Lady Di and you have a beautiful testimony of God's faithfulness and love!!! You need to share that at a women's conference or something, because I know you would be a source of hope and inspiration to many young wives!! BTW, how did you and your husband meet? Thanks for accepting the stalker's challenge and in doing so, bringing a blessing to your readers!!

Rachel and Hans said...

That was great! Wendi is blessed with a mom like you. Thanks for sharing your story!

Anonymous said...

I truly enjoyed reading your story Lady Di. You are a wonderful writer! Enjoy visiting with Wendi this week!

Jodi

Anonymous said...

Wow, great writing Diane!!! Yea, those were some "learning" years, huh??? And some great times with our fun little group! :)

I remember the first time you came to our house after you had been married only a month or so!SOOOOOO young and innocent!!! :)

And look how far you have come!!!! We all finally grew up and we all got better with age and learned so much about life and marriage...hangin' in there is very tough but it is so so worth it!!! God has truely blessed us all!

Maybe you should blog every once in awhile! It suits you!! Love Ya, Nancy....

PS, good seeing you at homecoming!! It was weird being back there after so many years!! Think of all the countless hrs we spent there!! And you even MORE SO!! Good times, great friends!! :)

TAV said...

you are an inspiration! :)

Anonymous said...

O you guys are so sweet!
Writing is about as far as I go-there will be no talking in front of people. One on one is fine!
Coach and I met at church. He had just finished college and was home with the folks for awhile. I was going to go off to nursing school. I did go for a sememster. We married one year from our first date! Yikes! I would not recommend that but we really knew it was God. It has been so worth the trip>
Also, you had asked if I was an athlete. I never played competitively (except for a swim team as a youngster). George thinks he could have made me a decent bb player-probably could have. He's an awesome coach!
I'm a better score keeper and support.
Thanx again for you words of affirmation!
Wen should push George to write something don't you think?
Lady Di

Anonymous said...

You are a great writer...and so skinny in that picture. Last time I saw you you were a hot momma, but you look even skinnier. I am so jealous!!

Anonymous said...

it's an old picture Ebby....I have to get refocused! I think you've been looking beatuimus. Hey, we'll always be hot mammas. It's a gift! Di

AW said...

Lady Di,

Thank you so much for sharing your story! We all have a testimony of where God has brought us (or sometimes dragged us as in my case - LOL!) and those stories are always to His Glory and for the betterment of those hearing it or even witnessing it. I know you have blessed me by sharing.

And thought I realize you were nervous about sharing it, your writing style is very fluid. I'm not just reading...I "hear" you. :-)

Blessings on you and your husband,

Andi

PS: I will take to heart your advice about my friend and sister-in-law who are coaches wives. Thank you for giving me that tidbit!

Anonymous said...

Thank you So much for that awesome post! It's so cool to hear stories of people who have "been there" and made it through and are doing great on the other side! =)
(This is Joia, one of Wendi's fellow doctor's wives)

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom H! I'm sitting in California with my mom reading your post - it was so fun! We really enjoyed it! Thanks for sharing! My sister's boyfriend is a basketball coach and PE teacher, so my mom is going to have her read your post too. :) So glad to hear you guys are having fun in sunny FL! David and I are loving seeing the sun here in CA. :) Hugs to Wendi and Scrubs!

Anonymous said...

Nanc; I could have never made it w/o you guys. You welcomed me even tho I was much younger than you! (lol!) Then we raised our kids together and now we are the same age!!
When are you posting on Kelly's blog?
Andi and Lesly: one year some friends got together and made us dinners for a couple weeks for nights we were home. That was wonderful! I can still see Keith's face when he saw something other than casseroles!
Joia: you make it thru one 'adventure' and there is another but being friends with your spouse and making your relationship a priority is key!
Wendi and John are so blessed w/ the friends they've made in their different homes. It is so awesome to have a good support group! What awesome memories and friendships for life!
Thanks again for all the kind words! Lady Di

Anonymous said...

I thought,
aaawwww that's my big sister writing that! I loved it Di!
i love that young couples that are in the tough times now can say -hey i know we can make it-they did! And not give up and have the pain of divorce etc. And George is a really fun person to have as family too! He likes to laugh as well as play sport -but you should see how red he gets eating anything spicey hot! i'll never forget him sweating with that Thai food we had together.love Jan