Give up the Guilt Gals!

Yesterday my husband said to me: "Sometimes I wonder if the thing mothers do the most all day is feel guilt."

Hmmm ... touché big John. Touché. Way to make a tired mom have to think. How much of my day do I simply feel guilty about all the things I am not doing, want to do, or think I should be doing because that other mother can bake and keep her house clean way better than me?

And how do I stop feeling that guilt?

Did I read enough books to them today? Did we play enough together? Why did I lose my cool over that ripped book? Was I on the computer too much? Did they eat a healthy enough breakfast? Did they eat a decent lunch? Snack? Wait. Did they even eat lunch? And how dare I give them M&M's to help make the grocery store a more pleasant experience. I shouldn't have skipped a bath. Bedtime should have been earlier. We should have done a craft today. A movie! Really, Wendi, they could have been reading during that time.

And the guilt goes on.

I spoke with another mother at MOPswho shared her "shame" of having a babysitter come in a few days a week so she could get a few things accomplished. "And then when she comes," she explained. "I feel like I should get something big done instead of just taking a nap."

We both said that we know other mothers who do it better. They have more kids. And they don't ever use a babysitter. They clean their own house and homeschool all of their kids.

Why can't we just let a babysitter come in while we take a nap? What is wrong with that? Why does she feel that way? (And why do I know that I would feel the exact same way?)

Why have I had numerous friends admit to me, over a sideways glance and a finger to the lips, "Well, I have a housekeeper. But don't tell anyone."

I have had numerous friends tell me, in no uncertain terms, that they would not, could never, be a stay-at-home mom. They acknowledge that I am doing something that they just don't have the energy to do. I remember my friend Nicole, when she visited me here in the Azores, telling me, "So how do you do it? Really? Are you heavily caffeinated ... constantly?"

Smile.

But seriously. She was giving me permission to acknowledge that what I am doing is not easy.

And yet the guilt goes on. Every day. In all ways. To do better. To do more. To be quicker. Efficienter. Nicer. Pray more. Hug more. Play more. Eat less. Yell less. Jog more.

Instead, I must, and we must all, remind ourself of what we are doing. We are doing the best we can. I am raising these little people to be men and women of the Lord. I am instilling values and praying for them and hugging them and kissing them and feeding them and bathing them and teaching them as best I can every day.

May we all, today, let go, just a little, of the feelings of inadequacy. May we all, today, let go, just a little, of the comparisons we make to the next person. The next family. The next home. So what if she is able to keep her house clean and you need a bit of help. So what if homeschooling your tyke was a disaster despite your best intentions. So what if you ate fast food two nights last week because you just couldn't bring yourself to cooking another meal. So what?

Give your kids a hug. And give yourself permission to lean on other people.

Especially the big man upstairs.