I know buddy. Me either.

I imagine that my hormones are not in as stable a situation as they can be. I have started medications in preparation for my upcoming IVF transfer in December.

However, hormones are not, I'm feeling sad today. Joni went home. Last night, the night before she left, I surprised myself by having a good ol' cry with her still present. I never do this. I always hold in -- at least until after she leaves.

And I realized, when I cried, that it was the first time I had allowed myself a really good cry since before we had left Turkey. In all the months of moving, I had not ever cried. Teared up. Been sad. But not really just cried about all I was saying good bye to and losing.

Last night, and into this morning, I grieved having to move so much. I grieved saying good bye to people over and over and over again. I love our life. But a big part of me just wants to settle down. Good byes are obviously a part of life. But they don't feel quite so "big" when you are in the same country. They definitely feel smaller here in Portugal than they did in Turkey. But the people I love still feel so ... far away.

We'll see Joan and everyone at Christmas. But saying good bye just STINKS. I hate it. The boys, while not crying about departures yet, are starting to talk about them afterward. Sidge said, "I just really didn't want Joni to go home."

I know buddy. Me either. What a great visit. What a wonderful time.

Good bye sweet Joni. Thank you for being one cool chick and loving my kids so much. I can't wait to see you all and the grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins in just a few weeks.