From Casey

Casey is a friend of mine from Turkey. She and I are polar opposites with truly very few things in common. But two things we do share is our love for the Lord and our journey through infertility. It was actually those two things that brought us together during our time at Incirlik. I know that while we will never agree on whether or not it is acceptable to wear tennis shoes on a tourist trip or whether forcing your daughter into bows bigger than your head is ethical, we will always both have a great appreciation for the miracle of children -- in boy or girl or adopted or biological forms! Here is a guest post from Casey on motherhood ... enjoy!

Hi, I’m Casey, the one Wendi refers to when she posts about Abigail’s fashion. She asked me to write a guest post for her blog, but for some reason she didn’t ask me about my rules for kid’s clothing. I wonder why? Anyway, as a new mom I wanted to share with you a little of what I’ve learned so far. I may not know it all, but I know these things for sure...

Infertility and motherhood
Infertility shapes the kind of mom you will be.
Infertility, for me, was a period of time consumed by fear. It seemed like there was a cloud of stress hanging over me for those few years as we struggled. When Deacon finally arrived, I just assumed that fear would still be a large part of my life. However, I think infertility reminded me (continuously) that God is in control. My fear and my worry can’t change a single thing, and surprisingly, I have been able to remember this as I raise our little guy. I’m much more laid back then I thought I would be. I know that God has a plan for our little miracle baby, and it’s not my job to stress about what it is. My job is to enjoy every day (even the tough ones) we have with Deacon. After shedding so many tears over not having a baby, I have made a concerted effort to make my time with him joyful. Does that mean I don’t have bad days or periods of worry? Not at all. What I do know it that God has it under control, even when I don’t.

You will find what works (and doesn’t work) for you.
Breast feeding or bottle feeding, co-sleeping or crib sleeping, cry it out or cuddle it out...for every kid it seems there is a different opinion on what is best. At first I thought and thought about whether I was doing it “right” according to such and such book, but what I’ve come to realize is that what’s best for your baby is what will feel right. Do your research, be informed, but also, give yourself freedom to make the choice you need to make. You don’t need to apologize or explain, just do it!

You can’t do it all.
Well, maybe YOU can, but me? I can’t. I can’t keep a perfect house, workout daily, cook a gourmet meal, and take care of the little guy while simultaneously teaching him to read and speak Mandarin Chinese. I’ve had to let some things go. For now, most days, that’s making dinner. The little guy eats around that time and I can’t do both. Later? It might doing less laundry. And you know what? That’s okay! I do my very best to be the best mom and wife I can be, and sometimes that means I sit down and take a break. I don’t need my life to look like a Pinterest board.

Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Certainly God made us to nurture, that is apparent as soon as your first lay eyes on your child. He made us to love them and to feed them. However, that doesn’t mean it comes easy! A friend of mine said it best, it’s the most awesomely hard thing you will ever do. Admitting that it is hard is not complaining, nor is it being ungrateful for the amazing gift of motherhood. It’s just telling the truth...being a mom is hard! Breast feeding is hard! Could it be more difficult? Sure. I could have 19 kids, or no kids, or no arms, or live in a shack, but for me, right now, I’m on the steepest learning curve of my life. I will not feel bad for admitting that. I will not feel bad for admitting that and having “only” one child. It’s natural, and it’s hard, and it’s awesome!

Hang in there!
Are you a new mom? Please know that it gets easier. You will feel more at ease. New things will come up and the current things will seem so simple. Hang in there. Every 2 weeks you will feel more and more settled. Take some naps. Don’t be afraid to tell people no, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. You can do it. God gave you a great responsibility and prepared you with spot-on instincts. Pray and trust your gut. It’s going to be an awesome ride!