Friday, July 10, 2009
Dossier
Our China dossier arrived this past week. Returned from China. Anything that reminds me of our China adoption evokes a bit of emotion. JB agrees. It is hard to believe that we are no longer waiting for our "China daughter" to come home. We had a name picked out for her, and for the last three years, whenever I pictured our family, I pictured her in it. I know we did the right thing. The Lord made that very clear. But it is still hard. I really wanted to see that adoption through until the end. We know that the money for the China adoption will go a lot farther toward adopting domestically again -- which we hope to do someday. We know that this was for the best, and it was what God intended for us. But seeing that dossier in my mailbox was still emotional for me. I looked through it quickly. Our passport photos. The essay we wrote. The pictures of our home. The home study. The notarized copies of every document you can imagine. All returned. No longer waiting in China. I guess it's final. How can you miss someone whom you never knew and who probably hasn't even been born yet? I'm not sure, but somehow, I still do.
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8 comments:
Hugs, Wendi. I'm sorry it was so hard to see that come back in the mail.
Bethany
Yesterday, while I was out shopping, there was a picture of a little girl advertising some clothes stuck on top of the display. She was obviously Oriental and I have to admit my first thoughts were of the "China baby" and there was a weird feeling of loss-couldn't help it after thinking this would happen for so long. But then,after realizing that your family is exactly as it should be and thinking who knows what the future will bring, made the moment pass. I will pray for you and John that the Lord continues to give you that perfect peace knowing that He is in control and that He will give you a "special hug" when those moments happen that tug at your heart.
love ya,
mom k
That must have been hard Wendi...it is hard to let go of a dream, even when God has something different prepared for us :) You put a lot of your life and heart into that dossier and it is normal to feel sadness, even when having total peace about God's will in the situation. (Hugs)
Endings are so very hard. Even when we know it is what God is calling us to do, it still hurts. I am praying God's comfort and peace for you and John. I think it is totally natural to grieve this loss like any other. No, you didn't know this child, but as is often said with adoption, she was "conceived in your heart." She had already taken up residence there.
My heart hurts for you guys Wen.
Love you
Aw, I'm sorry. :(
How can you miss someone whom you never knew and who probably hasn't even been born yet? I'm not sure, but somehow, I still do.
I ask myself the same thing everytime I mourn over our lost babies. Logically just so hard to understand mourning over an embryo. But emotionally, you just can't ignore it. I've just decided that it's the soul connection and the loss of a dream. It's hard either way.
We're very sorry to hear about your loss. I know how hard and long you guys worked on that process. Just wanted to let you know you were in our thoughts
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