Stop trying to fix it!

This article had so many great tips and good suggestions. I wanted to make sure that I referenced it so I can find it later. 

Here is a passage that resonated with me: 

My impulse came (I thought) from a kind and loving place inside of me, where I would put my needs aside and focus my energy on getting the other person to do what they needed to do to have a better life. Only after time, reflection, and some pretty spectacular fixing failures where my efforts to help others put my well-being on the skids, did I come to see how my helpfulness arose out of intolerance of my own vulnerability.

I was trying to fix them so I could feel better.

Here is another:

If we want to be truly helpful, we need to embrace our unrest, accept that we are helpless to control the outcome, and harness the emotional power of vulnerability to come to terms with reality. When we can feel how much we long for something, we care. When we feel our limits over single-handedly making that thing happen, we let go of our fantasy of control.

In accepting ourselves as helpless to control things, we can open to what we can do. We can care. We can show up as loving, grounded, powerful people with good boundaries. We can become safe people for others to reach out to. We model how to regulate our nervous system with warm interest toward the uncomfortable sensations of our vulnerability. We lean toward what doesn't feel good without urgency and with good impulse control.