Saturday, November 12, 2011

Two steps forward ...

... one step back.

The last two days have been a bit harder. I'm not sure why. I have just feel overwhelmed. I know this is due to a myriad of factors including returning from a trip, Hatice taking the week off, and being so sick for quite a few days.

I think of March. March will send Veronica back to her own world. She helps me more than words on a blog can accurately depict. I only have her eight hours a day which often means many hours by myself with the kiddos and dog. And when I am, lately, I wonder if I am capable. They are all so very needy of me and my time. There are so many of them and so little of me.

Is there enough of me?

So I started reeling a bit. And suddenly I was panicked. Am I relapsing? Is the depression coming back? Thank the Lord for a husband who knows about this stuff. He told me not to fear. That you look at trends with depression. That  you look at months or weeks not days or hours. And my trend is soooo much better. That days with depression might reemerge. But my trend is way past that darkest place.

Yes, my anxiety has been heightened for a few days. Yes I've been more tired and crying easier. But yes, the Lord still has me in the palm of His hand.

I am also running a marathon. I am not running a sprint. The laundry will never be done. The house will never not need to be cleaned. Bottoms wiped and spills mopped up and barf cleaned up will happen again and again over the course of this marathon.

And truly, I would never want to stop running. I can't believe I get to run this marathon.

I just feel I need an extra bit of helping running it right now.


The Woodfords said...

Praying for you, Wendi.
So thankful you have such a wonderfully supportive husband, and that you can trust in a God Who will never let you down.
A verse that helps me when I am struggling is in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "...take every thought captive to obey Christ,"
If I can just get to the point where I can realize that my thoughts aren't true, and are not of God, then I pray this verse, and ask the Lord to replace my thoughts with those that ARE true, and that will honor Him.
There is light at the end of that tunnel, and you seem to be getting really close to it!
Love in Him,

Gabbs said...

Awww, Wen, I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed. It’s hard not to, I know. So many days I feel like I am treading water, even with older kids. I get the very last load of laundry done, and magically three more loads emerge from I don't even know where. I know it’s magnified a million times with smaller kids. What I have found that helps me when I am overwhelmed (this helps me a lot with school/studying/work) is that I can't look at the whole picture. I need to just focus on the here and now. What needs to be done right at this moment? I try not to look too far ahead at all the other things that need to get done or else I just feel like I'm drowning. It will never all get done. Really, I think it’s virtually impossible. I've learned that I can deal with things a lot easier if I accept that then if I try to fight it. You can, and you will, get through it. I know it’s hard, but try not to feel as if you're taking steps backwards. One bad day in the midst of an abundance of good days is still better than one good day in a midst of a ton of bad ones. And we ALL have those days (at least I do). You're making progress and like you said, you've had a lot going on this past week with coming back from an amazing trip, being sick and Hattice being off. I love you!

Emily said...

(((Wendi))) Your fears and worries are so familiar to me. Praying for the Lord to overshadow you with His all-powerful presence and give you peace, joy and hope.