Saturday, June 07, 2008

One week from today . . .

Folks. Big news here. One week from today until Hans & Rachel's wedding! How exciting is that!? She had an exciting post yesterday. It was about communication in marriage. JB and I have been married ten years and we are still learning the fine art of communication.

I have realized that the fine art of communication is stretched to its capacity when your husband is working ninety hours during one week. I hesitate to write this because I know some of our fellow "residential" friends are doing this regularly, and thus I feel guilty voicing complaints.

The first 3-4 months of residency in the fall of 2007 were very hard. JB started with some very hard rotations, and because some of the other husbands were on easier ones, I thought it was just me who was totally unprepared to watch my husband live at the hospital. I felt I would never survive internship year, nonetheless residency.

There were other hard things about that period of our life. I didn't know many people. We had just moved here. We didn't have a church. I was recovering from a fourth failed IVF. We were preparing to start the adoption process. It was during this period that JB surprised me with my puppy. (Probably the single best thing he could have ever done for me during those early, lonely days!)

But following those 3-4 months, the next 3-4 were relatively painless in comparison. There were a few difficult weeks scattered throughout including a section of nights that I spent with my family in Fort Lauderdale, but overall, it was smooth sailing during the winter and spring.

Then, right around the time Isaac was born, I was smacked right upside the head and reminded that my husband is indeed an intern. He spent two weeks on nights which leave him a zombie. Add to that the fact that I was sleeping about as much as he was with a newborn at home, and we were two zombies passing in the night.

Right on the tail of nights, he started his internal medicine rotation. He is now one week into that rotation. Not only is he working 12-14 hour days Monday thru Friday, but he has call two times during the month. That goes from early Saturday morning until early Sunday morning, requiring that Sunday be used to sleep before returning to the grind on Monday.

JB just called me about 30 minutes ago and told me that he had a break in the sea of admissions. Could Isaac and I come up and bring him dinner? Of course we could. I packed a meal for JB and me, loaded Isaac into the car, gave Scrubs a bone so he didn't drive my Dad nuts while I was gone, and drove to the hospital.

By the time I had made the 1.7 mile drive and paged JB, he was at the door to greet me and tell me not to bother coming in. Another admission. And not just any admission. Some high ranking somebody which meant he couldn't leave him waiting at all. Sigh. Big sigh. I tried to feign my contentment with the situation, but inside, I was so frustrated. JB climbed into the backseat to talk to Isaac for a few minutes, I sent both meals with him as there was no way to split them up right there in the parking lot, and climbed back into the car for the 1.7 mile jaunt back home.

I flashed back to our first year of marriage, when I was in my senior year of college basketball. I remember coming home one evening to find dinner on the table only to have to tell JB that my coach was requiring us to go to some last minute autograph session instead. He looked crushed. I felt horrible.

Tonight, the situation was flipped. Neither side felt good.

On the way back, my absolute favorite hymn was playing on the CD in my Dad's car: How Great Thou Art. A quick reminder that this life is fleeting and in the grand scheme of things, how important was a blown dinner with my husband? Not very, but at the time, it seemed like a much bigger thing.

So, to Hans and Rachel, the soon-to-be-married couple, a reminder that communication is something you are always working on. I'll leave my advice at that, as I know advice can get quite annoying! :) During the last few weeks, JB and I have had many missed efforts at proper communication. When you are only in the house and awake for a handful of minutes at the same time each day, properly communicating is hard. You try as hard as you can, but you are tired and in a hurry, and conversations are put off or edited, and as a result small issues emerge.

But marriage is wonderful. I love being married. Even when I see my husband for 13 minutes a day, he is still the best man in the whole world. Marriage gets a bad rap. Not enough people sing its praises. I love being married. You are entering into a wonderful season in your lives, and I have no doubt you will never regret the decision you are making in just one week. Congrats guys! JB and I are about to celebrate ten years this June. So from the "old couple", I say, marriage is awesome -- and those communication gaps, make it an adventure. Can't wait to see you tie the knot!

And, I also can't wait to spend some time with my husband!

P.S. Have to give a big shout out to Veronica (aka Victoria) R. on her 16th birthday. Man am I old.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Awww, Wendi! Thanks for the heartfelt post! I am thinking of you during these long days without JB. Glad you have your dad, and of course, Isaac and Scrubs to keep you company. :-)

p.s. We sang "How Great Thou Art" in church last Sunday. Ron Ray was on the drums and did a fantastic job! I love that song!!

Anonymous said...

its werid, i really needed to hear that!

Tim and Roxanne said...

Wendi,
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I have gained much insight into the lives of all you "doctor families" in our care group. I had NO idea the sacrifices you all make to serve us daily. What a ministry God has allowed you to serve in to not only serve our physical bodies, What a joy to have doctors who serve our spiritual bodies as well.
I was provoked and humbled by your post and reminded that God graciously gives us each season in our lives. Now, for me to learn to grow and flourish during this time is often a challenge as I learn to trust Him.
You my dear, are a testimony of God's grace evidenced in the way you NEVER show the strain of this hectic life. Your joyful contenance and adoring look towards you husband is a direct reflection of your trust in our Saviour. I know it's hard (at least I know now), but isn't God's Grace so amazing! And yes!! How Great He Is!!
Love ya,
Rox

TAV said...

one of my most favorite hyms. and i know that i'm not married or anything but i know this next week will be hard- shom working 7 a = 7 p; me working 6 p - 8a (then coming to MN for the weekend! hope we can communicate for we certainly won't cross paths! :)

Anonymous said...

tara -
i'll let you know in a few weeks, but i think it might be even harder when you AREN'T married. at least i know that starting in a week, i'll have hans in bed next to me (for most nights, anyway). hey - that makes me think of "pillow talk"...wasn't that you, wendi, and JB who coined that phrase?

Wendi Kitsteiner said...

Rachel, I'm with you on that. Not being married may make it worse.

And yes, pillow talk (also referred to as "PT") are those conversations you have late at night ... they usually stem from something someone said when in public that they didn't even know was innapropriate until no one is around late at night ...

Rox, I am so glad you are blessed by my post. I'm blessed by you!!!

Anonymous said...

Hey Wendi,
How long are you gonna be in MN? I'd love to see you again and meet Isaac. (I sent you an email, but not sure if you got it)

Hopefully it works to meet up.

Bethany

AW said...

I have to second it Wendi...marriage really is wonderful! It's hard. One of the hardest things I've ever done. I truly had no idea how hard...and how WONDERFUL it could be!

Anonymous said...

i'm with you all on that...i LOVE being married...five years this month. the kids at work (five and six years old) love to repeat one of those old sayings, "step on white, get married tonight" as we cross the street at the zebra crossings. i always stomp hard on every white stripe!