Thursday, August 06, 2015
Quote from American Wife
Clinical depression is a disease, a a devastating one. If you haven't lived through the awful sense of worthlessness, it can be hard to understand. It's like being at the bottom of a very, very deep shaft with no way out. You try clawing up the sides, but eventually your fingernails break and your hands bleed, and you fall back even deeper into the pit. It's beyond sadness, and deeper than grief.
You can be as positive as you want, you can change your mentality, but if your chemicals are depleted and your body stops working the way it's supposed to, all the positive thinking in the world isn't going to change your body chemistry.
I recognized the symptoms, since I had had the ailment once before. Still, I didn't want to admit that I needed help. I told myself a lot of things, none of them very convincing.
I don't need it. Toughen up. Grow up.
I'm a failure. I'm worthless. How pathetic.
I'm tough. I don't need it.
These are exactly the things that depressed patients often tell themselves. It's a strange kind of feedback loop, where your illness ends
up encouraging itself.
"If you had diabetes and needed insulin, you'd take the medicine, no questions asked," a physician told me finally. "So stop fooling yourself, and get help."
And so I did. I went to a doctor, who prescribed antidepressants, and I started talking to a variety of counselors, each of whom helped me in their own -- or maybe my own -- way.