Mish Mash of Mush with Some Worry on Top

Why do I worry?

I'm not sure when I will finally be able to say to God, "I've decided not to worry about this situation because You have shown me time and time again that YOU are in control of my life . . ."
Sigh.

Big sigh.

I'm sure many of you reading this post understand exactly where I am coming from before you even read the rest of this post.

I'm also sure that there are many of you, like my husband, who will say, "Why are you worrying? It keeps you up at night! Just enjoy life for crying out loud."

JB has a way of dealing with my obsessive worry. He'll turn it around and say to me, "What's the worst thing that could happen?" When I spell out what it is, it doesn't seem that bad and seems to help me, for a few hours at least, until I think of something else to worry about.

I did this to him one time. This was a time that he was actually worried (for once!) It takes a lot to get him to that point. This was with a patient of his who was very sick, and he was monitoring him very closely (via phone) while we were out shopping for bathing suits for our cruise. I turned to him and decided to play the worry game with him. "What's the worst thing that could happen?" I asked, just like he always asked me.

"Well," JB said, shutting the phone. "He could die."

Hmmm . . . somehow I don't think the worry game works very well when death is a valid possibility.

Either way, I pick the darndest things to worry about.

Right now?

Well the top of my worry list is our flight to and from Colorado next week. I found out that I don't have an aisle seat which always stresses me out. What if the person behind me tries to put their chair back and my legs don't fit? JB and I also aren't sitting next to each other. This makes the idea of each having a baby on our lap more stressful. If we aren't sitting next to each other, how do we "share" the diaper bag? Do I need to pack two separate bags? Will someone change seats with us so we can sit next to each other? Or is spreading the babies throughout the plane better than putting two of them in one aisle together? And then some planes don't let you have two kids in one aisle together. Something about the extra masks. There is only one extra one on each aisle. And they are usually only on the left side of the plane. I found out that instead of one 2 hour flight and one 1 hour flight, it is actually two flights that are 2 hours. (I forgot the time change.) Then I realized that since they can't change my seat, the flight is probably sold-out. Probably little chance at securing at least one extra seat for a child. Elijah hasn't been falling asleep in my arms well. Isaac never falls asleep in your arms. And our jogger. Will it fit through security? (I did a little research to amend these fears. If it doesn't fit, they will scan it by hand.) Okay. So we can bring our jogger.

All right so I'll stop before I stress all of you out. This is typical of my mind. It doesn't have to be a trip (although those seem to evoke the stress more than other things.) It can be anything. It can be a conversation I had with someone. Did I say the right thing? The wrong thing? The stupid thing? Are they upset with me? These worries can stay fairly minor. But they can get fairly major as well. To the point that I find myself lying in bed awake at night trying to sort out the worries in my head.

I've recently become more aware of this incessant worrying and how much I need to fix it. I think the big reason is my boys. As these boys grow, they are going to be watching me. I don't want to make them into worry warts just because I refuse to grow out of my worry. I want them to be at peace, calm, relaxed. Like their Dad.

And again, I go back to the Lord. I go back to the Bible. Whole chapters, tons of verses, all devoted to worry. All devoted to not trusting the Lord. And yet here I am, thirty-two (GULP!) years old, and I am still doing the same thing I did when I was twelve. WHEN will I grow up? When will I finally decide that God knows best and let HIM do the worrying for me? When will I stop losing sleep over whether or not I can get a good seat on an airplane?

I've decided that I plan to start today. Today's a good day to tell the Lord that I am putting HIM in charge of our trip to Colorado. Don't you think? I mean, he created the universe. Surely he can handle helping me get through four 2 hour flights. Don't you think?

Becky had a great blog yesterday. It's about worshipping God through anything. Everything. While it didn't specifically talk about my worry, I thought of my own worry. If Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego can praise the Lord and trust Him before they are thrown into a fire to burn to death, I think I can handle letting God handle a measly trip to Colorado. I can continue to praise Him, to trust Him, to give everything to Him -- especially considering how small my things are in comparison to so many other things.

***On a sidenote, Becky included a link to a fantastic website for infertility support. Click here to visit the Sarah's Laughter website and here to sign up for their daily double portions (email devotional).

And everyone, quit worrying, trust God, and enjoy your day!

P.S. My "followers" is getting closer and closer to 100! If you read my blog daily, will you do me a favor and add yourself to the "followers" list? It's fun for me to browse through and see who is reading. It also allows me to visit your blogs as well. Thanks all!