So I wanted to take a moment to say a few words about Isaac's birth mom, Bri.I cannot tell you how many people ask me how she is doing. How is Bri? What is she doing? How does she feel about the adoption? How does she feel about Isaac? Everyone who knows me, knows of Bri even if they don't know her personally. They all want to know how Isaac's birth mom is.
I obviously do not intend to divulge a bunch of personal information about Bri's life. She told me she plans to write a guest post of her own at some point now that she is in on a bit of a hiatus from her college classes. So I'll leave it to her to tell you about her personal life if she so chooses.
Some people have asked me if I was nervous about the visit with Bri. The answer is: not at all! Not one little bit. Both JB and I think it is so great that she wants to be a part of Isaac's life. Now that he is a bit older, she is able to really interact with Isaac. He will probably just call her "Bri", but he will always know that this is his birth mom. She will always be one of the most important women in his life. She gave him life. She loved him enough to put herself through ten months of pregnancy. She chose us to be his family. What amazing gifts. How can you ever equal them?
I don't know if those of you who have never experienced adoption can understand this or if it is only something that adopted mothers can relate to (non adopted moms ... care to comment?), but I am not afraid to "share" Isaac. I love him soooo much. I am so blessed to be a part of his life. I am not worried that he might love another woman too. I am his "Mommy" (if he'd ever call me that!) but the fact that he has a "Bri" is perfectly okay with me. I often wondered if it would be okay with me. How would I feel about that? But I can tell you now that I feel totally great about it. Isaac has a great big heart and he is a wonderful little boy. Not only can he love more people, but he can be easily loved by more people.
I also, in answer to the very common question of, "How is Bri?" can tell you that Bri is GREAT. She is doing AWESOME! She is getting great grades in her college classes and working part-time at a local clothing store. You could never guess that she had a baby just over a year ago. She looks fantastic. She is healthy, very happy, and really seems to be enjoying life. Being around her is such a joy. While she has always been a fantastic person, you can tell a real change in her since Isaac's birth. She just seems so happy and adjusted and content. She seems at peace. I am so blessed to see that. She tells me she has zero regrets about Isaac's adoption. She knows he is in the right place. That is so great to hear!
Bri was right there to help with anything that needed to be done. She sat on the floor and played with Isaac (and Scrubs). When we went to breakfast during Isaac's nap time on Sunday (not a good idea), she went and made JB and my plates since Isaac was melting each time either one of us left the table. She got in the pool with Isaac and played with him at the splashpark. They really seemed to enjoy each other. Isaac often brought her books and crawled up on her lap for a good read.
I am so excited that as Isaac grows up, he will know where he came from. He will know his biological mom intimately. He will get to ask her questions and spend time with her. This does not make me sad or nervous or jealous in the slightest. I am sure all adopted moms out there understand this. As Isaac's adopted mom, I am his mom. I make the decisions about what he eats and wears and when he goes to bed. But there is room in his heart and life for other people who, while not directly involved in the details of his care, love him without hesitation. That's Bri. Just like my parents and JB's family, Bri is there to love Isaac, to spoil him rotten if she wants, and to be a positive presence in his life. Who doesn't need more people like that? I don't see how that can ever be a bad thing.
So that's a little summary of our visit with Bri. Thanks for visiting with us Brianna (and Joan too of course)!
We all love you Bri!
9 comments:
I can not tell you from the perspective of an adoptive mom, but I can tell you from an adopted child. My (adopted) Mom is my mom. (And I wasnt adopted until I was 13). There is no doubt in my mind. Even thought I have contact with my biological family (often) and they came to my wedding, babyshowers, ect. It was not weird for me, or (either) of my mothers. My (Birth) mother is grateful that I ended up with such a wonderful family.
What a sweet post, Wendi! It's obvious how much love you all share and the pictures of Bri with the boys are great! You hit the nail on the head...the more people who love our children, the better!! Just remember"the spoil them rotten part" when I visit!:)
love ya
mom k
Beautiful post! We love Bri! We cannot imagine our family with out Isaac in it! What a special gift from a special gal!
LOVE this!!
I could not agree more...and I think I didn't know it fully until I was an adoptive parent, so I think that perhaps you have to be directly involved with an adoption to know it.
We said over and over and over "more people and more love is never bad!" while doing the adoption process, but it wasn't until my daughter was born that I really understood.
It feels retarded to have people tiptoe around things like what we'll call Rachel. Rachel is Ava's mom. I am Ava's mom. It's stupid to think of it another way. How can you deny that someone who birthed a child is their mom? And how can you deny that someone who is parenting in a mother role is the mom? Both are true and they're not EXCLUSIVE of each other! It's as simple as that!
You explained it well!
That was so beutiful and as a future adoptive mommy I often wonder how I feel feel about all these things but yo made such a incredible point that there is more than enough room for everyone to love Issac, rather it be grandparents, aunts uncles or Bri!
Thank you for sharing!!!!
Well, from someone who is not adopted or hasnt adopted, I think I can really understand. Sometimes even a non-adoptive parent can be jealous if you have other close, intimate relationships and feel her place will be taken. A mom's place can never be taken by anyone else. I've always hoped my kids would have other adults outside me, whether blood aunties and uncles or not related...and that they actually need people outside their own mom that they consider "family"...maybe cuz we raised our kids overseas and they had tons of "adopted" aunties and uncles -i just think it's so important -and i loved your idea -the more love the better! tante Jan
I loved reading about Bri and am excited she's doing so well. I agree..the more people to love him, the better. Not every kid is that fortunate and it's a real blessing!
I am not adopted, but I was raised by my step-mother. My birth mom relinquished her rights to me in the divorce with my father. When I say "mom", I am talking about my step-mom. But do I still love my birth mom and have a special relationship with her? Absolutely! They are completely separate relationships, not even comparable. I feel blessed enough to have two mommas.
We have not been through the adoption process with a child, but I know that my child blesses EVERYONE he comes in touch with. I work FT and my son goes to daycare FT. I have been told numerous times that he is a blessing in those teachers' lives and it's obvious they love my boy. While they are not his moms, they love, nurture, and protect my child daily when I can't be there. At the end of the day when I pick him up, he never hesitates to run to his teacher, hug, kiss, say "I luh lou" (I love you) and wave bye-bye. While some mom's might be jealous, I am not. God's plan for me is to work FT right now. While I wish our situation were different, I'm THRILLED that He has placed such loving women in my son's life in the meantime!
Amazing how God orchestrates our lives and blesses us in ways we could never imagine...
So great to hear Bri is doing so well.
Issac is a blessed little boy!
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