Thursday, October 19, 2017

I love my husband

I love him so much.

I've felt like I was falling apart the last few days. Failing at everything. Not being good enough for anything.

I have been forgetting everything. Important things. Unable to keep up with my life but not sure what part of my life can be cut out.

I love our life. I love our farm. I love our family. But is it really possible to homeschool four kids and run a farm and be a good friend and wife and mom all at the same time?

Somehow, every time, JB talks me off a cliff. Sometimes he gets a little frustrated with me, but he always knows how to handle me. And I never feel like I'm in danger of losing him even though I often don't think I deserve him.

I have a good life. I have a happy life. And I have a FULL life. My life will not always feel like it feels now. There will not always be voices calling for me. I'm so blessed I have those voices. How long I prayed that my house would not be so quiet. Wow is it ever not quiet now. I must remember that this is a season. And it is a GOOD season. It is a full season. I have a husband. I have children. I have animals. Man, I have a lot of animals. My husband has a great job. All of our needs are met and then some.

As I think about it, I realize that four children in five years can't ever be calm. And homeschooling those children to boot. This is the life we've chosen. It is a good life. There is a lot of green grass growing. And a lot of children growing too.

Tonight I go to sleep.

And tomorrow, I do my best again,

1 comment:

Unknown said...

my favorite line: "wow is it ever NOT quiet"
you are a trooper. With great blessing, comes great responsibility. And you do it well.
All of your feelings are soooo normal, AND it never feels like it!
Always sorry for your struggles - but equally proud that THESE are your struggles - as opposed to not having shopping time, the latest fashion trends or vehicle or big screen TV....