Something kind of nice happened today. My editor from Rochester Women liked my story! I mean, not that she has hated other pieces, but this piece was an infertility article -- something, obviously, near and dear to my heart. I thought that this would be the "easy" story for me to write, but in the end, it was probably the hardest piece I ever written. There was just so much I wanted to say and only 1,000 words to say it in.
Either way, the piece will run in the September/October issue of Rochester Women magazine (check out the link to the right if you want to visit the magazine online.)
Anyways, Ellie (that's my Editor), emailed me today, and told me she loved the piece. I was so relieved. I was honestly (and I am not saying this to be modest) quite worried that I wasn't far enough removed from the story to do it justice. She also told me that there was room for a few more "info" boxes ... boxes that I thought would only go on the website because I was already to the word count in my story.
That's where my audience and loyal blog readers come in. I would like to do two boxes in my story. The first box will be "Advice for family and friends". The second box will be "Advice for the infertile woman". Now obviously I won't name it that, but for the sake of making sure you guys understand what I am talking about, I am making it quite obvious. I know I have a lot of "family and friends" who read my blog, and I know I have a lot of current and past "fertility challenged" women who read as well so please, post a comment. If you are a friend or family member, what are you glad you know? What has helped you in helping me or helping another friend or family member? If you are a current or past infertility gal, what advice has helped you in dealing with infertility?
I can't promise your comment will make the article, but either way, it'd be nice to get some ideas.
Thanks everyone!
9 comments:
for the family box....Give your family member dealing with IF time to grieve...the process maybe long and understanding is key.
for the infertile woman...You are not alone there are resources...insert resources
Congratulations on your article!! Continuing to pray for you!
For the IF woman - if you can find something about infertility to laugh at, laugh hard. It could carry you through some rough spots.
Family - never ever say "Maybe God does not plan for you to be parents." That is never helpful.
For family and friends - I think it was very eye-opening for me to realize how common infertility is and to be more sensitive in asking questions to couples without children. In the past, a common conversation opener for me would often be, "So are you planning to have kids any time soon?" or something like that. I never realized that this might possibly be hurtful! I don't know if this would be helpful in an info box, but creating awareness and learning to be more sensitive are things I've grown to appreciate!
For family: don't ask for treatment details unless they seem willing to share... IF is such a privately painful thing.
For family: Not every couple is led to adopt... don't assume that because they can't conceive, they'll automatically adopt.
That's all I can think of right now! I hope we get to read your article when it's done!
One thing is not telling the person that you can understand what they are going through when you haven't ever had IF. You can't relate to IF and nothing you have been through will be the same feelings that a couple with IF have had.
The one thing that you can do is just listen and try to learn about IF and what it actually means.
I have learned a lot more than I ever thought I would know from listning to Wendi and John.
Thank you both for being open about all of this and teaching those of us that can't relate to what you are going through.
This sounded really harsh, but I didn't mean for it to. Just hearing some of the stories Wendi has told me about things people have said make me sad. Listening is a tool that many people don't use very often.
For family and friends, sometimes the best thing to say is nothing. A big hug is better than any words of comfort they could say. And like someone else said, don't say you understand. Also don't tell couple struggling with IF that they can always adopt or just relax.....you know,all of those types of comments.
For the IF woman (and spouse). As difficult as it is to talk about, try and keep family or friends updated on what you are comfortable with discussing. People need to know what is okay; so they will not seem insensitive if they don't say anything-or intrusive by saying or asking too much. Feelings may change depending on circumstances. Wendi,you and John have been able to communicate this and it's really been helpful! ps- I know your article is great!
I think you've done a great job of getting information out. People do and say dumb things cause they just don't know. If you've never been exposed to someone battling with this it's hard to know what to do.
I think people genuinely care and want to be helpful but aren't sure what is needed.
I also think, if the husband is struggling as well, it might be a good idea to have a close friend who can field some of the calls and emails until you are able to handle it. It can get overwhelming to have to keep going over the details.
I think the blog was a great idea.
Wow, there's a lot of good points, I don't know if I can come up with any more.
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