Wednesday, February 01, 2017

Oh Hannah (and then a whole lot more rambling)

As I have posted recently on my Blog, I have been battling some anxiety in my life. I don't like to use the word "anxiety" but am not sure how else to describe it. This is not a new thing for me, but it hasn't really poked its head up since I was pregnant with Hannah. I am not sure why it came back. I think a lot of it is hormonal with me. But it is a fact. And I always want to keep it real on this Blog. I don't want to ever pretend that I am someone I am not.

I am Wendi.
I am a human.
I struggle with real things. 

Many of you know me "in real life" and so you are probably rolling your eyes right now and saying, "Of course she is a human being. Wendi has a lot of issues!"

So you all be quiet.

To the people who only know me from what you see painted on the Blog, remember that it is a painting. I don't often Blog about the huge fight my husband and I had in the car on the way back from our out of town trip. That isn't really happy Blog material. But it happened. 


I have decided, in this sea of anxiety, that I want to fill my life with the Lord and peaceful, happy things. My Blog will be a happy place. Not that it isn't usually happy, but I want it to be even more happy and upbeat than it has in the past.  

I truly love people. I want people to be happy. I think one of the reasons I got a bit torn up about the election is because I see things from both sides. I see people terribly hurt on both sides. I see people scared on both sides. And I am straddling those two worlds. My husband believes that the best thing he can do is get people on both sides to talk to each other. That isn't for me. I want to just love on my family and friends, and focus on the things we have in common!

Truly: there are some bad people in the world. We all know that. But the majority of us, whether we agree with each other or not, are simply trying to do the best that we can. We don't want to hurt people. We don't want to offend people. We are just humans raising our kids and our animals the best we can. I have friends that feel very differently than I do. But they aren't bad people. They are just people who see things a different way.

I have always been a person who wants to get in the boat with my friends who are grieving or feeling sad. But sometimes you have to say "I can't get it the boat right now." That's me. Anyone who knows me knows that I love all people. I don't care who you are or what your sin may be, you are invited to my table, and you are invited to be my friend. I am raising my children the same way. 

I can't fix the world, but I can focus on my little home and my little farm and the things I can "control". (What can we actually control anyways?) I have decided that I must focus on those things. And I want to encourage you to do the same things. 

If you feel strongly about something, than go ahead and do what you can. I hate that there are orphans all over the world. But I cannot save all the orphans. So I support and help one child through World Vision. I do shoeboxes with my kids at Christmas. I work to help in the small ways that I can. I can get so sad thinking about all the things that are out of my control. So I need to tackle the small things that are making a difference in my small community. 

I volunteer at church. I take dinner to a family after a stressful event. I reach out via email to a friend having a hard time. I offer a hug. A listening ear. I invite people to our farm for respite and retreat. I edit resumes. I help in little ways. Not enough of course. But it's a start.

Okay, so I didn't intend to get into that on the Blog. But here's what I want to say. I have decided that human beings have wayyyyy more things in common than things they disagree about. Man, the list of things we share is so long! 

And I want to focus on our similarities. Here is my list of things that bring me joy:
  • Hugs: Whenever I am feeling anxious, I hug my children or my husband, and I instantly feel better. While I can't hug all of you on my Blog, I can make this a place that when you are here, you feel "hugged" from afar.
  • Pets: I have decided that my dogs and specifically petting my dogs, brings my blood pressure down considerably. I love sharing my pets and my animals with all of you.
  • Children: While my children add to my stress level, their laughter and innocence is simply something you can't compare to anything else. I have been stopped by many people in our community (or via email or on Facebook) telling me that they love my Blog. And one of the chief things they love hearing about are my Hannah stories. So I plan to keep those coming. 
  • Adventure: This farm life is an adventure! And it's one many of you can't relate to or understand. I think the idea of a farm is enchanting. The reality: well maybe not so much, but I plan to continue to share our farm adventures on this farm anyway! 
  • Learning: I want to continue to educate all of you about infertility, grief, and just growing as people. I think learning is good. You'll continue to hear from my guest Bloggers too as they share their different perspectives. I'll continue to share our homeschool learning adventures and more about the books we are reading.
So .... in staying with the humor in our family. Let me end by saying this. Whenever you think you are alone with the crazy things your children say, think of Hannah, yesterday, saying to our two male WWOOFers while she petted our dog, Ritter: "My Mommy tells me that I am not allowed to touch Ritter's penis."


That happened.

And tune in for more funny stories designed to just remind you that we are all human beings sharing this big Earth together. And that this life, is just a VAPOR. In a fraction of time, we will not be here anymore, and our eternity will be spent worshipping our savior hand in hand. 

That message is the one I will continue to share.

(And the funny stories about my daughter talking to people about penises. I'll be sharing those too.)

P.S. Check out this post by Ann Voskamp that really spoke to me: Because You So Want to Love Right Now. You can also download a free FEBRUARY GIFT CALENDAR which has something each day you can do to show love to others. 

No comments: