Bad feet and teeth

So the good news: my foot is not broken. No broken bones. No stress fractures.

The not so good news: it looks like I may need a root canal. The dentist is sending me to a root canal dentist guy. An endodontist or something like that. Help me out here Rachel the dentist.

As for the foot, JB thinks that, now that we have ruled out a break or fracture (or are those the same things?) that we can move on to other problems. He diagnosed me with some fancy thing that I think means I have tendinitis. He said no running and no walking hills. Oh geesh. Maybe I am just not supposed to be a runner. Every time I finally get up and moving again, I get knocked back down to not running again. I keep telling him that it doesn't hurt while I am running or walking. It hurts when my toe gets pointed downward. He said he understands but that I need to listen.

As for the teeth, nothing showed up on the x-ray, but the extreme cold sensitivity I am complaining of is characteristic of a nerve problem. So off to the more expert dentist I go. She can't get me until December 3rd. The dentist said that this is fine. As long as my pain stays minimal, I should be fine. If it gets worse, call them and they'll push me through faster.

While those sound like a lot of body "issues," I have definitely noticed a huge improvement in one specific area since going off all those infertility medications: sleep. Seriously, I fall asleep moments after lying down each night. I may get up to use the bathroom once or twice, but I have not, since moving here, had even one night that I couldn't sleep. I cannot tell you how wonderful it feels to sleep and sleep well. Four years of sleepless nights will make anyone a tad bit cranky.

JB and I have started talking more about the adoption. We've been talking about where to put the nursery. Where to put my office. How many hours a week I should work when the baby comes home. How will we get to the delivery. How we will get to the delivery on time. It's all very surreal to me. Last week I actually went online to look at cribs. This was a big step. No purchases yet, but I am moving in the right direction.

I also still have some bad infertility days. This week it was hearing of another friend who got pregnant after infertility treatments. This seems so dumb. It seems that I should be happy for this individual. And of course, I am happy. But I also find that this sends me into a bit of a tailspin. I feel that I've come to terms that people get pregnant every day and that, I, have not been one of them. But for some reason, hearing that someone else had a successful round with IVF or an IUI is still difficult for me. I feel sorry for myself. I question why it couldn't have worked for me. I question our decision to spend so much time and money on something that so far, hasn't worked. And I question God. I am amazed at all the prayers He answers. But for some reason, the fact that He hasn't answered this one: a biological child, still effects me.

I know what you all will tell me, and trust me, I tell myself these things repeatedly. I know that we still have seven sticky babies waiting for us. I know that once this May baby comes home, things will seem so much clearer. I know that had we had a biological child, we probably wouldn't be adopting this baby in May. I know that when we get this baby in May, we will be celebrating and blessed beyond measure. But it's hard to figure out why God gives a baby to someone who can't take care of it and doesn't give the baby to someone who can. I still can't quite wrap my mind around this. I am getting there. I am healing. But the healing is slow and often includes a few steps backward every now and then.

Your prayers that my heart will continue to heal are appreciated. There are still moments when I just wish I was able to be pregnant, to carry a child, to feed that child, and tell my parents and husband about that child. Yesterday was one of those days. I know it will pass.