Dear Child,

You were conceived outside of my body
Eight years ago.
You had many brothers and sisters who were conceived with you
In a cold lab in Minnesota.
Eleven times one of those children were dropped into my womb.
Ten times we were told that the child did not live.

And then there was you.

You are the one shooting star who has stayed with us.
When you arrive, sometime in September,
You will have two big brothers, a big sister
And a big dog.
All of whom were conceived after you
But who will be older than you.

Right now dear child, I am very sick
And some days I forget that the reason why
Is that you are growing --
My body is working hard to help you grow.

But I know the joy that you will bring to our lives.
The joy that we will feel
When we get to meet you.
Our only baby via IVF.
I pray for that joy and peace to arrive soon
But no matter when, I will pray for you
And dream of you
And thank the Lord for the one child out of eleven
Who will join us on this Earth.

Thank you God for this blessing.
Everything is from you --
Our spotted miracle
Our adopted miracle
Our surprise son
Our surprise daughter
And now, our little IVF miracle.

Thanks Tante Jan for sending me this quote!

"You have the exact qualities God knew your kids would need in a mother. So, each day, hold up your willingness and ask God to make you the best version of you that you can possibly be." ~ Lysa TerKeurst

Encourage

Are you an encouragement to others? How long does it take to take a moment and encourage those you love during seasons in their life that feel hard?

My sister-in-law AD is amazing. My only sibling, Keith. His wife. I love her. She has two daughters. She works more than part-time from home. She runs her local MOPs group. She's busy. Super busy. My brother is an athletic director. During basketball season is the worst!

Yet she took the time yesterday to write me an email that really ministered to me.

Wendi,

I read your blog yesterday about blips. The thing that occurred to me and maybe it did to you and I missed it, is that this yucky time is a blip not only to you, but to your kids, hubby, and family too.

Your kids have had awesome, engaged, super-fun mom for 200+ weeks (depending on the kid), and so if you have 10 weeks of bad and 10 weeks of kind of bad and then 10 weeks of a little bad. Those 20+ weeks with some "bad" will be a blip for them too. They won't even remember, God will cover you too.

Just like your family and John, day to day, I am sure it is REALLY hard, but in comparison to years of knowing you, this is a blip.

In work terms, its like an employee who has been awesome, reliable, team player, etc for 10 years and then has a rough spell due to life circumstances and becomes less reliable and withdrawn for a season. No employer is going to fire that awesome employee for a season of sub-par performance when there has been 10 years of excellent performance. It's not an exact metaphor, but hopefully you get what I mean. :)

XOXOXO AD

Thank you AD. Your perspective was fantastic. I have been so encouraged by so many people to not worry about my kids. My friend Rachel is dealing with nine-month sickness for her third pregnancy. Her mother was also sick during all three of her pregnancies. Rachel was five when her brother was born, and she tells me that she doesn't remember her mother being sick at all! The first thing she told me in the first email she wrote was, "Don't worry. Your kids won't remember this! They'll remember their non-sick mom."

Encouragement.

Take the time today, even if you are the one who needs it, to offer it to someone else.

Hillsong ... God is able

God is Able
He will never fail
He is almighty God

Greater than all we seek
Greater than all we ask
He has done great things

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

God is with us
God is on our side
He will make a way

Far above all we know
Far above all we hope
He has done great things

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
Raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome

For the Lord, our God is able
God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us

God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

Lifted up,
He defeated the grave
raised to life, our God is able
In His name, we overcome
For the Lord, our God is able

For the Lord, our God is able
For the Lord, our God is able

Read more: HILLSONG UNITED - GOD IS ABLE LYRICS 

Church

This morning I was able to go to church!!!

This may sound like a little thing but it was a huge thing for me. To feel well enough to go. And not only was I well enough to go but, JB, who was feeling a little worn out from a heavy work week (that spilled into the weekend) decided to stay home and I took all three myself!

Praising the Lord for this.

A radar "blip"

Another great post online from a blog I love: When you feel a little weary. Holley Gerth's words encouraged me. Hit me in a moment that I needed what she had to say so much. Made me feel like she had written it just for me.

I am nearing the twelve week mark in this pregnancy. Nearly as exciting is that in a few days, (March 1),  I will be able to stop taking the two hormones (progesterone and estrogen) that I have been taking daily since our IVF transfer near the end of December. I am hopeful that with the increase in weeks and decrease in medication, I may see an alleviation in how sick I have been.

I originally tried to avoid talking about not feeling good on this blog. Mainly because, years from now, I want to look back and remember the highs in my life. Mainly because, I don't want anyone to mistranslate my sharing how I am feeling with not recognizing the miracle of life.

I really don't want to remember how this feels years from now. I just want to remember the happiness of another baby. Not the cloud of sickness that feels so dark some days.

I know I have had other times in my life when I have felt lousy. My recovery after Elijah. PPD after two of the kids. I had a dry socket. I had my appendix out. They all seem like they were just a blip on the radar. I know this will too. But when you are in it, the blip feels so blippppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I have felt the Lord tugging at my heart a bit. Encouraging me to allow His gentle nudge influence what I share instead of just "not saying anything." I realized that during the last seven weeks that I have been sick, I have found great comfort in the words of others.

Blogs. Websites. Emails. Songs.

Words. All words.

I realized that sharing about this time in my life is not just about me.

It's about Him.

And if I can encourage one other person, than I am right to share. If anyone misinterprets my intention, then I don't believe they are seeing the core of me and my heart.

So I will share a bit. I share to help anyone reading this today, tomorrow, weeks, months, years from now, to find encouragement. To hear someone say, "I felt that way too." Many of the blog posts I have read are from women who just felt lousy. Posts like this one.  At some point I'd like to compile some of the words I have found or people have sent me so that others can stumble on my blog and not feel alone.

This blogger wrote: "I've talked about how Morning, Noon, and Night sickness can feel like a never-ending tunnel. Many women suffering from it find themselves depressed and despondent. If people think it's rough having a 2-day stomach flu, you can imagine how much harder it is to cope emotionally when it's a 60 or 200-day bout of nausea during pregnancy."

Just hearing someone say, "Yeah, I felt that way." Wow. So helpful. Especially the part about "depressed" or "despondent." On a bad day, I feel sort of depressed. I just feel so down. I start missing America. Missing family. Missing the old Wendi.

Where is she?

I have heard people talk about morning sickness. I thought I had it in my previous two pregnancies. But this time is quite different. While I don't throw up, I am nauseous so much. Some days are good days. Some half days are good days. And some days the nausea seems relentless. I have been taking medication for the nausea. On a bad day, it will stop the dry heaving but not stop the feeling that I have to throw up. I have tried every other morning sickness piece of advice I can to stop the nausea. Somedays, crackers seem to work. The next day they don't. One day some sprite helps. The next day, not so much. Nothing has seemed to consistently relieve the daily feeling that I have to throw up.

I can't explain this feeling. When I write about it I can't help think myself. That's not so bad. If you aren't throwing up, then you are okay. But it doesn't feel that way at all. JB got sick the other day. He didn't throw up but felt terrible nausea. He came downstairs and gave me a big hug and just encouraged me. He told me it was a reminder of what I feel like so many days.

I often wish I can throw up. I feel like if I did, I would have some relief for a few minutes.

I wish I could say I am dealing with this "gracefully" but I don't think I am. Connie and John have seen me. I get so weary and feel so overwhelmed that I sometimes lose it. I have long periods of feeling emotionally worried, down, and I can get very irritable, especially with the kids. Prior to this illness, I never really feel, truly, that I lost my cool very much. It just isn't my style. But when I feel really sick, before I even realize it, I'm losing my cool. I'm speaking in ways that I don't like to speak.

I am managing to keep our routine nearly completely. While I had had to stop things for a few weeks upon our return to America, we are doing all the things we used. The boys got to Awanas on Tuesday evening. We go to storytime at the library on Wednesdays. On Thursdays, our MOPs group has some sort of activity. On Friday this week I had some friends over to the house.

My Aunt Connie helps me around 30 hours during the week. She's been trying to be with me more Monday thru Friday. She goes with me to the activities and helps around the house and provides another set of eyes for the kids. JB is with me on Saturday and Sunday. This allows me to usually have a teammate I can tag out to if I need to.

But I don't want to tag out. I want to be their mom. I miss them. I miss being the mom I feel like I usually am. Instead I feel like I am just going through the motions sometimes.

I know I will. I know this will be a blip on my radar so soon. In the meantime, thank you to my friends who have written me. One wrote, "Some days, it was all I could do to throw my kids a granola bar."

That made me feel better. She has six kids now.

Blip. blip. blip. blip. blip. blip.

P.S. I would LOVE to hear from some of you all with times in your life that you have felt the blip was really feeling long and how you got through it! Or maybe you have some encouragement for me or others reading this. Remember, I hope years from now, women see this post and feel encouraged.

Friday Funnies

Me: "Sidge, when I tell Isaac something and you do just what I say not to, you are not obeying. What I say to Isaac goes for you too."
Sidge: "What does goes for you mean?"
Me: "It means it applies to you as well."
Sidge: "Okay. What does applies to you mean?"
*****
While singing the Veggie Tales song to Aunt Connie, we realized Sidge was singing, "It's got to pee instead of it's got to be."
*****
Sidge: "What does rush mean?"
Me: "It means like hurry over."
Sidge: "So if someone in our family was hurt, we would rush over. Right?"

A bummer

I got word late last night that our friends from Eglin, Josh & Rebekah, who we thought were nearly most definitely coming to Lajes this summer to replace Nick, the departing physician (there are only two of them here on Base), are not coming after all. The military has decided to send them to Turkey instead.

This is the nature of the military. Nothing is for sure until it is for sure. But all the people were saying the right things and telling us it was happening. You try not to get excited, but then you do, and then you get a bit sad when you find out it is not true. They were actually hopign to move into Nick & Kristy's house when they moved out. Bummer!

I know Rebekah is reeling even more than I am. You can't help but all but move yourself somewhere before you go, especially when the "powers that be" have indicated that is in fact where you are going.

Anyways, just a little sad about this. But sad is okay. God is present. He'll guide them. He'll guide us. But, geeezie. Bummer!

Adam and Eve -- Kit. Style

Time for breakfast. The boys scurried down the marble staircase ahead of me while I scooped Abigail out of her crib and followed only about thirty seconds behind.

Immediately, I noticed, upon entrance to the kitchen, something awry.

Both boys were sort of hiding, their mouths jam-packed with something. They were obviously trying to hide their guilt but, obviously, had no earthly idea how to do that.

At the every end I got to the bottom of it.

Me: "Isaac, where did you get that chocolate? Did you take it off the counter?"

Isaac: "I did not."

Me: "Then how did you get it?"

Isaac: "Sidge climbed up on the counter and got two down, and he gave one to me."

Me: "But you took it from Sidge?"

Isaac: "He told me to."

Me: "What do you think your punishment be?"

Isaac: "I think you should just let me play."

Me: "Sidge, is this true? Did you climb up on the counter?"

Sidge: "Yep."

Me: "Are you supposed to do that?"

Sidge: "Nope."

Me: "Why did you do it?"

Sidge: "To get chocolate."

Me: "So what should your punishment be?"

Sidge: "Just to go play. Next time I can get a punishment."

Think she has brothers?

We don't use the bidet in each of our bathrooms for bidet-like purposes. Sometimes one of the boys will use it for a urinal though. Obviously Abigail has observed this one too many times. While her big brother is using the toilet next to her, she will often walk up to the bidet and lift her shirt to prepare to "go to the bathroom like the boys."

Today I finally decided to record it.

Wee-wind Wednesday

Where were we three years ago?

February 20, 2010.

We were in Eglin, parenting two little boys.

Sidge just walked into the room as I wrote this and said, "Look. There's baby Isaac. And there's Baby Sidge. What's on my face? Is that Baby Isaac below me? Mom, what are you spelling?"

Here's the link to the post for more pics of our boys three years ago today.

From the mouth of babes

Today, Sidge asked me to read him another book. I told him I just couldn't read to him right then. When he asked me why I couldn't I said, "Mommy just doesn't feel good, Sidge. I can't read right now."

"Can Jesus make you better?" he asked me.

"Yes," I replied.

"Okay. I'm gonna pray for you right now."

With that he stopped what he was doing, sat down in front of me of the couch, folded his hands and said, "Dear Jesus, will you please help my Mommy feel better?"

To say I teared up while he was praying would be an understatement.

When he was done, he asked me if I felt better. While my body didn't, my heart did.

Thank you to those of you, who, with childlike faith, are also praying for me. I so appreciate all the encouragement, prayers, and love I have received from so many of you. I have gotten so many emails from people who have battled morning sickness.  I am earnestly seeking the Lord during this time. I am also gaining perspective. I am dealing with a temporary "illness" due to a happy reason.

There are so many people battling illnesses that are no temporary and are not for happy reasons. These people are so strong! I have so much respect for the battles they are waging. If you know someone facing a battle today, send them a note of encouragement. Don't try to fix it. Just tell them that you are proud of them. Tell them that they are doing a good job. Tell them that they are strong and that their faith is inspiring.

Love you all!

Weathered

This June we will celebrate 15 years of marriage.

We have weathered some storms together. Weathered infertility. Weathered moving (too many times!). Weathered sickness and health. Mostly we have had good weather!

I have not been the easiest woman to live with recently. And my sweet husband is amazing. He comes home from work and jumps right into a kitchen and fatherhood. He is my best friend, my husband, my doctor, my children's father.

And he loves me despite the fact that I am often nauseous and just not the Wendi I "usually" am.

I love you JB. Thank you for the flowers on Valentine's Day and encouraging me every single day.

I feel you Lord

Today, I have not felt so hot.

And it has rained the entire day.

JB started a fire for me in the fireplace, as we have no heat in the house, and I couldn't manage to keep it going. It went out. I had to start it again.

[To which Isaac always says, "Are you going to start a little fire, Mommy? Only Daddy can make the big fires."]

So true.

In addition, I had nothing on my calendar today. Connie had an organizing job. Carla, who I often get together with, was penned up inside her own house in the rain, neither of us wanting to brave the fierce winds to try to meet up.

And yet, despite the rain and the nausea, the Lord was so present in my home today. I have struggled to feel Him in recent days. I've been praying. Asking Him to reveal himself.

And today He did. Not on a day that was full of sunshine or warmth or friends or family as I might have thought. But on a day that you would think would fill me with gray clouds.

I could feel Him.

My housekeeper, Hita, works on Mondays and Fridays at my friend Kristy's house. Kristy is in the states having her baby. Hita, when she finishes working, came over to my house again today. Just to sit in my living room and wait for her son to pick her up.

She speaks very little English. My Portuguese is poor. And yet she wanted to be in my home. She came her by choice just to be with our family. Even though I am sick and in my pajamas and the kids are far from peaceful, she joined us.

With her arrival I felt the Lord whisper, "She can feel me too."

Thank you Lord for revealing yourself to me when I needed you most. Today. Thank you for whispering in my ear that you are with me on this island, in the Atlantic, in my under-the-weather state.

Thank you for a 10 week appointment yesterday at which we were able to hear baby's heartbeat.

You ... are ... here.

And He is with you too. Even if you don't feel him at this moment, HANG ON. He will make himself felt.

Of that I am proof.

Happy Valentine's Day

The boys picked out a superhero "snack" for the Valentine's Day present. Isaac (aka "superman") was wearing his superman costume (thanks Aunt AD) when he got it this morning. And Sidge (aka "batman") was wearing his borrowed costume from his friends Jackson and Max. My attempt at a picture of both of them looking at the camera, however, was a failure.

Friday Funnies

Sidge got hurt one day and started crying hard.
Me: "Come here. Let me hold you."
Sidge: "I want Isaac to hold me."
Isaac: (looks up from his toys, shocked.)
Me: "You want Isaac to hold you?"
Sidge: "Yes."
Isaac: "I'm not sure I can Sidge. But if you sit down on the couch, I can try."
*****
Sidge: "Someone at MOPs told me, Happy Valentines Day, and I didn't know what to say so I just said  thank you."
*****
Isaac: "First I had a belly ache. But then I huffed and I puffed and I pushed that poop out."

A Toddler's Rules of Possession

Searching

There are few times that I have been sort of blogless.

But lately, as you may have noticed, I've been sort of blogless.

I have blogs in my head, but by the time I sit down, I can't translate them into a successful blog that anyone would enjoy reading.

Unfortunately, when you don't feel good, I've realized, everything in your life just takes a back seat. In my case, I definitely have a desire to not appear to be a complainer. And the main thing on my mind is how I feel which means that is the main thing I'd want to write about and that isn't very exciting to anyone.

So please just keep praying for me and this little life growing inside me. I have some good days. I have some bad days. I have some wonderful people encouraging me both near and far. And I have no doubt I will be back to myself in no time.

Praying that "no time" is tomorrow!

More encouragement

It's not that you don't believe in Me or believe My word. It is that your symptoms are speaking louder than your faith. Stop and consider that I am the God that heals you. There is nothing too difficult for Me. Strengthen your resolve to truly believe for complete healing and restoration in this particular situation. Be strong and immovable, says the Lord.

Psalm 107:19-22 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare His works with rejoicing.

From Dear Jesus by Sarah Young

Dear Jesus,

I know You are perfect in all Your ways, so it is impossible for you to be careless. However, I also know You are absolutely sovereign: Nothing happens that You have not allowed. When difficulties in my life overwhelm me -- events You could have prevented -- sometimes it feels as if You are being careless with me. I believe You do equip me to handle whatever comes my way, but I need Your help in using the equipment.

Beloved, realizing you need My help is half the battle. You also need My Word and My Spirit. The Bible imparts to you essential wisdom: My promises to be near you and take care of you, exhortations that help you avoid sinful snares, offers of forgiveness when you “miss the mark,” promises of My Spirit’s living in you and empowering you.

It is important not to be surprised or alarmed by the many trials that enter your life. Until you reach your ulimate home in heaven, you will be at war. When you have a wartime mentality, it’s easier to handle difficulties as they arise. You don’t waste time and energy bemoaning your circumstances; you avoid the trap of feeling singled out for hardship.

I do indeed equip you fully to handle your difficulties. But you have to make the effort to use what I provide: My Presence, My Word, My Spirit. Come to Me when you are heavy laden and you will find rest for your soul.

Scriptures:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.– Isaiah 41:10

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. – 1 Peter 5:8-9

Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden…and you will find rest for your souls. – Matthew 11:28-29

Order your own copy of Dear Jesus by Sarah Young

Praising the Lord today ...

• for a beautiful island day
• for an almost completely nausea-free day
• for getting to skype with my parents
• for my neighbor Carla bringing her boys over to play

Optimus Prime & Bumblee

Today we went up to Base as a family to eat lunch at the grill and go to the Commissary. Apparently, it was a very special day because two transformers were visiting Outdoor Rec. They made it a very fun little meet and greet. The kids weren't too excited to go near the characters and Sidge got a bit spooked at one point, but they loved the balloons, and Outdoor Rec. did a great job giving us 30 minutes of fun!

P.S. As for how I am doing: I'm chugging away trying to live in the moment. My blogs may a bit more sparse just because I don't feel good and it cuts down on the windows I can "get things done" but I am emotionally doing very well and physically praying for all of this to part soon! So blessed. If you could pray that I would have sweet sleep and nausea-free days, I would so appreciate it.

Billy Graham in Quotes

Thanks to Booksneeze for giving me a free copy of: Billy Graham in Quotes in exchange for my honest review. And, sorry folks, this will not be one I give away. It is just too good! Billy Graham's family put together a collection of his comments spanning seven decades!

Drawn from an unparelleled collection of both personal and published works, Billy Graham provides input on more than one hundred topics, such as suffering, joy, money, addictions, peace, and many more. The book is divided into categories. This means that if you are looking for his "opinion" on peace, you can jump right to that section and hear his voice through the pages.

I do think that is hard to actually hear him through words. Reading is one thing. Listening to the legendary Billy Graham is another. But nonetheless, having the opportunity to have his quotations at your fingertips is quite invaluable.

Kudos to Thomas Nelson for publishing this collection of quotes from Dr. Graham, spanning 7 decades. Over 100 subjects are covered..everything from creation to greed, integrity to war, abortion to marriage.

Friday Funnies

Sidge comes into the room naked.
Sidge: "I'm Captain America."
Isaac: "You are a naked man."
Sidge: "Well, Captain America is just changing his clothes."
*****
Sidge: "What happens if Abigail grows up into a boy?"
*****
Sidge: "Will Scrubby get old?"
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "Then he will die?"
Me: "Yes, someday."
Sidge: "Will we get old?"
Me: "Yes."
Isaac: "How old will we be when we die? Like fifty?"
Me: "Or older. And then we get to go see Jesus."
Sidge: "I can't wait! I have no idea what he looks like."
Isaac: "Yes you do. You saw a statue of him in the movie Rio."
*****
While puzzling with Auntie Connie, "All that puzzling made me tired," said Sidge.

Our world

I hope this "shares" correctly. It is a Facebook video that I wanted to share on my blog. Somedays we get "bogged" down in thinking our problems are the worst problems. It's why going on mission trips helps us as much as it helps the people we are ministering to. It is remembering how blessed we are.

Click here to watch this video of first world problems read by third world people.

Today I missed my mom a lot. I missed sunny weather. I missed America. But oh how good it is to remember what a wonderful God we serve and how very big the world is!

Psalms 18:2

The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Kari Jobe video

An awesomly encouraging video that my mom sent me.

Click here for Kari Jobe's Healer.

Than I normally would

Last night, as I laid next to Sidge in his bed, he turned to me and said, "You are the greatest mom ever."

A few minutes later, while taking a shower (a place of great intellectual thought), I thus began thinking to myself. "Really? Right now? Right now, I am not on my game. The last few weeks/months have been some of my hardest as a mom. I feel like I am surviving each day. And tonight he tells me I'm the best?"

But then I thought about it. Yesterday (and during the last five weeks if I am being honest) I:

• sat on the floor in the midst of a sea of a Thomas trains while they played much longer than I normally would. I normally would have gotten up thinking of all the things that needed to be done.
• sat on the couch reading books for twice as long as I normally would.
• laid in bed with each boy as they went to bed, much longer than I ever normally do.
• spoke much softer than I normally do.
• moved much slower than I normally do.
• went to fewer places and did much less running around than I normally would.

And I thought to myself, as a good friend told me, despite the fact that I don't feel "up to myself", my kids are not suffering. Maybe, in fact, they are getting even more from their mom than they normally would.

The desert is not the danger

Man! I continue to read one thing after another that just seems to meet me "right where I am." I have especially been touched by an online blogger my mother introduced me to: Holly Gerth. Her blog post today was about the Israelites in the desert.

P.S. The Israelites were only supposed to be in the desert for eleven days!

P.S.S. On the other side of the desert was their dream!

We often set out for our journeys with high hopes. I have two friends who are adopting right now. And the road is not moving in the direction they had hoped. It's not moving at the speed it should be. A friend battling an unexpected period of adjustment. A woman facing an illness. A sister experiencing the loss of someone she loved greatly.

As Holly writes, "we set out on our journey with high hopes. Then as the miles go on we begin to feel fear nipping at our heels. We start to question… Is this the way I should be going? Why is this turning out differently than I expected? What if I didn’t hear God right after all?"

Do you have fear right now?

I have fear.

It's hard to admit we have fear. I'm not sure why. We don't want to appear weak maybe?

Bot Holly Gerth went on to say, " With every question the fear gets a bit louder and our confidence a bit lower. If that’s you today, let me lean in and whisper a truth that you must know: There’s always a desert before the dream."

The Israelites faced fear. And they let the fear win and instead spent forty years on an 11 day journey!

What can we learn from those Israelites? We can learn that the desert is not the danger. "The biggest threat is surrendering to fear and letting go of faith.

"So if you find yourself in a desert right now then hold tight to what you know is true and press on, friend. The Promised Land is closer than you think.

And you have everything you need for the journey."

Focus

I've been rereading and rereading some of the following scriptures. Hope they minister to you in your current journey -- whatever it is that is challenging you. When we feel weary, cling to the Lord.

Ps 71:3 "Be my strong refuge, To which I may resort continually. You have given the commandment to save me for you are my rock and my fortress."

Ps. 71:6 "By You I have been upheld from birth. You are He who took me out of my mother's womb. My praise shall continually be of you."

Ps. 71:7 "But You are my strong refuge. Let my mouth be filled with your praise. And with your glory all day."

Ps. 71:21 "You shall increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side."

Ps. 71:24 "My tongue also shall talk of your righteousness all the day long."
2 Cor. 10:5 "Casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. Bringing every thought into captivity for the obedience of Christ."

Another note tucked in Grama's Bible

"Does it matter what the day looks like outside? Am not I your light, your joy, and all that you need? Day after day I am yours; yours to hear you, your to lighten your load, yours to hear and answer your prayers. I am all yours. You are all mine. And together, as we go, the light goes with us. So shine, yes, shine, in my glory. Be bold to proclaim who you are in me, your Christ, your Savior, your Lord. And as you speak in boldness, I will back my word up with gifts of power displayed so the world will come to me and participate in all I have for them. Yes, so be bold as a lion. Strike out with my word, with my promises. And as you go, you will see my glory manifested. I am coming soon. Be ready and be bold. Be all I've asked you to be for my glory. And as usual, I am faithful. I am merciful. And these signs will show up as you go. So go now. Enjoy me. And then, as you praise and worship me, the streams will start flowing to me, streams of the called ones. So rejoice. Again I say rejoice! My word is so. My word is great. My word is me. Praise the Lord!" -- Grama Gertrude Huisman (February 21, 1993).

Grama's Bible

I was "lucky" enough to inherit my grandmother's Bible when she passed away. The mother of six, grandmother of seventeen, and great-grandmother (still counting), she was the most Godly woman I have ever met. I can only hope to know Jesus like she did.

Just last week, I found the following card, tucked in the back of her Bible. It reads:

This is what I have for you my child; there will be mountains and valeys but I want you to praise me in all things that others can see me in you; be kind and joyful and hold peace and depend completely on me. I will bring him out in a joy you cannot comprehend.

Amen!

Sidge's birthday party

Today we had just a small "family" birthday party for Elijah "Sidge" at our house. We did a superhero theme and invited the boys' best friends: Max & Jackson over. You realize how "little" kids need when you do a small party and your son tells you, "this was the best party ever!" He thought he got soooo many presents! We had a wonderful day.

To view all of the pictures from our day, jump over to our Facebook album here. 

I received a wonderful email from my mother-in-law. There is a part of you, as a mom, that finds it difficult to admit you can't do the "big thing" this year. You want to be the mom. I was feeling this way but was doing a good job reminding myself that this year, with everything going on in our life, a small party was okay.

And then I received an email from my (world's best) mother-in-law. Mother of six kids, she reminded me that it is okay to do simple. That it is okay to lean on others. She told me to feel only:

JOY- that #1, that special little boy is with you and so  adorable! And 2, that his personality  EXUDES JOY at the simplest things! He will be happy as a lark with anything that blesses him on his special day! He "gets" life in that simple way that the Lord wants us all to ... living in the moment-being uncomplicated ... totally SECURE!

 
He just LOVES LIFE!  And he loves you "to pieces". No one can be his "sun and moon, to the sky and back" mommy like you. 
 
So, just in case, if you are feeling a little lacking ... DON'T. You're all he needs and whatever little things other's help do to celebrate, great. But those things are extra. His pretty momma makes his world!
 
So, put on a pretty pair of earrings in honor of his birthday and have a wonderful day watching him turn 4!
 
(and give him an extra hug from me and grandpa, please :) )
 
Love you,

Mom

P.S. Sorry folks, but I have the best mother-in-law in the world. What a gift she gave me in just taking a few minutes to email me a few encouraging words. 

Friends in the rain

The weather has been crummy. I've been told to be ready, that with spring, we'll be blown away by how beautiful it will get here. But right now, we are stuck inside a lot. If the sun comes out for a moment, we try to go outside. Anytime we can. The temperature stays in the 60's, but there is just lots of rain and lots of wind and lots of coolness. Everything is damp most of the time. We have to have dehumidifiers running. We have to hang these "damp rid" bags in every closet to prevent mildew/mold from growing. We don't have central heat so we depend on the fireplace in the upstairs livinf room. It's a very different existence here than I have ever experienced.

There are no malls on the island. No indoor play areas in fast food restaurants. No other inside options except for one place in the Fitness Center on Base called "Stormy's." When it rains or is incredibly windy, there is inside your house. Or inside the house of a friend. And that's about it.

How wonderful it is to have a friend like Carla who lives around the block who will walk over in her pajamas and just hang out with her kids at your house while it is raining outside. Here she is in the picture above reading with my kids on our couch. And she let's me come over to her house and do the same thing. Wonderful woman. Great sons. Beautiful friend.

So blessed to have this friend in the rain.

Here's the truth

Right now, I don't feel well. Battling morning sickness and headaches/migraines. Neither of my previous pregnancies hit me this hard of that I am certain.

However, this will probably be the last time I mention anything related to not feeling well on my blog. I will let you all know when I am feeling back to normal, but otherwise, you can simply stand alongside me with prayers. You can pray for good sleep, extra-big doses of daily endurance, and healing from the headaches and the nausea that have knocked me on my rear end a bit.

However, I am choosing to turn my focus to other things.

What I instead feel "lead" to do is write my blog for those of you struggling. My plight is not a hard one. It is for a time. A brief season. Maybe it will last one more day. Maybe a little longer. Tomorrow may be the end. While sometimes it is hard to remember when you are in the midst of the storm, it is important to remember that storms do not last forever. But some of you, are dealing with plights that might be a bit longer, a bit harder, a bit more difficult to see your way out of.

If it is a daily struggle to remember the truth behind my plight, how much more difficult must it be for someone facing a terminal illness diagnosis, the death of someone they love, the news of something much more tragic that effects there body, soul and/or spirit.

Isn't that what the whole "theme" of my blog has always been about? The scripture, plastered on the blog itself is from Habakuk chapter 3.

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

And the next verse continues this encouragement:

The Sovereign LORD is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.

In my life right now, there is no empty fig tree or vines. There are simply some, difficulties, if you will, in my early pregnancy. Far from that of the Jews in concentration camps. Of POW's. Of victims of war or violence.

Some of you, out there, are dealing with some, difficulties, if you will, and the vines are empty. You are fighting an illness. You are grieving a loss. You are hurting. You are healing. You are lonely. You are empty.

It is for YOU I plan to write my blog over the next few weeks, months, years -- however long. For me and for you. While I encourage myself in the day-to-day life, I hope to encourage you.

There will still be glimpses into our family life. Nothing much will change. But you will find even more encouragement. (I hope.) Scriptures that are ministering to me as I attempt to be the best mom and wife I can be while not feeling the person I want to be.

I am so blessed. So blessed in so many ways.

• Blessed to have this tiny life growing inside me.
• Blessed to have my Aunt Connie here for a season that only God could know was coming.
• Blessed to have a husband who is stronger than any other man I know.
• Blessed to have friends both near and far encouraging me.
• Blessed to have the three children (and fourth) that the Lord has given me.

I also want to tell all those who love me -- friends and relatives -- that I am sorry I am not quite as "active" online and on the phone and in letters or emails. I am really having to focus on the things we need as a family. Extra things are being cut out. We have three young children. We live on an island in the pacific. My husband is a busy doctor. We have to focus on close-to-home.

It is "difficult" to not be the Wendi I know is in there. I would usually consider myself a "Tigger" in personality and energy level. I'm not Tigger right now. More Pooh-like. But that's okay. It's okay. I'm okay. God's okay. We're okay.

And as I encourage myself, I hope to encourage you too.

I cannot "listen" to the worry in my mind. That someone might misunderstand my motives. That anyone might think me complaining. That anyone might think I am ungrateful. I know my heart. And as I write this blog and process my thoughts, I must trust that the core of Wendi will be evident.

Blessings everyone.

Friday Funnies

Sidge: "Why do we have to pee so much?"
Me: "Because when you drink something, it comes out as pee."
Sidge: "Why?"
Me: "Because that's how God made us."
Sidge: "How did he make us like that?"
Me: "Well, he's God, and God can do that."
Sidge: "How?"
Me: "Well, He just made you like that."
Sidge: "Did Jesus help him?"
Me: "Jesus is his son."
Sidge: "Do they make everything?"
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "Even toilets?"
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "And animals too?"
Me: "Yes."
Sidge: "Okay."
 *****
Sidge: (looking out of the car window) "I see lotsa pretty dandy-flyins."
*****
Sidge: "What happens after we get old, Mommy?"
*****
Sidge: "What does it mean when you say God will stand by you?"
*****
Isaac: "If we touch someone's penis, is that rude?"
*****
Isaac: "Florida has a problem. And that problem is that they have a lot of mosquitoes."
*****
Sidge: "Why do we have to not lose our balance? Do we need to keep an eye on it very carefully?"
*****
Aunt Connie: "When Abigail sings like that, it makes Daddy melt."
Sidge: "Mommy, how do people melt?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Sidge: "How is Daddy gonna melt?"

You’ve already come further than you realize.

From: You've Come Farther Than You Know

I’ve come on a first date with this cute boy {now my husband} and I’m determined to impress him. But now he’s nowhere in sight. I feel a twinge of panic in my chest and an ache in my legs. I imagine getting chased by a bear. Or a squirrel. Either one could probably take me at this point.

Then I swerve around the next bend and see two things: the parking lot and that cute boy. I was only a few feet from the goal but I didn’t know it.

That’s how it can feel with our God-sized dreams or anything new in our lives. We’ve never been this way before and we’re unsure of exactly where we’re going. Excitement gives way to worry. We don’t know if our hearts can keep up the pace much longer. And by the way, where’s God? Wasn’t he supposed to be taking the lead?

Then all of a sudden, we’re there.

I don’t know how far you have to go on your God-sized dream but I do know this: you’ve already come further than you realize.