I will have a housekeeper for the rest of my life.
I have hesitated to write this post because I am a doctor's wife. I fear that people will look at me and say, "Well of course you will. You are a doctor's wife."
Doctor's Wife
Firstly let me say that I am the doctor of a military wife. Big difference. I am also the wife of a family practice doctor. Another big difference. We are not rolling in the dough.
Do we have money? Yes. Are we more well off than the vast majority of the world? Yes. I am not ignorant to this by any means. So please keep that in mind.
Both Sides of the Financial Spectrum
In addition, my mother was a housekeeper for most of my childhood. Another small caveat that I believe is worth noting. Part of this caveat is the truth of how both JB and I grew up. I grew up with a family living paycheck to paycheck. We skipped Christmases sometimes. We lived in a trailer park. JB's families faced the same financial stresses. There was always enough for the needs but seldom enough for the wants. So I understand both sides of the financial spectrum.
But let me tell you that the amount of money we are making has almost nothing to do with my decision to have a housekeeper. Instead it has everything to do with the priorities I am choosing for my life.
A Warped Perspective
Americans see having a housekeeper as something only the rich do. This is so very contrary to much of Europe and other parts of the world. For them, a housekeeper is a way to free up more of their time. It is a way to spread the wealth and provide jobs.
I find it especially interesting that we as Americans are so against housekeepers and yet we spend money on items that are so much more frivolous than a housekeeper. Leases on cars? Cell phones? Television? Dryers? Gas? These are all luxuries that most people outside of the western world would not even consider.
I have come to believe that we as a society are truly spending money on ALL the wrong things. Our priorities have gotten majorly screwed up, and as a result, I believe that we as a society have begun to make choices that just do not make sense.
The Minutia
So I scoured the Internet for some data. Please note that I know these numbers cannot possibly represent every American family. Your family may be very different. The numbers may not be correct. I don't have hours to scrutinize minutia. Let's not argue the little things. Let's look at the overall picture and the theme of what I am getting at.
What We Americans are Spending
Let's start by taking a look at the things Americans spend money on:
- $91 a month on coffee ($1,092 annually)*
- $123 a month on gas ($1,476 annually)*
- $731 a month on automobile costs ($8,776 annually) -- includes insurance, gas, depreciation, and other expenses*
- $58 a month on Christmas gifts ($700 annually)*
- $88 a month on gifts in general ($1,067 annually)%
- $50 a month on cell phone ($606 annually)*
- $118 a month for electricity ($1,419 annually)*
- $158 a month for iPhone users ($1,900 annually)*
- $128 a month for pets ($1,542 annually)*
- $30 a month on shoes ($370 annually)*
- $8 a month for watching sports ($100 annually)*
- $70 a month on soft drinks ($840 annually)*
- $225 a month on eating out ($2700 anually)+%
- $67 a month on alcohol/tobacco ($804 annually)%
- $52 a month on fees and admissions ($628 annually)%
- $81 a month TV/radio expenses ($975 annually)%
The average cost of a housekeeper is between $75 and $100 a week. This would work out to approximately $400 a month. An average American spends approximately 13 hours a week cleaning their house.# That works out to 52 hours a month. So if the average cost of having your house cleaned is $400 a month that means that you are paying someone approximately $7.69 an hour to do your cleaning! In addition, you could hire someone only every other week for only $200 a month.
Items in Red
I look at that as 13 extra hours a week that I can spend with my family. And that is what I do with the time. Now let's look at the items in red above. It is my belief that these items are completely unnecessary for our lives. And these things equal $534 a month. This means that you could pick one or two of these items to keep and still have enough money for a housekeeper. Would you be willing to give up TV, eating out, coffee, soft drinks, and alcohol/tobacco to have 13 more hours a week with your family?
Items in Blue
Now let's take a look at the items in blue. Firstly let's take the cell phone/iPhone. Americans now seem to believe that these are mandatory items for their life. I completely disagree. I have not had a cell phone for the last three years of my life and have enjoyed every single minute of that freedom!
But even if these items are considered mandatory, I am sure we could all decrease the amount we spend on those items. Either downgrading or having a phone with prepaid minutes that is truly "only for emergencies" is possible.
Electricity is another thing that I think we take for granted in America. We can't cut that out altogether, obviously. But let's take people in both Turkey and the Azores. Most have electricity. But they do not have dryers. A dryer takes up an incredible amount of electricity and is considered incredibly wasteful. I would much rather use a clothesline and have a housekeeper. Would you?
And then there is an automobile. It is not usually considered frivolous in the U.S. to have a second vehicle or to lease a better vehicle than you really need. How many people spend $400 a month (or more!) to lease or make payments on a vehicle. Wouldn't you rather drive a lesser vehicle and have more time each month for your family?
In Summary
Here's my point. You can choose not to have a housekeeper. If this is not something that stresses you out and you feel that you have enough time for it, by all means, keep cleaning your own house. But I am sure we all feel that there are things we just don't have enough time for in our life. We want to exercise more. We want to eat better. If you had an extra 13 hours a week, you could exercise every day. you could spend time cooking a healthy meal. But I do think we are spending our money in the wrong places. While a family vacation is a wonderful thing, the average family vacation costs approximately $1500. Most families take two vacations a year. I would gladly give up one of those family vacations to have a housekeeper come every other week. In my opinion the time at home with my children is of much more value than the opportunity to take a trip.
Just my two cents. I'd love to hear from you on the topic. I grew up thinking that housekeepers were only for the rich and famous. But leasing a car was for everyone. Fast food was for everyone. Cell phones were for everyone. Cable was for everyone. I think that is quite backwards. I think a housekeeper should be for everyone. It would help provide jobs, and it would help us spend more time where we really should. Get rid of the cell phone and cable today and a vehicle you can't afford, and hire someone to help.
I'd love to get some dialogue going on this. Comment away. (Joy, I got this done as quick as I could. Your husband needs some resources ... fast!)
Housekeeper Part II
References:
+ The Spending Habits of the Average American
* How Much You Spend Each Year on Coffee, Gas, Christmas, Pets, Beer, and More
% Top 10 Things Americans Waste Money On
^ The Average Cost of Maid Service
# 2012 Leap Year study by CLR: How much time do people spend cleaning house?
@ Average American Summer Vacation Costs over $1,600
Other articles on this topic:
47 comments:
I love this! We had a housekeeper who came twice a month while my sister and I were both working full time. It essentially saved us two whole days a month where we would have to clean the house. I really loved it. Now, since I do a little work online and take care of E, I feel like it would be bad for me to have a housekeeper....bad as in I'm not a great enough mom to do it all. :( It's all about perception and expectations though. When E goes to school and I go back to work, I plan on definitely having one so that all of my free time can be spend with the fam. :)
I think the one thing holding me back is the safety issue. I would be interested to hear what others think about this. I'm a very private person, and to have someone in my house often is uncomfortable for me. Okay, (now don't yell at me!) but I worry about theft or weird stuff happening. I know, I know, too much tv watching for me! :)
I guess one other option is that people could do what I do---just not clean their house often enough, and then once a month (or thereabouts) have a big house cleaning party with the husband and kids. :)
I understand what you are saying, but it seems a luxury stateside. And for a family where one parent stays home, it seems unnecessary. With two working parents, I could see it making sense- times truly at a premium. As the kids get older they help more around the house, and I think the chores are important in character building, as well as pitching in and participating. Iwhen we had a maid in the Philippines, my parents wouldn't let her clean our rooms. That's my stand - I live in a gated community with lots of housekeepers employed. It's just not for me.
I'm making dinner so I had more thoughts- also in my neighborhood most lawns are cared for by lawn care services weekly. My hubby, a healthy 40 something, still cares for the lawn - a large lot, lots of landscaping, etc. I talked him into letting a local high school student with a lawn business and a push mower into mowing our lawn all summer...and though we certainly can afford the $15 a week for mowing and trimming, he really struggled with letting someone else do it. But my argument was the boy, #1 academically in his class, would benefit from it, andit would free up time from my very busy husband. Summer is over, though, and hubby is back at it.
It's funny you posted this today because it has actually been on my mind to hire someone to come help me. I am a stay-at-home mom to a 3-year-old and 1-year-old but I've been struggling with some depression and feel like I can't even keep up with the basic housework. I paid attention today and was in the kitchen from 8:30-12:30 - breakfast, clean up, snack, clean up, lunch, clean up. My entire morning - 4 hours!!!- was spent just cleaning the kitchen - that's ridiculous! (Though I did mop/sweep/vacuum the main living areas, too, this wasn't even deep cleaning or anything. Just your basic make a meal and do the dishes thing.) We plan on homeschooling and I keep thinking "how in the world will I find time to do any school work with the kids when it takes me 4 hours to clean the kitchen??"
I've debated hiring someone for awhile but always talk myself out of it. I think just having someone come one day a week to vacuum, mop and do a quick wipe down of the bathrooms would help so much. It wouldn't even take them that much time... an hour and a half? Probably less since they wouldn't be stopped a billion times to take care of kids/dogs/husbands/phone calls. Then I think, "It's only an hour or so. I can do that. I don't need help." and the cycle continues.
I think I'm going to have a talk with the husband tonight about this. I even know someone who who would jump on the chance to earn some extra cash and passes by here every afternoon on her way to work...
I wonder if most families in the Azores have two working parents? If I worked all day outside the home I would definitely hire help. As a SAHM I have always felt it was part of my job to also be the housekeeper, and I hated doing both when I just wanted to do fun stuff wih my kids! So yes there was a time when I really wanted a housekeeper, for sure!
Now my older one is in school all day so i try to get all cleaning done while he is at school and the little one is napping. It is much more manageable now.
I do agree with the previous comment about character-building. I have worked really hard at involving my kids in cleaning up the house, cleaning up after themselves, and generally helping out. I know they are kids and need playtime, but I think teaching them that work is part of life is a good thing too. And who says chores can't be fun or at least tolerable when you have someone to help, and do a little bit at a time so it doesn't like pile up?
Great post though, especially about the money part - it is amazing how much we spend on little things like coffee and tv!
In college, I cleaned houses and babysat. (usually for the same families!) i was able to establish relationships were they trusted me. The first few times I cleaned, someone from the family was usually around to monitor and/or answer questions. After that, I was usually given a key and cleaned while they were at work.
As a college student far from home, it was really nice. I was able to work a few less hours than if I had worked at McDonalds, etc. Which really freed me up to study more. And I was able to enjoy interacting with families instead of just other students / professors all the time.
I did not make $100 / house. More like $50ish every other week per house. College kids work a little cheaper! :)
I would love to help out some of our youth group or college students (from our church) this way, but we're working hard to pay off debts. (No more car loans! yay!) So, maybe in a few years it will be more of a reality.
With 5 kids soon to be 6 and nannying full time for 2 I have debated seriously on hiring someone myself. Even my DH's Aunt has offered to come in a few hours a week and do just simple things like laundry and kids bedding. Which in fact would be the bulk of what I do anyways. I look at my house sometimes and say "thats it. I am hiring someone to help me." Then realize. No, I don't want to do that. This is my house. My responsibilities. My kids clothes, bedding, blankets, toys. Our laundry, dishes, messy backyard.
I have really debated back and forth on the idea of someone coming in my house to take care of these things for me. But in the end, just feel more accomplished and glad that I did it on my own. That even with 7 kids around the house all day. And loads of laundry and homework and bills to pay and emails to write back and phone calls to make. I am proud that I can right now take care of these things. No, I am not superwoman. I never claimed to be such. But for me. Its all about responsibility. My mom was a horrible housekeeper and not always the best mom. I want to make sure that I can do all of those things and show my kids that if you organize and manage your time well. Anything is possible.
Now I am not saying that this is for everyone. I have a lot of friends who have 1 or 2 children or some with even no children. They hire someone to go in and do housekeeping for them. I even baby-sat and took care of someone's house myself. Cleaning and organizing is not for everyone. But for me. I enjoy it.
Though some days you will hear me utter under my breath "thats it, I am hiring someone to help me."
I'm a medical resident and the first thing we did when I started working (my husband is non-medical and worked during my training) was hire a weekly housekeeper. No, they may not scrub the floor behind the toilet as well as I would, but at least it gets done weekly instead of whenever I have a free half day and some energy. It's worth having the time to spend with husband and kiddo. I grew up in a home with a stay at home mom and a weekly housekeeper and still learned to clean; my mother made sure of that. I think your kids learn what you teach them, and teaching the value of your time and highlighting that something like housecleaning is a luxury, but families choose their own priorities, is a completely reasonable way to raise a family.
I wish it made sense to line dry clothing in Oregon, it rains too much :-( I think the idea of a house keeper is nice but I agree that it really is a luxury. Sadly American culture was not built the same as European culture and therefore cannot be compared. True, I lived in Spain for a year and Italy for 6 months and never drove. But public transport is Ah-Mazing there. Not so much here. As such, gas and car insurance, necessary. Soda and specialty coffee? Totally do away with. Also, in general, cell phones just don't seem as necessary there but part of my cell and many others is a way to connect with work. I can be home with my child but connected to work if they need me. More time at home, less in the office. Another part of American culture that end up wasteful is our idea of space. We want huge houses and huge yards and it takes a lot to heat and cool these houses and a lot of money and time to keepvupbeith the yards. In Spain and Italy, most people live in huge apartment buildings getting rid of yards and huge places to heat and cool. This also helps with better public transport. Most European cultures have few children because living is so expensive, another thing that Americans don't seem to think about as much. This comment wanders. I am with the person who mentioned trust. I tried out a housekeeper and she broke my dyson vacuum. 350 vacuum broken, no apologies or anything. After that I ended up sour and decided I will clean my own house.
We live abroad too and have had a weekly housekeeper the past few years. We still clean on a daily basis, make beds, tidy up, do laundry, cook, wash dishes, etc. So when our kids are older, they will definitely help with those things as chores. But the housekeeper comes once a week and gives the floors, bathrooms, and kitchen a good clean, plus does the essential ironing for the week. Ensures the house always feels clean - instead of just tidy - and saves on dry cleaning as well. We also have someone who we trust to watch our place (and help water plants, air it out, etc.) when we do long visits to the States to see family.
I can't guarantee we'll get someone when we get back, but it gives us peace of mind to have the house clean all the time, and not just when we can find time to do a good job on it (and/or take us away from the kids).
Timely post. We are seriously considering it. Whether you are sleep deprived, working 40 or 80 hours a week or a stay-at-home-mom, it's nice to have those extra few hours to do something you enjoy. I'd also love someone to cook for me. :)
I totally agree with you.
Except for the cell phone. I NEED my cell phone.
(I bet I can post as Anonymous, and you will still know who this is... lol!)
Love and miss you!
-P
@Patty, your comment cracked me up. Yes, I would have known who it was. You and your cell phone will always make me smile.
@Jennici: "Now, since I do a little work online and take care of E, I feel like it would be bad for me to have a housekeeper....bad as in I'm not a great enough mom to do it all" ... I don't disagree. If you have one child and aren't working and feel like it is manageable, by all means do it. It's all about what you value.
@Laura Stafford .... "I understand what you are saying, but it seems a luxury stateside. And for a family where one parent stays home, it seems unnecessary."
You know I luv you but I have to politely disagree. This is where I think we are "missing the boat" in America. It feels like a luxury to us. It seems like a luxury to us. But other things (like going out to eat, having two cars or a car we can't afford, living in a house with more than we need, drinking soda drinks, etc. are not considered luxuries. I think that is where we are backwards in thinking. To me, the housekeeper is about TIME. The other things are not about TIME. And I think that's where we should change our thinking.
Of course, this is just my opinion. If you enjoy taking care of your house or want to take care of your house or it doesn't borrow you, by all means do it. But if it is costing you time away from your family, wouldn't it be worth it to skip eating out one time a week and get a housekeeper instead?
Debbie: "I think the one thing holding me back is the safety issue. I would be interested to hear what others think about this. I'm a very private person, and to have someone in my house often is uncomfortable for me."
This makes sense and for that reason, this might not be for you. However, you could choose to be home when the person is there. You could get someone who comes strongly recommended. In our case, Hatice in Turkey became part of our family and I would let her rifle through anything she wanted. You can also choose to not have them clean certain parts of your house. You might just let them do the baths, kitchen, and floors for instance, and ask them not to do your laundry or go in your bedrooms.
With good recommendations, I think you'd be okay with it but this is a very valid point.
Laura, another comment you made really stuck with me: "He really struggled with letting someone else do it." I think that is the point I am making too. It isn't about money. It's not about affording it. It's about a mindset that we have as Americans that we can do it all.
And to Kiley I must yell it from the rooftops GET A HOUSEKEEPER! YOU ARE THE WOMAN I AM WRITING THIS FOR!!!!
You wrote exactly what I am getting at: "No, I don't want to do that. This is my house. My responsibilities. My kids clothes, bedding, blankets, toys. Our laundry, dishes, messy backyard." It becomes, as it was for me, a pride issue. I didn't want my aunt or Veronica to come stay with us because "I can do it myself." I didn't want a housekeeper because "I should be able to do it myself."
And the truth is you CAN do it yourself. There is no doubt I COULD clean my house but ... (a) it wouldn't get done as frequently or as well (b) it would take away precious time from my family -- 13 hours a week!!! that I would rather pay to have someone give me back.
Take your aunt up on your offer!!!! Trust me, I am still doing TONS and TONS of things around my house. You will still be doing laundry, cleaning the yard, picking up toys, making beds, etc. But to eliminate the need to have to clean your bathrooms or kitchen that DEEP clean, it is SOOOO worth it.
@Tara, I would think you could maybe find someone who could come in and do a 1-2 hour clean for you and cook a meal 2-3 times a week? That would seem quite doable. If that's what would help you, DO IT. DONT BE CHEAP!!!
If you are guys are both working, your time together is at a premium. Why spend that time cleaning. Skip going out to eat and have someone give you time at home together.
Don't delay! Do it today!!! :)
@Jane, my kids still TOTALLY will have chores and help around the house. And when they get older, I may decide to drop the housekeeper to more infrequently to have them help with more. But there is still SOOOOO much that has to be done outside of a housekeeper. When I talk about housekeeper I am really talking about (a) bathrooms (b) kitchen (c) floors. Those things are things that kids aren't going to really do for a long time.
You can teach your kids "Hita is coming to help us today. We need to take the sheets off of our beds. We need to pick up our toys. We need to help Hita bring the clothes downstairs."
Hita is an extension of me.
@Shanna, paying off debts can absolutely be a prohibiting factor. Totally agree. You have to consider priorities. But if you can skim money from somewhere else and help one of those young kids at your youth group, I think they and you will be most appreciative.
But totally agree. It's about where you are and what is important RIGHT NOW.
Elizabeth: "I grew up in a home with a stay at home mom and a weekly housekeeper and still learned to clean; my mother made sure of that. I think your kids learn what you teach them, and teaching the value of your time and highlighting that something like housecleaning is a luxury, but families choose their own priorities, is a completely reasonable way to raise a family."
Preach it sister!!!
Marie, you made a few points that I want to discuss. The first:
1. "I wonder if most families in the Azores have two working parents?"
I do know families where both work and both don't. Same in Turkey. I wouldn't say most -- it definitely varries.
2. "If I worked all day outside the home I would definitely hire help. As a SAHM I have always felt it was part of my job to also be the housekeeper, and I hated doing both when I just wanted to do fun stuff wih my kids! So yes there was a time when I really wanted a housekeeper, for sure!"
You saying it was part of your job is where I have the argument. I think that it is okay to allow ourselves to release that part of our job so we can do fun stuff with our kids INSTEAD -- especially while they are at home.
3. "Now my older one is in school all day so i try to get all cleaning done while he is at school and the little one is napping. It is much more manageable now."
I agree with that to a certain degree. Your time is still valuable. For instance, if you'd rather exercise during the time you are cleaning, then $7 an hour is WORTH that. In my opinion. But yes, once your child/ren are in school, things do change.
3. "I do agree with the previous comment about character-building. I have worked really hard at involving my kids in cleaning up the house, cleaning up after themselves, and generally helping out. I know they are kids and need playtime, but I think teaching them that work is part of life is a good thing too. And who says chores can't be fun or at least tolerable when you have someone to help, and do a little bit at a time so it doesn't like pile up?"
My kids actually probably help me MORE with a houseekeeper. Especially when they are little as I am able to spend time helping them help me. They have to feed the dog and pick up toys and do different chores. I think you can definitely teach responsibility while teaching that in our family, we value TIME and therefore we have someone HELP US with the cleaning. There is still TONS to get done outside of the housekeeper being there.
Another thing you can do as your kids get older is use a housekeeper a bit less. Have your son do the upstairs and use the housekeeper for other things. I think you can still teach kids the value system while still freeing up TIME.
@ CARRIE -- GET HELP!!!!
YOU ARE WHO I AM WRITING THIS FOR!!!!
You are right. You will still have to do a lot. But you can get someone to help with the basics. You could hire a young college student or high school student to come in 1-2 times a week for 2 hours and help you with the bathrooms and vacuuming and some other things. Then you can sit on the floor and play with your kids during that time.
Especially in times of depression, everything feels BIGGER and MORE.
And, if you ever need encouragement during the depression, please feel free to email me personally: flakymn@hotmail.com or wendi@wendikitsteiner.com
McKenzie, very good points. All of them. I still think though that you are supporting my point a little. We as Americans make bad choices with our money -- houses too big etc. If we curb some of that, we have more time.
You know I loved me some Hatice. But now that we are back here, it does seem like a luxury we don't really need. Believe me, I have thought about it. I clean for about 20-25 minutes a day...when W is napping or watching or playing by himself. I don't feel like it is eating into my time with him or my time for anything else. Is my house pristine all the time? Probably not. But it is good enough for us.
I am, however, considering joining a gym. You are right, it is what you value. I can easily clean myself but not so easily equip my home with weights and a treadmill.
Now that we are back in the good ole US of A, it is funny to me that people seem almost ashamed if they have a housekeeper. I think women have to get out of the trap of thinking that if they hire someone to do this, they are somehow a lesser homemaker. Not the case. At all.
I'll stop blowing hot air...I miss you Wendi.
Wendi. Unfortunately, a housekeeper just isn't in our cards financially. With a purchase of a bigger house and potentially loosing my job after the move. I realistically cannot see spending $50-$100 dollars a week or more on something I can do myself and save us that money for things we really need. Food, Clothes, etc. I don't know if it will ever be in our budget to hire someone. But until then. I am happy to do the work. Just as long as I get a day off now and then *smiles*
Kiley
I remember back in the day that I cleaned for others...my heart was to clean for the moms who had to work. I loved leaving their house in order and clean and thinking how wonderful they would feel walking thru the door and being able to spend time w/ their family. I did work for some of the wealthier people and for the most part did not feel appreciated. They (some not all) were so picky and demanding. I also think of the times I HAD to clean my house while my kids would beg me to play a game w/ them but I didn't have time. My priorites have changed w/ grandbabies but sometimes I do think it would be nice to have someone come in and clean my bathrooms and kitchen a couple times a month. With just the 2 of us it's not really needed but we will be having a home group weekly this next year...might re-evaluate. I also think w/ the trust issue-it's better to go by a friends recommendation. I would not be comfortable going thru a company....I worked for a company one summer....wouldn't recommend hiring from that....One word of advice....spend time w/ the kiddos first! They grow up so fast and those memories you make are invaluable.
Diane
I have to agree with you Wendi. I'm a SAHM, but I homeschool, run a farm and do web design. I'm sure there are many other SAHM moms who are juggling more than just scheduling play dates and "doing their 1950's appointed job of cooking and cleaning." That's not meant as a slam to anyone other than the culture that imposed that on us in the first place. My dear husband recognized that we all needed a break, more time to spend with each other and insisted we get a housekeeper. Yeah, I felt weird paying someone to do what I could easily do myself. But, when I came home and my house smelled and looked so beautiful and my afternoon was now free to spend with the kids....you can't really put a price on that. It's not a luxury so much as it is a matter of priorities and what you're willing to spend your money on. American's priorities are completely upside down and I think you nailed it on the head. We say we can't afford something like this because we feel we have to buy bigger houses and then have to fill those houses with crap we can't afford and don't need. I mean, do we really need a tray of wicker balls on our coffee table as a decoration that ends up costing more than $50 to put together? You know what I mean? My family chooses to live in a small space because it brings us closer together as a family, leaves less room to accumulate crap we don't need and therefore less to clean, and frees up time and money for more important things. If people would just learn that the excess shoved into our faces by the culture of our country and mainstream media were SO detrimental to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-beings, we, as a country and a people would be in such a better place.
*sigh*
I so would LOVE to have a housekeeper. I really would. I have a small 1400 sf home and cannot keep up with it. I'm a SAHM with 2 young boys, with a PT job and I volunteer with a weekly TeenMOPS program, which is a huge commitment. The great thing is I can do most of those things at home with my boys or at least my boys in tow. But that usually means my housework suffers. I haven't deep cleaned ANYTHING in years. Years. Someone above mentioned spending so much time in the kitchen. That's me. I feel like the kitchen "chores" are never done. Major food allergies prevents us from eating out much. It also makes our grocery budget about $200/wk for four of us. It's the largest line item in our budget next to the mortgage. We have some things in our budget that might be able to get trimmed, but my hubs and I are not on the same page there. Cable? $100 a month he's not willing to let go. Gym? $60/month he's not willing to let go. Cell phones? We don't have a home line, so it's not really an option to get rid of them. (His is paid by work.) My husband makes a decent amount of money. We are not considered poverty level by any means. But since I've started staying home, we're back in debt. We haven't been there in years. And we're really not frivolous with our funds. I am as responsible as I can be within the parameters of what we have. So all of that to say that the pressure of all these things steals a lot of my joy with my boys. I think depression is a factor and yet, I see no way out of it with the economy the way it is. :-(
(A regular reader and online friend...just too embarrassed to put my name.)
Hiring a housekeeper here in the Azores is something that I struggle with. I did hire her. I love having her help. Some days I count down the hours until I know she'll be here.
I still think about the money though... Every time I think of asking her to stay an extra hour here or there. I wonder if I'm becoming dependent.
With only one car and a significantly lower gas bill, we can afford to hire help. And I know my housekeeper appreciates having the work. She's constantly asking for more work and recommendations to my friends. The economy here has taken a hit and the people paying for it are the locals. I know that by hiring a housekeeper, I'm not just helping myself.
After having her clean for a few weeks and feeling like I knew her pretty well, I was comfortable having my housekeeper babysit. Now that's money well spent. When I get home from date night, the house is clean and all the kids are happy. :)
If you know anyone looking for a little extra help, send me a message. I have the gal for you. :)
I'm much better at cleaning the house than I am cooking. Perhaps I should hire a chef instead.....wonder how much they cost?!?!
Wendi, good points. I guess I'm on the fence about the whole housekeeper matter, and don't have one only because I have only lived in America my whole life, so I have been surrounded by the DIY/independence mentality. Also I grew up living in the suburbs where everyone is physically spread out and to a large degree isolated (i.e., we didn't meet our neighbor two doors down until we had lived in our house for three years and he was moving out, and he made it very clear that he had no interest in meeting us or talking with us - ugh!), so everyone is just doing his own thing.
I do agree with the time thing, and I wish I had had a housekeeper before my kids were in school. It was all so overwhelming, and to have someone come and help would have saved me from a lot of depression and emotional turmoil, for sure. I just feel more ok with doing it myself now, because I have more free time now that my older one is in school, and I've just been doing it so long I've gotten better at it. But in your situation, with three preschoolers and a dog, I would definitely say yes to some official, paid help!
I also COMPLETELY agree with the ridiculous nature of certain parts of American culture - for example the crazy materialism and consumerism that basically runs our society. The McMansions, the giant fancy SUVs, running our kids around to five hundred different extracurricular activities.... there are so many ways we waste our time and money; however like you reiterated, whatever people choose to do with their time and money is their choice. I just pray that people are intentional about what they are doing, that they are conscious that having one thing means a sacrifice in other areas, just like you were saying.
Great post! You got me thinking!
Gabbs I agree with you too - I definitely need a chef. Just a couple of times a week. I spend two hours on dinner, including prep and cleanup, some nights. And I really do not enjoy cooking, I just don't believe in mass consumption of processed foods. Which leaves me in front of the stove.
PS Wendi you are SOOOOO lucky that your husband loves to cook!!!
I'll put my 2 cents in. Two years ago I broke down and hired someone to come in every 2 weeks. None of my friends know that I hired someone. I am super self conscious and just don't want people to look down on me for either 1. Not being able to do my job as a SAHM or 2. Being hoity-toity and hiring someone. Yes, I live in the states.
I wish I had done this when my triplets were babies! However we could not have afforded it living off student loans while my husband got his PhD.
I love being a mom and wife. I hate cleaning. I hate laundry. I hate cooking. Which then makes me feel like a failure as a mom. My husband loves a clean and not cluttered house. It puts him in a good mood to come home to a house without clutter! It matters to him.
Our solution was to have someone come in for 3 hrs every two weeks. She cleans floors, bathrooms, dusts, changes sheets and makes beds, etc. I still do all the laundry (which I finally got a system that works wonderfully for me - after 6 years of being a family of 5).
If something sticky falls on the floor, or a bunch of stuff gets dragged in, I will mop/vacuum. If not, it only gets done every two weeks. I also have those toilet gel things to help keep the toilets fresh between cleanings.
Do I still feel weird about it? Yes
Do I tell anyone about having her? No
Do I still feel guilty about not being "mom enough"? Yes
Will I give up the relief of having someone else doing all the stuff I hate? NOPE!
Just my 2 cents :)
P.S. we don't drink coffee so I guess I can count this for my coffee savings?!?! :)
We all have our own priorities for spending money. When my kids were young, initially I had a cleaning lady 1/2 day per week. However, it wasn't money well spent because the house was dirty/messy again in a few hours. My solution was to drop the housecleaning and invest in pre-school for my oldest child and eventually the next two. Pre-school provided lots of toys and activities that did not mess up my house. And my kids did not have such a crabby mom hollering at them about making a mess. We were all happier. I know this doesn't coincide with your aim for more family time but we still had LOTS of time together.
Good post Wendi! I'll make sure he reads it. So, see, for $60 here, it is less than the average cost.
Here's hoping! hahaha
I am a stay at home mom, of 4. I think having a housekeeper is a wonderful idea, however the problem we have run into is finding a reliable person to hire. We live an a fairly affluent college town but there are very few housekeepers or merry maids type services available. We hired someone about 2 years ago, who came twice a week charged $300 a week and had a list a mile long of the things she wouldn't do. (Laundry, kids rooms, ect.) I would definitely pass on some of the luxury items in our budget to have someone free up more family time for us, just wish I could find someone!
We are totally doing it. I talked to my husband and although he didn't think it was really necessary, he knows that I'm good with our money and if I'm saying I need help, then I really need the help.
I also talked to my friend, who offered to do it for free (we've done a lot for her in the past) but then I'd feel really guilty. I told her I'd pay her $10 a week to just come and vacuum/mop/wipe down bathrooms counters and mirrors. I am so excited to know that I won't have to stress about doing those things right now. I'm sure this won't be a permanent thing but I agree wholeheartedly with your point: Priorities. There are days when I put the kids to bed and look back and realize I hadn't really spent any one-on-one time with them because I'd been so focused on my responsibilities around the house. I vow to add more cuddle and play time into my routine. :)
(PS I've been eating better, getting exercise and more sleep, and am definitely feeling much better on the depression front. Thanks!)
Kudos to you Carrie! You got my point exactly. It isn't really about getting a housekeeper if that isn't what you NEED but it's about spending time with your kids by freeing yourself up. Helping yourself out by freeing yourself up. When JB was in medical school and I was working full time, I hired my upstairs neighbor to come in and wash my dishes and do my bathrooms every week.
You won't regret this. Especially that you found a friend. It doesn't have to be done perfectly. Just to have 1 extra hour with your kids is SOOO worth $10!
It sounds like a lot of people are expressing the fact that there are just not good people to DO the housekeeping. I admit, I never thought of that as overseas, they are in abundance! I do wonder about friends (like Carrie is getting) to do small things for you?
Denise, your post was part of my whole reason for writing! The "shame" that Americans have in hiring a housekeeper. I bet your friends with really clean houses have one and just don't tell you -- thus there ARE good housekeepers but no one knows about them b/c no one will admit they HAVE one!
Do I still feel weird about it? Yes
Do I tell anyone about having her? No
Do I still feel guilty about not being "mom enough"? Yes
Will I give up the relief of having someone else doing all the stuff I hate? NOPE!
That said it alLLLLl!
Marie, SOOOOO agree. My husband cooking is A-MA-ZING!!!! And if a chef is what you need, try to think of a way that you could "sort of" do that. Maybe a meal swap with friends? Something to take that frustration off of you!
Marie, I love what you wrote here:
"I also COMPLETELY agree with the ridiculous nature of certain parts of American culture - for example the crazy materialism and consumerism that basically runs our society. The McMansions, the giant fancy SUVs, running our kids around to five hundred different extracurricular activities.... there are so many ways we waste our time and money; however like you reiterated, whatever people choose to do with their time and money is their choice. I just pray that people are intentional about what they are doing, that they are conscious that having one thing means a sacrifice in other areas, just like you were saying."
It doesn't have to be a housekeeper. But really think what we are saying for our kids when we can spend $500 a month on a car but do not have 5 hours for them.
Slightly off topic, but in addition to Wendi's points, I'd like to add that on our little Azorean island, hiring a housekeeper or nanny, whether you're a SAH parent or not, is a blessing (for you and them). A lot of families here are very poor and every job they can get, even for a day, is money well spent in my opinion.
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