We've all heard about it. Stories of parents accidentally leaving their child in a hot car, only to return to find terrifying results. I am especially appalled when I hear that responsible parent was arrested, punished, put in jail, etc. for an even that was obviously accidental.
While obviously there are instances in which a parent were to do something like this on purpose (going to shop or participating in a job interview, etc. while their child was in the vehicle) the vast majority of these incidents are accidents. That means not on purpose. Let's further punish a parent grieving beyound what I am able to imagine by putting them in jail. That makes sense.
So how, many of you ask, does a parent forget their child?
Well, I'm here to admit that while I've never actually forgotten a child in the car, I've come close a few times.
One time, in particular, sticks out in my mind.
Abigail was a new baby. I wasn't used to having a new baby. I was used to having loud and chatty toddlers. But I left my two loud and chatty toddlers at home with JB, strapped Abigail into her carseat, and picked up my friend Angelica to go to coffee. As we pulled into Starbucks, and I opened my door to get out, I realized that Abigail was with me. Because she was so quiet, for the entire drive, I had actually forgotten that she was in the vehicle. I was used to loud toddlers. Not a sleeping newborn.
I admitted to Angelica that I had totally forgotten Abigail was with me, and we both admitted that the incident illustrated how forgetting occurs. Parents are overloaded. We are doing too much. JB and I have often misplaced a child at home or at a park because we thought the other person was watching him. We call this having a bad "hand-off" and we are constantly reminding each other to "hand-off" completely. I am watching a boy until JB acknowledges and agrees he is watching the boy.
So, since you can post anonymously, any stories of forgetfullness, or almost forgetfullness? Of just trying to do too much as a mom?
6 comments:
Leaving a child in the car is one of my worst fears. Especially because we lived in FL for 11 years. Also because so many of the stories that I've read involve large families where things are so busy that someone is easily overlooked.
Here are my three "incidents"
1. We all went to Lowe's for some yard work items, mainly some pine straw to finish the flower beds that we had been working on all day. We had five children at that time. We had been working all day and wanted to get the straw finished before dark. It was probably 5:30 pm when we returned. It was late fall, so the sun was setting early. We all jumped out and began working quickly. Then, since everyone was quite hungry, I ran inside and started fixing some dinner. I can still remember what I was making: stir-fry kielbasa, peppers, onions and rice. Suddenly, I let out a loud gasp and raced out to our Suburban. There, still sleeping soundly, was our 2-year old, still strapped into her car seat. I think about 30 minutes had passed before I realized that she was missing. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed knowing that had the circumstances been different, I could have had a much different outcome.
2. The next one was a much closer call, but I don't remember the details as well. I do know that it involved the same child. Poor thing. I think it was only about five minutes and although the weather wasn't terribly hot, I do know it was warmer than the first time. Again, she was asleep.
3. The third one is very similar to your experience with Abigail. It was a situation where I had to hurry to meet someone before it was too late. When I met them, I had to run into Burger King to speak to them. I jumped out of the car, met them there and then we all proceeded outside to discuss our business. I think the whole time was between 5-7 minutes. When I was done, I got back in the Suburban to head home and my 2-year old son, said, "Mom, where did you go?" I hadn't remembered at all that I had brought him with me. My husband and I had agreed at the last second to take him for a ride, just for fun.
I haven't left any of them in the car but I have forgotten to put our youngest in the car. The boys climbed in by themselves and I was carrying the baby seat. I set her down beside the van on the garage floor and buckled the boys. I then walked around the van and got in. I cranked it up, looked one last time to make sure all was good with the kids and noticed that I forgot her.
Luckily, she was off to the side so even if I had gone further I would not have hurt her. That was over a year ago and the boy still joke and say "Hey, you forgot Ansley again." Add that to the time that she got bit by a donkey and I get mother of the year.
Leaving Joshua in the car is also one of my greatest fears, especially here in AZ where it would be life threatening. So much so that I actually check the car for him when I KNOW I am by myself, kinda crazy I know but better safe than sorry.
I completely agree with you about punishing parents for an accident; I don't understand why that is necessary.
While I haven't actually left him in the car, recently while visiting my parents and doing my fertility treatments for baby #2, I got out of my sister's car at Target and started walking towards the store....just like I had so many times when I lived there...ya know, before my little man. My sister was getting him out of the car with this big smirk on her face.
I'm posting as anonymous because I am still horrified that this happened. My Dad and I went to the airport to pick up my husband who was returning from a business trip. We were yacking away when we got to the parking garage, and both jumped out after parking the car. Thankfully, my husband was among the first off his plane, and immediately asked, "where are the kids?" "It was too late to bring them," I said "so I left them home with my Mom." It wasn't until I said that that I realized I had left our son in the car. We all three ran through the airport to the garage. Thank God it was night time, and he was in a covered parking garage. He was sleeping soundly, but I was still terrified. What if he had been crying and a parking attendant had found him first? The whole incident was maybe 15 minutes, but it still haunts me to this day!
Wendi,
I can't believe I'm reading this today...
This is my most horrifying nightmare. I am constantly looking to the back seat, thinking I'm gonna forget him. This dates back to when I was working in a store, and this lady (whom we all knew had just given birth), came in to take a break and buy some shoes. However, she was so in love with her new baby, she couldn't stop talking about her and showing us pictures. It wasn't until someone asked where the baby was, 15 mins later, than she left the store running like a maniac. She wasn't used to a baby, and she had forgotten she had her in the car. Thank God the baby was ok, (sweaty, but ok), but I think this installed a fear in me I have never been able to shake off...
Some time ago, back home, there was a decision concerning a very respectable OBGYN whom accidentally left her daughter in the car before a workday...she was charged with murder, and her appeal was just denied today. We are all in shock, as we could not fathom a more cruel 'punishment' than to have to live with what this poor woman has to live with...
Tonight, while I read this, I ask for your prayers for this woman and her family...
Meanwhile, yesterday we installed a 'baby mirror' in the backseat of my car...just in case. :/
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