Things we should say to our children

I continue to work in how I am talking to my children. Here are some other things I have learned. I want my children to grow up knowing they never have to lie to be loved. They never have to silence themselves to stay safe. They can come to me always. Even when it is hard. Even they are scared. Even when they think I won't understand. I am not there to control them. I am here to hold them. 

#1 "Even if something big happened ... even if you made a mistake or hurt someone ... you are always safe to come and talk to me. We will figure it out together." I say this so they know: Even when they get it wrong, they don't have to hide. They can come to me -- not for punishment, but for presence, guidance, and repair. 

#2 "You can cry, you can feel sad, you can feel angry -- and i will still be here. I'm not going anywhere." I say this because I want them to know: their emotions are never too much for me. Even when it's loud, even when it's messy ... I'm still here. My love doesn't leave. 

#3 "Your thoughts matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. And you can always speak to me." I say this to remind them: They don't need to shrink themselves to belong. This home will never ask them to be small. 

#4 "If you have questions -- about your body, about people, about the world, even the uncomfortable ones -- come talk to me. Mama will never judge you." I say this so they know -- there's nothing too weird, too awkward or too much. I'm here to teach, not shame. To guide, not punish. 

#5 "Even if you're scared ... even if it feels like the worst mistakes ... you can always tell Mama. I won't judge you. I trust you." I say this so they know: even if they made a big mistake, they don't have to hide. They're still safe with me. We'll talk about it, we'll understand it and we'll grow from it so they don't have to repeat what isn't safe. Because I'm here to guide them, not scare them.

#6 "Thank you for telling me. I really appreciate you sharing this with me." I say this every time they open up: because I want them to feel seen. To know I'm really listening. That their words matter to me. And that I never take it lightly when they trust me with their truth. 

#7 "Let's hear both of you -- what happened, how you each felt -- so we can find a solution that feels right for both of you." I say this when there's conflict between siblings, friends, or even with me or their dad. because I'm not here to pick a side. My job is to be present, to listen, and to help them see that both sides carry a feeling, a need. We're not here to blame or shame. We're here to understand and grow together. 

#8 "In our house, we don't carry secrets. If anyone ever tells you to keep something secret and it feels uncomfortable -- you can always come to Mama. You are safe to tell me anything." I say this so they know: if something feels wrong in their body, they can come to me. They don't have to keep it in. They don't have to stay quiet  to feel loved. I'll always listen. I'll always believe them.