Good Friday

One year ago today, I hit the very lowest of my lows in my depression/anxiety journey. John was at hit wit's end. He didn't know how to help me. My kids needed their mom. I was unable to function, and quite honestly, was wondering if I needed to go to the hospital as I could not function. 

But that day was a turning point in my healing journey. I listened to what my body told me it needed. I used to refrain from using phrases like this, but now I use them readily. Is this the Holy Spirit. For sure? But it doesn't speak to me in the way I believed it did. 

I had never learned to listen to my body. I believed my body was bad. I also believed that if I said anything out loud, I was giving Satan a foothold and it could come true.  I had created a life of pretending. I had shoved everything imaginable down into the depths of my soul, and I truly believed that a choice to not look things in the face could  keep you healthy.

But the body keeps the score. The things you shove down, are NOT BEING SHOVED DOWN. They are being STORED in your body. I was storing all of this crap in my body. The Holy Spirit tells me it needs rest. It tells me that I don't need to say mean things to myself. It listens to my friends as they guide me in my journey. It doesn't try to help everyone and anyone.  It does what it needs. And that is not selfish. Self care is important and valuable. Boundaries are important. Triggers are real. 

Depression and anxiety are real things, but they are always a result of something. If you are battling anxiety, it is not random. There is something in your body that is saying I AM NOT WELL!

Will you listen? 

I wasn't listening. 

And I was drawing close to death. Truly. 

Good Friday was the turning point. Ever since that day, I have been clawing my way back out. And I am getting healthier and healthier and healthier. I am learning so much. My healing journey has been crucial. It is revolutionizing ME and my CHILDREN. 

I am a changed person. I will never go to Good Friday again. But I had to die on Good Friday in order to get to the resurrection on Sunday!