Getting my act in gear

"Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug in America, and exercise is the most potent yet underutilized antidepressant." Bill Phillips

I often talk about how this blog only tells part of the story. There is so much story that I don't share. It's why you have to be careful when you see what someone presents as truth. There is always way more below the surface. The truth is never completely out there.

I don't know if I have ever really spoken about body image and my weight before on this Blog. Honestly, for much of the history of my writing, it was never an issue so I never discussed it. 

But recently, it's become a "thing" for me, and I've decided that in my normal of "keepin' it real" I'm gonna go ahead and share this.

In college with my roommate, Kristi.

For the first 36 years of my life, I never once dealt with my weight. I don't say that to rub anyone's face in anything. It was simply a combination of the genetic lottery I had won (tall and thin) and the path my life had taken (athletics.) When I left for college I was 6'3" and weighed 155 pounds. I spent much of my college years trying to gain weight, eating as much as I could in hopes I could get bigger. At the most, I may have hit 180. ("Overweight" for my height is 200 according to the charts.)

I got married, and I started coaching, but I continued to be able to eat whatever I wanted and was incredibly active. 

A short time after having Elijah "Sidge". I weighed 211 pounds when I had Sidge.

The picture above is after I had Elijah "Sidge". Despite a traumatic birth and an ileus that caused my bowels to shut down, I still lost the weight relatively quickly and easily. 

Days before Abigail's arrival in Germany.

But then I had Abigail and I struggled to lose the weight. I got back down to my "normal" (175 pounds), and then I got pregnant with Hannah. Prior to Hannah's birth, I became incredibly depressed, and I dropped to the lowest I have been since high school (165). 

The famous jeans!

The "wake-up" moment for me came about a year after Hannah was born. I tried to put on a pair of jeans and could not get them on. I must not have lost all my baby weight. But then I saw a picture of myself in the blue jeans that I had on after she was born. I had been wearing them.

At my previously highest weight: 195

So last fall I decided that I had to get my act together. I went out of town to visit my friend Angelica, and afterwards, I contacted my sister-in-law, Danielle. At the time I was closing in on 200 pounds and just not feeling good about myself. After Danielle helped me, I successfully got back to about 180 and felt great!

At 180 after working hard on Danielle's plan.

See those jeans in the picture above? I currently canNOT fit into those jeans. I'd post the photo of me in the jeans, but it's not appropriate for the Blog since I can't zip my pants. I am now "weigh" past my previous high of 195 and have hit 210!

My eating is not just a problem because of weight. It has become a "thing" for me. I have never struggled with soda, but it has become my favorite thing to drink. When I am having a hard day or get some time for myself, I want a soda and a candy bar. I don't know where I shifted my thinking, but I know it's a mental thing for me, and it's time to shift it back. 

So today ... January 1, 2019, I am turning over a new leaf. I know what I need to do to get my weight where it is supposed to be. I don't talk about this around my daughters AT ALL. I don't want them to think it is about what you look like. What it is about is how I FEEL. I don't feel good. I feel frumpy. None of my clothes fit me. And it's because I've been eating horribly. 

Today, I start anew. I will keep you posted on how I am doing, but here is my goal:

My first goal is to simply hit 205. That's goal one by the middle of the month. Five pounds. I have surrounded myself with a group of women and plan to accomplish this. Part of deciding to Blog about this is because I want to be accountable. 

So accountable I am!!!!!