Friday, October 31, 2008

Quite pregnant

Twenty-seven weeks today. Wow.

In some ways that feels very pregnant. Twenty-seven weeks is nearly seven months of being pregnant. (Only five of which I knew about by the way.)

In other ways it is remarkable to me that I still have thirteen weeks of growing left to do. How much more growing can one person do? Quite a lot it seems.

So far it appears that I am gaining most of my weight in one place: my stomach. When I go to my Moms in Motion exercise class, women that are due before me have much smaller bellies than I do. A few I would even question as to whether they are actually pregnant, where with me, there is no denying it. Some of them have gained as much weight as me but just have their weight more spread out. Some of them have gained much less than me. Either way, my stomach is huge.

The question is, how much weight can one person hold right smack in the front of their body before they topple over? I think gaining weight a little spread out would make it a little easier to bend over, balance, etc. It might also make it easier to hold their nearly six month old son as well.

Doc JB tells me that this is a good pregnancy and that things are going very well. I don't have anything to compare it to so I'll take his word for it. I've had a few small issues to deal with but nothing major at all.

I've had a pretty nasty rash on the right side of my upper thigh for a few weeks now which just recently seems to be improving. Not sure where this came from but apparently rashes are common in pregnancy.

I've also had some pain around the incision above my belly button where I had an umbilical hernia repaired in my teens. The discomfort got fairly intense the other night at the Fair, but by morning, wasn't bothering me anymore. Doc JB says this is just scar tissue being stretched. Either way, my tiny surgery incision looks a lot larger with a stretched belly.

My main issue is this stinkin' heartburn/indigestion. I am taking medication for this but still have some real discomfort in the evenings. Some evenings the indigestion causes me to feel very out-of-breath and as if my heart is going to beat out of my chest, although Doc JB assures me that my heart rate is completely normal when I am feeling this way. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat or how much I eat -- the only thing that will get me feeling better is to lay down on the couch and do nothing for two hours. This isn't easy for me to do. Not only am I not a sit-around-and-do-nothing-kind-of-gal, but there is a lot I need to do in the evenings between husband and baby and dog. JB is wonderful and helps me a ton, but I still can't stand that I am just lying on the couch when I could be getting some important things done around the house. I'm still working twenty hours a week for RLSF so the evenings, after Isaac and Scrubby go to sleep for the night, are my time for getting things done.

Oh well. If that's the least of my worries, I think I am doing really well.

As for how I feel about being pregnant, I think reality has started to set in. I now feel pregnant and look pregnant nearly every minute of the day, so denial is no longer able to mount itself on my brain. I have also found that the guilt surrounding this pregnancy has dissipated to a large degree as well. I appreciate those of you who prayed for me in this regard as this was something that was plaguing me greatly early on. I truly wondered how I would feel comfortable going anywhere once I was significantly showing.

I think the struggle now is that anytime I feel uncomfortable or frustrated with something surrounding being pregnant, I feel guilty about feeling badly. I feel like I should be thankful for every single moment of being pregnant and not frustrated by anything. I know this is not realistic or possible, but it is still an accurate description of my emotions. How can you possibly complain or express annoyance at something you prayed for for so long? I'm still working this out in my brain. I know that simply pretending to be Pollyana for ten months and singing a song of pure joy is not realistic. Sometimes I need to say that something hurts or is bothering me. But I want to do this while maintaining a positive attitude and happy heart at all times.

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense. If it doesn't, just disregard the previous paragraph. When I work it out in my own brain, maybe I'll be able to write it with more eloquence.

I also want to thank all of you who gave me ideas for jeans/pants. The one website finally got a new jean in and they have my size. They are black which would not be my color of choice. However, I just need to obtain at least one pair of long pants to make it through winter. If they are black, then black they will be. I am anxious for them to come in and hoping that they fit. Otherwise, I may resort to giving up a pair of my good jeans to be altered. This is probably second best for now. I could, of course, by some cheap men's jeans, but quite honestly, I'm already pregnant and feeling a little frumpy and uncoordinated in the style department. I'd prefer not to add to that by wearing jeans that make me feel frumpy as well. Men's jeans hang on me in all the wrong places and don't make me feel very feminine -- something I'd like to feel, especially right now.

This evening we are going to a "Wifia Halloween Party" at Sarah's. We are all wearing costumes -- Isaac, JB, and me. No telling until I have photos to illustrate our costumes, but tune in tomorrow for some pics of Isaac's first Halloween.


Monika @ Lovely Bookshelf said...

That totally makes sense. When we're TTC, it's easy to say we won't complain about pg symptoms, or we'll be so thankful for everything that comes our way... but we can't really know for sure how we'll react until we actually experience pg. We can have all the fantasies of how it will be, because sometimes that helps us deal with the infertility feelings... but once that's changed, then I think it's normal for our feelings to change too. *hugs*

~ Monika (from HP)

June said...

My pregnancy (after 2 years of gut-wrenching infertility) started out with really severe OHSS (kidney and liver problems, fluid compressing the lungs, internal bleeding, had a paracentesis, was offered [but declined] a thoracocentesis). It was really hard to make sense of it in my brain - I of course wanted the pregnancy but felt rather guilty about being successful and sort of was angry for a long time that I was made so ill. I was extremely grateful to be pregnant but also hated that we had to have so much medical treatment for it to happen. On top of that, I had really terrible nausea for the first 4-5 mo and then really terrible heartburn for the rest of the pregnancy, and when people asked how I was feeling, I just wanted to break down and sob most days. I can guess how you are feeling - to want to be delighted all the time about the pregnancy, but the reality is, pregnancy is extremely hard on your body. You definitely have a right to complain about the symptoms!!!

Sweetlove said...

Thanks for always being honest and tender in your thoughts. I hope you feel better. You do look cute as a pregnant lady though.

I am glad you found a pair of jeans. If you need to sacrifice, Wranglers might be a good sacrifice pair since they are cheap and come in 36inch inseams. (I made a previous post but it was later so, you may not have seen it). Have fun looking cute in your new jeans.

Anonymous said...

did you ever see how far Kate's belly stretched from Jon and Kate plus 8? That's scary!! mom h

Tara said...

I also wish we (infertiles) could feel more at ease acknowledging the discomforts of pregnancy. :( It's as if complaining about the difficult symptoms of pregnancy is the same as complaining about the pregnancy. It's a really hard spot to be in...especially because it only gets harder as the days go on. :( I'm glad I'm where I am, but I sure could do without some of the icky-ness and feeling like I constantly have to be very tight lipped about the aches/pains/nausea/fatigue/heartburn...

And I hear "boyfriend jeans" are the new thing these days. So even if men's jeans would make you feel frumpy, you might be trendy wearing them. :)

Anonymous said...

I know with the baby coming I'm sure you are looking to save some dough, but why not splurge a little on a pair of jeans? When you get into the "premium denim" (seven, citizens, etc) the men's jeans are actual identical to the women's jeans - just bigger. This way you avoid feeling/looking frumpy - and maybe you can sell them on Ebay after the birth to recover some of the coin. Just a thought ... and well wishes.