Money, money, money

I really do try to avoid talking about the money associated with adoption as much as I can. At least, I try to avoid it outside of the confines of our living room and my private conversations with JB or very close friends or family. If I spend too much time dwelling on it, I find that it allows bits of bitterness to slither in and embed themselves into my thoughts. I just got off the phone with JB and he had to remind me not to ask the questions that were circling in my mind. "Why do we have to pay this? Why couldn't we get pregnant like everyone else? Why is life unfair? Why do people charge so much for paperwork?" etc. So instead, we try to just not think about it. We pay the money and move on. I know that once little XY and our China daughter gets here, we'll be so blessed that we had to pay for them.

However, we've reached that point in both of our adoption journeys when money is due. And it's due all at once. Last week, we sent a retainer fee to our lawyer in South Florida. He has told us that it is very possible some of this money will be returned to us as he sees this being a very simple adoption. In addition, the military will reimburse us for at least $2,000 of that money. That adoption, quite honestly, is not one that I am financially burdened by whatsoever. It will end up costing us a very minimal amount of money compared to other domestic adoptions. Health costs, room and board, counseling, etc. are all things that many people pay for their domestic children and we are not. We are only paying legal fees. This is solely due to Bri and her family not asking for these items. We are, to say the least, humbled by their generosity.

But the China adoption is a different story. The good news is that we could be a mere 2-3 weeks away from having our Dossier arrive in China!!! I can't believe we have finally reached this point. The bad news is, that it is time to pay to get that Dossier completed and sent to China. I just had no idea how much this would cost. Not only do we owe our 2nd of 3 payments to our own agency, we have to pay a translation fee, and pay for each document to be authenticated by the state, then the US, and then China. Each of these places charges per document. Florida charges $10 per document! The U.S. charges $8 I believe. China actually charges between $20 and $50 per document! I am not sure how many we have but it is somewhere in the neighborhood of 20-25. You can start to see how all of these costs are adding up. Needless to say, I had to call and tell JB it's going to be a pretty little penny. And then try to block it out of my mind.

Please don't take these comments as regrets. We have no regrets or concerns about either adoption. While we are often overwhelmed, we are unbelievably excited to meet our son and our daughter. I also do not doubt, for a second, that God will provide. We are unbelievably blessed to be able to afford adoption. So many couples dealing with infertility are unable to afford adoption or infertility treatments. I can't imagine the compounding frustration of this journey had we been in a different financial situation. When JB decided to become a physician, we had no idea how much that decision would impact our lives. However, I have no idea how we would have managed this if we were still in Kentucky and he was still a graphic designer.

I was also reminded today that infertility isn't something that necessarily goes away. I was reading my online friend Tara's "Plan B" blog. She was talking about their future with children. They are so blessed to be parents to their son Charlie through surrogacy, but the fact remains, they are still living with infertility. I realized, when I read her blog, that infertility doesn't go away. It gets better and hurts less and is covered up by love and special people (and dogs!). But it is still there. It isn't something that I have escaped from. I often wonder, if I will ever feel like I have escaped from its grasps. Will it ever not be something that crosses my mind during every conversation about childbearing and breast feeding and "trying for a girl", and "going off the pill"? I'm not sure. Once our sticky babies get a try at sticking, will I feel like I am free of its presence? Or will it always be something that defines me, not only negatively but positively as well?

Only time will tell. I'll be sure to let you know on the blog when I know for sure. Someday.