I believe that I allowed God to use my infertility. (The picture at right was taken soon after my fourth failed IVF.) This does not mean that I was always full of faith. It instead meant that I tried to keep the big picture in mind. If you are at the start or middle or even nearing the end of your own journey, how do you do that?
Not wasting your infertility ...
- starts with a deep and abiding trust in the God who knows the end of your infertility. I attempted as much as I humanly could, to remember that God was in control and that while what happened might not be good, he would use this not-good thing for His good.
- means you worship even when your heart is breaking. While I often had to skip church or worship opportunities because of pain, I continued to go to church. I continued to go to Bible Studies. I continued to worship the Lord even when it hurt.
- means praying boldly. I begged God for what I wanted. I prayed hard for the opportunity to be a mom.
- doesn't mean you can avoid grieving and pain. Far from it. I grieved openly. I was in pain and didn't try to hide it.
- means taking your thoughts and emotions captive to the obedience of Christ. I strived (and JB helped me) to not allow myself to be bitter during those five long years of pleading. I wrote an entire blog post on this topic which you can read here.
"...I discovered that we lived under many false assumptions. We lived as if we were under “Plan B.” Plan A was interrupted by infertility, or so we felt. We believed we were to suffer under Plan B until God saw it fit to give us children. What we did had little significance for our future, it was what we were doing 'in the meantime.'”
I hope I can encourage you not to see this struggle you are going through as Plan B. I believe that our infertility pain was actually A. I believe that it was God's design for my life that I travel this difficult road so that I can be where I am today.
Where am I today? Today, I am a mom who is passionate about infertility and adoption. My ministry has become the journey I travelled.