Today I went for my last seven dollar pedicure.
Hatice came and watched the kids. Abigail was in heaven with her Nene there. Hatice's sister-in-law Sema stopped in. Elijah loves Sema. He came running down the stairs singing, "My friend Sema is here."
For one of the last times.
I walked around Base with my borrowed red wagon. With no van, we walk everywhere right now. The boys ride their three-wheelers. I push Abigail in a stroller and pull a wagon behind me when I need more cargo space.
But usually, even if I walk to the grocery store, someone takes me home. There's always a friend shopping at the same time.
Scrubby is up for "Cutest Pet of the Base." His picture is up in the BX.
Tonight, we ate dinner at Shane and Linda's house for, most likely, the last time. The boys played "wall ball" outside Shane's house. They collected rocks in the backyard. Their dog Bonnie snagged a cracker from Abigail. JB cooked Indian. I love how much Shane and Linda love our children. Our dog.
Speaking of our dog, Shane brought him home today. I didn't even know he was missing. I was giving the kids a bath when I heard a loud knock on the door. Grabbed Abigail, ran downstairs. "Found him two blocks over," Shane said as he pushed him inside and jogged off.
Scrubby loves Shane. I think he'd rather have Shane for an owner because they feed him pizza crusts under the table. And in just a few days, we have to say good bye to Scrubby's favorite people.
Isaac keeps asking when we'll get to see William again. Elijah is currently in love with my friend Anu and her son ... "New Elijah" as everyone calls him. He's also been so sweet around little Peter, who is just getting old enough to really have friends now.
Last night we ate dinner with Jake and Rana. Her mom, in town visiting, cooked a wonderful Turkish meal. She doesn't speak English and my Turkish is sub-par, but we had a wonderful evening. We ate outside, as we usually do at Jake and Rana's. JB and Jake talked of permaculture. I teared up, yet again, at the thought of leaving this place.
After the kids went to bed, I rode my bike over to Sarahbee's house. We had brownies and ice cream -- just us girlfriends -- my family here. I emailed earlier with our already-departed-member, Angelica. She mentioned the desire to never make friends again. I understood.
I know how she feels. You truly wonder if your heart can take saying good bye ... again. Is it worth even making new friends? Maybe it'd be easier just to shut your heart down forever and never open yourself up to the pain of leaving people you love anymore.
This place. The people. The community. The country. The base. I know I need to go. I am feeling ready to go. But I don't want to go. The emotions are so conflicting for me. Less so for JB. He's ready for a change. His work environment has been challenging these two years. But the boys? Me? Scrubby? We love it here. This is home.
And now, we prepare to meet a new home.
I wish I could just say good bye now. Two more weeks of saying good bye to Turkey and everything it meant to us. We'll have dinner with Hatice at her home. I'll watch Abigail hug her Nene one more time. Hatice doesn't have a passport. Can't get one. Not sure we'll ever see her again.
Please pray for me. My heart is just sad. I know I'll be okay. I know it's time.
But it still just hurts my heart. Good byes are stinky.
3 comments:
This makes me so sad. We just moved across the country and I remember how sad my heart was to leave everything and everyone I knew for a far off plae. We are considering moving back, and just the thought sends me though the roof with so many feelings. Anxiety. Sadness- more goodbyes. I can't imagine doing what you are doing. You are amazing. Hang in there.
Oh how I know these feelings! When you invest yourselves so much in the place and people around you! It was SO difficult for us to leave Spain. A year later my heart doesn't hurt so much, but it was a good 6-8 months before I no longer was teary for Spain. We didn't grasp Vienna as home as much as we did Spain, so it isn't going to be quite as hard to leave here since the friends I've made are leaving too.
I've always admired the friends you've had in each place you've lived. How, in such a short time, you've made family around you. It's important, even when you know it's only for a short time! We NEED it! Many thoughts and prayers for you as you say "goodbye" over the next several days!
I've not had to say good-bye nearly as often as you have. I do think, however, that Tennyson has it right:
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
I know you probably know that, deep down. =) Peaks and valleys, yin and yang... we cannot know happy without sad. I think that the amount of sadness equals the amount of happiness... so the more the good-byes hurt, the more goodness you probably experienced in your relationships. Not much consolation right now, but I think it is certainly indicative of life well-lived... and something to ultimately feel good about!
Good luck in your transition!
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