Monday, July 21, 2008

Stealing from Amy

I hope it's okay if I "steal" a bit of text from my online friend Amy's blog today. Amy and I have travelled very similar roads through our journey to parenthood. She is now the parent of two sons, one year apart, through adoption and then pregnancy. (Sounds a bit familiar, huh?!)

I've been feeling "a certain way" for a litle while now. And I have really been struggling putting that "certain way" into words on my blog.

Today, I opend up Amy's blog and my jaw dropped. She had written the words I had been attempting to write. She wrote them nearly perfectly. I could have written them.

Since Amy summarized it for me, I am going to let her words speak for me. I hope that's okay Amy.

When we go out these days with our two little boys, I wonder if we cause pain to people who see us who are experiencing infertility and/or loss. Here we are with two very little children, appearing as fertile as can be, when really it took several years to add children to our family. I always try to be cautious about my attitude and disposition when I'm out in public.

There was nothing worse as an infertile woman to hear other people say, "You can have my children," or "What I wouldn't do to be single again and be able to (x, y, z)." ...

Anyhow, I think I've posted about this before, but I hope people realize when they see happy couples or happy families things aren't always as they appear. You never know who has suffered loss, who is putting on a show in public, or who is actually watching someone else's children and is about to go home and cry themselves to sleep because they long for children of their own. We need to extend grace to each other, even when we see someone who is parenting a different way than we are.

I am incredibly excited and humbled to be Isaac's Mommy and now, after losing eleven sticky babies, to watch one successfully growing inside me. What an amazing miracle!

And yet a part of me, is, well, I am not sure what the word is. I'm almost embarrassed as I watch my body change. Not embarrassed that it is but just afraid that as I walk through the grocery store or the mall or the street, my tiny little Isaac and belly baby will bring someone else pain.

Look at her. Not only does she have one baby but another on the way. How unfair! Why can't it be my turn!?

I want to wear a shirt that proclaims my whole story. I want to explain, somehow, quickly, the road I have travelled to the point I am at now.

I have been that woman who has felt that way, and while I know what is happening to me is in the Lord's plan, my heart hurts for the people that I may be, indirectly, hurting.

Thank you Amy for your words. Thank you for reminding me that we all need to remember that every one's story is different. We cannot judge someone we don't know. We cannot assume we know their story. How many women did I judge, not knowing the struggle and tears that stood behind their journey.

Of course this isn't just with infertility. Aimee left a comment on my blog the other day. The infertile aren't the only ones who are grieving. My heart has been incredibly sensitive toward single women especially -- women waiting for their husband and their child. Then there are people who have lost a child or a spouse or a family member. We have to remember all of them and remember that we can't know the story from a fleeting glance. It goes so much deeper.

Thanks online friend for reminding me of that. And giving me permission to live my life despite the fact that it may hurt someone else.


  • Last night JB and I watched the movie P.S. I love you with Hillary Swank. While it was incredibly sad, this was a great flick! I reccomend it but preface that with a "very sad" warning.
  • Today I have to give a shout-out to my Mom and Kristen Y. both of whom are celebrating their 25th birthdays!


Joanna said...

Wendi and Amy, you two are SO RIGHT! I remember being almost embarrassed when I was pregnant, wondering who I was hurting. I sometimes looked at the floor when passing another woman, or kept on the lookout for "the look", the one in the other lady's eyes that reflected pain.

And I even still felt the pain of infertility while I was pregnant! I remember going to one of my ob appts and seeing a woman wearing a shirt over her big belly which stated obnoxiously "I can grow people." I wanted to make her turn it inside out~such insensitivity!!

And now that I have a little boy, I too watch my attitudes especially in public, since I in no way want to convey negativity or being unthankful for what I have been given.

Anyway, didn't mean to write a book, just wanted to say that what you two said resonated with me too!


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't have thought your mom was a day over 22

Anonymous said...

Love you Wen!! Mom

yuan family said...

Thanks for the birthday wishes...that was really sweet of you!

Kendra said...

Thank you for your heart and your life. They are such a testimony to me and so encourage me to trust God when I don't see what He is doing. I don't know that I can express how much encouragement your life is to me in practically showing that God has an amazing plan for all of us and it doesn't look like what we think it will. Thank you for your heart for others. I thank God He brought your family to Crossway and that we get to enjoy living and walking through life together!!! Through all you & Jon have walked you have a unique perspective that gives you a ministry to so many hearts.

Tara said...

I have a draft in my blog posts about this exact topic...

Anonymous said...

I think this is a good reminder that we all need to look out. There are so many in pain for so many reasons. We can be so self focused. Our stuff can be so huge until we look out at others-sometimes our stuff can then seem so small. We all have something to give. Good reminder. Thank you

Amy T. S. said...

Stop, thief! Just kidding. I'm honored.

Anonymous said...

Very true. Congratulations on your BLESSINGS-how great is our God.