I hope it's okay if I "steal" a bit of text from my online friend Amy's blog today. Amy and I have travelled very similar roads through our journey to parenthood. She is now the parent of two sons, one year apart, through adoption and then pregnancy. (Sounds a bit familiar, huh?!)
I've been feeling "a certain way" for a litle while now. And I have really been struggling putting that "certain way" into words on my blog.
Today, I opend up Amy's blog and my jaw dropped. She had written the words I had been attempting to write. She wrote them nearly perfectly. I could have written them.
Since Amy summarized it for me, I am going to let her words speak for me. I hope that's okay Amy.
When we go out these days with our two little boys, I wonder if we cause pain to people who see us who are experiencing infertility and/or loss. Here we are with two very little children, appearing as fertile as can be, when really it took several years to add children to our family. I always try to be cautious about my attitude and disposition when I'm out in public.
There was nothing worse as an infertile woman to hear other people say, "You can have my children," or "What I wouldn't do to be single again and be able to (x, y, z)." ...
Anyhow, I think I've posted about this before, but I hope people realize when they see happy couples or happy families things aren't always as they appear. You never know who has suffered loss, who is putting on a show in public, or who is actually watching someone else's children and is about to go home and cry themselves to sleep because they long for children of their own. We need to extend grace to each other, even when we see someone who is parenting a different way than we are.
I am incredibly excited and humbled to be Isaac's Mommy and now, after losing eleven sticky babies, to watch one successfully growing inside me. What an amazing miracle!
And yet a part of me, is, well, I am not sure what the word is. I'm almost embarrassed as I watch my body change. Not embarrassed that it is but just afraid that as I walk through the grocery store or the mall or the street, my tiny little Isaac and belly baby will bring someone else pain.
Look at her. Not only does she have one baby but another on the way. How unfair! Why can't it be my turn!?
I want to wear a shirt that proclaims my whole story. I want to explain, somehow, quickly, the road I have travelled to the point I am at now.
I have been that woman who has felt that way, and while I know what is happening to me is in the Lord's plan, my heart hurts for the people that I may be, indirectly, hurting.
Thank you Amy for your words. Thank you for reminding me that we all need to remember that every one's story is different. We cannot judge someone we don't know. We cannot assume we know their story. How many women did I judge, not knowing the struggle and tears that stood behind their journey.
Of course this isn't just with infertility. Aimee left a comment on my blog the other day. The infertile aren't the only ones who are grieving. My heart has been incredibly sensitive toward single women especially -- women waiting for their husband and their child. Then there are people who have lost a child or a spouse or a family member. We have to remember all of them and remember that we can't know the story from a fleeting glance. It goes so much deeper.
Thanks online friend for reminding me of that. And giving me permission to live my life despite the fact that it may hurt someone else.
- Last night JB and I watched the movie P.S. I love you with Hillary Swank. While it was incredibly sad, this was a great flick! I reccomend it but preface that with a "very sad" warning.
- Today I have to give a shout-out to my Mom and Kristen Y. both of whom are celebrating their 25th birthdays!