Today I am homesick.
Only problem is, I don't know what home I am homesick for.
I get this way sometimes when JB is gone. It's been quite an adventure for me taking care of Scrubs and Isaac all day long without my husband here to help me. The one person, other than JB, that I usually talk to everyday is Tiffany. She and Matt often have me over when I am husbandless. But Tiff is out of town for three weeks. Joia left today too. Everyone is abandoning me!
I realized I was quite alone when I went to go to Target today, went to start the van, and realized I had not shut one of the doors properly, and thus the battery was completely dead! Learning how to jump a car is on my list of things that I need to learn for times when JB is gone for extended periods of time. Here's one of those periods, and I still haven't learned how to do this. I decided to ask Chip, across the street, to help, and he was awesome in obliging. Once we realized the special "secret key" you to have to insert in order to get a Honda to shift into reverse or neutral when the battery is dead, and we could back the van out of the carport, the van was good to go.
Please know that I don't truly feel abandoned. And I really do love living here. Don't get me wrong. There are people all around me that I know and can go hang out with. People from church, other members of the wifia, and other people on base.
But sometimes, when JB is gone, I just start realizing that my life totally revolves around JB. I mean I am an Air Force wife. I travel with JB wherever he goes. So if JB weren't here, where would I go? If something were to happen to him, morbid a thought as that might be, where would I go to spend my life? When he gets deployed and is gone for four, six, eight months or more, where should I live? In a house that I only live in because we are stationed there?
I realized tonight that I really don't have a home. South Florida hasn't been my home since I was 18. While our family, whom I love dearly, all live there, living in that congested, over-populated, rudeness would completely overwhelm me -- although it would be my most-making-sense-choice. I know those of you who live there love it, (well, except Gabbi), but I don't think it could ever be home to me, even if I lived there. Kentucky isn't home to me anymore. I haven't been back there since 2004. Minnesota probably feels the most like home, but goodness knows I can't survive even one more winter in the Polar North.
JB is having a good time. We were wondering if we made the right choice by us not going with him, but he says his days are very long, and we wouldn't see him much. So I guess the right choice was made. Joan and Bri will be here on Monday. I have plenty to keep me busy. I just miss JB. When he is gone, I realize how much I miss him and how much he helps me, in the short time he is home each day, with Isaac and Scrubby, and daily life stuff.
Just counting the days 'till my JB gets back. I know as soon as he does, this will feel like home again.