Irony

It's ironic that I spent yesterday typing and posting a blog on bonding. Ironic that one of the topics I spent the most time talking about was breastfeeding. Ironic because that issue was the at the forefront of my mind yesterday.

After MOPS on Monday morning, JB asked me to stop by the hospital with the boys. We were already out so it sounded fine to me. He was a little concerned about Elijah's head and how it was a bit molded on one side, and he wanted Dr. G. to take a look at it. Dr. G. agreed with JB's diagnosis and echoed the fancy name he gave it. They both agreed that we should see a physical therapist to get some ideas for encouraging Elijah to look to his left. The reason for the unevenness is that he is always leaning to his right. She told me that this was a very minor issue and not to worry myself about it. All right. That's my plan. No worries.


Dr. G. also suggested we weigh little brother. So we did. In two weeks he had barely gained four ounces. Not so good. So she brought me to a room, had me feed Elijah, and then reweighed him. After one hour of feeding (a pretty typical length), he had only gained two ounces. These scales are pretty sensitive meaning we all could be pretty sure he only got two ounces during that feed.

JB did some figuring, and we realized that Elijah has probably only been eating about one-half to one-third what he should be everyday. No wonder the little guy cries a lot and wants to eat non-stop. I had gotten to a point that I just thought he was an "unsettled" baby. He would eat, have about fifteen minutes of happy time, and then cry himself to sleep before waking up 60-90 minutes later to eat again. I'm no mom professional so I accepted that this was just his style. And truly, I was fine with it. But it was difficult to go anywhere when he wanted to feed every two hours and fed for one hour every time he fed. I only had sixty minutes before it was time to get started again, and when it was time to get started, I had to be somewhere that I could let Isaac safely play. It was a bit tricky.

It was Dr. G.'s opinion that our skinny little guy just doesn't suck very well at the breast. When I pump, I easily get 5-9 ounces per pumping. But he is probably only getting a quarter of that. We talked at length and then JB and I talked at length and we decided to go to the bottle. I am still going to pump about three times a day and my goal is to be able to give him half breast milk and half formula -- at least for awhile. We'll see how that goes. I'd love to give him all breast milk, but I am just not sure I can get enough to do that.

After three bottles yesterday and two bottles today, the change in E. is amazing. I am able to hold him and talk to him. He is smiling and cooing. He napped hard instead of waking up every few minutes to have his pacifier reset. Normally I have to get him propped in the swing or sit him in his bouncy seat and get his pacifier propped perfectly in order to have him calm down. Sometimes I can get him to calm if he is swaddled. But he just always seemed a little unhappy. And now I know why. The poor guy was starving!

I got a bit emotional yesterday. I felt so badly that Elijah has been struggling with hunger, and I didn't know it. However, JB told me to "snap out of it" and "get over it." (In a nice way of course.) In the end, this is why we take our kids to the doctor and get them weighed. We monitor their growth and make changes when we need to. It is in Elijah's best interest to get supplemental feedings and go to the bottle. In the end, his health is all that matters.

So, for my whole post on bonding yesterday, and my expression that I would be fine if I went to bottle feeding, there it is. In the end, I'm glad it really wasn't my choice. I'm glad that someone told me what we needed to do. And I'm glad I know that I won't struggle bonding with Elijah just because he is drinking out of a bottle.

Now to a strategy for helping Isaac realize that Elijah's bottles are not his! He is getting quite upset when he sees one come out and it goes to little brother. Hmmm . . .

Bonding

I recently had another blog request. Here it is:

So, I think you have done a perfect job describing your feelings about adoption and how you used to wonder if you would love it as much as a biological child and that now, after doing it, the answer is a resounding "YES." However, I was just wondering if you feel like the adoption/biological issue has affected your "bond" with the boys.

For example, has carrying Elijah/breastfeeding made you "bond" more with him than you did with Isaac...not "love more" but "bond more?" And what about Isaac's relationship with John? He clearly is attached to him. Do you think Elijah will "bond" as quickly with John as Isaac did, considering that John played such an active role in Isaac's feedings and is limited with Elijah, and so on? Once again, I think the love issue is clear. Just wondering your thoughts on this...

And if it's too personal, you, of course, don't have to blog about it. Just something interesting I thought about as I was reading your blog....

All right, so here is my response. I did touch on this in a previous post. You can read it by clicking here. I write this post to help anyone considering adoption to have the whole picture. Here it is. As best I can paint it.

***

As I write this, my little Isaac just celebrated his eleventh month on this earth. He is currently taking a nap. Well, he's supposed to be. The noise on the monitor indicates he is doing more playing than sleeping. He talks to himself a lot lately. I have no idea what he is saying, but gosh is it cute. He is walking all over the place. He thinks JB is way cooler than Mom. He thinks Scrubs was put on this earth to be Isaac's personal playground and best buddy. He loves fruit. He hates green beans. He puts toys between his legs while I am trying to change his diaper. He loves music. He just started giving hugs and kisses.

As I write this, my little Elijah is nearing his third month on this earth. He is in his swing, staring at me, debating whether he wants to smile, sleep, and cry. I am hoping he chooses the middle option so I can move to the couch for my own nap. He has just started to develop a social smile. He is crying less. Sleeping more. He loves to be held. He loves his pacifier. He is currently infatuated with fans and lights and anything on the ceiling. One side of his head is flatter than the other because he keeps leaning to his right.

These two boys are an incredible gift. They are incredible blessings. I can speak with complete honestly when I say that I love these children with identical love. Both of them have a permanent notch in my heart. I do not look at them and see any difference between them. They are both my boys.

What is bonding anyway? It is defined as: a close personal relationship that forms between people. But how do you know when that occurs and how fast it occurs and when it completely occurs? It's a fairly abstract thought when you really think about it.

Isaac's arrival

We got the call that Isaac was on his way into our lives at around 2:00 on a Wednesday afternoon. May 7, 2008. His due date. And ironically, the birth date of his birth mom, Bri. By 3:00pm we were on the road and by 9:00pm, Bri was on the cell phone telling us "You have a son." We were still somewhere near Orlando, and it would be well after midnight before we first had the opportunity to see our little boy.

I cried when I held Isaac for the first time. It was a moment I cannot put into words. It truly was an out-of-body experience. I knew what was happening, but what was happening did not feel real. I knew that, supposedly, this tiny little baby was supposed to be our's. But I also knew that Bri had 48 hours to change her mind without any questions asked. I knew that the nurses were keeping a very tight eye on us as we didn't have one of the "magic bracelets" you were supposed to have to be in the nursery with the babies. I felt like you do when you are a little kid and you want to hang out in a group but aren't quite welcome. He was going to be our son. But he wasn't our son yet. We'd spend all day Thursday waiting for the okay from our lawyer to bring our family up to meet our little boy.

But that first moment. That first moment was incredibly powerful. I knew that I could love this little boy. I don't think I loved him yet. But somehow I knew I would.

I didn't hold Isaac a lot those first few days. There were a lot of other family members who wanted to meet him ... wanted to hold him ... wanted to love him. I did not feel an immediate attachment to this little boy and I have to admit that worried me. I felt that people were watching, wanting to see how I would react to him. But I wasn't sure how I felt. Did he really belong to us? It just didn't feel real. Bri was like a sister to me. I couldn't help but think about her and how she was doing and if she was sad. Those feelings were more powerful than my feelings about Isaac in the beginning.

While technically that first 48 was what we were waiting to see pass, there was still a part of me that worried someone was going to wake me up from this dream for weeks and months to follow. In hindsight, I think that I protected my heart a bit, worried that something would happen. But after awhile, I knew he was here forever, and I gave myself complete permission to fall in love.

Elijah's arrival

Eight and a half months later I was being wheeled out of the operating room after my c-section desperately wanting to meet our newest family member. As I held Elijah for just a few moments, I remember a whirlwind of emotions. And as I look back now, those emotions mirrored my feelings about Isaac. Here he was. He was my son. But it didn't feel real. I knew I would love him, but I didn't feel an incredible amount of love instantly. (Granted, I was pretty doped up and in a lot of pain. I am sure that contributed.)

Some mothers will tell you that that the moment that they held their child, an incredible bond of love was formed. I think that is awesome. Truly. And I completely believe that for many women that is how it is. But that wasn't the case for me with either of my sons. Both with Isaac and Elijah, I loved them, I cared about them, but my infatuation for them was slow growing.

I think there was some protection in my love for Elijah as well. Even though I watched myself grow as a pregnant woman, I really felt that Eiljah couldn't actually be real. Could we actually have a child? Could this really happen?

Bonding with the boys

For me, my trip to Minnesota for Hans and Rachel's wedding, was the beginning of my true bonding experience with Isaac. That was when he was just six weeks old. It was on that trip that I started to really feel like his Mom. I started to feel my heart swell when I thought about him. I started to truly fall in love with him. Once I started falling, I fell hard. He was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing at night.

As for Elijah, I started feeling that incredible love for him in the last few weeks -- nearly an identical amount of time to his big brother. I think, for whatever reason, that it just takes me a bit to feel like a real Mom. I think it takes them smiling back at me before I really start to have that deep sense of bonding with my children. I truly believe that any child that joins my family will take me a similar amount of time whether they join us from my womb or from the womb of another mother. Whether he is a newborn or a teenager. I am not sure if that is a protection mechanism from the years of infertility disappointments or just how I would react no matter what.

I bottle fed Isaac. I am breastfeeding Elijah. I am being very honest when I tell you that I do not feel that breastfeeding has bonded me to Elijah faster whatsoever. Breastfeeding is not easy. You are trying to get the position correct. You are trying to get them to latch on. You are trying to not have them lie against your c-section incision. You are worried about how much they are getting. Once you get all that down, you are able to start enjoying the time you can spend with your baby. But for me, that time is usually time that I am giving Isaac cheerios or catching up with JB after a long day. It isn't necessarily this surreal bonding time.

I loved bottle feeding Isaac. It was easy. I knew how much he was getting. He took the bottle without a problem. The positioning was easy. There was no latching required. If anything, I felt that bottle feeding allowed for easier bonding. I could sit and enjoy the baby instead of worrying about getting everything just right.

If tomorrow, I was told I needed to start bottle feeding Elijah, I would be perfectly fine with that notion (other than the expense of formula and the fact that breastfeeding is healthier.) I sometimes wish that I was bottle feeding Elijah. Whole books have been written about the bonding that is created by breastfeeding. I'm sorry but I just really don't buy it. I feel as close to Isaac as I possibly can. I love to sit and hold his bottle and play with his little toes and kiss his forehead. We have bonded wonderfully without breastfeeding.

Here's another little bit of truth. They say that you, as a mother, react to your baby and your milk will begin to flow when you see your little one. It doesn't happen right away necessarily, but as you begin to bond to your little one, it happens more and more. The first time that I actually felt my milk "come in" was not when I held Elijah. It was when I was holding Isaac. I went in to see him after his surgery and scooped him into my arms and finally knew what the labor and delivery nurses were talking about. I actually love that this happened this way. It was complete proof to me that I was bonded to big brother.

In addition, I did not feel that being pregnant helped me to bond more with Elijah. I could feel him and I knew he was there, but there was something so "unreal" about the fact that I was actually pregnant! I was waiting a full pregnancy to meet him, and I waited a full pregnancy to meet Isaac too. I think there was probably a bit more of "this is really my son" when Elijah was born since he came from my womb and there wasn't a lawyer that needed to be involved. But we had waited, in different ways, equally long for both of these boys and the experience felt nearly identical.

Fatherhood and feeding

And then there is the father's role in feeding. JB will be the first to tell you that he bonded with Isaac much faster than he did with Elijah. Even now, two and a half months after Elijah joined us, JB is still probably more bonded with Isaac. He attachment to Elijah is growing, but much slower. When Isaac was born, JB was helping to do everything. He got to feed him nearly as much as I did.

That wasn't the case with Elijah. With Elijah, I was the one feeding him while JB tended to big brother. I was feeding Elijah about ten hours a day. JB very rarely got to hold Elijah. When I was in the hospital and during the first week home, JB would change a diaper, hand him to me, take him back, settle him to sleep, etc. But there was very little father-son time. And once I got healthier, I needed him even less for those activities. He therefore was with Isaac most of the time, and I was with Elijah.

JB will tell you that he truly started bonding with Isaac mere days after he was born. He fell for him just a few days after we left the hospital. He was helping to feed Isaac. He was getting up in the middle of the night. He was doing just as much with him as I was. He bonded with Isaac much faster than I did.

JB will also tell you that bonding with Elijah has been much slower and is still an evolving process. He hasn't had as much time with Elijah. Elijah's first week on this earth was incredibly stressful and tense. And then JB was back at work. When he comes home in the evenings, I need help with Isaac. His time with Elijah is still very limited.

Admitting the truth

I can now say, truly, that I have equal love in my hearts for both my boys. But if anything, during the weeks following Elijah's birth, I was more bonded to Isaac than I was to this new little baby. I truly am soooo glad that we adopted before we had a biological child. If things would have happened in another order ... well, picture it. Picture our first son being biological. Here comes adopted brother. Any feelings that bonding isn't occurring very quickly would be attributed to the adoption. But in our case, we were already incredibly bonded to our adopted son when our biological son emerged onto the scene.

I wish, while I was going through infertility treatments, that I would have talked to more people who had what I have: a biological and adopted child. I talked to many people who had adopted. But people who had only adopted. They told me how wonderful adoption was, but I wasn't sure I could believe them. How could they know that they felt the same about their adopted child as they did about their biological child? They didn't have a biological child to make that comparison to. If I would have met someone like me, I wonder if I would have gotten peace regarding adoption sooner than I did.

But I do have that comparison. I can make that comparison. I can tell you that I love both my boys so incredibly much. I have met three other women online who share my story. One is Amy whose boys are one year apart. She, too, travelled through infertility treatments, adoption, and then pregnancy. Another gal, Jess, has a private blog. Her son and daughter are six months apart! Talk about close! Stacy is a new gal I have just met. She is pregnant after adoption. I think a few moments on any of their blogs will show you that our family is not the exception. Here are three other families where the children have an incredible bond with their parents.

The adoption option

I have said it before, and I'll say it again. Every couple needs to travel the road of infertility and adoption in the way that it fits best for them. If that is not adopting, so be it. If that is exhausting infertility treatments, do it. If that is adopting and then doing infertility treatments, bog for it. If that is skipping infertility treatments altogether, so be it.

However, I am mostly thinking right now about the woman reading this post who has been struggling to get pregnant. You are open to adoption. But not yet. Not now. I hope that this post and my words encourage you that if and when you ever decide to pursue adoption -- whether it be to add to your already existing children or to be the first of your children -- you will fall in love with that child completely, wholeheartedly, and fully. You will bond. It may not happen right away. But it will happen. It is impossible to be responsible for a child's entire being and not love them. It is just as God loved us. We are adopted into his kingdom. And He loves us all unconditionally.

When we were contemplating adoption, I heard two comparisons that helped me tremendously.

The first was regarding my spouse. I love JB. I love him a lot. I think he is one cool guy. I would die for him. I live for him. He is not related to me. We do not have the same blood. But I still love him a whole heck of a lot.

The second comparison came from that husband of mine. When I asked him how I could be sure I would love an adopted child completely and fully he pointed at our dog. "Geez, Wendi, you are in love with that dog. And he's not even human!" So true. I love Scrubs. I'd do anything I could to save Scrubs' life. And he's not even the same species!

***

I hope that answered this blog reader's question. It's a hard question to answer, and I'm sorry I had to go into so much detail. It's also difficult not to mix "love" and "bonding" up when you talk about it. They seem so similar and so related. This topic is so near and dear to my heart, and I just want the world to know how awesome I think adoption is and how awesome I know you will think it is too! Stacy, Amy, and Jess, please feel free to comment if you have anything at all to add! I'd love to add your comments to this post as well.

Keith, you owe me TWO apologies

Yeah "little" bro. ("Little" put in quotes because Keith is younger than me but not quite littler at 6'10".) Little bro, you owe me not one apology but two.

You left a comment yesterday that read (and I quote):

Wendi,

I wanted to pass my condolences along to you as Kenny Perry, the pride of Franklin, Kentucky, lost in a two hole playoff to Angel Cabrera from south America. I know you would have been rooting for Kenny if you watched even a smidgen of golf. Love you.

Happy Easter,

Your Bro

First apology should be for the fact that you doubted my sports enthusiasm. I love all sports. We had the Masters on ALL DAY yesterday. And when we had to go out in the evening, I taped it! Now granted I didn't get to watch that much between feedings and diapers, but whenever we were in the living room, I kept up with how Kenny was doing.

The second apology should come for basically ruining my tape-watching event. I happened upon your comment right before we hit play on the VCR. I stopped reading immediately but did see "my condolences" right in the beginning, leading me to believe that Kenny lost. You totally ruined my post-Masters watching. (And JB's too.)

I'll be waiting to read a new comment expressing your apologies.

P.S. Kenny Perry did lose in a heartbreaking playoff. He was two up going into the 17th and then bogied the last two holes. Add to that Cabrera hitting a ball off a tree that ended up in nearly perfect position . . . geesh! I did, however, enjoy the announcers talking about the town of under 8,000 that JB and I lived in for four years! Way cool. I also felt very old when I saw his kids on TV. They are now old and weren't old when I last knew them. Yikes.

Sssssshhhh ...

DO NOT tell me who won the Masters!!! (That's golf for all you non-sports people.) We were gone this evening so I taped it. Kenny Perry is from our old home town in Franklin, Kentucky. I taught and coached his kids ... he was leading when we left.

Keith, I saw you put a comment on a previous post about it. I saw Kenny's name and quickly clicked off. Ssssshhh!

Happy Easter!

I had this idea.

I would sit down this morning and write a very thought-provoking post on Easter. It would be long and detailed and heartfelt.

Fast forward to the actual day. Today. Easter morning. Things are busy. Elijah just fed. Isaac will be getting up soon. Lots to do to get ready for church. I must admit that I don't have the time to choose my words. I don't have the time for what I was writing in my head throughout the day yesterday. (Writing in my head is something I often do.)

Not very many moments for a lot of in-depth writing.

Thank goodness for good friends. This morning I popped over to Erica's blog and read her post about Easter. About the holiday that many people are celebrating for many different reasons. Erica's post actually said exactly what I would have hoped to say in just a few short words.

So, instead of writing my whole post on what should be a favorite holiday of anyone professing to be a Christian, I thought I would steal a quote from Erica and a post she actually took the time to write. While the words are her's, they could have been mine. They could have been the words of any Christian. When Erica lists her sins . . . we can list our own.

So let me set the record straight for anyone who doesn't know how I feel. I am amazed and humbled that God loves me for who I am and came to this world to die on the cross. If I had been the only person in the whole world, across the span of eternity, that would have accepted Him, He would have still come. Me. Imperfect. Selfish. Jealous. Unkind. Judgmental. Smart allec. Me. And He would have come for you too - even if you had been the only one.

This is what Christ did for us when he died on that cross. That is what we are celebrating today. I don't have a problem with Easter bunnies and decorating eggs and having fun with "world" views of the holiday. Just like Christmas with its trees and gingerbread houses and Christmas lights. Many Christians may disagree with me, but I believe that these extra bits of celebration can simply add to the underlying meaning behind the reason we are celebrating.

During the midst of our fun celebrations, let us not forget the real reason that we celebrate Easter. Today was the day that our Savior rose from the dead. Today is the day that we can celebrate what He did for us.

If you aren't familiar with the reason Christian's celebrate on this day, I think this website adequately explains:

The meaning of Easter is Jesus Christ's victory over death. His resurrection symbolizes the eternal life that is granted to all who believe in Him. The meaning of Easter also symbolizes the complete verification of all that Jesus preached and taught during His three-year ministry. If He had not risen from the dead, if He had merely died and not been resurrected, He would have been considered just another teacher or Rabbi. However, His resurrection changed all that and gave final and irrefutable proof that He was really the Son of God and that He had conquered death once and for all.

I know there are many people who read my blog who do not share my faith. It is not a faith I can hide or edit. So, as Erica said, let me set the record straight for anyone who doesn't know how I feel . . . Happy Easter! Happy day of Christ's resurrection!

Movin' in

I've been asking JB to please seal up the little hole in one of our pillars on our porch that a family of squirrels has decided to call home. I am afraid to leave our sliding glass door open for a second in fear that one of them will come busting in, and they drive Scrubs crazy. JB was planning on sealing up the hole until he realized that there were two babies (one shown in picture) included in the family. He has decided to wait until the babies move out on their own before telling the squirrels they have to find a new place to live!

Snuggle time

Scrubs has two times of day that you can snuggle with him: first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The rest of the day, his only love language is "play". If you've met him in person you quickly recognize that petting him doesn't create a calmer dog. It creates a much more energetic dog. Snuggling is completely out. I try to get my snuggles in with him every morning. JB snapped a few photos this morning of me and Scrubs before he (or I) really woke up.

Twitter

What the heck is twitter anyways? Or is it a twitter. I don't even know if it is a noun or a verb. Someone tried to explain it to me once, but I must admit that I am still completely lost. I've always considered myself "on top" of the latest technology, but suddenly, I feel like our grandmothers must have felt when computers emerged and then email and Facebook and blogs. Things just keep getting more complex. I have no idea what a twitter is. I have to admit that even Facebook is beyond me. I am lost half the time as to where things are or were or where they went. Why do people keep sending me flair? What is it and what am I supposed to do with it? And now, before I even feel comfortable with Facebook or know how to use my flair, I'm supposed to twitter? I think not.

I used to complain that older people should "embrace" the changes in our society. But I think I now know how they feel. I know my grandfather remembers when his family first got electricity! Can you imagine the changes their generation has seen in a lifetime? I am uncomfortable with the fact that I am becoming an "old fuddy duddy", but I just can't help it. How am I going to keep up with all this? It's not possible.

I imagine there will come a day when blogging is obsolete. And I'll stick to my guns and keep blogging even though there is a much more efficient way to communicate. And my grandchildren will sit down and try to show me how to use the "new way". But I'll tell them that my old way is working just fine. And they'll call me a fuddy duddy. And they'll be right.

I remember when I got our first microwave oven. I think it was a gift from my Oom Ed and Tante Jan. It was obviously a big deal if I can remember the gift and remember it arriving! I can remember when our VCR used to have the pop-up entrance for your VHS tapes. My Dad used to borrow a VCR on the weekends from his school so we could watch a movie. I remember when my computer typed in green letters. I remember when portable CD players emerged and you had to hold them incredibly steady or they would jump. I remember Jaime Walz teaching me how to use an archaic school email system in college and then months later asking me why I wasn't using Hotmail. I had no idea. What's a hotmail? And then I heard of blogs. And I embraced blogs. But then I got used to Myspace only to be told it wasn't the cool way to go and I needed to jump over to Facebook which I did but which now leaves me still unsure what a flair is and feeling totally uncool because I don't.

And you expect me to twitter. No way. I'm standing my ground. I've come so far but I have to draw the line somewhere. I'm going to stay a fuddy duddy on this one.

Day at the beach

On Thursday, I ventured down to the beach with both boys to meet up with my Aunt Allyson, her sister Glenda, my cousin Katie, and her friend Amanda. It was the first time Isaac had really been to the beach to actually play. We've taken guests and taken him when he was a tiny baby, but this is the first time that the weather has been beach-worthy since he has been able to actually joy the surf and sand.

I only wish JB could have been there to enjoy his little man's first day at the beach. It was incredibly fun watching him explore this new place. Glenda and Allyson took a lot more photos than I did, and they have promised to send them when they get back home. So I'll have more to show in a few days!

Allyson's sister Glenda holding Elijah

Mom with her makeshift beach toys. Isaac was just as happy with these tupperware cups as he could have been with a pail and shovel.


Allyson watching Isaac play. He was a little spooke by her floppy hat.

He got very attached to this particular rock.

This little girl wanted to meet "the baby". Isaac loves big kids and he thought she was great.

JB said that when a child stands up and begins walking without holding onto anything, they are officially a "walker". Well, here's proof that Isaac is doing just that.

Walking along the shoreline.

Trying to touch the water

The water was chilly, but he really liked it.

How much is that doggie in the window?

Popsicles

I've decided that I don't like popsicles very much.

JB bought a box when Isaac was sick -- an attempt at fluids since he was rejecting the bottle and any form of juice or pedialite.

Isaac thought the popsicles were okay but didn't really bond with them.

So we have this whole box of popsicles in the freezer -- you know the grape, orange, and cherry kind? Last night, after dinner, during American Idol, I decided to have a popsicle. There's a whole box of them. Isaac doesn't want them. JB doesn't want them. I think the Tara/Lesley side of me kicked into gear. These things can't go to waste!

Or maybe they can.

I don't really remember the last time I had a popsicle, but I wasn't that impressed. They were very cold -- too cold to really suck and too cold to really bite. They didn't have that much flavor. And I didn't like the taste of the stick that I would get when I got to the bottom of the popsicle.

I am sure there are better popsicles out there. Maybe I am just not eating the right ones. Either way I think my old adage still rings true: if it doesn't have chocolate, it really isn't dessert. So unless it's a chocolate popsicle, I'll pass.

It's going to either go to waste in the garbage can or in my hips. So I'll let the garbage can swallow these calories!

First shots

Yesterday, Elijah got his first shots. He did a really good job. His face turned very red, he screamed very loudly, but he quickly quieted down and was in a good mood the rest of the day. I left Isaac with JB in the residency room for about ten minutes so we could get the shots. He said Isaac did a great job helping him answer t-cons (messages from patients). You are not allowed to bring a stroller into the room where they give the shots which meant I couldn't bring in both boys. I tried to think of a way I could manage both boys, but without a stroller, I couldn't come up with a way to hold both boys.

I wandered back to July of last year when little Isaac had his first shots. The shot lady thought Elijah had very skinny legs. They are skinny, but I don't know if they are that much skinnier than his big brother's Check it out:

Elijah at two months. I think he weighs about 11 pounds here.

Isaac at two months. Our little chubba-chubba. I think he weighed about 14 pounds here.

After his shots, I snagged a few other photos since he was in a surprisingly good post-shot mood:

Okay so this one doesn't show the smiles . . .

But this one does . . .

"BOB"

I love to go for a walk/run with the boys. Or just walk over to the bay. Anything to be outside. And anything to use our new "BOB" jogger. Rachel, what a recommendation! If you want the best there is, this is it. It feels like you are pushing nothing at all. Me and "BOB" are friends for life! "BOB" was worth every single penny I spent on him.

However, getting to the point that we can actually go outside and use "BOB" takes some careful planning and precision. A typical pre-BOB experience goes as follows:

1. Make sure Elijah has just eaten. Sometimes he only goes one hour from the end of one feed to the start of the next so we don't have much time.


2. Make sure Isaac is post-nap and post-eating.


3. Change into my exercise clothes.


4. This behavior alone alerts dog that something great is about to occur.


5. Commence dog "crying". This is an excited behavior for Scrubs but absolutely drives me batty!


6. Have Scrubs down stay in the middle of the living room. After trying many different things I have found that this is the best way to keep him from crying to the point that I want to strangle him. Down staying also helps him from getting underfoot as he follows me everywhere in preparation for the walk.


7. Get Eiljah buckled into his car seat in "BOB".


8. Prop pacifier for Elijah.


9. Cover Elijah with blanket (if necessary).


10. Put Isaac in his side of "BOB".


11. Give Isaac a little snack to hold him over until I am ready to push "BOB" out the front door.


12. Make sure I have: sunscreen, plastic bag (for Scrubs if needed), sunglasses, and burp cloths.


13. Call Scrubs to join us.


14. Leash Scrubs.


15. Have Scrubs sit and stay.


16. Prop open screen door.


17. Push "BOB" outside.


18. Call Scrubs to join us yet again.


19. Commence walking.

Okay, so that is the approximately twenty minute procedure that is required to go for a walk/run with "BOB". I say all that to emphasize how distraught I was yesterday when I took twelve steps out onto the driveway only to discover:

BOB HAS A FLAT TIRE!!!!!!! Oh BOB, how could you let me down like this?!

I literally wanted to cry. I thought about switching the boys over to our double stroller instead, but it was very bright, cold, and windy and the stroller really has very little protection for Isaac who sits in the very front. "BOB" has a huge canopy top that keeps him well covered and protected from the elements. But, "BOB" had let me down. "BOB" had a flat tire!

Back into the house we go. Poor Scrubs didn't even get to get a jog on. Poor Isaac didn't even have a chance to finish his snack. Poor Elijah was still waiting for the smooth walking motion to take effect so he could fall asleep. And poor me for not seeing the tire was flat before I took off!

If I were a drinker, I think this experience would call for a beer or something. But since I'm not, and since I didn't have any chocolate in the house, I settled for some cheerios eaten off the end table with my oldest boy while Scrubs sat across the room just waiting for the okay to come scour the area for any lost snacks.

The good news is that after a $1.99 patch kit, and a husband who said he had done this a hundred times as a young boy on his bike, "BOB" is a new man! Tomorrow, we'll try again.

Eleven months old?!

I took these this morning. Where has the time gone? How is it that Isaac is going to be a year old next month? I just booked McDonalds for a little birthday party. Our little boy is almost one year old! Here are some current eleven month old accomplishments. This is more for me to flashback to someday so don't feel like you have to read through all of this. :)

• He is walking like crazy now. Last night he walked from the living room into his bedroom. He still falls a lot and still chooses crawling over walking when he wants to go faster, but he's definitely got the walking thing figured out.
• He is saying "hi" and "da da" and "uh oh". We also think he is saying some form of "Elijah's" name. He loves to give Elijah a kiss on the forehead. Anytime Elijah is crying, Isaac smacks his lips to kiss him, then puts his open mouth on Elijah's forehead.
• Isaac is wearing 18 month clothes now. Time to start putting away the 12 months.
• He is signing "please" and "all done" on a regular basis. He also knows the signs for "milk", "bath", and "thank you".
• He is now problem solving. Figuring out a new way to go if we block his way and where a ball goes when he puts it down a chute.
• Isaac knows what his books are and will crawl to them when prompted. He also knows who everyone in the family is and will turn to them when asked.
• He is starting to pick up little pieces of fuzz from the carpet and bring them to me.
• Isaac will clap on command, give five, and wave.

Pacifier Prop

AD requested an image of my "pacifier prop". I use a blanket. It is not fool-proof. If his arms are going too crazy he can still have it pop loose. And, I only do it when I am going to be able to watch him / check on him as blankets make me nervous. It works really well! Doesn't he look like a little armed-bandit?

Crazy hair man

JB forgot that Mondays are shorter days on this rotation. He was home at 5:00pm! What a great treat. Shortly after he got home, Isaac woke up, and JB went in to get him. I heard my hubby start laughing very hard when he picked him up. I think the picture explains why. Isaac's hair has started doing some crazy things while he is sleeping resulting in some good laughs.

Unfortunately, the rest of the week will be quite a bit longer. John won't be home until 7:00pm. However, this is in time to watch the Women's Championship game this evening. Can't wait!

Playing under the dining room table

These two are like glue nowadays. Where you find one, you find the other.

Allyson & Katie

My Aunt Allyson (she is married to my Dad's brother, Scott) and her daughter Katie are vacationing in Destin this week with Allyson's sister, Glenda, and Katie's friend, Amanda. Last night they came to dinner. JB made an awesome beef bolognese with brussel sprouts and homemade garlic bread. It was delicious! We plan to get together later this week as well. It's always so wonderful to catch up with family!

Side note of trivia: My dad is the second oldest of six children (five boys). They have given my grandma a total of sixteen grandchildren. Of those, only three are girls. Katie is one and my cousin Madeline is another, and I am the third! I believe there are now fourteen great grandchildren (my grandma could tell you for sure.) Of those, I believe there are only four girls. We like boys in this family!

Allyson & Katie holding Elijah

How cute is this?

Isaac playing with the new doctor's kit that Allyson brought for him. He loves it. Oh and of course, there's Scrubby with his nose in everything.

YAY LOUISVILLE!

Jeff Walz' Lousiville Cardinals upset Oklahoma tonight to advance to the NCAA Championship Game on Tuesday! I am so proud of Jeff. How amazing! I can't believe I am cheering for a Kentucky team not named WKU, but heck, Go Cardinals!

The evolution of a family photo . . .

More talk of evolution on my blog! Who woulda thunk I could come up with two posts discussing scientific jargon in just a matter of days.

This morning we successfully made it to church. It was actually a fairly peaceful morning. Isaac had a successful time in the nursery, and Elijah didn't need to eat until we got back home! Both JB and I made it through worship and the sermon without having to leave church. Hooray!

Prior to church, both boys were fairly dressed up and we actually had five extra minutes so I asked JB if he would try to take a photo. Don't get too excited Gramas. The result was less than stellar.

Since laughing is good for the soul, I thought I would share with you the pitiful attempt that was made and the lack of successful photo that resulted.

Thus, the evolution of an unsuccessful photo . . .

Everything appears to be going very smoothly. Daddy has set Isaac down, Mommy is setting Elijah down. A successful picture is on the way!

Elijah is the first baby to decide that this picture thing is a very bad idea. Isaac sits and listens, trying to make a decision for himself.

The concept begins its deterioration. As Elijah continues to scream, Isaac decides that he also does not believe this is a very good idea.

Elijah calms down, but Isaac begins to plead with Daddy to end this madness!

Mommy decides that maybe Isaac and Elijah will do better if they are sitting closer together. I think the look on Isaac's face quickly summarizes how he feels about this proposition.


Elijah begins to slide down on the bed, and Isaac begins a deep and heartfelt infatuation with his little brother's eyeball.

In the end, this was the closest we got to anything resembling a picture. As you can tell by the happiness tumbling down off of both our boys' faces, the event was quickly scrapped, and we left for church without anything very noteworthy to send to the Gramas. Sorry guys! We tried!