Infertile moment (it's been awhile)

It's well after 10pm on Friday night. JB is on call. Scrubs is sound asleep. The bird is covered and hiding in her little nest. The only noise stems from the television which I inadvertently left on in the other room.

In other words, it's just me.

And I, for some reason, am having a rough evening.

I know it will pass. It always does. These "moments" used to sweep in much more frequently then they have lately. I even, naively, convinced myself that these moments wouldn't ever occur again. That I was "past all that." Sure I am barren, but I can handle that! At least it's easy to keep my house clean.

These "moments" can occur for any of a long list of reasons. Everything can be going perfectly fine when suddenly, I am flooded with a wave of emotion. Usually the emotion originates with some sort of news or some sort of image. Tonight was no different.

Well let me back up a bit.

Tonight's moment actually started two nights ago. JB and I took Scrubs to our favorite hangout on the beach. Remember the doula? Well, I didn't get into it in an earlier post because I basically was trying to ignore it, but this woman not only asked me about our life, but hit all the hard questions in rapid succession. The conversation went something like this:

Doula: Do you have kids?
Wendi: No.
Doula: How long have you been married?
Wendi: Nine years.
Doula: And you don't have kids?
Wendi: No, we don't.
Doula: Well hang out around this neighborhood long enough and you will.
Wendi: Right.
Doula: Do you want to have kids?
Wendi: We haven't been able to have kids.
Doula: Really?
Wendi: Really, yes. We are in the process of adoption.
Doula: Oh, well you know, once you adopt, you'll get pregnant.
Wendi: Right.
Doula: So, what have you done?
Wendi: Done?
Doula: You know. What procedures have you tried?
Wendi: 3 clomid, 5 IUI, 4 IVF.
Doula: Oh. Well, what's wrong with you?
Wendi: Ummm, I don't ovulate. And they don't know why IVF hasn't worked.
Doula: I see.

It was at this point that I took Scrub's leash from JB and managed to entice the dog to want to be somewhere else so I could follow. I quickly put the conversation behind me. John and I only talked about it briefly. I was okay, I kept telling myself. I didn't want to have any more moments.

And I thought it was behind me. But today, the moment continued. Today, it started with an image. The only house currently occupied on our street is occupied by a couple with brand new twins. They came strolling out of the house today while I sat on the porch. I walked by and pushed the image out of my head. I rounded the corner. Blue sign. Pink sign. Blue sign. (You know those delightful signs people stick in their front yard announcing the new addition?) The yards all of a sudden seemed flooded with them. Maybe what the woman I met the first night we moved in said was true, "Everyone on this block is pregnant or has a houseful."

Everyone but me.

Side note: If I ever do get pregnant, or heck, even when our daughter comes home from China, I'm going to buy like 50 of those pink signs and stick them all over our front lawn. Everyone will know! Everyone! Feel free to buy me a sign, please. (But then I'll feel bad if there is someone who is infertile and they see my yard. Maybe I could get a sign that explains all that.)

All right, tangent over.

The moment with the twins and the yard signs passed, and again, I thought I was okay.

But next was a pregnancy announcement for someone I don't know well. She's pregnant through IVF. Her first IVF. I talked her through the early stages of this procedure. I encouraged her. I wanted her to have success and yet, when she does, I can't help feel ... well, jealous. And don't worry dear friend. If you are reading this blog, know that my heart is happy for you. I'm actually ecstatic for you.

I'm just sad for me.

Actually the words I said out loud when I started to pray were -- "God, does it work for everyone but me?"

I honestly cannot begin to tell you how many times I have been connected with another woman going through infertility and watched as that other woman gets the two lines and I continue waiting. I remember one of the hardest cries I have had was as I suffered my fifth IUI failure and a good friend had success on her first. I should be happy for her. She doesn't have to go through this. But geezie peezie, I just wanted it to be me.

The support group I helped start in Minnesota didn't help eliminate these feelings. Either did the online support group I so routinely seek out for comfort. Ironically, the two places I have most utilized for encouragement and support are the two places that sometimes, also hurt the worst. I'm really not sure what's worse: finding out that someone got pregnant easily or finding out that someone who did the exact same treatment as you had success right away.

Aaaaahhh ... the pity party.

Thanks for listening. As I said earlier, there isn't anyone to pity with right now. I have a few people I could call, but it's 10:30. It's late. And I'm tired.

I'm just feeling a bit sad. Sad that I am 30 and still not a mom. Sad I've almost been married a decade and we still are just the two of us. Sad that this adoption seems so daunting and the paperwork so overwhelming.

But again, it's a moment. And moments pass.

Tomorrow's a new day!

He's a what?!

JB just called me from Pensacola. While we are talking, his pager goes off and he picks up another phone while I am waiting on the line. I hear him say, "Yes, this is Dr. Kit."

What?!?!

I mean, well, I think I knew he was a doctor, but it still seemed sooooo weird to hear him say it to someone else. He is Dr. Kit. (or Dr. "K" as some of the people on base call him.)

Weird!

John just finished his one shift and now he will begin another 14 hour shift. He'll get off tomorrow morning. He has 31 people under his care so it is probably doubtful that he'll get much sleep tonight. And then he'll have to drive home. I plan to talk to him throughout the drive home if possible to make sure he is WIDE awake.

A smorgosbord of life notes

Well, I should start by telling you that the pictures above were not staged! After yesterday's post, I really thought people would think I am telling JB how to lay on the couch next to to the dog to make a cute picture. But that is not the case at all. After dinner, I usually spend about 15 minutes in the kitchen cleaning up while John and a tired Scrubs hit the couch and some TV. I used to clean the kitchen in the mornings, but Florida isn't like Minnesota. I'm constantly worried about any bugs in my house so I don't want any food left out ... ever. So I clean at night. The dog lives in the kitchen and laundry room area which makes for a greater need as well. I can't sweep while the dog is awake because he thinks the broom is some sort of toy that he should jump on and hang onto for dear life. If I yell at him, his tail starts going faster at this new game and he jumps higher and harder.

So, I stumble out of the kitchen to find JB and the dog on the couch, sound asleep, in the pose found above. How hilarious is that!? As soon as I took the photo, JB wakes up. He then tries to take Scrubs out to use the bathroom. Here he is taking the pup out, both of them half-asleep.

Scrubs looks so innocent there doesn't he!? Don't let that fool you. Yesterday, we went to the vet to get shots. Thank you to Tiffany who drove me as JB was in Pensacola for the day. Scrubs did fantastic. I really think he likes the vet and all the smells there are to explore. He didn't even seem to notice the shot because I was stuffing his face full of food the whole time.

The vet failed to tell me, but numerous other people did, that puppies will be very sore and tired after these boosters. Scrubs slept five hours! This made for a wonderful work day. I would go and check on him and maybe convince him to stand up to go outside to use the bathroom, but then he would return to his little purple blanket (which was a gift from my mom to me -- sorry mom. Scrubs loves it!) to sleep some more.

However around 5:00, all that rest caught up with him and the dog woke up wanting to bounce off the ceilings. Normally we go for a walk or run during these fits of energy, but it was pouring down rain so we had to try to expel that energy in the kitchen. No easy feat. Add to that that John was stuck in that rainstorm on his ride home and couldn't help me with the pup. He said that the rain was so bad that he passed up his exit by 14 miles. He couldn't see anything! So it took him two hours to get home instead of one. Oh well!

Our evenings together have been very short but sweet. We make dinner together, play with the dog together, and clean up a bit together. Then John retreats to the couch to get off his feet for a bit with the dog, who is finally settling down, while I clean up the kitchen. We actually have been going to bed as early as, get this, 8:31 last night. I've been getting up with John in the mornings around 5:00am. This helps me be ready for bed when he is ready for bed.

All right so I said this was a smorgosbord. Here's the smorg.

I did an update on Matt. Check it out. The boy is getting married today. Read all about it.

A bunch of the ladies/wives are getting together for lunch today at my house. We've been discussing trying to do this at least once a week.

An online friend revealed to me yesterday that JB is working at Sacred Heart Hospital. This is the name of the hospital on the show "Scrubs". Ha! Quite ironic I think. And maybe destiny? What do you think please-don't-name-the-dog-Scrubs-Tara. Is it growing on you at all?

John is on call tonight. He'll be home early tomorrow morning. I am hoping he gets some sleep on call so he doesn't have to sleep the day away.

Work is CRAZY! Both jobs have picked up considerably due to the "leave" of another employee. At Mayo, my co-worker Miranda has taken 10 weeks maternity leave with her new twins. At RLSF, my co-worker Beth has taken 4 weeks off to move and get her new life in order. Both co-workers have their email forwarding to me. I feel that all I do is bounce and back and forth between each job checking email and getting five things done, only to return an hour later with a new five emails to tackle.

I have been reading Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest." This is deeeepppp stuff but very good stuff. I have to read it very slowly and really focus because it is so deep, I often get distracted. However, there is so much good stuff to share! Don't be surprised if I end my posts with a little quote from Oswald here and there in the future. The guy was amazing. Believe it or not, he died in his 30's from complications of an appendicitis. His wife actually compiled all his notes and wrote the book (and others), but she takes no credit for it. Really amazing. Anyways, here's the paragraph that touched me on today's read. August 3.

We are not taken into a conscious agreement with God's purpose -- we are taken into God's purpose with no awareness of it at all. We have no idea what God's goal may be; as we continue, His purpose becomes even more and more vague. God's aim appears to have missed the mark, because we are too nearsighted to see the target at which He is aiming. At the beginning of the Christian life, we have our own ideas as to what God's purpose is. We say, "God means for me to go over there," and , "God has called me to this special work." We do what we think is right, and yet the compelling purpose of God remains upon us. The work we do is of no account when compared with the compelling purpose of God. It is simply the scaffolding surrounding His work and His plan. "He took the twelve aside..." (Luke 18:31) God takes us aside all the time. We have not yet understood all there is to know of the compelling purpose of God.

Is that enough smorg for you all!? Well if not, here's a bit more. The Kit B & B has no scheduled visitors until Labor Day (my parents I hope!!!!!!) So feel free to book your room today!

Better schedule

Today, as I write this, I have a lot on my mind. This Minnesota bridge crash really spun me for a bit of a loop. I already am not crazy about bridges. I think it stems from the San Francisco earthquake that caused one bridge to collapse on the top of another. But to see a crash on a bridge that I have personally driven over and to realize that people in our old hometown could have been involved, is quite disturbing. Please be praying for the families of the victims as well as for the injured. What a terrible tragedy.

This tragedy, somehow, and I am not sure how, jolted me to the shooting at Virginia Tech. I realized that I knew absolutely nothing about this shooting. We were in Nigeria at the time and one of my earliest memories of even hearing about the shooting is when one of the Nigerian physicians asked for a moment of silence for the shooting victims and their families. I remember thinking this "moment" was a bit odd. A "moment" for some shooting victims continents away when there are thousands of people dying of AIDS at that very "moment" right in their backyard. However, it was still a very kind gesture, most likely instituted due to the presence of Americans in their midst.

At the time, I refrained from getting online to read anything about the shooting. I was having a hard enough time dealing with the world around me in Nigeria. I didn't feel like I could deal with a tragedy back home. However, this morning, I finally got online to read old news stories. I am unable to put into words how this made me feel. For people to die so pointlessly and tragically is disgusting. I know most of you are thinking, "Wendi, this is very old news." However, this news isn't so old to me.

I have included a picture of JB and Scrubs. John's schedule, while still hefty, is much better than it was last month. He is driving to Pensacola each morning this month. He will not have to go on Monday, but on every other morning, he leaves at 5:30am. I am managing, somehow, to get up with him at 5 each morning. On Tuesdays he gets off at 6:00pm which brings him home at 7:15pm. However, every other day he will be home by 5:30 or so. He'll have one night of call each weekend. This weekend he will go in on Friday morning and not get off until Saturday morning. Not too shabby.

Scrubs is ecstatic when John gets home each evening and goes absolutely bonkers. The three of us left for a walk and stopped at our favorite little spot on the bay. Our quiet evening was interrupted, however, by the presence of three little boys, and shortly thereafter, their two moms. The kids loved Scrubs, but Scrubs loved them a bit too much. We had to keep him leashed so he wouldn't jump on the little boys.

One of the moms was a doola (I think this is like a midwife). She asked what JB did and when John told her he was a family medicine physician, her face looked like it might explode. She is having her fourth child at home, and cannot BELIEVE people give epidurals since they are derived from cocaine. John tried to be kind but eventually had to tell her she was a bit off in her thinking and that, no, epidurals, were not the same as cocaine. I, Ms. anti-conflict, managed to wander off and play with Scrubs and the kids and avoid the debate.

We finally headed home and happened to pass a new couple to the area and their German shepherd puppy. He looked like this little dog pictured at left. Scrubs and him played for quite a few minutes together. It was so cute to watch them play. The German shepherd was only 3 days older than Scrubs but about twice as big so he would let Scrubs beat the crud out of him. Scrubs finally managed to knock him down at one point, but for the most part, it was Scrubs trying very hard and "Mack" just lumbered around. It was adorable!

By 9:00, both John and I were unbelievably exhausted. While I took a shower, John laid down on the couch with Scrubs. The picture at the top was how I found them a few minutes later.

Today, Tiffany is going to drive me to the vet with Scrubs as John has the car. Scrubs is getting a couple of shots so we'll see how that goes!

So I've learned some things ...

We have now had Scrubs in our family for three weeks. And during that three weeks I have learned a lot about Dalmatians. Here's what I now know that I didn't know before.

• The Dalmatian is currently a victim of its own popularity. The release in 1997 of the live version of 101 Dalmatians created a demand for puppies that some unscrupulous breeders were only too happy to meet. Unfortunately many of these puppies were bought on impulse and have been abandoned to shelters and rescue groups. A concerted effort was made as the movie was released to provide information that would enable prospective owners to determine whether or not a Dalmatian was the right breed for them. Attempts were made to show both the pros and cons of Dalmatian ownership. The media, however, picked up on some of this information and completely changed the intent so that a very negative picture of the breed emerged. This is why John and I had some ideas that Dalmatians weren't good dogs to have.
• Apparently Dalmatians were bred to run with a coach and horses. They were also used to guard the coach and the horses. To guard, they required an intelligent nature, the ability to run all day, and an extremely high energy level. This is very true of Scrubs. He is very smart and has more energy than I can possibly express in words. It is also true that they inheritantly have a natural love of horses. We haven't tried this out yet. I'll keep you posted.
• Dalmatians need both physical and mental stimulation. Without it, they can easily become bored and destructive. In order to help this, we put "kongs" in his crate with him. We stuff these with food that he has to figure out how to get out. It usually distracts him for long enough that he falls asleep or feels mentally exhausted. However, without the mental stimulation, he's too excited to really ever fall asleep.
• Dalmatians are very energetic, intelligent, stubborn, and playful. Scrubs is smart but incredibly stubborn. He hears his name, knows his name, but will choose to not listen to his name if he prefers not to. I've been told that they want to test their owners to see how much they can get away with and that they will know what they can get away with with one owner (Wendi!) and not the other (John!)
• I love his tail. I can tell if he is playing, scared, or mad just by what his tail is doing. Their whip-like tails can also clear a coffee table in five seconds!
• Dalamtians are people-oriented. They are an excellent indoor & outdoor companion, but they are not a yard dog and need lots of people contact. This is incredibly true. I have read that they want to be a part of the family and do not want to be left out of social activity. During the last two days, we have had company come over while Scrubs is in his crate. He goes bonkers! He cannot stand to not know what is going on. Their feelings are hurt if they aren't playing with everyone else.
• Dalmatians love to go, go, go. They like jogging and biking but needs owner involvement. In other words, if I do it with him, he wants to do it, but he doesn't want to do much without John or I doing it with him. Scrubs tendency toward loving a good jog is one of the main reasons JB purchased him for me. He's going to be a great running partner!
• Dalmatians are mainly loyal to their owner and not usually a "love everybody" dog. He can, if he chooses, be very aloof with strangers. However, he is polite when introduced.
• They are called the "velcro" dog for their tendency to stick like glue to their owner.
• Dalmatians will "yawn and whistle" when they don't want to do something. I didn't believe this until I saw it. It is so funny!
• Dalmatians can have a hard time with very young children because they are so excitable. This is something we will really have to work on with Scrubs and an important reason we are taking him to "Puppy Kindergarten" classes next month. I'd never heard of these classes and quite honestly, would have deemed them fairly pretentious prior to owning a dog. But dogs really develop their fears and traits during their early months so we are going to teach this dog young! Scrubs like kids but just needs good supervision and exposure.
• Dalmatians, while usually healthy, can suffer from deafness, kidney stones, and skin problems. They can't eat table scraps and need a high protein diet. Scrubs was tested with the breeder and his hearing is fine. However the kidney stones and skin problems are something we need to watch.
• Dalmatians don't like cold weather. How perfect is that for me!? This is due to their short coat. Despite this short coat, they do shed a lot. This I have noticed.
• They are very clean, fairly odorless dogs. This is the reason that my cousin Sarah has told me her allergy isn't quite as bad in a house with a Dalmatian as it is with other dogs. It is also good since I can be a fairly authentic clean-freak.

Anyways, that may be more than you wanted to know, and I'm sorry if I am boring any of you with my talk about my dog. However, he's my new best buddy! I love this little guy. He drives me absolutely crazy, but is amazing companion to have in our home.

Month of Pensacola

It's 5:30 a.m. JB just left for Pensacola. He'll be at Sacred Heart Hospital for one month. While the commute is a bit long (1:15 minute), it is supposed to be a wonderful rotation and upper level residents speak highly of it. He will be on call the first three of his four weekends one night each weekend. This weekend his call is from 6pm Friday to 6am Saturday. This isn't too bad as he will then have most of Friday off!

John ended up getting nearly a half day yesterday. He was done at 2:00. By 3:00, the two of us headed down to the Destin Outlets. We are now taking the bridge side anytime we go that far into Destin which costs $2.50 to cross. We decided to purchase an IPASS so now it only costs $1.75 to pass. Although, it will take 37 crossings to make up for the money we had to spend to buy the IPASS in the first place, it will still make crossing a lot nicer. The bridge is absolutely beautiful and the traffic more predictable than going through Fort Walton Beach.

Our main reason for hitting the outlets was so that I could get some new shoes. I haven't been running an exorbitant amount -- only around 12-15 miles a week. However, my knees are bothering me slightly. John thought it could be my shoes as I definitely don't buy new running shoes as often as they recommend. However, either way my running has been stalled for at least a few days as I am nursing a slight ankle/arch injury. I am not sure what I have done, but my foot is a little swollen and bruised. Nothing really bad (I've done bad), but enough for John to lecture me as he walked out of the door today ... something like, "Don't come complaining to me if you go and run today and then can't walk tonight." Okay, okay ... I'll take a day off.

In the end, both John and I got running shoes, and since I wear men's running shoes, we ended up picking the exact same shoe at the Nike Outlet. They gave us 10% off (military discount) as well. We also hit the Under Armor store. Fellow runners -- this stuff is awesome, and I found a great sale which Under Armor usually never has. (Got a military discount here too.) I bought quite a few nice pieces to walk and/or run in.

John decided to cook some Thai chicken wraps last night. It's so nice with Matt and Tiffany just a few houses away. What's even nicer is that the houses that separate us from them are now both vacant so we can actually just cross over through the backyards instead of walking around the block. Anyways, being as they are so close, a dinner invite can be a last minute invention which was the case last night. Tiffany and I are also "child/pup swapping." She came over while we were in Destin and let Scrubs out twice while I am going to watch William for her on Tuesday nights while she attends a weekly meeting. That sounds pretty fair. Well, actually, I think Tiffany gets the raw end of the deal. Scrubs is a lot harder to deal with than William. William's one of the best kids ever.

Heather, a woman I met in church Sunday, also stopped by while Matt and Tiffany were here last night with her two great big labs. Scrubs was a bit intimidated but held his ground and the three were soon fast friends. Heather walks each evening and has invited me to join her at anytime.

I am starting to feel that my 40-hour-per-week job is a lot with all these women in the neighbhorhood wanting to get together for walks and coffee and lunch. I have to remind myself that JB is working between 60-80 most weeks so there is still plenty of hours in the week for me to socialize, but I am really enjoying this being at home stuff.

The other big thing that JB and I are currently working on is compiling paperwork for our adoption home study. Before the home study can began, we have to compile:

• Wendi autobiography
• John autobiography
• Birth certificates
• Marriage certificate
• Employment letters
• Income tax return
• Three letters of reference
• Statement of net Worth
• International Disclaimer
• Medical Reports (physicals)
• Florida Dept. of Law enforcement Clearances for each applicant
• Child Abuse clearances for each applicant
• Local police letters
• Signed affidavits of good moral character
• America World reading agreement (we agree to read a list of adoption books)

None of these are major obstacles but all of them will require a bit of time to get them done. So we need to get going on compiling these. I am hoping that we can get them altogether by sometime next week so we can get this show on the road.

Sweet Sunday

Yesterday we discovered, our Scrubs loves the ocean. Not just the ocean but swimming in the ocean.

We are only about a five minute walk to the bay. It's a gorgeous little beach area just one block over from our house. We've taken Scrubs there a few times, and he's avoided the waves as much as possible -- dancing in and dancing out as the waves crash on shore. Yesterday, JB waded into the water up to his shins and suddenly, Scrubs just jumped in and starting swimming all over the place. He loved it! Of course, it is salt water which means he would need a bath later, but for the time, we were just loving watching Scrubs enjoy the water.

Speaking of other things Scrubs loves, he loves my slippers. But that's another story.

We returned yesterday to Rocky Bayou Baptist church. JB had been up since 2:00 in the morning with failure to return to sleeping during the night. So after the service I asked him what he thought. John's exact words to me were, "I don't think any assessment I made would be fair since I was asleep for 90% of the service." I didn't even attempt to keep the poor guy awake. When the pastor gave an impromptu request for people to kneel over their pew, we both bowed. But while I was praying, I am pretty much sure JB was sleeping. We both agreed that the church will need a third visit before we can accurately assess whether it was for us or not.

One thing that was kind of nice was that in this large sanctuary, we happened to choose a seat next to a woman I had met taking Scrubs for a walk the other day. Her name is Tracy N. She is married to a physician that JB had lunch with back in August who is a wonderful Christian man. He is currently halfway though a four month deployment. She has four sons and lives only a few doors down from us. She also introduced us to a couple behind us who live just a few doors down from us on the other side. They have one son and two five-year-old labs. It was wonderful to meet more neighbors.

John desperately wanted to sleep the day away, but I stood firm! I only allowed 90 minutes knowing that another afternoon sleep would only cause another sleepless night. We had a wonderful Sunday together doing odds and ends around the house and just relaxing together. We ended the evening watching Men of Honor (pretty good) and eating some Thai food and then some cookies I had picked up to bake for our "date night".

We had thoroughly ran Scrubs into the ground during the day! Not only did he go on two walks yesterday, but we hung out at the beach area for quite some time just letting him run all over the place. We then gave him a bath and trimmed his nails and allowed him to ride with us to pick up dinner. As a result, he slept on the couch next to JB during the entire movie. It was so sweet to see him so calm. He continues to have dreams where it appears he is nursing, as he starts sucking repeatedly for about five minute segments. JB wasn't sure what he was doing so he slid his finger into Scrub's mouth and sure enough, Scrubs starting sucking away. It is hilarious but sort of makes me sad that he probably misses his mom. Afterwards, John took him out one last time and then the pup slept straight through the night -- well until 5:00 when John wandered out of bed. It is great to have a partner at home to help me tag team the dog a bit. It adds a whole new perspective of enjoyment when I can allow someone else to help with tasks.

We are thinking that JB only has a half day of work today, but we will believe it when we see it. That being the case, I am going to get to work so as to buy myself some off time later this afternoon. Have a great beginning of August.

JOHN IS HOME!!!!

I am, so excited, to have JB home. I am, seriously, ecstatic!

He got home yesterday around 9:00a.m. and decided to go to sleep until about 2:00p.m. in the hopes of flipping is his sleep schedule back around. Tiffany and Joia came over, and we girls had a fabulous afternoon scrapbooking while JB slept and their husbands babysat. I haven't just sat and scrapbooked in probably a year, and it was really fun!

Later that evening, John and I decided to go out for a nice dinner. We tried to find an Indian restaurant we had heard of, but when we had no luck, opted for Kuvee Beach across from Destin Commons. This was a fantastic place and just a fantastic evening. (A strong recommendation to fellow Eglni wives!) We were so excited to just be able to sit and talk. We decided a lot about these last two weeks. We decided that it is very difficult to have a strong marriage when one partner is working three times the normal working amount. We decided that we have to always remember we are on the same team and that one of us is frustrated it is only because they are frustrated with the situtation and not each other. And we have decided that no matter what, when military life is through, we will not slide into a lifestyle that requires those kind of hours from John, no matter how much money he is making. It is just not worth it. At all.

This was also the longest we had left Scrubs on him home alone. We attempted to leave one of these "puppy pads" we had heard about in the room with him. Supposedly this is a place that smells good and entices a pup to soil on these pads if they have to go. Obviously, from the picture shown above, you can tell that Scrubs wasn't interested in soiling on this pad whatsoever. He was instead interested, despite it being taped down on all four sides, with chewing it to smitherines! I think he did a pretty good job, don't you?! John and I had a good laugh at this. We aren't even sure that Scrubs actually used the bathroom while we were gone. We couldn't find any evidence. I think he was too busy destroying the pee-pad.

John and I then balked on a movie as we were both so tired, and hit the hay around 11:00pm, as he thought he was tired enough to sleep through the night despite his five-hour-nap and up-for-two-weeks-during-the-night lifestyle. He was wrong. At 2:00am, John informed me that he was wide awake and that he would get up and take care of the dog throughout the night. Folks, I slept amazingly well!!! Having JB in the house allows me to not be so uptight at night in the house alone. I was out. And hearing him say he'd take care of the dog allowed me to fall even deeper to sleep. It was great.

Right now, John is outside mowing the lawn with our new electric lawnmower. It's pretty cool! Quite a tree-hugging thing to do I think. We are going to go back to Rocky Bayou Baptist and give that a try again this week. We'll see how it goes. It should be a wonderfully relaxing Sunday at home together.

Oh and as for the gorp some of you asked about, John and I actually made that last week so those were old pics! However, the recipe is atually quite simple. All kinds of different chocolate M&Ms and solid kisses. You can also add peanut butter chips or chocolate chips. Then tons of dried fruit of your choice and then tons of nuts of your choice. That's really all it is. Reeses are great. Peanut Butter M&Ms are good.

Here is a clip of Scrubs celebrating JB's conclusion to OB. Enjoy!

109 Hours... by JB

Wendi has been asking me to write a bit about my experience with residency thus far. I thought since I am currently awake and do not have to go in for the next day and a half, I'd give it a shot.

109 Hours. That's what I worked this week. I've just finished my month long OB rotation. It started off with a few days of "deck" (that's the labor and delivery ward) and a few days of clinic (just seeing OB patients for their regular check-ups). This averaged about 50-65 hours a week. These last two weeks I have been on OB nights. This is all deck time - about 6:30 p.m. to about 8:30 a.m - L&D for 14-15 hours a day. Add to that the fact that I had my own clinic on Monday afternoon and that I have to return all my patient's phone calls from during the day, and you get 109 hours for the week.

Yes, we have an 80 hour work week limit, but it is an average for the whole month. Since I was fortunate enough to get July 4th off and a "family day" that same Friday, my average was 79.8 hours per week for this month.

That is a whole lot of time.

THOUGHTS ABOUT OB AND OUR JOURNEY WITH INFERTILITY
This was a very strange way to start residency. Wendi wasn't real crazy about me spending the day with pregnant women and delivery babies while we have been trying for just that for so long. I think initially I had a difficult time with it. I had to chat with women that were complaining about being pregnant again. I had to sit with women that were so excited to find out they were pregnant. I had to deliver a baby and hand it over to the happy mom and dad. There were pangs of sadness and jealousy. Anger and frustration at how lightly they were taking this miracle and gift.

But I also quickly learned how bad things can go with OB. I thought, you know, I would love to have a biological child with Wendi, but I would never want her to experience the things I witnessed the last few weeks.

THOUGHTS ON OB IN GENERAL
Everyone who hasn't been pregnant (and a few who have been VERY lucky with their pregnancy experiences) has this idea in mind about having a baby. They picture the happy, chubby, little wife who is glowing with joy as she grows this little life inside of her. Suddenly, the time comes and they rush to the hospital and after a few hours of waiting and a little while of pushing a new baby is born. All the pain is washed away in the joy of the moment. Dad calls the family and everyone celebrates.

That's the ideal. Few people get that. If you are reading this and this is what you got. Really, be thankful.

A classmate who was on this rotation with me - she did the first 2 weeks of nights and I did the second 2 weeks - "caught" over 20 babies. Her experience was pretty good. She had few emergencies and now she really enjoys OB. I had a very different experience.

I "caught" 7 babies from a normal delivery while on this rotation. I would have caught about double that, but things often went bad at the last minute and I had to be bumped out of the way. Now I am very thankful there was someone with more experience there to bump me, but it was really about every other baby that had an issue. I had a bunch of shoulder dystocias (where the shoulder of the baby get's stuck on mom's pubic bone) that I would try to dislodge while the obstetrician jumped in to help. I had a bunch of babies that needed to be assisted out with forceps or vacuums - those usually ended up with pretty significant tears to mom's bottom. Then I had a few emergency c-sections since baby was doing poorly. After a rough night where the baby suddenly started acting poorly and we did a very quick forcep delivery and mom got a tear all the way through her rectum and baby was blue and we had to do chest compressions and intubation and then he started seizing and had to be life-flighted to the closest neonatal intesive care unit... after all that, the OB doc I was working with said it's amazing any kid makes it through a delivery.

I think I now have this idea of pregnancy as a woman incubating a parasite who tries to drain as much life and energy from her - causing nausea, vomiting, heartburn, constipation, headaches, high blood pressure, swollen limbs, abdominal pain, and maybe even seizures - literally. Then there is bleeding and threatened miscarriage or placental abruption and threat to baby and even mom's life at any point along the way. Then that moment when labor starts and the pain is unlike anything a woman has ever had. They try to be tough and "do it natural" like there is some club they can join or a plaque they get for not using pain medicine - because if they do there is a sense of guilt for not being a "real" woman. But if they do succumb to the pain and ask for an epidural, there is no guarentee that it will work. She has numb, floppy legs, and can feel every contraction or the right side feels just fine and the left side is on fire. But maybe she gets that pain managed just fine and then baby's head get's stuck or his heart beat drops and we have to rush to a c-section or we have to yank baby out with big steel jaws. Mom gets ripped to pieces down below and can't urinate right for 2 months. She starts bleeding like crazy after the placenta is delivered and we have to about stand on her belly and give medicine to stop the bleeding. But then baby is rushed to the observation unit because he is not breathing right and mom and dad are left in the room alone wondering if baby is going to live or not. Then finally after all that, baby is given back and mom is so sleep deprived from labor and worry that she can hardly stay awake but baby is hungry. Baby needs to be fed. Baby needs to be changed. Baby needs to be held. And then it is time to go home and this helpless newborn is her responsibility. No wonder post-partum depression exists!

Okay - so that was a bit depressing. But this is the stuff I am thinking about while seeing every patient. Wondering which one will be just fine. Wondering which one might crash. Wondering if I am watching all the right stuff to make sure that if anything goes wrong, it wasn't something I could have prevented. No wonder I'm exhausted!

IN SUMMARY
The truth is, I had a pretty good time. I was tired and worn out. But I learned a ton of stuff. I gained a whole lot of experience. I love patient care and my interactions with them. And the bottom line... this is why I went into medicine. To help people when they need medical care. To care for them as best as I can with the grace of God.

And by the grace of God, I am done with that crazy schedule for a while.

I'm going to bed!

An Update on Matt

Matt with wife Danielle

--UPDATE (May, 2008) --

Matt is home and back with his wife Danielle. We can't wait to see him. Maybe in September.

--UPDATE (May 6, 2008) --

Matt should be home soon!

--UPDATE (March 23, 2008) --

Matt is no longer in the USA. We hope he will be back home sometime in May? Please keep him, Danielle, and the Kit. family in your prayers as he continues to serve his country.

--UPDATE (March 6, 2008) --

Matt is home for Iraq. It is just for two weeks, and we won't get a chance to see him, but we are excited by this nonetheless. He is going on a cruise with Danielle and everyone is thrilled that he gets a visit. Just a few more months, and he should be home for good.

--UPDATE (December 25, 2007) --

Thinking of Matt and all our servicemen spending this holiday away from their families. We were blessed to be able to talk to Matt on the phone during our gift-opening ceremony today. We miss him and love him very much and pray for him every single day.

Here's a video we made for Matt on Christmas Day.

--UPDATE (November 10, 2007) --

Matt now has internet access in his room which means we are hearing from him a lot more. It used to be that he would have to walk 1.5 miles to use internet and then wait in line. So now he is much more available to us! I am actually chatting with him on instant messenger as we speak. He seems to be doing well and tells me if it wasn't for missing Danielle, he wouldn't really have anything to complain about.

Matt hopes to get leave in March!!! Not sure if we'll get to see him, but we hope so! Here's a few pictures.

--UPDATE (October 13, 2007) --

I have obtained pictures from the wedding Matt and Danielle had before he left for Iraq. Here they are? Isn't she lovely?! We look forward to Matt being home next Summer and celebrating some more with the two of them.

--UPDATE (August 31, 2007)--

I now have Matt's address if anyone would like to send him a care package. There are tons of great ideas online for what to send our overseas troups. You can also actually just go to sites like this one: MILITARY CARE PACKAGES and have the package made and sent right to him.

-- UPDATE (August 21, 2007) --

The family received a "mass" email from Matt yesterday. Apparently, it is pretty hot there. As Matt says: "I'm doin good. It's insainly hot and more sand than you could ever imagine. Sand is everywere. No, seriously. Take a blow dryer put it on high heat full blast hold it 6 inches from your face then throw sand in the air. That's kinda what it feels like. but it could always be worse so I'm thankful for all the niceities that are provided."

Matt did provide an address whree people can send things, however, I am not sure it is correct yet so I will let you know when it is and some ideas if you would like to send him a care package. I'm sure he would love it even if you don't know him that well.

-- UPDATE (August 14, 2007) --

We now know that Matt is in Kuwait. That's really all I know. He called and spoke with Danielle. He called JB's parents too, but they missed the call. Your prayers for Matt, our family, and Danielle are much appreciated. I can't give too much details (if I am even knew them) but will provide whatever I can.

-- UPDATE (August 7, 2007)

Matt is officially married and has officially left Fort Lauderdale. He actually got off duty 12 hours earlier than expected as you can read in a comment from my mother-in-law. When the five guys got to the airport, the red-eye was booked. The airline asked for volunteers to allow these guys to have 12 extra hours with their family, and 5 people volunteered to give up their seats so that they could have a few more hours at home.

Matt and Danielle were married in her family's church. Danielle is Catholic, however, they didn't have a mass. It was a short and simple ceremony. The deacon was a former Marine and prayed for Matt's safety and is placing a picture of him on their military wall. They were actually married on their four and a half year anniversary. I hope to have more updates for you later.

-- UPDATE (August 3, 2007) --

Matt returns from Wisconsin today where he is been training for his deployment. He will be in Fort Lauderdale for two days and during those two days, he and Danielle are getting married! They are heading to the courthouse and will have a nice reception when he returns from Iraq. For now, quick is all they have time for. I know that getting married will help them financially while he is deployed and also give Danielle military benefits and everything that comes with being a military wife. So I know that is a big reason for the drop-in at the courthouse today. If I get any pictures, I'll be sure to include them.

-- INTRO --

Those of you who have read my blog for long enough or know me personally, know that I am about as anti-conflict as they come. On one of my very early blogs back in 2005, I told everyone that I would be avoiding the major conflict areas in this blog, primarily politics. I just really hate when people feel uncomfortable. We all have different beliefes and that's what makes our country what it is. So let's each other despite that. I think our friendship with Bara is a perfect example of that. I have been so blessed getting to know Bara and see all that we do have in common instead of all the things that we don't have in common. If the whole world could do that, we'd have a different world today.

Some of you may know that JB's younger brother Matt is in the Army. In fact, Matt is being prepared to be deployed for Iraq. This is where the anti-conflict part comes in. I know some of you are angry about the war or have strong opinions about it. That is perfectly fine. I, personally, am not even going to comment on the war.

Instead, I believe that it is important that we always support our troops no matter what we believe about the war. When JB decided to go into the Air Force, we knew that he would be deployed. We also knew that he might be deployed somewhere that we didn't personally agree with. That is an something you understand when you decide to work for your country. I know some countries require all males to do time for the military (Bara taught us this). We currently are not in a situation in our country where that is the case. Instead, my husband, and my brother-in-law Matt, chose to work for the USA.

I say all that to say that I appreciate the diversity of people who visit my blog, and I have no desire to make this a place that people feel uncomfortable visiting. For that reason, while I think it is important to update this blog on what's happening with Matt, I think it is also important not to get into a big political debate or cause people to get "riled up". I am therefore going to keep a link called "Updates on Matt" under the "My Favorite Places" link. If you would like to read more about Matt and how he is doing over the next months of his life, you can. If you don't want to read about the Matt, you don't have to. And we'll leave it like that.

Currently, Matt is is up north where he is training before leaving for Iraq later this fall. He called JB the other day and asked him to send some "gorp" (I think that is how you spell it?!) This is a chocolate, dried fruit, nut mix that JB has made on past camping trips. This stuff is awesome!! JB not only made him some gorp, but he made Matt TONS of gorp. Here are some pics of the gorp before it mailed out. We mailed all of this but the one bag I snuck out to share with my friends on our "Girls' Nite Out".

I'll be linking this blog onto the side of my web page. Check back periodically for updates on Matt. We love you "Oatmeal". :)

423 miles?!?

We got our home study materials in the mail. Okay so not only does a home study cost about $1500 (and you have to get one of these every time you adopt or change your family make-up) but we found out that because the nearest AWAA (American World Adoption Agency) is 423 miles from here (Orlando), we have to pay for travel for the social worker! That means nearly $700 for the two visits. In addition, the third visit can be in Orlando if we want but the chances of JB getting away to do that would be quite difficult so we'd probably have to pay for the social worker to come back here a third time. That means almost $1000 for travel!

I know this is ony the first of many hiccups in this adoption journey, but sharing my hiccups seems to help. I emailed our family coordinator to see about the possibility of using a "sister" agency closer to our region. We really wanted to use AWAA to avoid any "errors" or "missing parts" between what a certain social worker does and what AWAA needs. I wish I would have realized we wre 423 miles away from the beginning. In the end, if we have to pay an extra $1,000 we'll just pay it, but geezie peezie.

I'll keep you posted.

--UPDATE--

I received an update from the AWAA office. It doesn't look too good for avoiding this extra fee. Here is the response I received from Leah, our family coordinator.

Wendi,

I received a response back from our Social Services Director and she said that you had to go through AWAA for your home study since you live in a AWAA licensed state, but she said to contact your department of social services- Amy Harris- in Florida and see if something can be worked out. We cannot guarantee anything unfortunately. There could be a chance that you might be able to schedule 2 visits within the same time frame so that your social worker doesn't have to travel additional times. Again, contact Amy ... If you have any questions please let me know. Hopefully something can be worked out.

So, I have left a message with Amy. I know, when an adoption is costing as much as a new car, another $1,000 for the extra "perk" isn't that bad. I know this $1,000 isn't. It's just, when I see all these costs, I get frustrated that things cost soooo much money for something so many people take for granted. I'll be fine. My pity party will end soon! :) I'll keep you all posted on any developments. If you think of it, pray that we can lessen this cost somehow. We just trust the Lord to walk each step with us.

--2nd UPDATE--

Aaaah, when will I learn to just relax and chill a bit more. I spoke with Amy at the AWAA office in Orlando. She was actually laughing about the error. She said they would never charge that much for travel! In fact, they have a "person" about an hour or two from me who works with everyone in that area. In addition, travel costs can be split between families, and appointments lumped together to avoid multiple travel days. So it looks like the travel costs will be minimal if any. THANKS AMY!!! THANKS GOD!!!

One more night to go ...

Oh my oh my. Last night I went to sleep saying "After tonight, only more night before JB is home every night." I will be so happy to have him home.

JB was able to call me last night and actually talk for about five minutes as it wa a little slower. He also gave me the good news that it looks like (all things with his schedule are prefaced with this statement) he is not going to have to go Pensacola this Monday! The reason is that he has "his" clinic on Monday morning and then he has some session that is mandatory each week for all residents. It's a time that they can discuss any concerns or questions with others. This means that if he does his clinic and then this session, it will be lunchtime so it doesn't look like they are having him drive to Pensacola. YAY! This means that we will have Saturday night, Sunday, and Monday evening together. I am so excited about this. I am seriously, near tears with this news. I cannot wait to have some time with my husband. This morning he will be home even later than usual as he has an oral exam once he is done with the rotation.

Some of you have asked me why doctors must work these insane hours. I should tell you that as many mistakes that are made by physicians who are tired, the same amount of mistakes are made when there is limited "continuity of care". Think about, if you go to a hospital and stay there for 24 hours, do you want to have 3 different physicians (8 hours shifts)? Or would you like to have 1 physician (24 hour shift) or 2 physicians (12 hour shifts.) The more times a patient is "handed off" the more chance there is for mistake. Therefore not switching physicians so often is also beneficial to patients.

What is even more remarkable is that the requirement that residents only work "on average" 80 hours per week, is a recent development. Prior to that, there really were no rules. Since residents are "cheap" and not paid even a fraction of what a staff physician is paid, it makes sense financially to utilize their cheap labor. As a result, residents were working hours which were beyond reasonable. If you want to read a fantastic book on this topic check out Hot Lights, Cold Steel. It's a fantastic read but demonstrates how many hours it is possible for people to work.

So a few years ago all this changed. The Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education (ACGME) limited the number of work-hours to:

• 80 hours weekly
• Overnight call frequency to no more than one overnight every third day
• 30 hour maximum straight shift
• 10 hours off between shifts.

While these limits are voluntary, adherence has been mandated for the purposes of accreditation. In other words, failure to follow means a program will lose accreditation which is very, very bad.

Anyways, I say all that to say that the work hours do seem inhumane, and reading all the fellow residents blogs, you wonder if they are fair, but in the end, there are reasons why physicians stay at the hospital for such periods. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

A quick trip to the park

JB showed up at our door at 9:00am looking quite whipped. I asked him if we could just take one hour and go to the park with Scrubs. This was quite a sacrifice for John as it is one less hour he can sleep. But he agreed. We picked up some Burger King for breakfast and went and sat at the park. It was wonderful to have one hour together even though John could barely make conversation he was so tired.

This park is absolutely fantastic. If I have a child while I live here, we'll spend a lot of time here. Not only is there an amazing play area bigger than any park I have ever seen, but there is also a mini splash park open from 8-8 everyday! How amazing is that? Scrubs stayed closed to us for awhile while about 20 five-year-olds from the daycare next door splashed around, but he then loosened up. He finally decided he would take a closer look and since I was done with my french toast stiks, we made our way over to the side of the play area.

All of a sudden we were swamped by about five five-year-olds asking me if they could pet the puppy, telling me that Dalmatians were their favvvvoriiittteee. Before I knew it the kids were actually laying on Scrubs -- all over him. They loved him. They pet the dog everywhere. It's a good thing we've been doing as the book said and touching this dog anywhere a kid does -- pulling on his ears, his tail, his feet. And Scrubs? He just sat there willingly while the kids swamped him with love. He looked a little confused but didn't react negatively at all. No licking, no nipping, nothing. I was so proud! Later, we ran into a father with a huge dog (not sure what kind) and his two daughters. Scrubs and the other dog sniffed around but got along fabulously! You go Scrubs.

It is VERY important to me that my little pup is an angel with kids. So if you live by me and have kids, please visit us often. We need surrogate children to make sure he is good with them and all the books say this major introduction should occur before 6 months of age.

JB is now sleeping soundly. Thanks for a fun morning JB. I know it was hard.

Month one Internship Year

Blog perusing can reveal some interesting facts. Fact revealed this morning? Internship year is HARD! I just got through reading a flew blogs. See if you can look at these blogs and find something in common. First there was Tara's blog. After that I went and read Lesley's blog. Done with that, I wandered over to Hans' blog for the day. It was after reading that blog that I realized that our little house in northern Florida isn't the only one having difficulty adjusting to residency. Man do we miss medical school! (I say all this like I am doing it myself. Some days I feel like I am.)

I have tried, hard, to refrain from complaining about the last two weeks. As I have said previously, things are going well. Complaining doesn't really help anything. It definitely doesn't help JB to hear me complain. Aaaah, but sometimes it just feels good to get something off your chest. So here it is.

This internship thing, and being an intern's wife, is HARD!

I know I am not an actual resident. Or do you call it intern? Technically the first year of residency is the internship year so let's call it that. I know that I am not an actual intern. I don't feel like these interns feel. But I have been observing my rock of a husband take on a month of OB. You all know JB. He is even Steven. The guy handles everything with the same stride. But this month has been quite challening for him. OB Nights especially have been difficult. I am so thankful that this is only going to last two weeks because I am not sure either of us can take a second more. We have minutes together each day. Seriously, minutes. And that includes Scrubs and I walking out to the driveway to wave good bye. (Scrubs is one unhappy camper when JB leaves for the day.)

Tara wrote about errands and groceries and exercise. You are right Tara. There is no way in the world JB could do those things. He is doing well enough to give me a hug, pat the dog, shower, and fall into bed at the end of every shift. I really am not sure he is eating much at all. He'll eat a meal with me at 5pm before he leaves again, but quite frankly, that may be all he is getting. I'll have to ask him.

I have already decided that during JB's next night shift (in January), I will be going to stay with my parents in Florida (and possibly take my pup with me). It would honestly be easier on John if I weren't here so he didn't have to force himself to stay awake to spend a few minutes with me. I honestly, have no idea how Dave and Lesley are doing this. At least I am home whenever JB is home. They are both doing an internship on two different schedules. Lesley isn't even sure what day it is. Man. (And it's Thursday today Lesley.)

I have been told that this month that JB is currently doing is the hardest during internship year. That is an encouragement. (And I am sorry if it is a discouragement for the other intern wives reading this blog.) Tiffany revealed that her husband Matt has OB nights during Christmas. Her parents are coming into town, however, which will be a great blessing.

Next month JB will be home every night, but he will be commuting to Pensacola (1:15 minutes away) for the entire month. They have an arrangement with a hospital there to do a rotation. At least he will be home every evening although he will be gone some very long hours when you put in a nearly 3 hour commute.

Don't get me wrong. Folks, I am not bored at all. Both of my jobs have had a little "upheaval" recently. At Mayo, the assistant my physician hired to take over my in-office duties just left on maternity leave. Actually she had twins and actually she had an 18-month-old son at home. So I have to take over a bunch of her duties. At RLSF, the person I work with the most, Beth, is taking a month off to move and just relax for a little bit. So I will have a lot more responsibilities with her gone as well. So, I am quite occupied. I could honestly work another 10 hours a day and not run out of things to do. If I am not running or working with the dog, I am at my computer, editing and writing away.

But I just miss JB. I really miss him. I especially miss him at about 6pm. I just miss hanging out with him. I know this is just a season and like me during basketball season, the season will end, but I just want to have him home more.

So fellow interns Tara, Hans, Dave, Lesley, and others ... it's just a season. Stick with it. And know that our home in northern Florida is plowing through too. We'll all plow through together and in three years (four for Tara, five for Dave), you all will come out just fine. I know that for sure!

Fact ...

Fact ... Scrubs figured out how to get out of the little "den" we created in the laundry room by "shimmying" over the gate. Plan "B"? Den has been removed and his room is now the laundry room in its entirety.

Fact ... I cooked dinner last night. Baked spaghetti. It wasn't half-bad. I think JB was in the mood for breakfast, but he was a good sport about it nonetheless.

Fact ... I am going to spend Saturday doing the only really girly thing I do: scrapbooking. I've invited the other wives and I think a few may join me, at least for a bit. JB will be recovering from his last "day" of "nights" on Saturday.

Fact ... I currently see no reason to make the bed when either JB or myself are occupying it 16 hours a day. I am leaving it unmade.

Fact ... The weather here has been quite rainy which I love. I also think of Minnesotans quite often when they complain about the humidity up north. Folks, compared to where we are, there is no humidity in Minnesota.

Fact ... I now believe, out of 11 eleven houses on our street, that only 3 are occupied. Another one was vacated yesterday. Is this a bad street? I'm not sure why people aren't fans of our little street.

Fact ... Accidentally, last night, I wandered upon some singing spelling bee show hosted by, I believe it was a former boy band star -- not sure which one. Is this true? In addition, Scott Baio is 45 and single caught my eye. Folks, what is happening to our televisions?

Fact ... I have been leaving Scrubs in his crate in my office too much. We are crate training him, so don't worry, this is humane. However, we realized he has become a bit too attached and is afraid to be alone. I am trying to curb this which is resulting in ungodly howling for extended periods of time.

Fact ... JB is not home yet. I miss you JB!

Adoption Update

Well the "paper pregnancy" has officially begun! This is both exciting and overwhelming in one breath.

Over the weekend we got a bunch of paperwork from America World. I waited until JB was able to sit down and look at it all with me. and then together we signed two more forms and sent them off. There is so much to do! I know the key is just taking one piece of the puzzle at a time, and truly, that's what we are doing, but holy cow. If biological parents had to do all this, we'd have very few children in our world today.

There are two major things that we are going to be doing over the next 4-6 months. It isn't until these two steps are completed that we begin the official "wait" for our daughter. The current wait is esimated at about 22 months. (This starts after this 4-6 process is completed.)

The amount of time can vary greatly. I had a small case of hypreventilation the other day when I ran our numbers through an online "China calculator" and it came back as 2012. JB immediately demanded I refrain from perusing the internet to find "reputable" advice! There currently is a backlog in China, but they do believe it is going to improve. Due to the incredible demand for their children, the country had developed a huge backlog. I have heard estimates that they were accepting 2,000 families a month but only "giving out" 800 children a month. Yep. This would back things up a bit. So in order to improve this, they changed their requirements so as to shrink the potential applicants. Here are the new requirements. As you'll notice, my 30th birthday couldn't have come at a more perfect time as you now must be 30 to adopt!

• be between the ages of 30 - 49 (both spouses) at the time dossier is received by CCAA
  consider adopting through our WIC Program if aged 50 - 54
• be open to adopting a toddler if over 45*
• are married at least 2 years if no history of divorce; married at least 5 years if previously divorced; have no more than two previous marriages each
• have a minimum income of $30,000 plus an additional $10,000 for each child already in the home* and have a net worth of at least $80,000
• have no more than four children already living in the home* (flexibility on this for WIC cases)
• have a child no younger than one year old at time dossier is sent to CCAA
• be in excellent health* and have a BMI (body mass index) no greater than 40; inquire about mental health including minor depression, anxiety or similarly mild conditions; history of major surgery; vision/hearing impairments; mobility limitations or any chronic/long-term diagnoses
• have at least a high school diploma/equivalent or higher level of education
• have no history of drug use or dependency; where there is a history of alcohol abuse >10 yrs of alcohol-free lifestyle considered
• certain histories or criminal records are evaluated on a case by case basis

So the first of the two major things we have to work on during the next 4-6 months is our Dossier.

The Dossier includes:

• Application letter
• Husband's birth certificate
• Wife's birth's certificate
• Marriage certificate
• Husband's physical exam
• Wife's physical exam
• Financial statement
• Husband's employment verification letter
• Wife's employment verification letter
• Home Study report
• Husband's police report
• Wife's police report
• USCIS (paperwork required for our daughter's entry into the U.S.)
• Family photo pages
• Copy of each parent's passport

Now not only do we have to get all these items, but nearly all must be notarized and most certified by the state they originated from. That means our marriage license? Certified in Kentucky. JB's birth certificate? Certified in the state he was born: North Carolina. Then all of these must be certified by the U.S. State Department before heading for certification by the China Embassy or Consulate.
America World offers a "Dossier Assistance Program" for another $1,000. In the grand scheme of things, this really isn't that much money. This program offers help in getting paperwork certified by different places and offers more assistance than normal as they walk us through the steps. John and I are debating using the program. I know I have a lot of people reading this blog who have adopted. If you have any opinion about whether we should use this service, please don't hesitate to let me know. I posted a question about it on Hannah's Prayer and most people seemed to think we didn't need it, but we aren't sure.
The second thing we will be doing is our Home Study. This is where a social worker creates an in-depth report on our family from where we live, how we live, to who we are. They require three references. We were informed last night that these three references must be living in the state we reside. JB and I both agreed that it's a good thing he was stationed at a base in the state we grew up in. What if we were stationed in Nebraska? (No offense Melissa P.) :) Who do we know in Nebraska? Anyways, these people had to be someone who knew both JB and I very well and were not related to us. We had a lot of people who knew one of us well and a lot of people who were related to us. But people who knew both of us on a personal basis and were not related to us was more difficult. But we managed to secure three loyal subjects. Thank you oh loyal ones.
I have been repeatedly asked if I am excited. Let me say this: JB is excited. I, am, guarded. I know that if we walk through these steps, we should, by the time we leave Eglin, have a little girl in our arms. However, this is difficult to even believe. I have yet to contemplate names or even put a toe inside a baby store. I know this will eventually change. But for now, I'm still a bit hesitant to believe that this could really occur someday.
I will keep you posted on the details of our paperwork, probably more than some of you will like. If you have JB and I in our prayers please pray for the following things:

• That Wendi will not feel anxious or worried about the "incidentals"
• That JB will have the stamina to handle all the adoption stuff while going through residency
• That the Lord's timing is perfect, and the perfect little girl joins our family
• For the family of this little girl; that his comfort would surround them in the years to come

Thanks all!

New Rug

Per request of my mother-in-law, here is a photo of our new carpet. We have a matching one by the front door as well. Yes, this is JB during the 45 minutes he had free today while I was making some grilled cheese. He woke up saying he was having dreams of being a super model due to the flash in his face. :)

A bit of time with JB

It was a wonderful weekend if only for the fact that JB was home (and not asleep) for a few more minutes than usual. He got off on Saturday morning, came home, and went to sleep. We had dinner that evening with Matt and Tiffany. Matt's parents own a restaurant in Texas, and he made one of the most fantastic steaks I have ever eaten. Add to that Tiffany's twice baked potatoes, salad, and chocolate bread pudding, and I was in heaven. It was fantastic! It also worked out nice as they live only a few houses away so JB was able to walk back and take Scrubs out periodically.

I went to bed about 10:00 on Saturday night. JB, in order to get his sleep correct, had to force himself to stay up until at least 4:00 a.m. So he borrowed a bunch of movies from Matt and spent the evening watching Band of Brothers. He also took care of the dog so I could sleep! He came to bed at 4 a.m. and I got up at 6 a.m. with a whining puppy. I then worked throughout the morning while JB slept. He got up at 11 a.m. and we were able to spend the rest of the day together. We ran to the pet store for a few things and finally found a rug for our living room that we liked at Lowe's. JB spent an hour working on the yard (which he wishes he had more time for as he really enjoys this), did the bills, and we worked together on an Annual Report he has been putting together for Faith Alive in Nigeria. He also made a fantastic chicken panini on the grill.

After dinner, we walked over to Tiffany's. Matt is on call so we stopped by with Scrubs and had some more of the bread pudding for dessert. It was just as good as it was the night before. It also gave Scrubs a chance to sniff around on their dog Wyatt and try to be gentle with their son William. However, it was sensory overload for the dog so when he started to get too overwhelmed, we headed back home. Speaking of movies, we watched Pursuit of Happyness. What a great movie and a definite recommendation Tante Jan. My only complaint was that it left me just feeling so frustrated so much of the time. It reminds you to be thankful for where you are in life but to also remember there are so many people who need your help.

I went to bed at 10:30, and JB managed to stay up until 1:00 a.m. He will sleep until 11:00 this morning and then head in to his half day of clinic. No matter what rotation he is on, he has a half day a week that he sees his own patients. That will be followed up by the first of five more OB night shifts.

I must be honest. I have not enjoyed this rotation much at all. JB hasn't enjoyed it that much either. He also said he will try to write a blog at some point about his experiences, but the poor guy hasn't had much free time. John's biggest complaint about OB is just how touch-and-go it is. He said that people have this idea that having a baby is something simple and guaranteed. But instead it is a very monumental event that doesn't always go as planned. He's had to deal with a lot of pre- and post-emergencies, sick babies, and sick moms. But he says he is working with great people and learning a lot. I'll have to let him tell you more about it since I'm not there very night and only know what he's doing through the bits he tells me.

It's also hard for me at home. You want to be strong and carry the load, but, well, put it this way. A normal person works 40 hours a week. John was gone more than 85 hours last week in about a six day stretch. That's double a normal working schedule. There are only 144 hours in a six day work week. You should sleep at least 48 of them. With 85 hours working and 48 sleeping, that only leaves 11 more hours in the week. If you add up showering, getting ready to leave, driving in to work, etc., you can see that there really isn't much time at all to hang out with your family. John does the very best he can but time together is pretty scant.

He will have two more times this year that he does nights. I plan to get out of town during this time. I think that will take the pressure off of him to feel like he needs to "worry about his wife". Instead he can sleep more and lounge more instead of taking his few free hours a day to run errands or help me with things I am unable to do (like issues with the car.)

As for me, I am adjusting to life in Florida. I really like it here. I like our house, I like our friends, I like the work I am doing from home. I like the fact that I can run on base and feel completely safe. I like the fact that the electricity goes out (which I've been told happens quite a bit on base), and I still feel very safe. I like the fact that I can walk one block and sit by the bay. I like the weather. I like the rain storms. I'm happy. There are still a lot of adjustments and things we have to get used to, but we are blessed to be here.

Movie Recommendations

My Aunt Jan made the suggestion on a past post comment that she would love to get some movie recommendations. Anyone have some good ones?

Good Boy!