Sunday, February 16, 2014

Don't believe in infertility treatments? Maybe I don't either.

I have many friends who don't believe in infertility treatments.

Most of these friends are Catholic.

To be clear, I am a protestant. However, I believe that Catholics and Protestants are Christians. We do, however, share dissimilar views on a few topics -- infertility treatments being one of the leading ones. (Click here to read the Catholic Church's stance on infertility treatments.)

Some of you may not be aware that one of my very dearest friends in the whole wide world is actually a nun! I wrote about Kelsey on the blog previously and the two incredible acts of providence that occurred coupled with her in my life. Kelsey and I share different viewpoints on the topic of infertility treatments; however, despite that, she is the spiritual godmother for all of my children -- including the one conceived via IVF.

What some people might not be aware of is the fact that protestants are also held to moral obligations when it comes to IVF. I wrote a blog post detailing some of these debates. In this blog post, I discussed how JB and I aligned ourselves with two other protestant organizations in an attempt to keep ourselves "in check" when it came to what treatments were okay and how far ethically we should take things in the quest for a family.

I know I have a lot of Catholics who read my blog, and to each of you who do not believe in infertility treatments I want to say ...

... maybe I don't either.

What I mean by that is, I do not have the answers. I do not know if what we did was ethically responsible. I look at Hannah, conceived via IVF, and have to believe that the Lord destined her for life on this planet.

However, infertility treatments are racked with moral dilemmas at every turn. Whenever someone asks me what I think they should do when it comes to infertility, I say the same thing. "If your heart, in any way, can skip the treatment journey ... SKIP IT!"

In other words, "If you are able to fast forward pass all the drugs and money and tests and shots that do not promise anything ... DO IT!"

And do what?


The moment I adopted Isaac, I knew, in the deepest recesses of my heart, that were he the only child that ever graced our home, HE WOULD BE ENOUGH.

Would I always grieve not carrying a child in my womb?


But the grief was so muted by the loved I had for Isaac. I say often that had I never had a biological child, I would have been at a place of 90% peace.

And I could live at 90% peace.

Infertility and the pains of wanting a family that is not coming to be, leaves you at a place of such pain. Baby showers, baptisms, Mother's Day, holidays, Church ... all of them hurt.

But with Isaac in my arms, that pain was dulled so incredibly. While all of those events could still prick my heart, the prick only stung a bit. The prick no longer bled and tore at my heart.

I have many friends undergoing infertility treatments right now. I understand where they are. If they feel that is the direction the need to go, I completely support them.

I also do not want to say, in any way, that adoption is the answer for everyone. It is not for everyone. And it does not cure the pain of infertility.

But I want to promise all of you reading this ... if your heart ever tells you that it is time to go to adoption ... whether that be before or after infertility treatments, I want you to know that you heart can find peace in the eyes of that infant just as if they were born of your womb.

Adoption is an option.

And it's a great one.

1 comment:

Rinette said...

I totally feel the same about this. I underwent 3 (failed) IVF's. Now we have 3 (almost adopted) foster kids.
Like you, I am not sure if doing an IVF is totally ethically right. We prayed about it, talked about it, asked godly people for advise, and were convinced the way we did IVF (no left over embryo's) was okay in the eyes of the Lord. And it might be, although sometimes I start asking more and more questions about it.
However, looking back, I think: "Why in the world did we spend so much money, time, energy and tears on infertility treatment if we also were open for adoption from the beginning?"
Biological children could not be in any way a greater blessing to us than our soon to be adopted children.