Today, the day after Thanksgiving, I can honestly say that the depression that swallowed me after Abigail's birth, is nearly gone. I still have moments when I feel like it is returning, but for the most part, each day is, while overwhelming, very happy.
I know that the course of my depression was short in the eyes of some. Many people struggle for much longer. Years even.
I was lucky. Lucky to be married to someone who recognized the symptoms. Who could tell me that this would not last. That we would figure it out. That I would one day feel like myself again. He had seen it enough to know it, and he tried hard to convince me of that.
To those of you battling sadness today, I want to remind you of one thing that JB and my counselor reminded me of every single day: THIS IS TEMPORARY.
For those of you loving someone battling sadness today, I want to remind you of the same thing: THIS IS TEMPORARY.
It will get better. You will not feel this way forever. And you will not watch your loved one feel this way forever.
Each day, force yourself to remember this. Remind yourself of this. Remind your loved one of this. Even if you don't feel it. Know it.
At some point, maybe soon, you will spend a day together and realize that things were like they used to be. Happy moments will occur, and you will realize that the periods of sadness are becoming more and more of a distant memory.
It will start with minutes. And then hours. And then days and weeks ... and finally months and years. Longer and longer periods of time that the darkness lets up and light shines through.
I am thankful today that I know depression is temporary. And I want anyone reading this today to know it too.
3 comments:
I am so sorry that you struggled with depression. It is a demon I've faced for many years, so I know how dysfunctioning it can be. And I am glad that you have freed yourself from it. What a relief that must be for you!
I do not want to minimize your battle, but please know that for some people depression is not a temporary thing. I have had it since my childhood. While I have had pockets of wellness, my genes, my chemistry, my health, my family dynamic, my life experiences make my mental health a challenge to maintain. I have been on and off different medications through the years, some with severe side effects, others making the depression even worse. Suicidal tendencies ran rampant in certain points of my life.
Earlier this year, my doctor and I have figured out a new cocktail of medications that is currently working. When I take it. If I go off, I spiral. Sometimes hard and fast and sometimes gradually skidding into the wall. We've determined that this is just part of my chemistry and I need to quit agonizing over taking a medication to balance me out. I've attempted to look at my meds like a diabetic might look at theirs: it's a part of my life. Period. I need to take it to maintain my well-being. After 25 years of struggle, I've realized there is no getting rid of it, so why not embrace it as part of me and just live the best I can? Since I've made that choice and come to the realization that medication will probably be part of my life forever, my struggle with the stigma is slowly diminishing. But I first had to look at it for what it was. Part of me.
Like I mentioned, not to diminish your experience, but I feel it unfair for you to compare post-partum depression with depression. They can be two different beasts.
Hey Monkey, this is a great comment. Thank you for sharing. And this is very accurate. I do NOT have experience outside of PPD -- and that is a different entity. However, what my counselor explained to me is that most people do get a reprieve and that the intense sadness ... usually ... with good medical help, does not last forever. Do you find that to be an accurate "overall" statement?
I think your word "reprieve" is a better word than temporary. Temporary in my thoughts is, not going back to it. Like temporary housing for someone that's just moved. It's there to live in until your REAL home is ready. But you don't ever plan on going back to it.
Reprieve is more accurate (in my situation specifically and I think other cases as well), because it's gone on too long for me to believe it'll ever go away for good. It's a prison of sorts that you can leave to visit family, but it's your home. You WILL come back. It's just a matter of time, medication, life circumstances, doctor, therapy...all making the perfect storm of things gone wrong that send you back into that cell.
So do I ever have moments of reprieve? Absolutely! Do I feel relieved to be free of the weight depression lays on me? Yes. The only way I can describe it...it's like waking up from a long deep, deep restful sleep and you feel AWAKE and aware and ready to take on the day/life/WHATEVER comes in your direction. Mentally I'm more aware, physically I'm more energetic, emotionally I'm more capable, spiritually I feel more connected to the Lord and my faith is stronger...I feel like I think I'm "supposed" to feel.
Don't know if that makes any sense...
I think when someone's struggled with depression for YEARS, then it's time to get a different perspective on the affliction. A different perspective sometimes requires a new doctor and a new form of therapy, whether that is counseling or meds or a combo of both. And I believe that when one struggles for YEARS, then the likelihood of it being a lifelong affliction is very possible.
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