A grief note

This was an article I read online and was a sharing of grief that really ministered to me. 

Dear Steve and Anita,

Rachel finished her work on earth and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our hearts, as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so violently. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teaching as you are receiving? Probably very few. And even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation.

I can’t assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is Rachel’s legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.

Now is the time to let your grief find expression. No false strength. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to Rachel, and thank her for being with you these few years, and encourage her to go on with whatever her work is, knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience. In my heart, I know that you and she will meet again and again, and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other. And when you meet you will know, in a flash, what now it is not given to you to know: Why this had to be the way it was.

Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts – if we can keep them open to God – will find their own intuitive way. Rachel came through you to do her work on earth, which includes her manner of death. Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space.

In that deep love,

include me.

In love,

Ram Dass

Friday Funnies

365 Days of Rest #46

What if you just sat down. And let everything else go. And did something that brings you peace. Why can’t we prioritize, rest?

365 Days of Rest #46

 

Below, I have included pictures from the Ballet Magnificat! performance of Strategem.

Folks, I LOVE me some Ballet Mag! but Wendi was t-i-r-e-d. The plan was for Aunt Hannah Kotynski to take the five girls in our families to see this. And I was all for it. It was on a Sunday evening -- late -- an hour away -- with our biggest day (Monday! Homeschool cooperative!) the next day.

And ... Hannah Kotynski gets sick. Blahhhhhhh! )Blah for her AND blah for me.)

But, I should have known God had a plan. He is such an amazing God. He wanted me at this ballet! (If you want to see a VERY quick overview of the play, you can do so here.)

This play was about the good guys (God!) and the bad guys (Satan!) but moreso, the battle that occurs over us (his people!) Specifically we looked at areas of VANITY, GREED, and the big one for me: MENTAL HEALTH ... woah. I was spoken to ON SO MANY LEVELS. I just watched thinking: "They've captured depression SO BEAUTIFULLY. That's really how anxiety feels. My oh my."

This ended up being my P-E-A-C-E and R-E-S-T for my Sunday. Which is shocking because I didn't want to go.

GOD wanted me there. And he made sure I went! :) Below, you can find some pictures of our evening!

Abigail (13), Kari (16), Ana (17), Genevieve (10), and the Pomegranate (11)

We ended up connecting with our friend Alyssa and her mom, Jenn, at the show. Alyssa dances with Abigail and goes to our church.

Front row seats!!

Ana with one of her counselors from BALLET MAG! Ana was injured this year and couldn't attend the summer intensive ... happy/sad tears here!

With another one of their favorite counselors!

365 Days of Rest #45

Josh Sermon #1

The link above is the first of a sermon series from my cousin, Josh Huisman, who is a pastor at Brentwood Community Church in Brentwood, Tennessee. Josh and his family came to visit us last week, and we discussed this upcoming series at length. I was, again, in awe, that God would parallel my journey YET AGAIN. He would confirm all the things I am learning. He would show me that HE has been leading me from the beginning to get to the root of the thinking that I had and how it was affecting me for DECADES. 

Mondays are H-A-R-D here at the Bauernhof. We do our homeschool co-op, and are directly involved with a lot of aspects of what goes on despite the fact that I stepped off the Board last year. It's a beast of a day and lots of other activities are piled on top of that day to lead to EXHAUSTION.

But despite that, I found a way to sit on my parents' porch. (This is not really their porch right now, as, right now, our friends the Dunhams live there. So I think, for the next year, I'll call it The Dunham's porch.) I found a way to sit on the Dunham's porch and color and listen to this sermon and hear ALL THIS TRUTH ... ALL THIS WISDOM ... ALL THIS CONFIRMATION of this journey I have been on.

I plan to listen to each of Josh's sermon over the coming weeks/months, and I will be sharing them here. I can summarize this one by saying: "Why, have we as Christians, decided that we cannot GRIEVE? That we cannot be sad?" Why can't we share with God the deep aches in our hearts?!

 

365 Days of Rest #44

These are me at a baby shower. I brought the Pomegranate (Abigail had a ballet rehearsal). My friend Rachel came with her two daughters. 

But I want to share part of my intentionality in my new life. This was a shower for our friend Eliza who we know from ballet. She’s a good friend but not an intimate friend. The shower was lovely, but it was also going into the third hour. I knew this would drain me. So I simply said, at the end of two hours, we have to get going. When Eliza asked me as I was leaving why I had to get home, I just told her I wanted to spend time with JB who just came off a nights run. And I didn’t feel it necessary to say more. I knew my limits, and I wasn’t afraid to exercise them kindly! 

FREEDOM!

365 Days of Rest #43

A bit of an artsy photo. But this is me reading at the local splash pad during our friend Tristan’s (Anni’s daughter’s) birthday party. This is what focusing on rest does for me. It tries to find the peace in non-peaceful moments … 

365 Days of Rest #42

I’m recording me reading this super sweet children’s book for the “Littles.” This includes Eoin (12), Hannah (11) and Genevieve (almost 11).

Friday Funnies

This is John and me. I'd like to tell you that I'm the Scandinavian. But alas ... I am not.

 

Reading Rocks

Spiritual Encouragement

365 Days of Rest #42

This is how Sidge rests. This is how HE recuperates. Hunting in the woods wouldn’t be my thing, but he loves it! And now he’s cooking it up. 

You know who isn’t resting right now? John’s sister and her hubby. They just had a little girl! They now have son and daughter. After 17 years of marriage, they got pregnant at 40 and 42! Crazy!

She came by today, and I held her for awhile. Little snuggle bug!

365 Days of Rest #41

Here I am. It was Hannah’s 11th birthday. We went to Sevier Air in Sevierville. They had these cool massage chairs. I sat in a chair and paid $10 for a 30 minute massage. It was cold, and my BFF Erin had blankets. I nearly fell asleep; and apparently, while I was relaxing, the kids all took photos with my comatose self!

I’ll do another post featuring pictures for the Pomegranate’s birthday later, but here is one quick group look: 

You can carve out tiny moments of rest in every part of your day. And if I could combine these moments with good eating and getting exercise, I might be a perfect human. 

Tuesday Truth

365 Days of Rest #40

I

Am

So

Tired

Today. 

And 

I

Am

So

Crabby. 

I don’t really know why. Just feel so exhausted. My cousins came in over the weekend. Ohhhhh did I have an amazing time with them. But I am wondering if I simply get on overload in ways that old Wendi didn’t. I could have sat with them forever. They are like a warm blanket or a big hug to me. But it’s Monday, and I am just wiped. 

I should tell you what I am doing for relaxing today. Honestly? I’m going out to dinner with Erin and her kids (while my girls are in ballet) when I probably should do a million other things. 

That being said, here are some pictures from our time with some of our dearest friends.

Marybeth and Alyssa hanging with Hannah and the doggies.


That’s their second oldest: Jordan. Tyler is away at college. He is a junior at Western Kentucky University. (My alma matter!)

Healing Encouragement