Davey Crockett State Park

On Tuesday, Erin Dunham took four kiddos (Eoin and Gen and Hannah and Zach) to Davey Crockett State Park. 

On Friday, the flood destroyed it. They don’t think the State Park will ever return. 

It’s gone. 

Ohhhh, this is sad ….

Abigail’s Sweetness

2024 Flood

Water will go off soon. I “believe” we won’t lose water because we are on “Russellville-Whitesburg.” Good old Mr. Billy, our neighbor, assures us that: “the Russellville Whitesburg system comes out of Morristown and it comes from Cherokee Lake so they are not dependent on Green County at all.” 

It would be so helpful to all of our friends if we don’t lose water so we can help provide laundry and showers and water to those who do.

If we DO lose water, we still have both our wells. Not as easy to access, but Grandparents’ house runs completely on the well. 

John is at the hospital. He filled up a huge tote of water on the back of his truck so when water at the hospital is turned off, he has some. The hospital has been evacuated, but they are going to try to run the emergency room the best they can without water. No clue what this means right now. 

They don’t know exactly how this will go down, but I will tell you that my military trained, wilderness-medicine fellow of a husband is the perfect guy to help figure it out!!!

365 Days of Rest #60

I wouldn’t say I’ve done a great job of finding intentional rest the last few days. Friday was flood day. And since then, it’s been hard to just BE. I don’t think I’d call the group above RESTFUL (although we did decide that in the entire group of people there — 19?) only 3 were probably considered extroverts. (And one of those is me who has switched recently. Ha ha.)

But last night, before JB came home from work, we had a dinner at our house anticipating our peeps not having water. We took the time to play a game and share stories and just be together and laugh a lot. It’s important. 

Here are some more pictures of our evening: 

What is EMDR?

365 Days of Rest #59

There is a prerequisite to healing. You must be growing in AWARENESS if you are going to be healed. You have to choose to pay attention to what is happening in your mind or your body. Most of us don't do that very often or very well. 

I recently listened to another episode on the PODCAST: The Place We Find Ourselves. 

Why the Practice of Awareness Heals Your Brain with Terry Bohn

While I listen to these podcasts, I have begun to take notes. Honestly, these are mostly for me. But I wanted to share them on my Blog. I really think that if this is something you are interested in, you should listen to the Podcast yourself. But if you want a "quicker option", here are my notes!

INTEGRATION: is bringing all parts of ourself together. Integration leads to well-being and healing or as the Bible says: SHALOM.

Trauma impairs integrative functioning in the brain. So when we experience heartache or harm, our brain does not process that well. Our brain becomes disconnected, and we need integration for optimal health. 

AWARENESS: can be defined as: 

• attentiveness
• mindfulness
• meditative thinking (which is not anti-Christian thinking) 
• intentional thinking 
• paying attention to what is happening inside of our minds and bodies. 
• paying attention to our feelings and our thoughts and the sensations in our body. 

Awareness exists on a spectrum. This spectrum can have three levels. 

1. DISASSOCIATION: At the far (and one could say "unhealthy" side) is disassociation. This is if when you disconnect from life, and this is often a coping mechanism and a defense. When something is overwhelming, you might have to tuck it away because it is too much. (Children often have to do this to survive.) So in other words, awareness is important, but God has designed our brain to allow us disconnect in those times in order to protect ourselves. 
2. DISTRACTION/SELECTIVE ATTENTION: The spectrum can also include distraction/selective attention (more of the middle of the road) where you are very aware of some parts and not so much of others.
   
3. FULL AWARENESS of what is going on inside of you is the healthiest.
   

From the moment we are born, we need attachment. We are born looking for someone who is looking for us. Throughout our entire life, we look for people who are looking for us. We are looking for that safe place to be ourselves, to be authentic, present, awareness, and enjoyed. Are you aware of what is happening inside of you when someone actually likes being with you? Can you pay attention to what that feels like? On the flip side, what is it like for you when you see the feeling of contempt from another person. Are you aware in that moment of what is going on inside of you?

We have a profound ability to choose to pay attention to what we want to pay attention to. You can direct your attention consciously to whatever you want. But it takes P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E. You must be attuned to yourself. I started this journey in March. It is something I think I will be working on my whole life. But each day I feel like I understand a little bit more what is going on inside of me. 

One example is that when I get into arguments with JB now, I am much more likely to back-up and see his point. Not because I am just being nice. Because my defenses are down lower. And they are down lower because I am not triggered in the same way I was before. With the kids, I am able to look at things more and say, "Why is what they are saying upsetting me so much?" I am not, in any way, saying I figured this out. But I am saying that I am seeing things much more clearly and intentionally.

Your body is always in flux. At any given moment, are you breathing faster or slower? Are you anxious? If I say the words "let's go to a cocktail party," what goes on in your body when I say that? Do you want to go? Does it scare you? Are you okay going there alone? At any given moment, you have feelings and need to be aware of what is happening in your body when those things come up. 

And, almost more importantly, we are raising children with feelings. Can we help them navigate this? Can we teach them the things that we were never taught?

The brain cannot integrate if we are not paying attention to what happening in our bodies when someone says "Cocktail Party." When your boss comes into your office. When you see a homeless person. When your child gives you a disrespectful look. Are you paying attention to what is going on in your body? Nowhere is this more relevant than in your close relationships within your home: spouse and children if you are an adult. And if you are a child, your siblings and your parents.

Awareness is the prerequisite work to begin healing. This means that we must BE MINDFUL. There are often competing thoughts going on and because the noise in your head is so loud, you find it difficult to pay attention to any of the thoughts with much success. Awareness is the ability to actually pay attention to what you are paying attention to.

Mindfulness is paying attention in the present moment to whatever you are feeling in any given moment but without judgment. WITHOUT JUDGMENT is a huge part of this conversation. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves. But when were you taught to actually love yourself? What is the negative self-talk that you have lived with for so long actually saying? And it is truth.

Give this a try. When you feel yourself spiraling and your brain is saying all these things to yourself, try writing them down. When I get in a fight with one of my teenagers, my brain goes into some very negative self-talk. It might say things like: "You aren't a good mom." "You will mess up your kids." "Your kids don't love you." "You are a failure." Often this self-talk is so ingrained in us, we don't even realize it is happening. I have started PAYING ATTENTION to the self-talk and being AWARE of what my brain has been telling me for most of my life. 

I took the time to write this self-talk down. And then, later, I went back, and re-read these points with more clarity outside of the moment. Most of the statements were either not true or they were exaggerated greatly. For example, I might have said, "I am screwing up my kids." In fact the statement should read, "We are all sinners and making mistakes. Some of my mistakes might mess up my children, and if they do, I hope that I can be there for them to own and apologize for the sins I committed." I might also say, "I yell too much." This is actually true for me. So the statement could read, "I yell too much, and this is something I must continue to work on in my life."

Where does judgment pop up in your life toward yourself?! Most people are unaware of the dozens of moments of self-contempt in our day-to-day life TOWARDS OURSELVES!!! Most likely, your self-talk is grouped into some categories that continually emerge. My negative self-talk almost always surrounds my failure as a parent or my failure as a wife or a friend. Everyone's self-talk can be different depending on your strengths and weaknesses and past trauma and current triggers.

Let's say you get a thought about something you forgot to do and what follows is the judgment you feel toward yourself for forgetting to do that thing. Try picturing that "feeling" or "judgment" going by on a conveyor belt in a big warehouse. Watch it go completely out-of-sight. You have the ability to say, "This frustration does not need to own me in this moment." You have the ability to learn ways to actually see that thing as not being real. Or being something that you are working to be bigger than. 

When Kim is doing therapy with me, she often says Notice that. If judgment creeps in, that takes the ability to pay attention. If we can we just be Curious about what is going on inside of you, that really changes everything. That allows for a more spacious awareness of what is going on in you.

When you get really angry at your kid, can you not judge yourself but instead be curious as to why you are reacting that way. If a loved one looks away when they pick up the phone. Can we just be curious as to why they did that instead of barking at them for doing it. We can have awareness of the judgment that we are passing. Emotions are not a bad thing. They are uncomfortable. But they are data that we can use. 

I'll give you an example. I recently had an argument with one of my children. As I am working on healing and awareness, I became very aware of my behavior during the argument. I felt stupid. Instead of judging myself for feeling stupid, I started thinking about why my teenager had the ability to make me feel stupid. Where did I learn that behavior? Why did I care what their opinion of me was? I still don't quite have the answers to these questions, but being aware what was happening and that this wasn't about my child as much as it was about me, was incredibly helpful. I had never thought about things like that during arguments before. But now I am! I am not trying to solve it right then. Sometimes I tuck it away to discuss it with Kim later. For now, it is simply something I can pay attention to and see if I can figure out the triggers and reasons that I might be reacting the way I am.

When a loved one picks up their phone, can you calmly say, "I don't know why this is happening to me, but when you picked up your phone, I felt something in my body and it really bothered me." This will allow the brain to integrate. You don't have to know why it is bothering you. I actually said to my child during the argument, "You know what? I am not sure what is happening in my body, but I am triggered when you don't believe something that I know is truth. It makes me feel stupid. But I am realizing, that isn't your fault. That is simply something I am feeling. This is more about me than you, but I may need some time to work through this."

[Sidenote: Did you know that when you are in an argument with someone and your frontal lobe is engaged, if both YOU and the other person are in this position, you have a 6% chance of solving the disagreement? A way better idea is to walk away and come back later ... when you are calmer and can think more rationally. You usually need at least twenty minutes to calm down.]

How does the brain "heal" or "change"? Paying attention to your feelings and body sensations can actually create neural firing patterns in the brain that enable your brain to change. And that is called HEALING. How does this happen? There are three main ways:

1. New neurons can actually develop. This is called neurogenesis.

2. Neurons that were not previously connected or wired together, become wired together. Or, their wiring is strengthened.

3.  Building myelin! The myelin sheath overs your neurons. Not all neural circuitry transmits information at the same speed. Imagine a fight with your spouse. You get disregulated because of something they say. Imagine how the next five minutes of that fight might unfold if you can calm yourself 3,000 times faster! Myelin helps that happen. There is actually research that shows that some people have stronger/better myelin than other people. This is why some people can handle anxiety so differently from other people.

Doing this is SCARY, however. I want you to know that being vulnerable is never easy. I really suggest you find 1-5 people with whom you can completely practice this without fear that they will shut you out of their life. 

We might think: "If I let myself feel these things, I might never come back." It can be scary to open up this box!

Our mind is an emotion. And even if there are crazy waves on the surface, there is a YOU that is independent of the stuff on the surface. You can dive down and be present and look UP and decide what you want to do with the stuff on the surface. Most of us spend our day on the RIM of awareness instead of coming into the center and being able to look O-U-T. You can pay attention the stuff but you are NOT that stuff. 

You 

can 

heal.

365 Days of Rest #58

365 Days of Rest #57

I am listening to the following podcast episode: What it looks like to actually grieve your wounds. 

I am a HUGE fan of Adam Young's Podcast: The Place We find Ourselves. I encourage you to listen to this podcast and read my notes as you go. However, if you don't have time to listen, then this will provide a great overview. 

My biggest "beef" with Christians has been their unwillingness to allow sorrow.

After the silence, after the shock of the pain, as the horror of the pain is settling in, Job opens up his mouth and speaks.

But he didn't have to! He didn't have to engage with life or with God! He didn't have to speak of his pain. He could have killed himself or numbed himself to his pain and pushed that pain down to the basement of his heart.

But Job chooses NOT to deny his pain. He speaks about his pain. He finds language to express his internal reality. 

When your world is falling apart, will you open your mouth? Will you have the courage to express to God what you are truly feeling inside? Even if you can't pray, you can journal the words that explain what is going on inside of you.

Lament is to express sorrow, sadness, grief. Lament is what comes out of you when your dreams are shattered. Job actually curses the day of his birth. He wants the day of his birth annulled because his pain is so great. The only thing that brings him comfort, is wishing he'd never been born in the first place. 

What is the Christian response to that pain? What should your attitude be when you are suffering? It is common to think, "I should ask God to increase my faith during this time." Or maybe we think, "I need to repent." Or you think, "I should be grateful for what I have."

But Job DOESN'T DO THAT! Is it ungodly to wish that you would die or wish that you would never have been born? Rebecca does it! Moses does it! Elijah prays that he might die. Jonah wants his life to be taken. Jeremiah uttered a lament quite similar to Job's.

If you are a Christian, you may need permission to feel. We think there is something wrong with sadness. Happiness needs to be on our face. We can't walk into church with sadness on our faces. And yet, Job and Lamentations and other books of the Bible tell us there is nothing ungodly about despair and permission to feel. 

You can talk CANDIDLY about your feelings. Job invites us to pray our feelings. We pre-reflectively pray our feelings before editing our words. This can help identify what is going on in your heart. You can do this before you edit your words and make them consistent with some sort of theology. When was the last time you poured out yourself to God?!

We think we are living in a well-ordered or fair world. But we are NOT.

Lament means you are: 

1. Allowed to FEEL your sorrow.

2. Allowed to EXPRESS that sorrow. 

We are reluctant to use the language of lament because it seems to be an expression of distrust of God rather than trust. "A Christian shouldn't say, why didn't I die at birth!?" 

Why not? Why can't they say that?

Saying "I wish I was dead" is okay. It takes more faith and trust to take our sorrow to God than it does to push down what we are actually feeling.

Does lamenting force us to despair? Look at Job. He was angry, but he ultimately had a conversation with God. The path of lament need not lead to despair. Despair results when we lament without hope. The resurrection of Jesus shatters all hopelessness by: 

1. The resurrection means that your reality can be changed. If Jesus rose from the dead, then there is no situation that cannot be reversed. One Biblical scholar famously said, "Barrenness is the way of human history. It is an effective metaphor for hopelessness. But the marvel of Biblical Faith is that barrenness is the arena of God's life-giving action. It is part of the destiny of our common faith, that those who believe the promise and hope against barrenness, nevertheless must live with the barrenness. Why and how does one continue to trust solely in the promise when the evidence against the promise is all around? Can the closed womb of the present be broken open to give birth to a new future?" But look at Sarah! Her situation could be reversed. It's impossible to be raised from the dead, and yet Jesus was raised from the dead. 

2. The resurrection means that even if the situation is not reversed, you have someone who will be with you in the fire. More than wanting our circumstances to change, we want to feel the presence of someone in the fire with us. 

Most of us are deeply uncomfortable with our feelings. But feelings give us a window to what is going on in the deepest parts of our hearts. Your feelings happen in a fraction of a second, much faster than you can ever control. What God calls you is not getting rid of your sadness or fear. He calls you to honesty of whatever is inside you.

DO NOT DENY SORROW!

Job's biggest frustration is God's silence. His desire is for relationship with God. He wants response from God. 

Lament is one of the most faithful responses you can make to the reality of this world and the reality of God.

365 Days of Rest #56

Maybe today I think of the peaceful memories and things in my life. 

İncirlik Air Base, Turkey.

Our dog Ritter. 

Our farm. 

These three things just say PEACE to me. And yet, they aren’t perfect. 

But they are peaceful. 

365 Days of Rest #55

God has been revealing even more layers to the onion of my life — peeling back layers and facts little by little. This is HARD. I am super glad I am not in the bottoms and depressed while seeing this. I am working to do the work while still functioning pretty normally. But it ain’t easy. 

Finding time to rest isn’t easy. There is so much in life some days. I have to constantly work to build in more margin. To build in QUIET. To build in PEACE. To build in not trying to fill my life with someTHING. 

If it isn’t BUSY will it be FOOD? If it isn’t FOOD? Or PEOPLE? Or DOING? Or … what? What if it is just Jesus? A constant striving all the time, every day, to feel the God-shaped hole in my heart with God only. 

Today, I can feel the Lord saying this looks like: “Put the phone down. Quit reaching out. Reach up.” I’m realizing …. That doesn’t have to be something I do for weeks. It needs to be something I do TODAY. 

Take the call for rest on an hourly basis. What do I need RIGHT NOW to be who HE made me to be??

365 Days of Rest #54

Sometimes your planned REST gets side railed a bit. But it’s the right thing to do. 

Our friend Tammy Bowlin and her daughter-in-law, Hanna Bowlin, and granddaughter, Daisy …. Had to head to Bulls Gap after Hanna cut her finger at her family’s farm store. We love being able to share our lives like this with those we love. 

Hanna was our second babysitter many moons ago. Our first sitter when we moved here was Tammy’s oldest daughter, Kacey. Tammy also recently lost her husband in a tragic accident, and we are keeping her close to our chest as she heals. 

We didn’t get to take the nap we planned on. But we got to love our people in a beautiful way!

365 Days of Rest #53

Sometimes REST means asking for help. I asked Erin Dunham to help with the Pomegranate the other day. I was in town and could have done it, but it would have meant a lot of extra running for me. I was actually having a peaceful dinner with two of my favorite people: Gabe and Maryah …. And allowing Erin to care for Hannah meant I could chill on that. 

But in order to have that in your life … you have to have friends who can tell you NO. You can only ask if the partner isn’t afraid to say “not tonight.”

Being honest with people actually breeds freedom!

365 Days of Rest #52

On Friday, my friend Erin Law messaged me. Could I braid her daughter’s hair to look like the picture above? I thought I could. So Hailey drove over and I did the braids! Here’s my finished product: 

She was going to curl it all up when she got home. 

I don’t think this post was really about REST per-say. However, it was about the fact that I was home the whole day. And, when Erin needed me, I let them come to me. 

It’s getting harder and harder to find rest times in my day. Life is busy. It’s hard. I’m trying.

Turkish restaurant!

365 Days of Rest #51

Here is a little video of a small piece of day:

 

Peaceful Day

 

I've been realizing that I can't often get a LOT of peace in a day. It has to come in a small window. A short burst. Today it was just me taking my BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) Bible Study work outside, sitting in the grass, and paying attention to the quiet noises all around me. 

 

I have really tried to TOUCH the grass. To be IN it. Not just near it. To feel the sun. Feel the wind. Feel the peace. 

365 Days of Rest #50

This image above REALLY resonates with me right now. I am trying, hard, to do all the right things as I heal and change so many bad habits. But there just feels like there is SO much. How do I get it all done and get it all done well? I've also gotten pretty sick the last few days which has laid me out. 

In general I feel like there are certain things I should be trying to do everyday. These include:

• Time with the Lord
• Exercise time
• Eating well
• Taking specific time for rest.
  
• Spending quality time with each of my children and husband (when possible)
• Keeping up on my house and organizing/cleaning it
  

I also feel like I would like to do the following as many days a week as I can:

• Practice my Turkish
• Write
• Spend time with friends 

It's amazing that even though I am home all day, my time is so limited!