This is real life

This is me right now. Exactly as I am. 

I’m wearing my favorite Turkish pants.

(I had asked my seamstress in Turkey to recreate a favorite pair of grey pants in a different color and she picked this! They always make me laugh and remember a different time.)

Right now, outside my door, Grampa and Grama and John and the kids and our two woofers: Jake and Jacob are eating soup and bread. 

I was weary. Tired. Needing a break. Looking for a way to take a break, the husband just said: “Why don’t you just stay in here until morning?!”

And so I am. Not feeding dogs or checking on puppies or cleaning up dinner or tucking anyone in. Just being ... just me. 

It’s hard to ask for a break from mundane, normal life, when your husband is fighting for lives during a pandemic. 

I often feel guilty. 

But he reminds me, and I remind myself that my fatigue is still real despite the fact that his is real too. 

So I’m on my room, reading, and eating the cup of soup hubby brought me, and giggling a bit as he attempts to keep kids out of my room. When there are four kids and three dogs and eight puppies — controlling things isn’t very easy. 

But still. 

My room isn’t perfect. My life isn’t perfect. The world isn’t perfect. 

But tiny little moments of rest and living are still important. I value them. 

If the world is swirling around you, find a way for a moment of rest. It doesn’t have to be perfect. The kids may sneak in many times and your dresser is covered with clutter and the dogs are whining .... 

But it’s your life. 

Find the joy.