I've been battling chronic migraines for about two months.
I started a new medicine (Topomax) which has stopped the migraines but left me feeling ... awful.
I can't even describe this new feeling. It's like there's a pile of bricks on my back. Like I'm swimming underwater. Like I'm in a brain fog. Exhausted. Can't catch my breath. Just ... yuck. Sleep is the only thing that helps me during this time.
It's wonderful to have a community around you. Grama has been helping me do meals and giving me an opportunity to rest. My cousin-in-law Hannah has carried most of a homeschooling load. My husband, who is already just slammed right now, just picks up more at home without complaining.
We attended church for the second Sunday in a row. So good to be back. My friend Kelley pulled me aside and prayed for me. I've had so many friends supporting and encouraging me. I hate being needy, but I just ... am, right now. I'm not myself. Between the headaches and now feeling like a zombie, I'm just not myself.
I'm hopeful that weening down from this medicine I can get mostly off of it without having the headaches coming back.
We will see.
If I think about it long enough, I feel sorry for myself. Since my teens, my female body hasn't worked right. In the beginning, it didn't really matter. But once I wanted to have children, it mattered greatly. I couldn't have kids. It took years and tens of thousands of dollars. Then I had kids and I had so many complications and illnesses and sicknesses. Then I had post-partum depression. And now here I am on the other side of it all and I am still battling the darn female side of my body.
It is what it is. I'll get through it. But it's hard. I feel that my husband needs me to be strong at home for him right now.
And I'm just a hot mess.
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