Post-partum

In attempting to open my own door of communication in regards to Post-partum depression, I thought I would start by just outlining how I have been feeling in a more general context. This is hard for me to talk about, but I have been encouraged by many of you and do feel that me sharing will allow other people to be aware of this condition.

One of the things I most struggle with is anyone perceiving how I am feeling to a lack of gratitude for the miracle of my daughter's birth (or my other children.) I know these things are not related but I don't want anyone to even contemplate them being intertwined.

I have learned a lot about post-partum sadness in the weeks since Abigail was born. I did fight some post-partum depression with Elijah but it was much further out (six months) and was much more on the anxiety end of the spectrum. This time, depression has been a much bigger factor and anxiety more of a secondary characteristic. 

I have learned that sadness in the immediate two weeks after baby is born is referred to as "Baby blues." This does not last long and passes as soon as it comes in. I had all of the symptoms (taken from Mayo Clinic's website) below:

• Mood swings
• Anxiety
• Sadness
• Irritability
• Crying
• Decreased concentration
• Trouble sleeping 

As I left Germany, I felt the baby blues departing, and I thought I was on the mend. However, while I did feel initially better, since the blues had passed, I felt myself slowly going down again as I settled into life here in Turkey. With the baby blues, my primary issue was just crying. But with the post-partum, the symptoms were greater and weren't going away. Some of the symptoms are listed below. (The ones that most effected me are in bold.)

• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia 
• Intense irritability and anger
• Overwhelming fatigue
• Lack of joy in life
• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Severe mood swing
• Difficulty bonding with the baby
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

You don't have to see a doctor for the baby blues. However, in my case, it became obvious that I had left one thing (blues) and entered another (depression). If these symptoms are occurring, you need to see your doctor. (The ones in bold effected me.)

• Don't fade after two weeks
• Are getting worse
• Make it hard for you to care for your baby
• Make it hard to complete everyday tasks
• Include thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Personally, I was/am most dealing with:

• The inability to make decisions
• Worry that something would happen to my children
• Sadness that my children were growing up too fast
• Feeling overwhelmed by meaningless tasks
• Lack of pleasure in things that normally brought me joy
• Easily frustrated or irritated
• Guilt about time for each child
• Worry that people would misunderstand my feelings
• Feeling like life isn't worth living
• Feeling that life was too sad to bother with
• Discomfort with social situations

I plan to write more in the future but wanted to start with this overview. I am feeling better already after starting medication and am hopeful that this trend will continue.