Sorry folks. For the first time that I can remember, I am just not up to blogging. I am dealing with some pretty intense post-partum depression. I feel comfortable writing this on the blog as I don't share this blog with people here in Turkey (only a few know about it.) In addition, I am just not one for keeping secrets. I went and saw a counselor today and will see a physician tomorrow. It's a little tough on this tiny Base with my husband one of only a few doctors to keep a secret anyways. So there it is. I will have to debate the risks of taking medication while breast feeding. This is not where I wanted to be. But it is where I am.
At some point, I'll share much more of this journey, but for now, I just thought I would ask for you to share with me! Let's turn the tables a bit.
I thought it might be nice to hear from some of you during this time. What scriptures have encouraged you in dark times? What have you done to help yourself feel better? Please share your words of love, advice, and encouragement in the comments or email them to me at flakymn@hotmail.com and I'll share them on the blog.
And please commit me to prayer. I could use all I can get.
18 comments:
So sorry to hear that it wasn't a simple case of baby-blues. You are certainly doing the right thing in getting treatment. It's hard to remember that post-partum depression is actually a chemical imbalance that you can't just shake off. I hope that counseling/meds or whatever combo you decide upon does the trick.
I was lucky to not have anything more severe than standard hormonal wackiness following my daughter's birth in January of 2010. However, what worked for me was keeping my expectations low. That includes expectations of myself, my baby, and my husband- since all of us were going through a big transition and learning how to make it work. I had to remind myself that if I didn't get to shower and brush my teeth until my husband got home, so be it.
In your case, I hope that just being proactive about correcting the issue will help you feel better. Sometimes just moving to find a solution helps!
And remember- Elijah was formula fed and he's wonderful and healthy! Abigail would be much better off getting formula from a happy mom than breast milk from a depressed one- if it comes down to that.
I'm sure you and JB will make the right call.
I commend you for seeking out the help you need. Think of all the women you have helped struggle with infertility- perhaps women dealing with post-partum depression will be your next group. You've learned from your struggle with infertility and turned it into a ministry of sorts. You can do the same with post-partum depression even if it doesn't seem like it now. Remember your strength and resilience and trust they will get you through.
In the meantime, I pray for healing and peace for you.
You have my prayers and the thoughts in Psalm 126..."May those who sow in tears reap with shouts of joy." This psalm has gotten me through any number of dark days.
I have three versus that I claim when things are dark: Phil. 4:13 - I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:6 - Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God. I Thess. 5:17 - Pray without ceasing.
Continuing to lift you up in prayer.
Sorry to read about this. I will private message you!
I too suffered with postpartum depression after the birth of my 2nd and 3rd children. I went on Effexor after trying to fight it on my own for a couple of months. It worked well but was absolute hell trying to come off of. The second time I went on Zoloft and it has worked wonders for me. Around the time I was Dx and given Zoloft I was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that had probably plagued me since my teen years. The right medications and regular therapy appointments has made ALL the difference in the world for me. Also talking about it with my friends made me feel not so alone they were all so supportive and helped me more than I could ever begin to thank them for! I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you know you are definitely not alone in feeling this way. Great move on getting help early and not just trying to force it away! It is especially hard having postpartum issues after infertility and finally having much wanted children! I definitely beat myself up over that for way too long.
Praying for you Wendi and... crying out!! Getting help is good. This too shall pass... being away from family makes it harder. Just want you to know that you are a great Mom and you have my admiration!!!
Psalm 42 has been a lifeline for me in times of despair and darkness.
I will be praying!
I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. Let our prayers lift you up! Meditate in the warmth of God's love and know that He is with you every step of the way, every hour of the day.
Marie
I'm praying for you! It's half the struggle to admit you need help. Any help! Prayer, medicine, etc. It's in our Mommy blood to think we can do it. The Lord is faithful and I pray that your Turkish friends surround you during this difficult time.
Another thing that helps me? Laughing babies. Serious, you can't help but smile when you hear a laughing baby. Here is a great link to a YouTube video that CRACKS me up every time! http://youtu.be/N9oxmRT2YWw
If you can't view it, it's all over. Just google "Sneezing Mom Scares Baby"
Or here it is on a news site:
http://www.nbcwashington.com/on-air/as-seen-on/Mom_s_Sneeze_Scares_Baby__Scared_Baby_Cracks_Up_Vance_Washington_DC-118259734.html
Delurking to say that I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. I don't know you, but your blog (and thorugh the blog, your life!) has been such an inspiration to me. I'm always so amazed at how much you manage to accomplish in a day, how incredibly grounded you and your husband seem, and how wonderful your kids are. They are so so lucky to have you as a parent. Keep thinking about them, and know that you can do anything. You'll get through this!
Sally
I love you Wendi. Hang in there my friend.
I too had really bad post-partum depression after my 2nd child. And it lasted way too long before I did something about it. When I finally admitted I had a problem and got help (medication), everybody's life became better. It was so hard for me to admit that I couldn't control my own feelings. I had just been blessed with another beautiful baby boy and I was depressed? I don't even realize I am on medication really...I just feel normal again. There is nothing to be ashamed of and I had to learn that the hard way. I wish more people would be open to talking about it so we could realize that we aren't alone!
I'm so sorry to hear this. Would you believe three weeks ago I broke my leg in Italy while we were on vacation, had to have surgery there, and am now back in Romania trying to navigate the health-care system and heal at the same time? I know well the pain and the fear and the helplessness and the desperate need for the familiar and the comforting. Good for you for taking the first daunting steps back to wellness. You'll be in my thoughts.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
Wendi,
Praying for you friend! One verse that is a constant comfort to me is found in Psalm 139:10 "Even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast!"
"even there" in the midst of this depression, the Lord of Heaven is holding onto you! What a comfort to know he'll never let you go!
I'm praying for wisdom for you, JB, and all your doctors. I look forward to rejoicing with you when you are on the other of this thing!
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
No Way! That's amazing! I actually thought about sharing Psalm 121 with you Wendi and there it is. Someone else had the same thoughts. I love the first verse, "I will lift up my eyes to the hills from where my help comes". That was a verse he gave to me way back when I was hurting over some life issues.
Will be praying for you Wendi, that the Lord will meet you right where you need Him most. That you will find help and a solution quickly. He knows you better than you know yourself. Rest in knowing He knows you need help. And Lift up your eyes to the hills from whence cometh your help!
xo Linda
Oh, Wendi, I am so sorry to hear this. I know how disappointing it is to face this depression when all you want to do is enjoy your baby! You are SMART to get the help that you need. I am an infant mental health specialist, working with moms and babies for a living...so all I can say with absolute certainty is get some support (a counselor is a good start). And if you need medication, do it. The emotional cost to not taking it if you need it is too high for you and for your sweet baby girl.
The one thing that has helped me through dark times is something my friend told me after my 2nd miscarriage. It is a variation of "this too shall pass." She told me EVERYthing ends - the bad times, and the good times. This WILL end. It always does. I clung to that during those years of intense grief. And it did end. And this depression will for you, too. Until then, lean on all those people who love you and want to help you. Thank you for sharing, for trusting us. (((HUGS))) to you...
I'm a friend of Kelly Stegemoller, and have been following your blog for quite awhile...I just rarely comment! :)
I'm so sorry about your struggle. I also faced intense PPD after some of my pregnancies (I have 5 kids)...it was a scary, dark time, and I wouldn't have made it through without my family, my friends, and my Jesus. I have two blogs...the older one is http://mama_of_four.xanga.com and the newer one is http://jonesmama.blogspot.com I was very transparent with my struggles, in the hopes that one day, I could encourage someone else facing it. If I can be of any help to you, PLEASE email me...I'd love to encourage you. You are a wonderful mama, and you WILL get through this!!!
amandakjones@comcast.net
Post a Comment